Return to the Dark Castle

By Snapegirlkmf, CJ Moliere, Current Artist, RaziOUAT, 23a, FaerieTales4Ever, NarnianGriff23, and Kristy Mitchell

PROMPT: Rumple, Belle, Regina, and Bae accidentally fall through a portal and end up back in the Dark Castle. It's winter there and freezing, so even with a fire they need to drink a very old bottle of malt whiskey with some tea to keep warm. It's stronger than they think, so by the time they've all had three cups of tea laced whiskey, they're all rather drunk. And being drunk in the Dark Castle . . . which still has bunches of magical objects and rooms with all kinds of magical things in them . . .is never a good idea . . . Neal suggests they go and find a room upstairs to sleep in, as they're all feeling rather tired . . .but as they all stagger upstairs, Rumple forgets which way the guest rooms are and takes them down the wrong hall way. They open a door, Belle hanging on Rumple, giggling drunkenly, and Regina almost trips over Bae's feet. "Now what in here?" she cries and sees . . .

. . .a room filled with all sorts of books and spools of gold thread . . .and a dress form with a half-finished dress of beautiful gold taffeta with etched roses of crimson and gold thread. "Ooooh!" Regina cried, upon seeing the dress.

"New books!" Belle cried, and tried to shove past the queen to get into the room first. Then she tripped over Rumple's foot . . .and fell right into the room.

The second she fell into the room she gasped "Oh!" and clutched her chest as a shock of pain hit her. "Pull me out! It's cursed!" she cried out to Regina as she realized she could barely move and couldn't get herself out of the room.

Regina reached for her and she fell over Belle legs and landed on top of her. Umph was the sound that came out of Regina's mouth. Belle yelped from the heavy weight from Regina landing on top of her.

Rumple quickly thought of a spell to get hem out, when they were out he summoned his spellbook and tried to find a spell to sober everyone up. He found it and was about to cast it when another portal opened over them and out fell...a bottle.

"What's this?" asked Regina curiously as she attempt to pick it up.

"Don't!" yelled Baelfire, "You don't know if it's cursed or not!"

"Oh please, it's just a message in a bottle" replied Regina as she shakily reached for the bottle. When she pulled open the corkpurple smoke immediately began to curl and pour out of it, causing a small black unicorn to appear with a diamond collar. Maleficent's pet.

Bae gasped, "Isn't that-"

"Maleficent's unicorn." His father finished gravely, "Indeed it is, son."

"But that means...she can't be far behind," he asserted.

A chilling laugh echoed though the room and everyone froze.

"What do we have here...?" Maleficent drawled as she appeared in the room. "The Dark One, the Evil Queen...and two...idiots...drunk. What has this realm come to?"

"And what are YOU doing in my castle, dearie?" Rumple demanded angrily.

"It's my castle now," sneered the dark sorceress, "And if you want it back you're just going to have to fight me for it though it won't be much of a contest since you're obviously not capable of it."

"Oh, aren't I?"

Maleficent grinned. "Then PROVE it!"

Rumple twitched his fingers and Maleficent became a little black mare. "Oh dearie dearie dear! Look! It's My Little Pony!" the imp giggled.

Belle burst out laughing. So did Bae.

"Hey! I like that show!" objected Regina.

The unicorn began crying . . .with joy. Now it had a playmate. Until . . .

"You'd be much too troublesome as a pony ,dearie. Why don't I change you into something else?" Rumple made a small movement with his hand and she began to change into a red rose like he did to Gaston long ago that he gave to Belle. Before the transformation was completed the unicorn had snatched the pony by the neck and turned into the rose instead.

Maleficent changed back into her body. "How dare you!" she cried picking up the rose from the floor.

Maleficent wept for a moment as she thought of the loss of her closest companion. "Change it back! I command you, Dark One!" screamed the engaged sorceress.

"Command me, dearie? Who do you think you are?! You forget who I am, dear Maleficent." mischievously boasted the Dark One.

"I know exactly who you are, Rumple. Care for a cup of tea?" Maleficent smiled as she pointed her wand at Belle.

Rumple's eyes flashed as his hand reached out fast as a cobra striking and he snarled almost like the beast some said he was, "Oh, no you don't, dearie."

He deflected her spell with his own magic, a white hot light springing from his hands. The spell bounced off the wall and landed on...

"What the HELL?!" Regina the teacup shouted. "Rumplestiltskin, change me back...NOW!"

He couldn't help giggling a bit thinking she was more interesting as a teacup...until she hopped over to him and poured hot tea on his foot.

"OWWWW!"

"Change me back or the next time it'll be somewhere else!"

"Damn you and your temper, Mills!" he growled. Then he waved his hand and she was changed back. A second gesture and he healed his burned foot.

Maleficent tried to cast another spell at Belle, but now Regina had had enough. "You bloody harpy!" she screeched! "Go the hell AWAY!" and she gestured and a portal formed, taking Maleficent away. "Good riddance!" she cried.

But then the castle started to tremble.

"What the hell's that, Papa?" yelped Bae, falling to the floor.

"It's an earthquake!" screamed Belle. "Rumple! Do something!" She tried to help Bae up, but then she was knocked down too. "My-my arm!" she gasped as her arm twisted under her. Belle rolled onto her back releasing her arm.

"What's happening?" yelled Regina over the noise of the falling objects.

Rumple yelled back, "I think it must be. . the curse coming again. Everyone grab onto each other."

Regina got to her feet stumbling with all the objects falling around her. A golden cup on a shelf fell on the back of her head, making her lose her balance, and hitting Bae on the back while he was still trying to grab onto Belle. Instead of her hand he had her foot as he fell into his Papa.

"Hold on everyone," Rumple yelled over the sound of everything falling apart around them.

Suddenly the purple smoke engulfed them, but it wasn't Storybrooke they were taken to. "Where are we?", asked Belle.

Regina found a nearby sign saying "Welcome to New York" and gulped. "The real world."

Bae was grinning from ear to ear. "That's not so bad."

"Oh isn't it? And why is that?"

"We can keep our party going."

"Baelfire, haven't you had enough to drink?" demanded his father.

"Aww come on Papa, live a little."

"I have, three hundred years in case you've forgotten. Now we're going home."

"I'm being cut off by my own father!" Bae huffed.

"You're damned right you are!"

Belle giggled.

"How do you put up with them?" Regina demanded.

"Easy. . . .he's my husband and Bae's my son . . I love them . . . drunk and all."

"Well, do you think your lush of a husband can get us back home?"

"I heard that and yes . .. just lemme concentrate!" Rumple closed his eyes and focused, sensing there was a portal that could be created down the block. "Okay, down the block, let's go!"

His three equally intoxicated companions followed him down the block and Rumple created the portal with his magic, taking them back to Storybrooke.

They reappeared in the living room of the Victorian and promptly passed out. The next morning all of them would be in bed nursing the worst hangovers of their lives.

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