The Immortal Haemovore's Cookbook
~~~0~~~
Blodplattar, or Blood Pancakes (by Sandy)
Ingredients:
1.5 cups of all purpose flour
1 cups of pig blood (fresh preferred)
3 teaspoons baking powder
1 tablespoon white sugar
Salt to taste
1 cup of milk
3 tablespoons of Olive Oil
How to Prepare:
1)Sift together the flour, baking powder, salt and sugar into a bowl. Make a well in the centre and pour in blood, milk and olive oil. Whisk till smooth and even.
2)Add olive oil to heated pan and spread it evenly. Scoop batter onto the pan, with each scoop around a quarter cup size per pancake.
3)Flip pancake after 1 minute. Check for browning on both sides.
4)Serve hot with molasses, chocolate sauce or blood jam (see page 23).
~~~0~~~
He woke up to the curtains being yanked apart. "Sun's up, sunshine!"
Immediately, his skin burned. The sensation of UV rays passing through the windows onto his flesh was akin to having one's hand roasting on over an open fire - that was, if one's hand was a human hand.
The victim of the assault ducked under the covers immediately to shield himself from the light. With the blankets held over his head, his keen eyes searched immediately for the culprit who was cackling in the shadows. At side of the closet, he spotted him, hoodie over his head and hands clad with gloves, down to the trousers. The only thing not protected was his bare feet.
"You!" he growled at the unrepentant sinner. "Wait till I get my hands on you!"
The boy laughed before darting out of the bedroom, too fast for the sunlight to hit his feet. Snorting, Bunny scowled as he wrapped the blanket around himself, groggily trying to work out how he was going to get out of bed without smelling like barbecue for the rest of the day.
The cheeky little bugger himself was chuckling all the way down the corridor, throwing his head over his shoulder every now and then just to make sure that he was being followed. Grabbing his backpack from the wall-hook that he had left it on, he leap up and flew himself down the stairs, laughing all the way. When he hit the living room, he dropped back to his feet, grinning as he smelled the cooking from the kitchen.
Sure enough, his suspicions of the dish in question was confirmed when he saw the cook. "Mornin', Sandy! How ya doin'?"
The small man glanced up from the stove before flashing a small at the white-haired teen. He waved the cooking spatula, before making a few small gestures with his free hand to indicate that he was fine and that breakfast was almost ready.
"Splendid," Jack beamed back, rubbing his tummy in relish. "I'm absolutely hungry."
"You seem bright and perky today, Jack," another voice piped in. Its tone sounded disapproving, but the boy knew it well enough that it was too laced with affection. He spun his head towards the young woman at the door of refrigerator. He watched her slender form draw back as she removed to a long pitcher, kicking the door shut with the back of her heel while her grabbing a jar from the shelf next to it. "If I didn't know better, I would think that it was a vacation time."
"Oh, please," Jack scoffed, rolling his eyes. "Vacation's boring unless we go camping. No, -" he chuckled, shaking his head, "-let's just say that I grilled some rabbit this morning."
Sure enough, an agonized scream was heard from upstairs, followed by a loud threat riddled in profanity after profanity. The boy was completely undaunted by the whole tirade though, dropping into his chair and resting his head on his palm. "Ah, these things make life worth living."
"Jack," the woman was disapproving, even as she poured him a glass of him a full glass of ice blood tea - his favourite morning beverage.
"Tooth," he mockingly imitated her tone while reaching for the cookie jar. As he helped himself to the confectionary, he noticed a large figure emerge from the door. "Mornin', North."
"Good morning, young Jack," the large older man replied, yawning while scratching his beard. "You certainly seem enthused about school today."
"Not school," both Jack and Tooth said simultaneously as another of Bunny's yowls echoed through the house.
"Ah," North nodded as he acknowledged the background noise, neither approving nor disapproving. "So, what's for breakfast?"
He got his answer in the form of a 'clack' as Sandy dropped a plate of pancakes in front of him, with each thin slice rolled into a roll. A dozen or more rolls sat on North's plate, stacked like a mini-pyramid. North let out a heart chortle as he rubbed his hands. "Vkusno! Well done, Sanderson."
Sandy dipped his nod, making a small salute sign as he began loading up another plate of aromatic blodplattars, rolling the thin slices up as he did. Outside the kitchen, the clambering of feet was heard before an infuriated Bunny appeared at the door, countenance sour and skin still smoking.
"Oh, no. Bunny," Tooth gasped sympathetically as she saw the burns that ran from his forearms down to his legs. On the other end of the table, both North and Jack were snickering away, with the latter not trying very hard to hide his obvious enjoyment of his housemate's distress.
"It'll fade off soon enough," the tall muscular fellow waved away the concerned hands of the woman. "And when it does-" he made a crushing action with his hands while glaring at Jack.
The white-haired lad only grinned, gesturing at the seat by his side. "C'mon, fuzzball, can't you take a joke?"
"Why don't I hang garlic above your bed tonight and see how you like it?" Bunny muttered, though he took the seat anyway.
"Boys, boys," Tooth chided as she poured tea into Bunny's glass. "Can't you just get along?"
Jack snorted as Sandy brought more plates of pancake towers to the table. "Where's the fun in that?"
"Fun, fun, fun," Bunny sneered, slamming a knife straight through the pancake pyramid that Sandy put in front of him. "That's the only word that goes through that tiny brain of yours."
"At least I have a brain."
"You sure? How about we crack open your skull to find out?"
"Boys, boys!" Tooth slammed her water flask down on the table with a bit more force than necessary, making all the plates jump up at the force and the glasses dance on the surface.
Fortunately, gravity was quick to fix the situation and the pancakes, tea and other assorted equipment returned to where they were meant to be, though some cutlery fell off the table. The flask itself earned a crack on its base and the tea starting to leak through it. Sandy, ever the efficient one, had already produced another flask from the cupboard and took the cracked one from Tooth, before heading over to the sink to save the reminder of the liquid.
The girl beamed gratefully at him, then frowned at the two younger men sitting at the table.
Jack was the cheeky one who piped in, "What?"
The creases on her forehead deepened as she put her hands on her waist. "You almost made me waste a perfectly good lot of blood - that's what!"
