This is part of the 52 stories in 52 weeks challenge by ourwritingtherapy on tumblr. Week 11: A story set at a full moon.
Ok so I wanted to write a young Haymitch story and I had this one in mind for a while so… Here you go.
The Moon's Effect
Haymitch wasn't sure how they had all ended up on the roof, he had stopped protesting to mindlessly follow along around the second bottle of champagne they had opened that night. In the same vein, he wasn't sure who had brought the stereo up the stairs or even how it was even working out there – although given how Wiress was shimmying to that ridiculous music, she might be the one responsible for it.
"What are we even doing?" he snorted, elbowing his best friend in the side.
Chaff barely bothered glancing his way, snatching the bottle Haymitch had been holding but not really drinking from. Lukewarm champagne wasn't entirely appealing and while drinking was becoming more of a hobby than an affair of tastes, he preferred his liquor palatable.
"Having fun. What does it look like?" Chaff chuckled, pointing at the four victors dancing in the middle of the roof like there would be no tomorrow. If you could call that dancing. In Haymitch's opinion it was a passable parody of the Capitol's way of doing it.
Mags and Seeder had wisely chose to sit it out in their own corner of the roof. They were chatting together, perched on the hip-high wall, far less drunk than the rest of them. They were the oldest of their group though and usually shook their heads with tolerant smiles at the 'youngsters' shenanigans.
Youngsters.
They actually called them that.
It was a valid adjective, Haymitch figured. He was barely nineteen and he felt a hundred. Chaff was twenty-four and he looked ten years older than that when he stopped hiding behind the jokes. Beetee and Wiress had ten years on them both but they were still a lot younger than Mags and Seeder. Blight was around their age and Alina…
Alina was shaking her ass like most of the Capitols did on the dancefloors out there, laughing hard at herself. Blight was laughing too, he made her twirl under his arm before grabbing her waist for a more traditional kind of dancing…
"You know, you stare at that girl any harder, she's gonna catch fire." Chaff pointed out.
"Ain't staring. Shut up." he grumbled. And then he sighed because he knew he wasn't fooling anyone.
He let his head drop back against the wall, looking at the thousands of artificial lights that seemed to turn the night sky into a giant colorful patchwork. You could never see the stars from the city and that was a damn shame in his opinion. Three years and he wasn't used to that yet: looking at the sky and being unable to see the stars.
The moon, at least, was more dependable. No matter the beams of light, she hung low in the sky, huge and round over their heads. He wondered what that would be like to walk on it, to go to space. He wondered if it would be peaceful or terribly lonely.
It couldn't be more lonely than Twelve lately.
"Cheer up, Haymitch!" Blight ordered from the makeshift dancefloor. "Nobody's allowed to look gloomy at my engagement party!"
"Come and dance!" Alina ordered, coming closer and outstretching a hand, wriggling her body in a way that shouldn't have been as attractive as it was because she looked like someone had dropped a caterpillar in the collar of her dress.
But it was a very nice dress.
A shimmering blue and gold number that clung to her curves and that didn't leave much to his imagination. He could guess at the powerful muscles of her thighs, her curves…
He shook his head but a smirk stretched his lips. "Ain't much of a dancer, sweetheart."
She rolled her eyes, shrugged as if to say it was his loss and turned back to Blight. Beetee and Wiress were so wrapped in their own bubble, dancing close even though the song was far from a slow one that they didn't even notice. Haymitch wondered if he had imagined the flash of disappointment in Alina's brown eyes.
He clenched his jaw and looked away, met Mags' knowing gaze and averted his eyes again. He ended up stealing the champagne from his friend, taking a swing just because he didn't know what else to do.
He liked Alina. A lot. He was attracted to her. A lot.
But every time he let himself think about what it would feel like to brush his fingers in her long black hair, he was taken back to another girl with dark tresses. His girlfriend's death was still painful. Everything was still painful. He couldn't go to sleep without their ghosts haunting his nightmares.
"Who gets married?" he muttered once he was sure Blight couldn't hear him.
The man had surprised them with that news earlier that night while they were sharing a drink and that was how they had decided to party wild , he suddenly remembered.
"A lot of people. Lots of victors get married." Chaff bumped his shoulder against his. "Hey, kid, listen… When I told you you're safer alone… I'm starting to think you took that a little too much to heart."
"Don't call me kid." he protested. "I ain't some newbie."
