AN: Okay, so I read this series and as soon as I finished it I had to write a drabble. I don't own the characters or the plot. All I have done is try to put myself into Nesta's shoes. Anyway, I hope you guys like it.
I could feel him before he arrived at our door. Out there, circling repeatedly. I clucked my tongue against the roof of my mouth and glanced up at the figure in the sky. I knew it was him. I watched as the figure moved towards the ground and I smoothed down my dress then caught myself. Why on earth was I fixing myself for one of them? I pulled my shoulders back and stepped in front of the door, yanking it open after the small knock at the door. I stared out into the snow. I knew he was here. I could sense it and it frustrated me to no end that I couldn't see him. I opened the door as casually as possible, leaving room for him to come inside.
"There's nothing there. It must have been the wind," I called back into the house. Our house keeper came into the hallway to check for herself and I tried to contain my eye roll.
"I'm going upstairs. Don't disturb me for another hour," I said. She opened her mouth to protest and I narrowed my eyes. "I said, do not disturb me for another hour,". I continued up the stairs without bothering to glance back at her. I deliberately slowed my walking, trying to look as tired as possible. I couldn't be caught with one of them in my room. I stepped into my bedroom and waited a few seconds before I closed the door. I turned round and blinked in surprise when I came face to face with Cassian. I noticed his wings twitch, almost as if he was…preening.
"You're ten minutes late," I said, moving towards the fire, turning to face him.
"I do have other duties you know," he said quietly, flashing a grin in my direction. I glanced at him and kept my eyes focused on his.
"Here I was thinking I heard you flapping around for ten minutes. It must have been a pigeon stuck in one of the chimneys," I said, relishing the way his gaze hardened as he stared at me. I kept my expression blank as I held his gaze. He smiled and I felt my own anger spike at the look he was giving me.
"Hello Nesta. Nice to see you," he said. I felt my nostrils flair but tried to ignore everything else that I was feeling. Even though I desperately wanted to wipe that look right off his face. But, of course…that would let him know what he was doing had an effect on me.
"How is my sister?" I asked, it was a loaded question. Even if Cassian didn't understand that. I saw his expression flicked and I wondered what he had been about to say but all that came out was,
"Busy," I ran my tongue off the roof of my mouth trying to swallow the retort that was on my lips. It was petty. I knew she was busy. I knew she couldn't visit. I should have swallowed back the retort. But, it came hurling out anyway.
"So busy she cannot deign to visit it seems," Cassian's gaze flickered to mine.
"Feyre's got enough on her plate with the situation with Hybern and outside of it," he said. I tilted my head to the side and appraised him.
"And what is your role in all of it?" I asked. I noticed him shift his feet, standing up taller, if that was even possible.
"I command Rhys's armies," he said, a flicker of pride at his words. I glanced him up and down.
"All of them?" I asked.
"The important ones," he said. I snorted and looked towards the fire. Was that supposed to be impressive? I saw Cassian stiffen and I could practically feel the rage bubbling inside him.
"And what, exactly, do you do that's of importance?" he sneered. My gaze snapped up to look at his. I pursed my lips.
"Why should I bother defending myself to a male who is so puffed up on his own sense of importance there's barely enough space in the room for his enormous head?" I seethed, my voice sounding frosty to even my own ears. Cassian blinked and I almost smirked. Almost. But, then he was striding towards me. I lifted my chin and met his gaze, trying not to take in the height difference. Especially when he spread his wings. Again. Was he actually trying to intimidate me…. with wings? He ground his teeth together.
"Do you have news from the queens?" he asked. I furrowed my eyebrows and glanced at him.
"Leader of the High Lord's armies, and yet the brute remains. You cannot cow me with words, so you seek to intimidate me through your hulking size," I said, trying to appear as bored as possible. I saw the flash of rage cross Cassian's features and I tried to hold my smirk.
"Hulking-," he opened his mouth to argue and I continued.
"You need me far more than I need you. So I'd suggest you merely agree, tuck in those bat wings, and ask nicely," He took a step closer and rested his hand on the mantel behind me. I kept my eyes focused on his, trying to ignore how close he was. He moved closer and I tried not to notice the way his hair slid over his brow.
"There are other ways I could play nice, Nesta Archeron," the way he purred the words made me freeze slightly. I glanced at his eyes and tried to remind myself that he assessed everything and everyone and I couldn't let him assess this. I steadied my breathing and ignored how close he was. Distraction. I considered his words and smiled.