"Not my fault you're got a temper."
"Ev'ryone in this house has a bloomin' temper," murmured North, who had been quietly eating his pancakes thus far. He shoved a particularly large mouthful – consisting three rolls - into his mouth, chomping down emphatically.
" Look." Tooth took had returned to a visage of calm, though her lips were still twitching in annoyance. "We're in a bit of a dry run the last few weeks. I know we're not as hydrated as we'd liked to be, and that might make us grouchy-" her gaze tilted towards Bunny, making Jack snicker "-or unreasonably childish-" then Jack's laughter stopped "-but remember, don't take it out on each other. We've been living together for the last two centuries, for goodness' sake!" She was about slam her fist on the table, but checked herself, making herself smiling in a controlled manner instead. "So, what we will do is eat our pancakes, do the dishes and go to work, like any ordinary family." She clapped her hands together. "Is that clear?"
There was no answer, only the clacking of cutlery against plates and the sound of Jack slurping on his iced tea.
Tooth cleared her throat, displeased. "I said - it's that clear?"
"Yes, Tooth."
"Crystal, m'am."
"Da."
And thumbs up from Sandy, who didn't even turn around to look at them.
Tooth seemed sufficiently satisfied with the response and slipped herself into the chair to begin eating her pancakes. Sandy by then had turned off the stove and too sat himself at the table, his own plate in hand. In centre of table, a bottle of molasses and a jar of blood jam stood for anyone to help themselves to. The conversation, initiated by North, then veered to more pleasant topics like the headline news, the weather forecast and activities that they had planned for the day.
"I've received a letter from Manny last weekend," North told them just as he swept his last morsel around the plate, catching the last of the jam onto it before popping it into his mouth.
"Is he coming to visit?" Bunny asked. His anger had been quelled for now, though no one amongst them was foolish enough to assume that he would not get back at Jack for his crime later. "It's been a while, after all."
The big man shook his head sadly. "Ah, you know Manny. All the work with the big council keep him busy all the time. He sends his best regards to everyone. Ah, he congratulates you on your promotion, Tooth." He nodded at the young woman, who beamed at this message. "Says that he's very proud of you."
"Well, it is pretty exciting to be moving up the corporate ladder," Tooth said while slicing a bite-size bit of pancake to eat. "Back in the forties, I couldn't get past being receptionist."
"Urgh, the forties." Bunny shuddered, hairs on his arms bristling at the thought. "Wish we hadn't stayed in London then. We were so close to getting exposed, thanks to some idiot-" he glared at the boy sitting next to him "-who wanted to play hero."
"Relax." Jack scoffed. "They thought my skin pallor indicated disease. They marked me off almost immediately."
"You could have ruined everything. The battlefield is temptation. I admit - the bodies full of blood are wasted left rotting there, but the risk of exposure is far too great. Of course,-" Bunny made a jeering face "-I bet you didn't even consider it."
When the white-haired lad frowned this time, it was genuine. His answer was soft. "I just wanted to do my part. Like all the other normal guys."
Tooth clacked the back of her fork against the table. "Stop talking about war. Now, Sandy,-" she turned to the little mute man of their company "-tell us about the school that you're teaching at."
So in gestures, Sandy explained about the special school that he was teaching in, and soon breakfast was over. It was North's turn to the dishes and he did so while humming a Russian folk song over the rushing of the water. Bunnymund cleaned the table and Tooth brought out the lunches, reading the labels.
"Yours, Sandy." She handed out to the little man, who thanked her with a smile before shuffling out the kitchen. "This one's Bunny's - I mixed the carrots into it, so it looks like a tomato dressing. North, yours need to be heated before eating. Jack-" she held the last bag out to the youngest member of their crew "-how's eating with people coming?"
"Okay," Jack said, as he took the paper carrier in his hand. "I always sink my teeth into the burger before anyone sees my incisors, so everything's peachy."
"Let me check them."
"No, Tooth, I have to,-"
"Please, Jack?"
He sighed. It had been a dream of Tooth's to become a dentist since the job was first invented. The problem was that dentistry was a 'high-risk' job - bleeding gums, fractured teeth, bruising and so forth, and near the neck area too. Getting triggered into hyper-kill mode would only be a matter of time, and it was agreed that it was best not to tempt fate. That's why Tooth was wasting her time in a bank office instead, staring at numbers and answering customer complaints. "Alright."
"Yay!" She practically pried his jaw open before he could say anything else and he could feel her fingers running over his molars as she enthusiastically counted them off, "The incisor, canine, premolar, molar - all as white as snow as always. You keep your teeth brilliantly, dear."
"Thaa-kiyyaaa," was all that could come out of his mouth with the way she was forcing it open. She did finally release him, letting his rub his jaw in annoyance as he prepared to leave.
Of course, Tooth did grab him one last time. "Remember, Jack. Stay safe. Avoid sports. If anyone bleeds,-" she gripped his arms tight so that he would pay attention "-run. Run, as far as you can and drink from the emergency bottle, okay?"
The emergency bottle was a large vacuum flask that he always kept at the bottom of his bag. It contained fresh blood, which had to be changed everyday to keep the contents from going stale. If he didn't use it, it would be served for dinner that night, as not to waste. Stocking up the blood supply was always hard, so every drop counted.
Jack then realised that he hadn't answered Tooth yet, so he nodded.
"Good boy. Have a great day, Jack." She planted a kiss on his forehead.
"Thanks, mum." He grinned at her before skipping out of the kitchen.
Tooth, naturally, was furious. "Take that back, young man! I'm only a hundred and twenty years older than you!"
~~~0~~~
"I swear that Weselton has it out for me."
"Well, with the way you keep correcting him, I'm not surprised."
Burgess High School was as average a suburban high school as one ever could get, and it was so frightening unremarkable that Jack would have never attended it if it wasn't for Burgess' unusally cloudy weather.
Class was over and the good mood that he had after pranking Bunny had evaporated thanks to the harrowing day that followed. There had been biology lab that day. Even though the session had been all about boiling leaves and looking at them under the microscope, some idiot had to cut his finger on the glass slide. Naturally, Jack had excused himself to the bathroom without waiting for the teacher's permission, locked himself in the cubicle and drained the contents from the emergency bottle.