"You won three years ago and you think you've seen it all now?" his friend scoffed. "I'm older, buddy. I get to call you whatever I want. Trust me, you don't know half of what goes on behind the scenes yet. Which brings me back to my main point… How long has it been since you've touched a girl?"
Haymitch rolled his eyes.
Every year they had the same conversation.
He wasn't as clueless as Chaff made it seem. He knew what was going on behind the scenes. He had told the Gamemakers to go fuck themselves a few numbers of times already. He wasn't stupid enough to think that would be enough to deter them if they really wanted him to… do stuff. They may have killed his whole family and his girl but he still had friends in his District. Sure, he had cut off all relations but… He wasn't sure it would be enough.
Alone was clever.
Alone kept you safe.
And yet every year since he had won, Chaff tried to toss random girls his way. He could have had anyone he wanted, really. Capitols were desperate to get a piece of him. He was the Quell victor, he was young, he was handsome… He could have had any of them. But a Capitol?
He couldn't go with a Capitol.
Certainly not for his first time.
It would have been…
It would have been betraying Mabel even more and he couldn't do that to a girlfriend he had intended to marry, to do that with for the first time and make it count.
"Haymitch." Chaff said in that serious tone Haymitch hated.
Sure, he had needed a mentor at first. Sure. But they were past that. They were friends now. Best friends. Equals. And he hated those moments when Chaff shifted back to his mentoring role. He hated the fact that if he didn't get through to him, Eleven's victor would just send Mags or Seeder after him. And if that failed, Beetee or Wiress would show up to lecture him, younger than the ladies, far more rational, and very hard for him to argue with because they were twice as clever as he was.
"I'm good." he snapped.
"You plan on staying a virgin forever?" Eleven's victor mocked. "'Cause I'm telling you right here, you're missing out."
He gulped down some more champagne, enough that it rushed straight to his head. The moon seemed to grow even bigger and, for a foolish second, he let himself imagine that it would fall on them, crash on Earth, crush the Capitol to the ground and them with it, let this living nightmare end…
It would have been easier to lose.
That was what they didn't tell you when you went in the Hunger Games.
Winning… There were no winners, only survivors.
Haymitch survived, that was who he was now. He had survived his name being called on Reaping Day, he had survived being tossed in an arena, he had survived people trying to kill him, he had survived watching his friend die, he had survived an axe in the guts, he had survived his brother and his mother burning alive along with a quarter of the Seam, he had survived his girl getting killed because he had been foolish enough to say he loved her, he was surviving a lonely existence in a deserted Village, he was surviving empty days full of playing chess against himself, he was surviving nights spent reading to stop reliving the memories… He survived.
"You're obsessed with sex." he objected.
"Yeah. 'Cause it's the best thing ever." Chaff laughed. "After booze, maybe. First time I tried to get you to have a drink, you said it wasn't your thing. Look at you now. Drinking straight from the bottle."
He wasn't sure it was as good a thing as Eleven's victor made it sound. Going for a bottle was becoming a reflex nowadays. If he couldn't sleep… If the memories were too bad… Soon, he mused, it would be if he was too lonely or too bored or… He was slowly slipping into a bottle but he didn't have the will to steer himself off that course.
His mother wasn't there to be disappointed anymore.
His brother didn't need him to be more than their absentee drunkard father.
His girlfriend didn't expect a functioning husband.
He didn't have anything to look forward to.
"Anyone ever told you you're a terrible influence?" he joked. "They shouldn't let you around kids."
"Seeder mentioned once or twice." Chaff chuckled, reaching for the bottle. He took a long swallow and then placed it down on his other side – so it was probably empty. "I'm saying this for your own good, you know. When I told you being alone was safer… I didn't mean you had to live like a monk."
"That's not the problem." he scowled, staring at the moon so he wouldn't have to watch Alina's long hair whipping in the soft wind. "My girlfriend…"
"Is dead, buddy." Eleven's victor said, gently. "You ain't. Look, I get why you don't want to go with a parrot for your first time. Thinking back, maybe that brothel wasn't my best idea ever."
"You think?" he snorted. Hadn't that been a disaster… Chaff meant well but Haymitch… Haymitch was all kind of screwed up.
They were all very screwed up, really. Put them all together and you got a recipe for trouble.
"My point is… I ain't saying you should do like Blight. Though if you find yourself a girl you want to get hitch with… Some victors manage, Haymitch." Chaff shrugged. "You know what you're going in for. You know what it means. If you think it's worth the consequences…"
"Nothing's worth that kind of consequences." he sneered. "You say the wrong thing once and your wife gets a bullet in the head? No, thank you."