"If I wanted a male pawing at me, I'd sooner ask one of the hounds," I said, refusing to lower my chin. Cassian smiled and looked at me.
"Have you ever been with a male, Nesta?" he drawled. I tried to think of which response would be better. To lie, or to tell the truth?
"Have you?" the retort left my mouth before I could decide. Cassian snorted and I tried to ignore the fact that I could feel his breath caressing my lips. He was so close.
"I asked first, sweetheart… unless you prefer females?" he drawled. I placed my hand on his chest and tried to ignore the warmth seeping through the fighting leathers. Fire, he was like fire burning beneath my palms. I stepped towards him and relished the way he stepped back.
"Who and what I prefer is none of your concern. Nor is-,"
"You haven't answered my first question. Or are all the other questions a diversion?" he asked. He was catching on.
"What is it to you?" I asked. Cassian gave me a cocky grin.
"More questions," he pointed out. It was in that instant, with that cocky grin that I knew exactly what to say to him. I stepped closed, brushing against him.
"No I haven't," I crooned. Cassian's eyes met mine and I saw a flash within them. "Why should I have bothered? By the time I came of age, I was surrounded by low-born brutes and bastards. I'd rather use my own hand than sully myself with theirs," The amusement vanished from Cassian's face and I knew that my words had their desired effect. The truth wrapped in some well-placed comments about his upbringing…it was easy really. The truth always seemed to work better. I had not been with any male, Fae or human. Tomas had wanted to…but I had barely even let him kiss me and when I had eventually ended it, he'd…I swallowed, shutting out the memory of what he'd said and done. The sound of my tearing dress. No-it hadn't gone that far. I had to remind myself of it constantly. It hadn't gotten that far but I could still remember the blind terror in the moments before I had broken free. Cassian's annoyance seemed to vanish and it was replaced with rage. I knew then that my eyes must have betrayed me. I caught Cassian's rage and it knocked the breath from me.
"Who?" the words were ground out and although I had envisioned Tomas getting ran over by a cart countless time…I wouldn't wish the death that Cassian's eyes promised on anyone.
"I don't know what you're talking about," I said, withdrawing my hand. Cassian gripped my hand, pinning it against his chest. I could feel the thrum of his heartbeat. He was dangerous, so dangerous…mostly because he made me feel out of control. I wasn't quite sure what I'd do if he found me vulnerable, even for a moment.
"Did someone hurt you," he said, his voice was guttural and I was overwhelmed by the stark realisation that this was how he sounded when he was close to killing. When he wanted to kill. He wanted to kill whoever he thought had hurt me. The thought both thrilled and terrified me. His hand pressed into mine, his callouses scraping against mine, urging me to answer him.
"Would it change anything if someone had? Would it make you see me differently, treat me differently?" I asked. Cassian's gaze didn't leave mine.
"It'd make me hunt them down and shatter ever bone in their body," he promised. A shiver ran down my spine as I felt the truth in that comment. I gulped and glanced at him.
"You don't know me…why bother?" I asked. Cassian snarled, inching closer, his hand gripping mine. He blinked at me and relaxed his hold on me.
"I'd do it for anyone," he said. I was once again all too aware of the sincerity. It was part of the reason I wanted to rile him. I could feel the sincerity in everything about him. He saw things and spoke the truth. Weighing my actions, the first time he had met me. Judging my choices in the cottage. I was all too aware that I could have done more in that situation and I had a feeling that he knew it all too well. He could see through everything. All my facade and bravado. He could see it. The range of my emotions, the depth of my regret. He could see it all and part of me wanted to hurt him before he could use what he knew…exposing me to everyone. I wanted to break him…so that he couldn't. I blinked in surprise when I felt the pad of his thumb skim my hand. I had been staring at him. Cassian blinked, his mouth parting. I could recognise that look in his eyes. Cassian leaned towards me and I tilted my head back, exposing my neck, granting him utter access as he grazed his nose against my throat. My eyes drifted closed as his lips moved to the spot where his nose had just nestled. I let out a small gasp, my mouth suddenly. I dug my hand into his chest and tried to ignore the flush that brushing those muscles caused. There was heat pooling in my stomach and I tried not to imagine the ways I would let his hands sully me. I tried not to moan when his mouth moved closer to my jawline. I could feel my treacherous heart beating faster and I knew that Cassian could hear it. But, I didn't care. Not in that moment. His tongue darted out of his mouth and brushed against the pressure point in my neck. I jumped back, slamming my back against the wood panelling behind me. Cassian put his hand forward, about to reach for me. I pressed my hand to my neck and glared at him.