It took him an hour to calm himself down and by the time he had returned, biology class had ended and he was late for history. Professor Weselton, the history teacher, was not pleased with this and gave him an hour of detention. After they started going through lessons about life in 19th Century London, Jack naturally had to open his big yap and point out all the errors in the textbook, the slides and half of the things that Weselton said. To put the cherry on the icing, Jack had also remarked that Weselton's Ph.D. was about as fake as his toupee.
He earned detention for an entire month.
"Oh, by the way, I wanted to pass this to you." Hiccup had also been in detention that day for breaking way too many vials in chemistry class, so both of them had kept each other company through the boring two-hour period of zoning out. The freckled young man pulled out a small envelope from his bag and handed it to Jack. Expression thoughtfully, Jack opened it up, to find a fancy card that read,
'You are cordially invited to the Wedding of HICCUP HORRENDOUS HADDOCK THE THIRD and ASTRID HOFFERSON. Dress Code: Viking-Themed. Duh.'
"Oh, congratulations. Again. This is like-"Jack paused to count off his fingers "-wedding number four?"
"Five," Hiccup coughed, eyes darting nervously to at the other students around them. Fortunately, no one seemed interested in their conversation.
"How old were you guys when you both got cursed again?" Jack asked, admiring the little engraving border around the card. It was a cute touch.
"Me? Eighteen. Astrid was-" now it was Hiccup's turn to count off his fingers "-nineteen."
"She's older than you? Hmm." Jack made a scoffing sound.
"It's not a big deal after you've spent this long together," the other boy protested as they both moved towards their lockers. "Anyway, the weddings are more of anniversaries. The only reason why we call them 'weddings' because it's hard to explain to the hotel manager why you're celebrating your ninety-eighth wedding anniversary when you look, at best, twenty-two."
Jack scrunched his face up. "Why do you even need a hotel?"
"Variation. The last one was at the beach," Hiccup explained as he dropped the unnecessary books into the shelves. "The one before that was on a cruise. The real wedding was actually a small ceremony in the frigid Norwegian winter." Hiccup shivered as he recalled the event. "It was pretty nasty. Considering the bad omen, I'm surprised we've lasted this long."
"Well, I'll see if I can make it," Jack said as he tucked the envelope into his bag. "My family doesn't exactly like the idea of us hanging out considering the differences in-" he made a vague gesture "-well, you know."
"Yeah. My folks are honestly not too keen either," admitted the other boy as he slammed the metal door shut. "Astrid doesn't mind anymore, though. She liked you ever since you dropped a dead gazelle at our doorstep."
"Oh?" Jack too shut his locker door, adjusting the strap of his bag on his shoulder. "So, it was tasty?"
"Yes, actually. The lack of blood made it easier to swallow. Anyway-" Hiccup glanced at the watch on his hand "- I have to go. Wedding - I mean, anniversary stuff - to settle. Catch up with you some time?"
"Sure. No hurry." He waved to Hiccup as the other boy hurried off, adding in a lower tone to himself, "It's not as if we don't have decades to chat about our lives."
"Excuse me?" He spun around to find himself greeted by a young girl - sophomore, perhaps - beaming at him. She probably hadn't heard the conversation by her appearance. Good. "Hi, I'm Anna Arendelle. Part of the Social Awareness Student Society, or SASS for short." Her hand shot out towards him.
Jack took the hand slowly, shaking it also slowly. "Hi?"
The girl still had the smile, as if it had been glued there. "I'm just here to share about an event that we're doing next month." A flyer was pressed firmly in his hand with no chance of refusal. "We're running a blood donation drive in conjunction with Burgess National Hospital. It's a pretty big deal, because we've finally gotten the approval to project after like six months. Ha." She paused, for dramatic effect or taking a breath, Jack didn't know.
Just as abruptly, she resumed. "Our target is to get a five hundred units of blood - that is, to get at least five hundred students from our school to donate. It seems a bit like a tall order at this point, I know, and we haven't done this before. Also, only people above seventeen can donate, which makes the job harder for us on a high school level, but hey, I believe that we can do great things if we-"
Jack wasn't really listening to her. In fact, he had pretty much flushed out anything she had said the word 'blood' had passed her lips.
And then he grinned, saying, "Say, tell me more about your project."
She blinked, surprised. "You're interested to donate?"
"Not really the donate part - health issues, you understand." He brushed that off quickly, getting to the good stuff instead. "I'm more interested in the event itself. I think I'd like to help out. Do you think I could?"
"Wait." The girl blinked again. "What?"
~~~0~~~
Black Pudding (by Tooth)
2 cups of fresh pig's blood
2 cups of beef suet
1 cup of oatmeal
1 cups of bread crumbs
1 large onion, finely chopped
1.5 teaspoons of freshly ground black pepper
3 teaspoons of salt
1 cup of milk
1 teaspoon of allspice
How to Prepare:
1) Start by preheating the oven and greasing the glass loaf pans.
2) In a large bowl, soak bread crumb in milk. Add blood and stir.
3) Next, grate the beef suet into the bowl.
4) Gradually, add oatmeal and stir.
5) Add the chopped onion into mixture.
6) Add allspice, salt and pepper.
7) Pour the mixture into the glass loaf pans. Ensure that it's only less than two-thirds full.
8) Bake in oven for an hour, or until the pudding is full cooked.
9) Remove from oven and leave to cool.
10) Cut into squares.
11) Fry squares in frying pan until the sides are crisp.
12) Serve with scallops, as stuffing, in stew, or just eat it plain, the way we usually like it.
~~~0~~~
"Hey, Elsa, got a minute?"
It was an oddly humid, overcastlate afternoon and she was busy drafting yet another email to the Hospital in an empty classroom. There was a lot of issues to sort out – logistics, transport of equipment, the number of medical staff available, and so forth - and dealing with all these had made her temper rather short. She wasn't very pleased when her sister interrupted her train of thought.
Glancing up from her laptop, Elsq angled her head up to Anna in a manner that appeared polite but was really reeking annoyance. "Yes, Anna?"
