AN: Nothing that happens in this story is cannon! It is all completely crack! Please don't yell at me for getting it wrong; Its supposed to be that way!
I do not own Naruto. If I did, the legal drinking age would be lowered just to see what happens. ;)
Kiba ran through the streets on Konoha in panic. Something was wrong. So terribly wrong. Of course, seeing Shino trying to hit on Ino was his first tip off. They bug boy had never looked so suave.
He rounded the corner to find Lee and Naruto sitting on a bench by the training fields, each looking rather bored.
"Hey, does anything feel off to you guys?"
Naruto looked at him with a disinterested look. "Not really. Why? Is something up?"
"I think I might have just stumbled upon an anomaly in time is all." He said, rubbing the back of his neck. "Shino was hitting on Ino."
"So? Everybody knows Shino was the class heart throb, and he plays it up. Ino's just a quiet girl, so it will take a bit for him to understand her." Lee yawned. "I'm tired. I know I told Guy-sensei I'd train, but I don't feel like it."
Naruto nodded. "Me either. I'm just heading home."
Kiba blinked as they left, trying to process what he had just seen. "What the hell?"
"Oh hey Kiba! Want to come train with us?" Shikamaru called as he and Sasuke ran by, all smiles and grins as they trained with each other.
"Yeah! My brother should be joining us soon! And my dad just taught me some killer new moves!" Sasuke grinned.
"I have to go!" Kiba called, running off back into town. He was weaving his way through the streets of vendors when somebody called his name.
"Kiba! What's the matter?" Hinata called sweetly as he ran past.
"Oh Hinata! Thank Kami. Everybody has gone out of their minds! Their all acting really weird. Have you noticed anything?"
She shook her head. "No, but I haven't really left the compound much today." Her head snapped up as Neji walked by, and she glared.
"Hey! Branch-bitch! Where's my tea?"
Neji blushed and looked worried. "I'm sorry Hinata-dono! I'll go get you some! Right away!" He shouted scurrying into a nearby shop.
Hinata settled back down and smiled. "I'll let you know if I notice anything, alright."
Kiba backed away slowly, a nervous grin on his lips. "Yeah… Thanks… But I, uh… have to see the Hokage now." And he darted off, hearing Hinata calling a sweet goodbye to him before she yelled at Neji again.
He made his way pasted the diner on his way to the Hokage's office, briefly catching a glimpse of a very thin Chouji, shouting about never being skinny enough. He sighed as he kept walking and put his hands together. "Release!" He called, although nothing changed, and Chouji's crying could still be heard in the distance as be complained about his diet.
"Tsunade-sama!" Kiba suddenly cried, breaking into a run up the steps to her office.
"Tsunade-hime isn't here right now. She's at the hospital."
Kiba stopped, spinning on his heal to face Sakura only to have his mouth drop open.
"Your hair! It's blue!" He sputtered.
"Of course it is." She said in a rather confused manner. "What color would it be? Pink? Ha!"
"I have to go see the Hokage! Its urgent!" He called, running back down the stairs.
"Then where are you going? Jiraiya-sama is in his office!" She called after him.
"Never mind! I need my head examined!" He yelled, running for the hospital. He ran frantically, panting as his tongue lolled out of the side of his mouth.
"Stop that Kiba!" His mother shouted, making him skid to a halt. His mother and sister stood there glaring at him.
"Yeah! You look like a dog!" Hana sneered.
"And where's your cat?" His mother asked. "You never leave home without Akamaru!"
"Dear God, this isn't happening…" he muttered, turning to run down the street in fear, and passing a very grumpy Iruka, who was complaining loudly about how much he hated children. Kiba skidded into the hospital lobby, practically ramming into the front desk. "I need to see Tsunade! It's urgent!"
The secretary looked at him skeptically. "I'm sorry, but she's on bed rest at the moment and isn't allowing visitors." Kakashi ran by at that moment, trailed by Guy.
"Oh man! I'm going to be late!" The masked ninja yelled frantically.
"Slow down! We're not kids anymore! We don't have to run everywhere!" Guy called, jogging after him.
"I'm losing my mind." Kiba said softly, walking in a daze as he wander back down the street. "I've completely lost my mind."
"Honestly Asuma! Stay away from my team! I'm tired of seeing your ugly mug!"
"Look who's talking! And like I go looking for you! I don't want to see you either Kurenai!"
Kiba twitched, and wanted to start banging his head into the wall. It actually might help with the way things were going.
"Ok, calm down. Lets think about this. Akamaru is a… cat." He shudder. "Kurenai and Asuma hate each other. Shino is a flirt and Ino is the quiet chick. Hinata is loud and bossy, and Neji is a pussy. Naruto and Lee are lazy, Shikamaru isn't, Sakura's hair is blue, and Sasuke is… smiling? No yeah. I'm completely out of my head…."
"You forgot Jiraiya and Tsunade, oh wise one."
Kiba looked down at the snooty looking fat cat in front of him, and his eyes widened in horror as he realized who it was. "Oh crap… Akamaru?"
"No shit Sherlock. You really do need your head examined! Better go see Orochimaru. He is the head medic, you know. Sheesh… You'd think you'd know that I've always been a cat."
Kiba twitched, his knees suddenly weak. He sank to the ground and screamed, squeezing his eyes shut as he felt his world tumbling down around him.
Kiba gasped, sitting up in the dark and looking around. His room, his muddy hand prints on the wall, his and Akamaru's chew toys on the floor. He leaned over the side of the bed to look down at his huge furry companion, sighing in relief to see he was actually a huge dog and not a fat cat.
Akamaru looked up at him with concern, whining piteously.
"I'm fine. Just a bad dream." He smiled, sniffing. "Next time, I don't care how bad my head cold is, I'm not taking any more cough syrup before bed!"
AN: This is a formal apology for not updating on my other stories for quite some time! I'm honestly so stuck writing just about anything that has to do with Naruto, and I've been busy trying to write my book, that I'm not sure when they'll get picked back up again.
That being said… Enjoy the mindless random-ness! This was honestly only prompted because I've wanted to dye Sakura's hair blue for years, and I keep seeing all those 'what if' stories everywhere. Well here's my 'what if' story!