Story: Kitty and Lance have to face difficulties as old, shadowy faces of their past appear. In a way it is more complicated than fighting Apocalypse for it is about fighting themselves, their past, their doubts in themselves and each other. It is about the strength of their love.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything, everything belongs to Marvel and stuff.
Note1: I re-edited it a bit, correcting a few things.
Note2: Sorry for making Cypher a human^^.
Christmas lights, past shadows
Chapter 1: Journey to the Past
A month had passed since Apocalypse's fall. Autumn turned to a calm winter with chill dawns and shorter daytime. From time to time heavy, drab clouds invaded the darkened sky, pregnant with mass of snow that was threatening to fall anytime upon the city of Bayville.
The students at the Xavier Institute for Gifted Youngsters slowly took up the daily round again. They went on with their lives, attended school, killed time in Bayville or at the mall as if nothing had happened. Truth be told, those who had participated in the fight against Apocalypse were continuously wondering at the strangeness of the situation that the human world hadn't sensed much of the presence of the world-threatening focus of unlimited mutant powers. Slowly it seemed as if it was just a nightmare or a Saturday evening horror movie.
"I decided to spend the winter holiday in Northbrook," said Kitty Pryde a bit reluctantly.
She was sitting in a small, dimly lit café at the mall in the company of none other than her fellow mutant, former (and officially: present) opponent Lance Alvers. For a long minute only the silent Christmas carols flowing out of the well-hidden stereos could be heard, fading into the humming conversation all around the small, intimate place. They had three days to winter holiday; the tiny, round tables were barricaded with huge, coloured gift-boxes and paper bags all around.
Having Lance in silence at the other side of the table, Kitty looked up from her hot chocolate she was staring at so persistently. Lance was eyeing his own mug of chocolate, his expression unreadable.
"Fine," he remarked finally. "But I thought you planned to stay."
"I know but Mum called me the other day and I just couldn't turn her down. They are, like, so keen on seeing me again soon."
"Of course."
"She said Christmas time wouldn't be the same without me. And well, I have never spent a winter break without them."
"I see," Lance commented briefly. He leaned back in the chair, his face shrouded in the shadows beyond the flicker of lights. Folding his long fingers around the warm mug, he pulled it closer to him; a bad friction on the polished table.
"I as well totally haven't seen them for long. Maybe next year I'll stay here."
Kitty was aware of her new habit of returning to her old speaking with 'like'-s and 'totally'-s when she felt embarrassed, concerned or uneasy. Normally she dropped the valley-girl style in her speaking.
Lance sighed, slightly frowning. "Kitty, you don't have to explain yourself. You have a family. It doesn't need any more expositions if you wanna spend your holiday with them."
"I know," she whispered, fidgeting and a bit taken aback by his nearly indifferent and authoritative tone. She knew him quite much to realize she disappointed him. Even a week before she had been rhapsodizing about spending the Christmas time in Bayville, thus they would be able to meet more often, and what is more, maybe with a bunch of luck and daring, celebrate together at the mansion, since none of the students, save for Scott and Rogue, would stay there.
Neither of them spoke. Delicious scent of fresh baked cookies, cinnamon and orange spread inside the café. Kitty plucked up her courage. "I was wondering… I mean, like, what you think of joining me… us?"
Lance glanced at her, leaning forward, as if he was thinking some problem had occurred to his hearing. "What? Going with you to your parents' house?"
"Exactly. I'd be so happy."
"You can't be serious."
"I totally am. I want them to get to know you."
"This is the main problem, Kitty. They do know me. And I hardly believe they had forgotten me and our little… encounter."
"That's it! Here's, like, a good opportunity to change their opinion about you. They'll like you if knowing you better."
"I wouldn't put a bet on it," Lance murmured.
"You're important for me, they have to understand it."
"I'm enough important for you to drag me along to your folks who hate my guts… not undeservedly… but not enough important to tell your friends about me who, by the way, hate me as well but at least both of us are guilty."
"I know it's crazy… I was just thinking my friends are here all the time and they could do something against us or make difficulties over the whole stuff. But my parents are, like, far away." Sighing, she gazed at him intensly. "I… I just need someone to tell about our friendship. Only Rogue knows about us. I'm getting fed up with keeping things back, secret meetings and lies."