Anna, fortunately, was oblivious to her displeasure."There's this senior guy who wants to help-"
"Good. Give him a form. Tell him to come back next Thursday." She swung herself back to the computer screen, biting her lip as she ran the words of the email through her head. '-You cannot expect us to help you run a blood donation drive if you can't pay for the transport of the equipment and staff-' – it sounded far too blunt. She needed to round of the edges of it, lest the hospital just give up on them all together. It was such a pain that Burgess National Hospital was located so far away from the school.
"-no, not donate," Anna added hastily, leaning herself forward, plopping her head right above the laptop screen. "Elsa, he wants to help us. He wants to help SASS!"
Elsa paused, lifting her head up to her grinning sister. Her response was sceptical. "Nobody ever wants to help SASS."
She was speaking from experience, of course. During the last three SASS events, they were completely ignored by the student body. Nobody wanted to hear the poaching in South Asia, or learn about how to reduce one's carbon footprint, or learn about the plight of political refugees. Everyone in this small school in this small town was much too interested in only small, unimportant things.
"Well, he does," Anna insisted, tapping her fingers against the desk with emphasis. "He was really interesting in our programme ideas, like he asked me about how we're conducting it, how we're storing the blood, and everything. Elsa,-" she lowered her voice, glancing right and left as if she were afraid of being overheard "- I think we might actually recruit another committee member!"
"All the committee positions have already been taken up, Anna," was her dry response."
Her sister however didn't accept it. "Elsa, other than Kristoff, you and I are the only members of SASS."
Yes, Social Awareness Student Society had only three members, of which she was the president. Did she mention that?
"Yes. I'm the President," Elsa said, hitting the backspace on her email. "You're the publicity and Kristoff's logistics. There – all the spaces are filled."
Anna scoffed at her. "C'mon, you know that's not true. Kristoff has to take the treasury role with logistics, and you know he struggles with counting money. I have to double as publicity and recruitment manager, and you-" she stabbed a finger at the computer "-you're the worst. You take on the jobs of secretary, communications, programmes planner and housecleaning all while working your butt off-" Elsa was about to protest, but Anna kept rambling on "-at a restaurant that serves mediocre Norwegian fare, where you always get wrecked by the customers who hate the food."
In one rare moment, Elsa was dumbstruck.
The brunette girl put her hands together in a pleading, speaking with emphasis,"We could really, really, do with some help, Elsa."
The elder girl sighed, rubbing her forehead as she contemplated her options. Finally, she gave in. "Urgh. Fine."
"Yay! You're the best!" Anna immediately swung her arms around her, squeezing her so hard that the blonde girl for a moment found herself unable to breathe.
"Um-" she gasped "-Anna?"
"Oh, right, no contact. Forgot about that." The girl sheepishly drew herself away, though she didn't seem all that ashamed of what she had just done. "I'll get him settled, don't you worry."
"Thank you." Elsa rolled her shoulders back, as if trying to shake the sensation of the hug off herself as she poised her fingers in front of the laptop, pursing her lips together as she thought of what to write. Just as Anna was about to leave the classroom, it occurred to her to ask, "What's the name of the guy volunteering again?"
"Oh, his name's Jack. Jack-" Anna scrunched her face up as she tried to remember. "Jack Guardian, I think?"
The elder girl's head jerked up instantly. "Wait – Jack F. Guardian?"
But Anna was already gone.
~~~0~~~
Blood Tofu (by Bunnymund)
2 Cups of Fresh Pig Blood
1 Teaspoon of Salt
How to Prepare:
1) Pour Fresh Pig Blood into a mould – a box-shaped one, or any other pattern you prefer. Wait ten minutes.
2) When the blood has coagulated, cut the curd out of the box.
3) Add the solidified blood into a pot of boiling water.
4) Leave to boil for half an hour. Add salt after fifteen minutes.
5) Sieve out blood tofu and serve in soup, sauce or plain.
~~~0~~~
"This is stupid."
"It isn't. It's genius!"
It was Wednesday evening. That meant that Sandy had to stay late at his school, Tooth went out with her friends – whoever they were - and North went to watch the local football team practice. The eldest Guardian - at least, eldest by appearance - wasn't involved in the practice session himself, but he just derived great pleasure from watching them go horribly wrong and laughing every time they started butting heads. It was peculiar that such a charming, gentle giant would find pleasure in such violence, but Tooth had always said there was a part of him that still loved a good brawl, even if he could no longer be part of it.
Anyway, the bottomline was that on Wednesday night, there was only two of them at the Guardian home. Since they knew any attempts to cook a meal would result an overturned table, broken windows and at least one door getting ripped from its hinges, the two young men chose to dine out.
Burgess was not a big town, but it did have couple of restaurants and one favoured by Bunny was the Szechwan Palace. The elder man had travelled more of the world than Jack ever had, and when he said the food at this humble joint offered the real deal Chinese food, the boy had no choice but to believe him.
That, and the restaurant served some pretty exotic dishes that just happened to fit their daily nutritional intake.
"Stealing is wrong."
"Well, I suppose it is," Jack admitted. "But it's better than the alternative."
"In which the alternative is a perfectly good supply of animal blood that we pay for with honest cash?" Bunny argued, crossing his arms.
"No," the boy answered, slightly annoyed. "The alternative that's this town becomes -" he cleared his throat, lowering his voice "-a blood bath."
"Maoxuewang, no garlic, extra blood," the waitress interrupted, as she arrived with two steaming metal bowls in her hand. Both of them went quiet as they allowed her to set them down before them. She paused to lay their chopsticks next to the bowls and announced, "Enjoy."
For a moment, they didn't speak, both diving straight into the food steam in front of them as she walked away. It's been while since they'd eaten, after all.
After swallowing down some noodle with the blood tofu, Jack finally spoke again, "You know it's been ages since we tasted real … well, you know."
Through steaming wafting out of his bowl, his companion stared at him. Then Bunny began, "Jack-"
"I know, I know." The boy rolled his eyes as he scooped up a large portion of the soup and pouring it down his throat. "It's too risky. We could get caught, etcetera, etcetera."