"Yeah. I'm with you there." Eleven's victor sighed. "I've only got a sister and I'm already in too deep. Can't see myself getting any more pressure points in the future. Still… Doesn't mean I can't have fun. Doesn't mean you can't have fun." He stayed silent and Chaff refused to take a hint. He shifted a little so he was facing Haymitch more fully, studying him attentively. "Maybe girls aren't really your thing? It's all fine with me, buddy. I mean… I get that it might make a few people frown at home but the Capitol's very free on that front. If you…"
The moon still wasn't crashing on Earth to put an end to that painfully embarrassing conversation.
"I ain't gay." he cut him off. "I'm just…"
"Plumbing's not working right?" Chaff nudged. "'Cause they can fix that too."
"It's all working fine." he snarled.
"Well, sorry for asking." his friend chuckled. "You're the only nineteen year old virgin I know. Can't understand you… Ain't you curious?"
"Ain't like I never did anything." he finally admitted. "Mabel and I did pretty much everything except the real thing. Ain't that much of a virgin. Disappointed yet?"
He stopped wishing the moon to swallow them to glare at his friend. Unfortunately, it also brought Alina back in his line of sight and she was too enthralling for him to look away again. That dress kept swooshing around her thighs when she swayed…
It was coming to the point when he got a hard on when he smelled almond. Because she always smelled like that and it was somehow terribly attractive.
Chaff's gaze was amused and knowing. "You have a crush on that girl."
"Can't afford crushes." he retorted.
"You can afford crushes." Eleven's victor countered. "Ain't ever gonna amount to anything between the two of you anyway. She lives in Eight, you live in Twelve. Long distance never works out, never mind when you can have contact only one month a year. It ain't gonna be serious. You like the girl. Who says you two can't have a short affair? You won't see her again before next summer. Can promise you'll both have moved on by then."
"I don't want to use her." he argued. "She ain't a Capitol. She deserves respect."
"Who says you can't be respectful?" Chaff shrugged. "Just be honest. Tell her you're not interested in anything more than a little fun. You treat the girl right and everyone's happy."
That actually seemed… a very mature suggestion coming from Chaff.
He knew Alina was interested. He wasn't that much of an idiot and Mabel hadn't been his first girlfriend. He used to be popular in school, girls had been after him ever since he had finally shaken off the pimples.
Yes, Alina was definitely interested. But, in his experience, girls tended to expect serious from guys. Mabel had slapped his hands off her boobs and her ass a lot of times before finally allowing him to touch. He had had to earn it, earn her trust. And there was nothing wrong with that in his book.
He just didn't want the emotional attachment.
"What if she's insulted?" he hesitated.
"What if she ain't?" Chaff teased. "Kid, trust me. I'm speaking from experience here. I'm thinking your chances to get laid are good."
"You're a pain in my ass." Haymitch stated very plainly.
Because now that his best friend had planted the seed in his slightly inebriated brain, he couldn't shake the idea off. What if Alina was alright with something short and mostly for fun? What if she was willing to…
"My pleasure. I'm getting so good at the pep talks…" Eleven's victor laughed. "Now go get the girl, buddy."
He rolled his eyes but stood up and took a few uncertain steps toward where his friends were dancing. He was less sure on his legs than he had thought but he couldn't say if it was the liquor getting to his head or nerves.
"I thought you didn't dance?" Alina mocked, abandoning Blight to toss her arms around his neck as if it was totally natural.
Seven's victor good naturally went to crash next to Chaff and soon they were laughing together. He wasn't sure if the slow song that came next was a coincidence or Mags and Seeder's doing.
He confidently wrapped his arms around Eight victor's waist, not used to being pushed away. And she didn't try to push him away. She stepped even closer instead, a hint of mischief on her face.
He kissed it away. He didn't let himself waver or think about it twice.
He had kissed a couple of Capitols since Mabel, if only to get Chaff off his back, but this was much nicer. This felt a little more real.
"It took you long enough." she grinned. Blight and Chaff were catcalling and whistling like stupid teenagers and she gave them the finger without even looking in their direction.
"It's the moon." he smirked. "It's full. Makes people crazy."
He wasn't sure if he meant Chaff and Blight's ridiculous antics or his own behavior but it made her laugh either way.
"Let's go crazy, then." she suggested.