Lance huffed. "Yeah, as if it was a big deal."
"I don't know what is so condemnable in us being friends!"
Lance raised an eyebrow but didn't say a word. Kitty took it as a silent accusation. "Why? Do your friends know we meet sometimes?"
"Of course," he stated firmly. "I couldn't keep it secret, Kitty. Truth be told, there is hardly a thing that can be kept secret in the Brotherhood House."
Kitty's head drooped. "I must be a coward. I'm so sorry…"
Lance reached over the table and squeezed her hand. "You ain't, it's nonsense."
Lifting her gaze, she smiled sadly. "You know, my parents would have been the first step. I shouldn't keep things back from them. Eventually I'm old enough to choose my own friends. They will approve it."
"And if not?"
"Then… then they were wrong. And I wouldn't care." She was squirming uneasily. "So what's your answer? Will you come along?"
"Uhh…" Lance moaned, rubbing the back of his head. "Back to Northbrook? I thought once I parted from that town for good."
"There isn't forever, Lance," she said softly.
"I still don't think it'd be a good idea, Kitty, or better to say it's a perfectly crackbrained idea."
She pouted her lips. "I just so imagined spending Christmas together! And wanted to walk down those streets with you and do crazy things that we could never do together."
"We don't have a common past in Northbrook, and wandering there around wouldn't change it at all. I don't belong there anymore and never wanted to look back. My present… our present binds us to Bayville."
Biting her lower lip, Kitty looked away. Beyond the front windows of the café, the twilight had crept into the city on the sly. Lights had been switched on. It was growing dark early.
"So that means you don't come," she flashed a small, feigned smile at him. "I understand. It's against all senses… maybe I return earlier and we can hold a post-christmas celebration some time."
"Alright. Sounds great," Lance nodded, apparently relieved.
"I have to go now. We have the last training-session of the year today, hurray!" Kitty said after a while, reaching for her woolly coat and blue scarf. Lance drank up his already cold chocolate and watched her preparing to leave. He had only a thick sweater to pull on. "Shall we meet again before I leave?" she asked once out of the café.
With his hands deep in his pocket, he smiled down at her. "Sure."
Next day a quite morose Kitty was crossing slowly the courtyard of the Bayville High, her books hugged to her chest. She didn't pay much attention to her companion, occasionally dropped a remark among the train of words. She had insisted on coming out for a walk in lunchtime for getting some fresh air, and her only human friend followed her suit outside to the deserted yard. After the leaking out of mutant existence thanks to the TV cameras, all her former so-called friends became estrange from her, or simply feared and confused, except the one oddball Doug. She suspected he regarded her mutant being as a cool thing and in the beginning she had to answer a load of ridiculous questions about her powers and whether she was able to produce standing jump to eight feet high or blast laser beams out of the top of her fingers as if she was a flesh and blood Lara Croft or other computer game figure. He lived in another dimension among pixel-beasts and goldcoins indicating how many lives he was still possessing. Kitty was, however, thankful even for this strange relationship.
Suddenly she awoke from her hazy thoughts to a shrill whistle and muted grunt saying her name.
"Kitty, dammit…"
Spinning around she saw Lance leaning against the wall nearby with an impatient, uneasy look on his face. He had been most probably trying to call her attention to himself for a while.
"Like, what are you doin' here?" her face lit up at the sight of him, Doug immediately forgotten.
"I was terribly missing Mrs. Barton's algebra class. I feel nostalgic," he shrugged with a wolfish glimmer in his eyes.
"Yeah, like I'd believe it," Kitty giggled. "Nice to see you here again."
"Mmmph," he hummed, grimacing at the school building. "I don't want Kelly to spy me hanging around here... Well, I wanted to speak to you…"
Startled by his stern expression, she gasped anxiously. "Something happened to you?"
Touched by her concern, he shook his head at once. "No, nothing like that… I… umm… changed my mind about your winter holiday offer…" he couldn't finish his sentence for Kitty let out a happy squeal and jerked her arms in a way as if she wanted to hug him but in the last second she flinched.
