"Are you actually shitting me right now."
Jean stood at the entrance to the apartment (which he sincerely regretted sharing with Eren), an expression of exasperation plastered onto his face as he watched the scene unfold before him.
All he wanted in life, was to be able to relax quietly after his morning classes in the confines of the apartment. But no, because life hates him and enjoys watching him suffer, he was constantly denied of these simple pleasures because of his stupid motherfucken honry roommate and equally stupid motherfucken horny boyfriend.
Too many times Jean had found himself in this particular situation.
A situation which involved Jean catching Eren and Levi during one of their more heated situations that would usually be reserved for behind bedroom doors. It was absurd the amount of times he had caught them in various states of undressed.
He had nothing against the two of them dating. But if they could just keep it in their pants for one moment, just enough to make it to somewhere private. Jean's life would be much easier (and less mentally scarring).
Levi sat on the only single sofa in the living room with Eren on his lap, their shirts discarded on the floor, long forgotten. Eren head was tilted back, baring his neck which Levi had covered in hickeys. A hand placed between Eren shoulder blades and the other down the back of his jeans (which is about as much of Eren naked ass that Jean was willing to see).
"Can't you two horny bastards take it to the bedroom like a normal couple?"
Either they didn't hear him, or chose to completely ignore him (Jean was willing to bet on the second one). Levi did something with his fingers that made Eren moan and roll his hips. Levi humming in satisfaction against the marked skin of Eren neck.
Without another word Jean slammed the door shut.
"Nope, fuck this. Fuck all of this."
Jean shoves aside his textbook, papers drifting to the floor in the process. Slamming shut his laptop, Jean began to pack his poor excuse of a study session - which mainly consisted of him staring blankly at his textbook, not absorbing in what he was reading and balancing his pen on his lip.
Stretching his arms into the air, causing his shoulders to crack. He wandered to the bathroom for a quick bathroom break before treating himself to lunch.
Pulling the door shut behind him, Jean rubbed the back of his neck as he lifted the toilet seat. However the sight of a freshly used bottle of lube in the shower caught his eye, causing him to halt in mid-action.
"Shower sex, really? Eren!"
"It's wasn't just the shower!" Jean heard Eren yell from outside.
Eren and Levi were a couple of many kinks (it was unfortunate that Jean was well aware of this), there was no telling what they did in the bathroom. Suddenly, there was a desire not to touch anything in the bathroom, and flee from its confines.
Absolutely horrified, Jean sprinted from the bathroom, with Eren snickering in the background. Jean decided not to leave his room, for at least a week until the Levi cleaned the bathroom (being the clean freak he was).
Perhaps a month to be safe.
"What the hell are you doing in my bedroom, asshole?"
Jean stood in doorway, arms folded across his chest, eyebrows fused together, clenching his teeth as he glared at Eren who was currently rummaging through his desk draws. His instincts were telling him Eren (and probably Levi) were up to no good, again.
Eren perked at the sound of Jean's voice, "Ah horseface, perfect timing." Eren stood, wiping his hands on his jeans - the only thing he was wearing, Jean might add.
"What." Jean felt his eye twitching in irritation already.
"Where do you keep your condoms? I told Levi barebacking was fine, but Levi said-"
"Get out, and stay out."
"Why? It's not like you're using them anytime soon."
"Out!"
His instincts were pinpoint once again. Now that was left, was to find some bleach to rid Jean of the mental image of Eren and Levi barebacking in the room next door.
Jean squeezed his eyes shut, adjusting the volume of his music, enough to block out the sound of Eren and Levi moaning in the room next door.
And I go crazy 'cause here isn't where I want to be
Damn straight he didn't want to be here. In this situation, again. He began listing the friends he had that would be willing to save him from his hell hole - the list came out extremely short (much like Levi) as most of his friends enjoyed listening to Jean complain and suffer under the the horny couple. The jerks.
And satisfaction feels like a distant memory
"Mm, do that again Levi- ah!"
The lyrics were practically blasting through his headphones, vibrating with each guitar riff and drum beat.
Jean was certain he was going to end up deaf sometime during his life. But if that meant he would no longer be forced to hear this every night. He was willing to take the risk.
"Oh for fucks sake!" Jean roared, throwing a random book at the wall. "Shut the fuck up!"
From the other room, he could hear the both of them snickering.
"You jealous, horseface?"
"Fuck you asshole."
"I don't know about you Jean. But I'm pretty sure Levi's the one that's fucking my asshole right now."
"Okay, that's it! I'm going to Marco's!"
In the room next door, Levi and Eren listened to the sounds of Jean colourful cussing and angry door slamming.
Once the main door had been slammed shut - much like the rest of the doors - Eren had resumed his previous position, lying on his back and resting his head on Levi lap with Levi fingers running through his locks. The both of them fully clothed.
"Alone at last." Eren sighed, closing his eyes, enjoying the feeling of having someone fingers run through his hair. It soothed him.
"Not like his presence makes that much of a difference," Levi commented.
"True."
"He should really stop taking his anger out on inanimate objects."
"I wonder why he's so pissy all the time."
Levi flicked Eren's forehead. "I wonder makes hims so pissy all the time."
Eren chucked, rolling over to his side, facing away from Levi. "Well, I salute him for dealing with this constant bullshit."
"The only reason he's dealing with this bullshit is because he needs someone to help him pay rent."
"Is that what is was? I thought it was my dazzling personality."
"Sorry to tell you, but your personality isn't as dazzling as you think."
"And yet you love me regardless."
"Yes I do."