"It's not just that, Jack," Bunny hissed, scanning the rest of the restaurant briefly. Their table was in secluded enough a corner for them not to be overheard by others around them, but that didn't mean that he wasn't still going to paranoid. His eyes then returned to Jack, burning so fierce that he could have drilled holes into the boy's head. "You took an oath when you joined us, Jack."
The white-haired boy let out a groan, pressing the blunted end of his chopsticks against his forehead. "I guess I did, didn't I?"
"It's for your own good, you know," Bunny said as he stirred his soup, picking up a piece of blood and chucking it in between his jaw. Humming in delight, his manner became serious once again. "There are others apart from us who go drunk on human blood. I don't need to tell you about what they do – you know it yourself. The taste is addictive. Once you start, it's hard to stop."
"Yes." Old memories from old times surfaced as flashes in his mind, though he quickly banished them by gulping down his soup. "I know."
"We're supposed to be better than that, Jack," the elder man told him firmly as he took the vingear from the sauce tray and dumped almost a tablespoon in. "That's why we're the Guardians. We protect." He stirred the soup with his chopsticks, shrugging at the same time. "It's not the mankind's fault that their blood's so tasty."
"Yes, sir," Jack muttered, disgruntled as he picked the chili pieces out of his bowk.
"Cheer up, mate." As much as Bunny seemed to hate him, there were times that his manner would soften, even become a little sympathetic. "Once the holidays start, we can go camping and get something fresh, not the frozen packs in the fridge or weird package stuff North gets from the Asian market."
"Sure. Looking forward to that." But his gaze was wistfully fixed out of the window.
~~~0~~~
A big, fat, ugly sigh was all she needed to know that something was wrong.
Sure enough, it was followed by - "You were right."
Elsa was curled up in her bed, still typing on her laptop when her sister had dragged her feet into their bedroom, announced her statement and plopped herself facedown on her own bed.
The elder sister halted her task for a moment to look up at Anna, whose countenance was still buried in the mattress. She asked, "What do you mean by that?"
"It means-" Anna didn't move, only lifting her head slightly off the bed so that Elsa could hear her speak "-that no one wants to help SASS."
For some reason, this news struck Elsa particularly hard. On hindsight, she should have expected it. How much interest could a person really have in a society that had only three members and was largely ignored by the rest of the school, staff included?
Yet, she was looking forward to the idea of new member. After all, SASS had existed for a whole year, but recruitment had been dry and only the same old faces appeared each time. What's worst, Elsa was certain that Anna only joined to make her feel better and she dragged Kristoff in because he owed her favour. There had been no progress for so long that any change – even if that change was Jack F. Guardian – would be welcome.
And from what Anna had said, it was clear that the breath of fresh air was not going to happen.
Elsa made a huff, then continued typing on her laptop, except this time with increased vigour. Anna, on the other hand, began talking into the mattress, but nothing she said could be heard, considering her mouth was still pressed against the sheets.
~~~0~~~
"Jack. Flippin'. Guardian."
He gazed up from his blood burger (no one knew that it was blood, of course, except maybe Hiccup. If anyone asked, he was eating tofu. Seriously. The patty looked like a red-coloured tofu) to find a tall blonde girl standing befire him, arms folded and glaring daggers at him. His face lit up, because he knew who she was, and she knew who he was. "Hey, Elsa. That is not what the 'F' stands F-"
She flicked a finger against his forehead, which wasn't really effective in shutting him up, since he just cried out in pain before asking her what she thought she was doing.
"You're a jerk," the girl told him bluntly, before folding her arms again. He noticed that she was wearing teal gloves today, which was fit rather well with the long teal dress she was wearing.
Jack rubbed the afflicted region, wincing as he strove to clarify, "Is this about last time?"
"No, it isn't,"she answered promptly, expression unreadable as she slipped onto the bench in front of him. "Though getting stood up on a date was hurtful and also a huge waste of time, I got over it. No, my problem is that you-" before he realised what was happening, she leaned forward, a gloved finger snapping against his forehead once again, making him cry out "-told my sister that you'd join the Social Awareness Student Society, and then after that backed out."
"Well, sorry," he hissed out, rubbing his smart skin. Then he stopped short, eyes widening. "Oh man, 'hurtful'? Oh, um, I-"
"As said, I'm over it," she snapped, moving swiftly back to topic. "What I'm here to do is to convince you to join SASS."
"So you're the in-charge of this society thing. No wonder. But seriously-" Jack then pulled a face. "– 'SASS'?"
"Don't get sidetracked." His hand was guarding his forehead, so Elsa flicked her finger against his ear instead, which still hurt and he yelped as he covered it. "I'll be honest here – we need manpower for the Blood Donation Drive. It doesn't have to be a permanent membership."
"Look, Elsa." The boy sighed as he dragged his hand down his face, trying to think of the right way to explain himself without revealing the truths of his eating habits. "I just want to apologise about the date thing first."
"Uh-huh." Her face was stoic.
"I should have at least told you that I couldn't make it for the date-"
"You went hiking with Hiccup Haddock. My sister told me," was her pointed interjection, raising her brow at him.
He coughed uneasily. "Oh, so you found about that."
"It's alright." She shrugged. "I mean, clearly you value friendship more than the company of the girl you have only asked out a thirty-five times-"
"You've been counting?"
"-so when she finally says yes, you don't turn up. Yes, it makes perfect sense to me." Still, her face revealed nothing.
"Look, it's not completely my choice," he tried to defend himself. "I did – do like you, honest, but it's just that I have – well – things about me that I have problems with sharing info about myself and my family also kind of gave me hell after I told them-"
"Your family?" That was the first time he saw Elsa actually reveal any interest in what he had to say. Her brows furrowed together. "Your family doesn't want you to go out with me? Why?"
"No, no, no," Jack quickly objected with alarm, "it's not you. They don't want me to go out with anyone at all, actually."
"Why?" She seemed slightly less belligerent, but still a little wary. "No dating until after college, or what?"
"Err." He wrung his hands together, unable to help recall some unpleasant memories.
For example –
"Mrs. Marsen is holding a party two week from now. I've been thinking about taking Miss Rosalie Dawes-"
"That's a nice thought, as long as you just think it and don't do anything about it."