"Wound a bit tight these days, Nesta?" his voice was light, teasing. I scowled at him, lowering my hand.
"Is it some faerie magic of yours to do such things?" I hissed. The bark of laughter was confirmation enough for me to know that it was just me and my treacherous hormones.
"No. Though I'm flattered you think so," he said. I could feel it. The air of smug arrogance around him. I could feel my walls coming back up and I let out my most condescending laugh.
"If that's what a bastard-born Fae warrior can do, no wonder my sister has become so entangled with the High Lords," I could feel the anger radiating off of him at my words.
"Did it bother you more that you wanted it, or that it was bastard-born nobody who made you feels such things, Nesta?" he asked, my name rolling off his tongue in a way that should be illegal. I glanced at him, selecting my next words carefully.
"It's been a long winter. Beggars can't be picky, I suppose," I sneered. But, he was right. I had wanted it. I did want it. I couldn't get the thought of his hands sliding over me and his mouth…I was certain that if he got my walls down I'd let him put that mouth wherever he pleased. I blinked in surprise, shaking my head to get rid of all those unsavoury thoughts.
"Since you were happy for a distraction, I'll assume the queens haven't been in touch and be on my way," he said, flicking a letter onto the table beside me. "Mail that to the queens as soon as you can,". I squared my shoulders and glanced at the letter.
"Tell my sister and that new High Lord of hers to send someone else next time," I sneered. Cassian bared his teeth in a feral grin.
"Tell your other sister we'd rather deal with her," he said pointedly.
"Elain stays out of this. The less association with your kind, the better," I snapped.
"Why are you letting her marry that bigoted prick?" The question snapped out of him and I turned my gaze on him.
"He has good reason to hate your kind. As do we all,"
"That's bullshit and you know it,"
"I thought you were leaving," I snipped.
"You have a damned opinion on everyone else in the world. Why not tell Elain she's marrying a monster?" he asked. I met his eyes.
"Perhaps all you males are monsters," I quipped. Cassian held my gaze.
"She deserves better than someone like that," he said sharply.
"Indeed she does," I agreed, my voice was flat and cold. I didn't want to discuss this with him.
"And what do you deserve?" I could hear the challenge in his voice. I smiled slowly at him.
"Certainly more than a bastard-born nobody,"
"What a fine partner you are, Nesta. Remind me to bring a book on military strategy the next time. Maybe you'll stand a chance then," he drawled. I hated it. That drawl of his. I ignored him and he crossed the distance to me once again.
"It's easier isn't it? To wield the words and the coldness as armour to keep everyone from seeing where and who you failed and how you did not care until it was too late," his voice was low and it hit its mark. All I could do was stare at him, the rage building in my veins. How dare he. How dare he voice aloud…my very being. His face twisted and he leaned closer again.
"Well, I see it, Nesta Archeron. And all I see is a bored and spoiled girl-," the words had barely left his lips and I was thrusting my knee towards him. Cassian gripped my knee tights, a mere inch from my target. I let out a hiss when his fingers tightened and I stared at him, my eyes blazing.
"Cheap shot. Come play with me, Nesta, and I'll teach you far more interesting ways to bring a male to his knees," I closed my eyes, swallowing his words and trying to stop the images that were filling my treacherous mind. It really had been a long winter. I tried to break free from his grip and ended up swaying. Cassian caught me, pulling me closer to steady me.
"What are you hiding beneath all this, anyway?" he said, snickering at my skirts. I tugged my knee from his grip.
"Get out of my house," I snapped. Cassian grinned at me and I took that moment to lunge at him. He gripped my wrists and I tugged his head down towards me. I could see his eyes lingering on my lips and I frowned. It would be so easy, to just melt into his kiss. I quickly dismissed the thought, slamming my knee into his groin as hard as I could. Cassian swore viciously as he stumbled back, landing in the armchair as he cradled himself.
"You're all the same…perhaps being an immortal makes you predictable," I sneered. Cassian scowled at me.
"You," he gasped out. I let out a laugh and headed out of the door.
"No, the queens did not send word, I haven't heard from them at all. I'll mail the letter tomorrow morning. You know nothing about who I am, and what I've done and what I want. And while we are on the subject…Send someone else next time. If I see you on my doorstep, I'll scream loud enough for the servants to come running," I said as I left the room. Once I was out of the room I leaned back against the wall behind me, a hand stroking the place that his tongue had brushed. His touch was fire…and it was spreading through every inch of me.