"So you decided to come?" she beamed. As he nodded briefly, she became definitely thrilled. "I'm so happy, it will be fun, you'll see it."
Scratching his head, he tried to hide his uncertainty so as not to spoil her pleasure. "Yeah, sure…Umm, Kitty, I hardly think we should omit Baldy in this case."
"I know I'm gonna inform him but I'm pretty sure he is completely aware of us. Now I have English period so gotta go in a second but in the evening I call you up to talk the details over. I arrange everything; the only thing you have to do is packing."
He beckoned airily. "Regard it as done--"
"I know, I know…," she smiled at him, cutting him short. "You're a light packer, I remember." Lance found himself grinning as recalling his brief stay at the X-mansion. "Then, later." She bid farewell to him, and headed towards a nearby entrance, waving him a last goodbye.
He was watching her for long moving away, Cypher trailing after her. Once in his jeep, he leaned his head back against the seat, fingers clinging on to the steering wheel. He could see his breath wreathing around his face in the cold air.
He was still unsure of the whole case of traveling back to Northbrook, and what is more, to the house of one Carmen Pryde he once nearly killed in his rage. But the only important thing he could sum up was his feelings for Kitty. There were times when he had almost lost her and he still remembered the emptiness of days eating itself in his bones, head and every little bit of his cells. He'd made the error long ago of letting himself dive into imaginations about them living a life together he had so little knowledge about. A life of happiness. He got far beyond the border where he could still deal with losing her and it would have already been too painful now when he had only faint notions about what he could gain, yet these notions were already crucial for him to carry on. And now when Mystique had left them for the who-knows-how-many time, there was no obstacle left for them to spend more time with each other – save for the X-geeks. He had been looking forward so much having Kitty in Bayville for winter break, he couldn't reconcile himself to be locked up together with Toad and the other two idiots, watching cartoons nonstop and fattening themselves with popcorn and half-warm pizzas – of course, supposing they'd have enough dough for it. No, he was sick of it. Traveling back to Northbrook supposed to be worth its cost and nuisance if he could be near Kitty. Smiling to himself he started the engine and drove off from the vicinity of the school.
"Don't worry. Eat a candy, take a deep breath and hold my hand." Kitty was patting Lance's arm assuringly, her eyes glimmering with compassion.
"The latter will help the most," he forced a faint smile, gazing at her, lost in the blue, sparkling eyes. The two were sitting on the airplane to Chicago, fastened and hidden behind a pile of airline magazines which were full of boring articles for businessmen, and were assigned to arrest their attention, of course, to no avail.
Since they'd got on board, Lance went pale, clutching his sore stomach and having cold beads of sweat on his forehead, though trying hard to appear carefree. "Hell, I didn't even eat anything," he mumbled under his breath. Despite his sickness he was enjoying Kitty's so warm, so gentle little palm on his temple as she stroked his hair out of his eyes.
And this small, almost non-existent touch, besides stirring his emotions and poor stomach upside down, knocked down his barriers and walls that had always kept him from talking about himself and now swept him along smoothly towards her.
"You know in the beginning I was thinking my airsickness is because my powers bind me to the very earth and being torn away from it so far makes me sick and feel weak," he uttered his once buried thoughts with unsure, barely audible voice. Kitty, feeling his unease about the whole case, silently leaned in towards him above the arm-rest, fixing her eyes on his face. Lance ran his fingers playfully along her hand, his thoughts far away. "However, when I spent my time at the Institute and got inside the X-Jet simulator, I had to realize I was only a loser who has airsickness on his own, not because of a mysterious higher power flowing in his veins. In a simple simulator I shouldn't have felt bad."
Kitty didn't omit to protest with all her soul. "You're not a loser, Lance. Stop belittling yourself." Her voice was soft, just as her glance, but at the same time full of determination and rebuke. "It's not your fault. A lot of people have this problem during flight or fear from something else. For example, there's Ororo, she has claustrophoby, and she's not much like a loser. Besides, it's not a joyride sitting behind Bobby in any vehicle," she giggled.