-or-
"So apparently humankind has progressed somewhat, and they've invented moving pictures."
"Pictures that move? What a feat!"
"Yeah! Any, Lacey – you know that nice girl who lives three blocks down – she has an extra ticket, because her friend Elle couldn't make it-"
"Well, I'm sure she has plenty other friends who would love to go with her."
"Well, yeah, the thing is, apparently we are friends, so she asked-"
"Jack, I'm terribly sorry, but I'm going to need your help in moving furniture all night this week. Hate to trouble you, but you know how picky I am about interior design."
-or-
"Hey, did you see old Mrs. Hendson? The new hat that she has matches her walking sti-"
"Oh, leave Mrs. Hendson alone, Jack, and tell me honestly – does this make me look fat?"
There's more where those came from.
"Basically, they don't trust me enough with relationships."
"But they trust you enough to go hiking on your own?" She cocked an eyebrow at him.
Weeeelll, the hiking trip was actually a secret that he kept from the Guardians. If they knew that he was still associating himself with the Berkian Clan, he would get an earful.
"Look, Elsa,-"
"No, you look here." She didn't flick anything at him, but she did grab him by the collar such that he had to look at her. In a low, yet deadly tone, she said, "You owe me, so you have to help me."
Elsa forcefully grabbed his hand before he could say anything. Sure, he was strong enough to pull it back, but not without revealing his unnaturally superior strength. So Jack sat frozen as she whipped out a marker pen and scribbled down a number and an email address on his hand. When she let him go, she capped the marker with a stern, unmoving expression.
"You will send me an email tonight letting me know your email, and also a text to let me know your phone number. I will then give you your work. Don't do it-" her dark visage grew darker "-and this will happen again."
Elsa marched off, triumph in her wake, while Jack sat, defeated and chagrinned at the Sharpie tattoo on his palm.
~~~0~~~
Bloody Mary (by North)
Ingredients:
2 part Vodka
3 part Chicken Blood or Lamb Blood
1/2 Lemon Juice
3 dashes of Tabasco
3 dashes of Worcestershire Sauce
Cayenne Pepper
Horseradish
Cubed ice
Celery stick
Water (Optional)
Anticoagulant (Optional)
How to Prepare:
1) Add all your ingredients except ice into a stirring glass
2) Stir mixture completely
3) Add ice.
4) Check taste. If the blood is too thick, add water or anticoagulant to dilute/ make less viscous.
5) Garnish with celery stick.
North's Tip: Fresh blood works best for this beverage, as the blood has yet to coagulate and is still in a runny, liquid state. Otherwise, add a little anticoagulant to slow the clotting. Best on a hot sunny day when one has to stay indoors and keep cool.
~~~0~~~
Dear Ms. Lawson,
Thank you so much for your prompt reply. To answer your question, no, we will need not need any extra beds. I think the chairs that we have would be sufficient for the drive…
So, he was apparently some kind of letter writer. Maybe that made him a secretary? Well, he didn't really know. Apparently, Elsa had dumped quite a number of jobs on him, including finding sponsorships, helping her sister (the brunette girl he met near the lockers – wow, were those girls different!) print posters and helping some guy called Chris, Christopher or Melvin (Jack still couldn't catch his name, but he was leaning towards Melvin) find a way to store the blood bags before they could be transported to the centre.
Human blood. Oh, heavens.
So far, most of the work that Elsa had been piling on him didn't really require him to be at the blood drive itself, but if there wasn't enough volunteers to help out, she would find a way to coerce him into it. He had gotten better at controlling himself over the years, but even if the slightest whiff of iron reached him, he knew that self-control would fling itself out of the window and the monster would be set lose.
Being a vampire sucked.
Jack sucked the alcohol-laced liquid from his straw, before staring on the screen as he tried to think best how to continue the email. According to the law, eighteen-year old high school senior students weren't actually supposed to consume alcohol. Fortunately, rules didn't really apply to him, because one, he wasn't really eighteen, and two, alcohol didn't have any effect on people like him.
North tested it before, and after a hundred bottles of liquor, he still hadn't tipped over, complaining only of a huge need to pee. Their physiology was unique, after all, so it should have been no surprise that what that could affect humans had no effect on vampires. That had made North unhappy for many years, since his passion for beverages of strong taste had taught him to enjoy the after effects of heavy, unwise drinking – including the hangover. The older man had experimented with many ways of mixing drinks with blood and some results had been quite pleasant. All the same, other than the burning sensation down his throat, Jack's mind was as clear as a summer's day.
That was a pity, though. Because sometimes he wished that he could drink himself into oblivion, the way humans did.
"Jack!" North's voice boomed from downstairs. "Dinner has been ordered."
"You mean that dinner has been set," a softer, ungracious voice from below also sounded, no doubt Bunny. "Geez, North, what's the point of living centuries in English-speaking countries if you still can't do the language right?"
Even from his room, Jack could hear North harrumph in a displeased manner. "Well, my good Bunny, you wouldn't survive a second in Moscow!"
"You wouldn't last a second in a pit of garlic!"
"Well, you wouldn't either!"
Jack rolled his eyes as he heard the argument get less and less rational, before hearing a high-pitched yell as Tooth attempted to make peace by also shouting at them. He shook his head as he lowered his laptop screen, laying it on the bed as he leap off the mattress. As he did, he couldn't help the way his eyes flitted to the photo-frames that decorated his shelves.
Most were by Sandy, who had taken up photography as a hobby after they had moved to America. There were pictures of their hunting trips – not the gory parts, of course – and also of vacation they had taken out of state. There were also random ones on birthdays, because even hundreds of years later, they still wanted to celebrate. There were also ones at human festivals, which were still fun to participate in. Even with the differences in their appearance, it was clear that they were a family, one that stood by each other for good or ill over the years.
Yet, it did not mean that he didn't remember his first blood family, in a time when blood was a source of life that his body readily produced and not a staple for his daily meals. In a time when blood was away to connect people, not a way to kill them.
There were no cameras back in the day and his family was too humble to have their portraits done. There had been one of his greatest regrets, for he no longer remembered their faces.
Sometimes, he did miss them.
"Jack!"
