Prologue: For the Last Time

May 2015

Blaine clutched at his heart. His fingers curled into a fist against the wool of his cardigan. The bluntness of Kurt's words forced him to take a step backward, though all he wanted to do was go forward – toward Kurt. …Don't let him go.

Blaine's gaze lifted – it was the most natural thing in the world to lock eyes with Kurt. It had become their way of staying connected and anchored – simply put, it was home. This time, though, it hurt. It hurt more than anything because when he looked into Kurt's eyes they were blank. Please Kurt, no.

The moment played over in Blaine's mind. He didn't comprehend it – he didn't want to comprehend it: This is all moving too fast for me, Kurt had said. Santana and Brittany's wedding drove it home for me, Blaine. I'm just not ready for any of this. I was wrong to run back to you and I'm sorry. I really am.

He had been disappointed when Kurt had declined to marry him at their friends' wedding but part of him had been relieved because it would have given them the chance to take things at their own pace and to plan their own special day; however, in the days after the wedding Blaine had noticed that Kurt was acting strange – introspective, distant. He thought it would get better once they moved back to New York but it never did. Kurt actually became more withdrawn - but never in a million years did Blaine think it would come to this. Not again. Not a third time.

The words haunted him: I was wrong to run back to you. Did Kurt really just break up with him again? Blaine breathed a deep sigh. He felt it pierce his lungs. He felt light-headed and on the verge of hysterics but he needed to get it out. He forced himself to speak; his voice was slow and shaky, "Kurt, please." He broke down. His sobs stifled all the words he needed to say but with a heaving chest, he desperately made himself spit them out, "Kurt… I love… you and if you… don't want to… get… married, I'll wait for you. Please. I'll wait an eternity just don't do this to us." His eyes searched those deep blue pools he loved so much but Kurt's dull, expressionless gaze said it all.

A soft whispered voice, "I love you, Blaine - you know I do but it hurts too much to be with you and not be able to give everything to our relationship. I'm broken and have nothing to give."

"I can be patient," Blaine cried. "And you give me so much. You've always given me so much love. I can help you. Please Kurt, this is ripping me apart."

Kurt suddenly released what he had been holding in for weeks. His sobs came in a flurry; there was no stopping them. He had to leave before he changed his mind. He just couldn't take the way Blaine was looking at him – it was beyond heart breaking. "I'm sorry," he sobbed. "I'm so sorry but I just can't." He picked up his satchel and slung it over his shoulder. The tears in his eyes made everything blurry but he found his way to the door.

"Kurt." Blaine's voice stopped him.

Kurt turned, his chest was aching, his breath hitched deep in his throat as he struggled to breathe through the intense sobs. He saw that Blaine was moving towards him. He put his hand up to make him stop but Blaine ignored it and continued until he stopped just inches away from him. Kurt could see the intense hurt in his eyes. He knew those eyes by heart. He knew when they were happy or excited or sad or in pain – but he had never seen them like this. He saw pain but also something so much worse - devastation. Blaine cried unabashedly. His voice was pleading and hysterical, "Kurt, this is it. Everything… we've worked so hard for… ends right now. Is that really what you want?" His hazel irises searched for any signs of recant from Kurt. "Because… I love you… so much - but if you walk away from me now… know that it will be for the last time…" He struggled to stay upright. He struggled to breathe but forced himself to continue, "because my heart… will not survive this time. I will never be able to love again – not you, not anyone."

Kurt opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out except a pathetic broken sob. Hearing Blaine's words and watching his body shut down from heartache was nothing short of excruciating for Kurt. He knew Blaine was right. If he walked out there was no coming back. This was it. It was over. It hurt to have to say good-bye to his soulmate – to the one person he loved more than anything - but how could he stay with the torment he had in his heart? How could he give Blaine everything he deserved if he was suffering in darkness? He placed his hand over his mouth, he was sure he would vomit at any moment. "I'm so sorry," he whispered through his fingers then turned and ran out the door.