Lance rejected the idea of admitting his airsickness wasn't the only thing that made him feel loser. There was no need to load her with this crap. He smiled at Kitty instead, examining her with smoldering eyes, conveying his gratitude for her being by his side. Something indefinable was passing between them invisibly. Kitty felt her soul quivering, suddenly fighting the urge to lay her head on his shoulder or hugging him close. She instead withdrew to her own seat yet unwillingly.
For long minutes silence fell upon them as they were wrapped up in their own thoughts. Lance broke the wordless peace eventually. "Where's better to live for you, in Northbrook or Bayville?"
Apparently being astonished, she blinked at him for a moment positively speechless. "I don't know. It's uncomparable," she explained. "In Bayville I live kinda another life than what I would have lived in Northbrook if I wasn't a mutant. There I used to live a life of, like, an ordinary girl, now I'm among a bunch of strange guys fighting for world-peace and other foolish ideals." She winked at him suggestively with a knowing look, her eyes smiling.
Lance chuckled briefly and leaned his head to the headrest, thinking hard. He couldn't have answered his own question properly. The response would have been more than odd. On one hand Northbrook was better for him for feeling much freer to do whatever he wanted and he had pals who could have been easily called servants for fearing him. And it'd been good this way. He didn't need anyone in that emotionless void he called life to put the burden of his thoughts on them. What he missed was the respect he got from them and the leader role he achieved among the guys in the orphanage as well as among his mates at the school. None of the above he was given in Bayville. The official leader of the Brotherhood was Mystique; no matter she used to be far away quite often. And if it wasn't enough he had a rival in the team in the person of Pietro Maximoff who was insolent and pompous enough to refuse to obey him. Plus, he wasn't special anymore. He wasn't the odd one out who could have been called a scary miracle of the world. Not mentioning, he was a fucked-up loser here, always kicked down by the X-men, by Kelly, used by his own leader and every passer-by. Though, honestly, back in Northbrook he hadn't been on the top either. Nevertheless, in Bayville he had Kitty for one. Her open and pure personality and feelings without any reservations towards him meant a hot new thing for him. And truth be told, sometimes life was a fun among his Brotherhood fellows.
"What are you brooding over?" Kitty asked all of a sudden. He shuddered out of his musing. "Get rid of this frown." She ran a finger gently over the line of his brows, smiling forbearingly.
"Umm… I was just wondering whether your parents know that I'm comin'," he lied.
"Of course! I didn't want them to be taken offguard."
"And? What was the reaction?" he curled his brows, preparing for the worst.
"Well, at first Mum was surprised that I take someone along but then she said she was pleased to meet a friend of mine," she beamed.
Lance flashed a cautious smile. "That's all?"
"Yeah, in her opinion what makes me feel happy is okay for her. I guess first she thought you were a she then I clarified it," she chuckled shortly. "Judging by the silence in the phone, she was quite sure we were…" she trailed off, blinking with slight embarrassment, avoiding his gaze. "Um, so she, like, drew the wrong conclusion from it."
Lance would have dearly loved to ask her opinion of them being more then friends but didn't want to make the atmosphere tense or spoil his own mood if her answer was rejective. For a long, long time, secretly and purely, he'd been yearning for something more but didn't dare force or threaten her. Their friendship was too dear for him to risk it, and was still too fragile to try its strength.
"Why do I have the feeling she doesn't know it's me, the ceiling-cracker guy who's coming?" he asked instead. His suspicions were justified by the unease drifting through Kitty's face.
"Well, I can't exactly remember what I told her. Maybe I didn't mention it's you," she admitted with an innocent smile.
Lance moaned with incredulity. "And you're saying this to me only now?"
"Hey, don't worry. Dad is indeed hotheaded but Mum… you will like her pretty much, she's soft-hearted and kind…"
"But your father will be enough to kick my ass, thanks," Lance snorted. Kitty giggled at the sight of his face.
"There won't be any problem. Besides, Mum knows about you, I've told her a lot about a certain Lance."
"There are a lot of Lances all around the world," he murmured, trying to hide his shimmering joy that Kitty had mentioned him to her mother. "She surely doesn't suspect a connection between this Lance and the one who dropped half of the school building on her head," he remarked bitterly.