"Yeah, yeah," he called back, hiding the weigh on his heart. "Coming."
~~~0~~~
"Wow. Recruitment's really booming."
"Yeah. I know right?" Jack said, as he took another form from a smiling girl, who was fluttering her eyelashes at him. He pretended not to notice, turning his attention to next young lady in line. The latter was clearly delight to have him attend to her and the ignored one pouted before slinking away.
"Yeah, I never managed to get so many people on my own," Anna murmured as she examined the form that he handed to her, stamping it and then filing it. "Thanks for helping."
Indeed, the little booth that they had set up outside the canteen had earned a small crowd and there were people taking forms and flyers from the table. Anna was very pleased with this, though she wasn't aware that the number of girls who stopped in front of the white-haired lad did so to flash him a smile and twirl their hair.
Jack was aware of his good looks. Over time, he had to know that there was something about him that many found attractive. Though he didn't understand it, he was not above using it for his own ends. North didn't approve, of course, and that meant that no one in the Guardians did. It was their stand that he would not use his God-given looks in such a cruel way. He had avoided breaking any hearts as far as he could, but that still didn't mean that he wasn't going to flirt.
"So, you and my sister, huh?"
Jack blinked at Anna as another giggling student had handed him her form. The student dawdled there a bit, fishing perhaps for a kind word or a wink, but when he stare at Anna, the student got frustrated and stomped off.
Finally, the young lad said, "What do you mean?"
"You guys used to be a thing or something." The brunette girl's manner was careless, but the gleaming of her eyes revealed her true interest. "At least, that's the rumour."
"Actually, we never made it past the first date," the boy admitted as he met the first male to come to the booth. The fellow however did have suspiciously bloodshot eyes, reddish complexion and smelled strongly of something that was not quite Kosher. Jack frowned as he scanned down the form, then eyed the – well, he wasn't really sure that this pungent, shabbily dressed youth was a student. Leaning forward, Jack asked him in a low, but polite tone, "Are you sure all your details are correct?"
"Yep," the fellow sniffed, before waving his hand in the air to bat away – well, nothing.
"Okay. Thank you," Jack said, disbelief evident in his tone. The fellow didn't notice, hobbling off with an unstable gait. Once he was sure that the suspicious fellow was out of sight, the boy told his partner, "Write a memo on that guy, won't you? Any blood he gives should be checked proper by the blood bank."
"Roger, captain," Anna chirped, whipping out a Stick-it note and slapping it on the form. As she straightened out their stack of forms, she said, "You know, I think you'll be good for Elsa."
He shot a funny look at her. "What?"
"Ever since our parents died, she's been all closed up and stuff," the girl told him. There was no hysteria or near-tears, just a humble confession tinged with sadness. "I mean, it affected me too, but Elsa kind of took the whole thing personally. She was there when it happened, and well, I wasn't." Her voice became very small, wistful even. "When Kai – that's our guardian – moved us to this town, he hoped that the change of scenery would help her move on."
"Hmm," was all Jack could really conjure up as an answer. He had heard many possible stories about the reasons behind Elsa's cold nature – bad break-up, aborted teen pregnancy, even one about being kidnapped by North Korean spies and having just escaped. This was the first time he heard anything from the horse's mouth, or at least the horse's sister mouth, and it was honestly just about as believable as the rest (okay, so the North Korean one was a bit of stretch). He wondered honestly what did happen to the Arendelle girls' parents.
"An accident. That's why Kai told me," Anna said as she handed out a flyer to a passing student. "The way Elsa stiffens up every time it comes up makes me think there's more to it though."
~~~0~~~
Emergency meeting! Come to Oaken's Diner at six sharp. Elsa will murder us and hide our bodies if you don't.
That was message on his phone that led him to lie about having a school project to finish up with some friends and ran off from home before even grabbing a bite.
He arrived at the diner at six sharp and was directed to a table for two. Apparently, the waiter on duty knew his name and shook his head when he asked if there was a mistake in the seating. Jack was even more puzzled when food started arriving to the table without him ordering it, and was told that it had been ordered beforehand and paid for. Maybe Elsa just wanted to make this efficient. All the same, she should have clarified with the waiting staff on the size of their party. There was no way four people could fit around a table as small as this.
The girl of the hour only showed her face after the chocolate milkshakes had arrived – mysteriously, only two. Jack had already started slurping on his (he had managed to slip some blood from his emergency bottle into it without anyone noticing) when she barged into the diner, scanning quickly before she spotted him in the secluded corner. He waved at her to come over, and she did within five long strides, panting as she literally dropped herself onto the seat, plonking her bag next to her.
All she greeted him with was, "Good. You ordered ahead. This would make this quicker."
"Actually, I didn't-" Jack began.
But the girl didn't notice, interrupting him instead, "So, what's the issue?"
Jack scrunched his face up. "Issue?"
"Anna told me that there was some urgent issue with the equipment transport and that you needed to discuss it with me," the words flew from her mouth like a bullet from a barrel. Elsa sat herself up straight, drawing herself closer towards him in tensed eagerness. "Well, what is it?"
Bewilderment swept over him. "Anna told me that you were holding an emergency meeting."
Both of them stared at each other until the scattered pieces in their minds fell in place at the same time. And they both breathed out what they were thinking, "Anna."
"She set this up. I should have seen this coming," Elsa muttered ruefully. "She was a tad too excited when she told me about this."
"Well, give her credit. She tricked us both." Jack too was feeling a little annoyed that he missed . He got up from his seat, sighing regretfully as he glanced at his half-finished sundae. "Oh, well, I'll go then."
"Go?" the blonde girl repeated as she tossed her braid behind her shoulder. "You can't go."
"Why not?"
"Anna has already paid for this – no doubt using Kai's credit card." Elsa showed him the receipt that sat on the table, frowning. "We can't let the food go to waste, and I can't eat it all on my own."
Jack sighed as he thought of the delicious blood stew that could have been his had he stayed at home tonight, then he looked at the girl, whose current expression was an untidy mix of horror, helpless and embarrassment. He sank into his seat and continued drinking his blood-tinted milkshake while the blonde began to cut up the small pizza that sat between, rolling the pin-wheel knife across the board, dividing it up into sixths.
