"Football Head" Written by Zarius

Sing to the lyrics of "Superman" by Eminem

Disclaimer: Hey Arnold and all characters are the property of Nickelodeon and Craig Barret; Original "Superman" lyrics are trademarked by Marshall Mathers, on no account will any profit be made from this venture.

Helga lies in her bed, scared.

Scared to breath.

Scared to close her eyelids.

Scared he'll come again.

And no, not a demon, a monster under the bed, an older sister coming to taunt her with her far better, more up and up lifestyle, in dreams of one seeking to escape her.

Her true love. A football head she torments by day, and worships by the glittering night

Arnold.

She dreads and welcomes him.

Uncertain to approach him, unsure how to say anything but insults to him.

And in her dreams, Helga's uncertainty gave her many nightmares.

Helga is lost in a void, all of a sudden she sees Arnolds' form in shadow, he comes up to her, and they start kissing passionately, she sighs in relief, familiar music starts as we prepare to enter an:

EMINEM SONG PARODY

Helga: Hmmm.

Arnold: You high baby?

Helga Yeah

Arnold: Yeah?

Helga: Talk to me

Arnold: You want me to tell you something?

Helga: Uh-Huh

Arnold: I know what you want here

I know you want me Helga, I think I want you too

Helga: I think I love you Arnold

Arnold: I think I love you too

Arnold: I'm here to save you girl

Come here in Arnold's world

I wanna grow together

Let's let our love unfurl

You know you want me baby

You know I want you too

You call me "Football Head"

You think I'll rescue you

I want to save you girl

Come here in Arnold's world

Helga: Oh boy you drive me crazy

Arnold: Bitch you make me hurl

They call me Football Head

Your first insult when we first met

Don't wish you were dead

Got no worries about your threats

I've never let another chick near me yet

In a relationship

Save it Bitch

Lament on it?

You make me sick

Football head ain't savin' shit.

Helga, you can plead on Arnold's dick

Straight from the hip

Cut to the chase

I tell you off like a bully to my face

Play no games

Say no names

Ever since I stopped gawkin' at what's-her-face

I'm a different man

Kiss my ass

Kiss my lips

Bitch my ass

Kiss my dick?

Rip my cash?

I'd rather prefer you kick my ass

Don't put out

I'll put you out

Won't get out

I'll push you out

Puss blew out

Pop 'n' shit

With a piss on fire to put you out

Am I too nice?

To give you advice?

Girl, my words alone couldn't save your life

What, you tryin' to be my new wife?

What are you, Lila? Fly through twice

But I do know one thing though

Repercussions come real slow

Saturday through Sunday Monday

Monday through Sunday yo

We might join in matrimony

One day we'll someday grow

'Till then sit down and think about your fucking actions hoe.

(Main Chorus)

Because I can't be your football head

Can't be your football head

Can't be your football head

Can't be your football head

I can't be your football head

Can't be your football head

Can't be your Football Head

Your Football Head

Your Football Head

(2nd lyrics)

Don't get me wrong

(I like none of these hoes)

No secret, everybody knows

Yeah you're fucked

Yeah so what?

That's about as far as you'll ever go

You'll still have friends

They'll call you again

But they won't be chased 'round the bars they attend

Never know who they'll be picking' up next

Well see what thrash they'll be flashing' off next

You don't want that, neither do I

I don't want you to flip when you see me with guys

Too much distrust, between you and I

You're a jealous girl and you cheat 'n' lie

But I guess that's just what sluts do

How could it ever be just us two?

I'd never love you enough to trust you

We've just met, and I've just judged you

But I do know one thing though

Repercussions come real slow

Saturday through Sunday Monday

Monday through Sunday yo

We might join in matrimony

One day we'll someday grow

'Till then sit down and think about your fucking actions hoe.

(Main Chorus)

Because I can't be your football head

(Can't be your football head)

Arnold: I think I love you too

I'm here to save you girl

(Can't be your football head)

Come here in Arnold's world

(Can't be your football head)

I wanna grow together

(I can't be your football head)

Let's let our love unfurl

(Can't be your football head)

You know you want me baby

(Can't be your Football Head)

You know I want you too

(Can't be your Football Head)

You call me "Football Head"

(Can't be your Football Head)

You think I'll rescue you

(Can't be your Football Head)

I want to save you girl

(Can't be your Football Head)

Come here in Arnold's world

(Can't be your Football Head)

Helga: Oh boy you drive me crazy

(Can't be your Football Head)

(Can't be your Football Head)

Arnold: Bitch you make me hurl

(Can't be your Football Head

Your Football Head)

(3rd lyrics)

First thing you say

Helga: I'm not fazed

I hang around you all day

I don't see what the big deal is anyway

You're simply plain old Arnold to me

Arnold: Yeah Helga you play your game

Helga: Arnold "?" I love that name

Love that letter, what's it say?

"Rot in pieces?" er, that's great

Arnold: First off, you don't know Arnold

At all so don't get formal.

My heart ain't for your ammo

You slap all those who come across you

(Voice: woah, (crashes))

There goes another victim

Leave handprints all across him

Jesus baby you're mean streak is gonna fuckin' cost you.

You want what you can't have

Well girl that's too damn bad.

The clean ones all I'll have

Don't dare touch my two hands

Hide anthrax in your mom's pants

And watch her beat you 'till you can't stand

Girl you just blew your chance

Don't mean to ruin your plans

But I do mean one thing though

Repercussions come real slow

Monday through Sunday yo

We might join in matrimony

One day we'll someday grow

'Till then, sit down and think about your actions hoe.

(Main Chorus)

Arnold: I know you want me Helga

(Because I can't be your football head)

I think I want you too

(Can't be your football head)

Helga: I think I love you Arnold

(Can't be your football head)

Arnold: I think I love you too

(Can't be your football head)

Helga: I think I love you Arnold

(I can't be your football head)

Arnold: I think I love you too

I'm here to save you girl

(Can't be your football head)

Come here in Arnold's world

(Can't be your football head)

I wanna grow together

(Can't be your football head)

Let's let our love unfurl

(Your Football Head)

You know you want me baby

(Your Football Head)

You know I want you too

(Because I can't be your Football Head)

You call me "Football Head"

(Can't be your Football Head)

You think I'll rescue you

(Can't be your Football Head)

I want to save you girl

(I can't be your Football Head)

Come here in Arnold's world

(Can't be your Football Head)

Helga: Oh boy you drive me crazy

(Can't be your Football Head)

(Your Football Head)

Arnold: Bitch you make me hurl (Your Football Head)

Because I Can't be your Football Head Can't be your Football Head

Can't be your Football Head

Can't be your Football Head

I can't be your Football Head

Can't be your Football Head

Can't be your Football Head

Your Football Head

Your Football Head

I can't be your Football Head

Can't be your Football Head

Can't be your Football Head

I can't be your Football Head

Can't be your Football Head

Can't be your Football Head

Your Football Head

Your Football Head

(End Parody)

Helga woke up screaming, trembling, she got out of her bed and went to the bathroom, still trembling.

It didn't take long for Helga to start looking at herself in the mirror as she threw water on it.

She might still be shaking, but her vision staring into her reflection was clear.

She saw herself, and wondered

"Will the way I act, be my undoing with Arnold, I don't want to stop, yet I want, to but I can't. Can I stop it? Or do I like it?"

Helga kept asking this question in her head as she went to sleep again, not realising she has asked the same one since the day she fell in love with her precious.

With her football head.