"And I thought you were the happy-go-lucky type…" she teased him, shaking head. Lance pouted his lips, a smile playing in his eyes.
"I ain't when it's about you."
Kitty didn't really know what to say to this thus she simply leaned back in her seat.
Lance broke the silence, finally. "And what about Baldy? Did you tell him?"
"There was no need to," she admitted. "He already knew it and when I was about to tell him he asked me whether Mr Logan should have taken me and you to the airport," she smirked as recalling the memory. "Sometime it's scary how he knows about the events around him."
At least it was one man less she should have told about her and Lance.
Musing, she stared out, watching the clouds running by. She was aware there was only a slight change in her life after Apocalypse, definitely invisible from outside. Determination and consciousness reinforced her. She slowly accepted the fact that she needed the friendship of Lance in a way. She was the same joyful and lighthearted person as before but inside she'd become sincerer to herself and somehow grown-up, observing her own wishes, intentions and needs. She got reconciled with Lance's miserable attitude, unleashed temper and his membership among the Brotherhood. After what they'd gone through in Mexico, the old arguments and accusations they'd casted at each other in the past meant nothing any more; they seemed so childish and ridiculous in the light of events that could have cost their lives. She accepted the existence of a bond between them that had been always there, only her unwillingness to recognize it made her blind. They had attempted to tear the bond apart so many times, with so much pain and bitterness, unsuccessfully. She was smart enough to perceive they had to give themselves another chance, this time with more patience.
The only thing that hadn't changed was her reluctance to admit her decision to her teammates. She managed to persuade herself that she didn't want to hurt them, nor oppose them. Not yet. Not yet.
Soon the plane got into whirlwind, so they didn't talk too much in the other part of the flight since Lance had more urgent things to do than speaking to Kitty as the plane was jostled by sudden turbulent strikes.
"I feel so bad for you," Kitty lamented. "It's all my fault."
"Yes it is. You'll need a hundred years to make up for this," Lance said gravely once they got finally off the plane but was betrayed by a perky wink.
In a little while they boarded the train that was destined to carry them from Chicago to Northbrook in an hour or so. Surprisingly they could occupy an open booth in a nearly deserted carriage.
Lance was lying on the seat with his head in Kitty's lap since he still felt quite dizzy and she insisted on taking care of him. The train hurtled along with them; bald trees and crimson roof of cottages were flying by in front of the window. The silent cattering made the two young mutants drowsy and calm, Lance was about to doze off, having found a comfortable place in Kitty's lap. She was absent-mindedly caressing his cheeks, brushing his hair, slipping her slim fingers among his dark locks, down along his neck, occasionally touching his chest with her fingertips, albeit cursorily as if it would burn her skin. She traced his jaw-bone, the lines of his ears, brows, nose, and with dreamy eyes she ran a shy finger over his lips. Gasping, he fixed his eyes on her face, studying her features. Their eyes locked for a long minute until Lance sat up to lean closer to her. His eyes half-closed, he glared at her beseechingly.
"May I…?" he whispered hoarsely, the longing on his face clear as daylight.
Kitty just closed her eyes consently as a silent answer, and opened her mouth slightly. He leaned in with relief, and touched her lips with his own, feeling as if his inside had exploded. Suppressing the main of his desire that might have threatened her if pouring on her like a flood, he kissed her slowly, tenderly yet thirstingly, fighting the urge to devour her all. She moaned slightly, dropping her arms around his neck, pulling him closer. It felt so wonderful having him so close to her, feeling his lips against hers. She was gasping for air, not letting him retreat further than an inch.
One word was throbbing in her mind unceasingly: finally. Finally. They were finally kissing. She felt like melting in his arms, she pressed her chest to his, making him twitch and groan. Smiling against his mouth, she was stroking his face down to his neck. God, make this trip endless! Their sweet activity was interrupted by long, silent moments when they were just staring at each other delightedly as if they could discover some new features on one another's face that had been hidden before. His face was soft and peaceful, the regular slight sullenness and refusal disappeared, all his wrinkles on the forehead became smooth, only undisguised yearning was implied in his eyes.
A new era dawned on them with various coloured skies but with clouds beyond the horizon.