Both of them didn't say anything for a good five minutes. Elsa had loaded a slice of pizza onto her plate and began cut it up in neat squares, popping one by one into her mouth. Jack stared at her, then at the pizza that had been divided in front of them.
Then finally, the girl put dropped her knife against her plate, causing a 'clank!' that almost had him falling out his seat. "If you don't say anything soon, this is going to end being exactly like that night where you stood me up."
"That bad, huh?" Jack couldn't help grinning even though he was supposed to feel guilty
"Well." Elsa shrugged, her tone softening. "That night I suppose I did also get pityingly looks from the waiters. That hasn't happened so far." She lift her spoon up, scrutinising it for a moment before setting it down on the table, but away from her now. "Well, perhaps that's because the service here needs serious work. The food is good though." She jerked her chin towards the slices of pizza between them. "You should try it."
"Well, um,-" he couldn't think up any excuses on why he shouldn't "-alright then." Jack reluctantly took up the cheesy triangular pastry with his hand and bit into it. He was surprised that despite the lack of blood, it was actually really delicious. "Wow."
"I told you. Anna's tastebuds can be trusted." A smile briefly formed on her lips, disappearing almost instantly after.
Jack swallowed down the food and helped himself to another bite almost immediately after. "You guys close?"
"Well, I suppose so," Elsa said. "We've always got along as kids." But her eye betrayed a shadow of doubt.
"Really?" Jack slurped on his blood-chocolate milkshake, then elaborated, "You guys share everything with each other and all that?"
The girl hesitated slightly as she nibbled a little on the pizza slice stuck to her fork. "Most things."
"But not things like how your parents died?" By the time he realised what he had said, it was too late.
The way she slowly lifted her head up towards him was nothing short of terrifying. How her eyes, so brilliant and blue, narrowed on him, like an assassin about to take out his target.
"Touchy subject?" Jack offered nervously, chuckling despite how inappropriate it was.
"More like none of your business," Elsa told him shortly, cutting through her pizza with more force then necessary. "I don't ask you personal questions about your family, do I?"
"Fair point," he conceded, hoping the humble retreat would be enough to calm her rage. He pushed the bowl sitting dangerously near the edge of the table towards her. "Salad?"
She shot him a glare to show that she was still angry, but took the humble offering nonetheless. The silence returned for another minute or two, before it was this time broken by the lad, who was feeling a little repentant for his earlier misdeed. "So, why not tell me about yourself?"
"What do you want to know?" Her tone was a little grumpy, but not too enough to scare him.
"Well,-" he fumbled about to think of a good question "-why you're always wearing gloves?"
She stared at him long and hard.
"Don't tell me that's a sensitive question," he snorted, snickering as he did. He did stop however when her expression didn't change. "Okay. No talking about gloves. Got that."
"Why don't you tell me something, Jack?" Elsa's eyes had a challenging, almost mysterious glint. "Why did you ask me out even though you knew your parents wouldn't like it?"
"My family," Jack corrected absentmindedly, biting the inside of his cheek as he tried to think of a reply. "Well-"
Well, he could just tell her that it was because she was pretty, but that wasn't good enough. Lots of girls in school were just as pretty as she was – Anna was too - but he never fancied them. Their cheeks were too red and their skin was too warm. Their eyes were too bright and their laughs were too full of life. Elsa wasn't like that – she was pale and cold, with eyes as hard as stone. Like him.
But it wasn't very wise to tell a girl that the most attractive thing about her was her resemblance to the living dead.
She was waiting for his answer and he was doing his best not to let out the truth. Fortunately – or not, he was saved from his awkward situation.
By a choking sensation running up his throat.
"Jack? Are you alright?"
He was wringing his hand against his neck, pulling against the collar of his hoodie. The burning feeling inside him only increased more as the second ticked by as he began to cough.
"Are you choking?" He shook his head. "Well, then what's wrong?"
Jack's eyes darted to the food, and he cursed himself for not being more careful. It had been centuries since he had made this mistake. If Bunny were here, he would get rapping on the skull.
He whipped his phone out of the pocket, thrusting it forcefully at her. "Not locked. Call Bunny."
"Bunny?" She looked at him as if he were mad. "Jack, I think you need a ambulance!"
"No ambulance," he said through gritted teeth. A blood donation drive was bad enough. Take him to a place full of wounded, bleeding people and all his self-restraint would die, even in his present condition. "Call Bunny." Through his blurred vision, he could tell that they were getting some attention from other patrons in the diner. "Help me out of here."
She wasn't pleased with all his directions, but Jack thanked whoever was listening above that she didn't argue with him. She moved over to where he was and helping off his seat, letting him hook his arm over her shoulder for support. It was a good thing that Anna had settled the bill earlier, so there was nothing stopping them from making the hasty exit then. The waiter did seem quite displeased with the lack of tips, though, and made a rude gesture after the young couple disappeared out of the glass door.
The diners soon resumed back to their conversation, forgetting about what they had seen, putting it down to 'weak stomach, poor boy'. There was one in the crowd, however, that did not dismiss the event so readily.
He put down his menu and walked over to the recently vacated table. He examined the leftovers on the table, lifting up a pizza slice to scrutinise it further. He sniffed the piece and it was sufficient to confirm his suspicion. "Garlic. Of course."
His gaze flitted to the glass door, where the figures of the white-haired boy and the girl with the blonde braid could still be seen. After he set the pizza back down where he had found it, he removed the jack knife from his pocket and resumed the sharpening of the wooden stake in his hand.
~~~0~~~
I have no excuse for starting this story when I have so many other that need attention. Plot-bunny power is strong. Not sure when I can update though.
Vampires in this story are mostly like vampires from the Dracula novel, though there are some clear differences (like being happy, cheerful people). Vampire's here are more like 'haemovores' – blood-eaters. Also long as they eat blood, in whatever form, they're usually alright.
Most of the recipes, other than North's Bloody Mary, are legit recipes. Blodplattar's are Swedish, Black Pudding's Irish and Blood Tofu is Chinese.
If you enjoyed this, a review would be nice.
Oh, and happy Good Friday. That's looks kind of odd when I type it out, but yeah.