A/N: Hi! I wrote this after finally finishing Blood of Olympus. I'm VERY new to this fandom, but I'm currently obsessed. I hope you like it! Please review.
Disclaimer: I'm not a guy, therefore I can't be Rick Riordan
The Return of The Super-Sized McShizzle
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Leo felt the wind whipping his hair back as he flew on Festus. He heard a faux-angry shriek.
"Get your stupid hair out of my mouth, Valdez! I'm giving you a haircut as soon as we find this camp of yours" Ah, Calypso. As beautiful and blunt as ever.
"According to the GPS, we have a few more hours until we reach Ye Olde U.S. of A" Leo called back happily over the wind. He was glad that he was going home to Camp Half-Blood, but he was worried that years had passed, or that his mega Valdezplosion failed to atomize Gaea. Really, all he wanted was to be able to chillax with his friends and Calypso and sing stupid camp songs about pregnant Dracanae and eat barbecue. They still had to reach the west coast, repair Festus's wing which had become torn over the course of flying (it had already been weakened from the explosion) and fly cross-country.
"What's that?" Calypso's voice came from behind him, as she hugged his waist. Leo glanced down in surprise. He was holding a contraption that looked sort of like a modified Valdezinator. He twisted a knob and music played, different from the original Valdezinator sound but similar in principle. He pushed a few levers and twanged a few strings, turned a few knobs creating a bittersweet tune that made him nostalgic for the days with his friends on the Argo II and when he and his mom would tap messages to each other in Morse code. Calypso sighed.
"That's really pretty" she murmured.
"Thanks" Leo said. "I invented a similar thing a few days ago- or at least I think it was a few days ago, for Apollo." Calypso wrinkled her nose.
"Why him?"
"We needed him to pick us a flower from Delos so that yours truly didn't kick the bucket."
Calypso raised her eyebrow. "Oh." Leo cleared his throat.
"Are you tired? Because you can sleep if you want, I'll make sure you don't fall off."
"I'm fine. Honestly, if anyone should sleep you should, knowing that you died and all. We also need to find some food and clothes once we land because somehow you managed to ruin my immortal clothes" she answered.
"Good idea, but I'm not tired. We've got about two more hours, then we can land somewhere in Seattle or somewhere and get clothes and food."
"Fine." They rode in silence, leaving Leo to his thoughts. Turns out, this was a bad thing because all his worries surfaced, mainly the ones about him arriving and realizing that they'd been gone a hundred years. He also found himself unconsciously tapping 'I love you' in Morse code. He hoped Calypso didn't know Morse code.
Eventually they spotted land and Leo checked his GPS. They were flying over Seattle, over neighborhoods.
"Hold tight!" he yelled. "We're goin' dowwwwwnnn!" Festus swooped down flying low to some houses before touching down in the street. Leo sincerely hoped that the mortals saw a car and not a massive, celestial bronze dragon. They climbed off Festus and Leo patted his head. Festus clicked.
"Yeah, briefcase mode it is, thanks Festus." Festus scrunched up until he looked like a bronze briefcase, and Leo picked him up.
"Let's see if we can find someone to ask the date" Calypso suggested. Leo pointed over at an intersection.
"There's someone" he said. Calypso looked over at the young girl in a blue windbreaker who was standing with her dog who was yapping at something invisible, a skeptical look on her face.
"I suppose so." Leo marched across the street with Calypso trailing behind him, looking in awe at the sheer number of houses.
"Hey! Can you tell us what the date is?" he asked. The girl looked taken aback.
"I'm not sure what the date is. Maybe you should try someone else" she said distantly, then turned and walked away.
"How can you not know the date? Have I been gone so long calendars no longer exist?!" he yelled. Calypso put her hand on his shoulder. He looked down at his hand to see that they were smoking. "Oops" he muttered.
"Let's find some clothes and food and figure out what the day is and try to repair Festus." Leo sighed and glanced at the sky.
"Okay" he said. They started walking down the street until they came to a pizza place. Calypso seemed quite calm for someone who literally went from the ancient Greek times straight into the 21st century.
"What is 'pizza'?" she asked. Leo looked at her in amazement.
"Only one of the best foods in the entire world!" he cried. "Come on Calypso! I'm gonna introduce you to the 21st century! Pizza! Come to Leo!" He grabbed her hand and ran towards the restaurant, her dashing behind him, laughing. He pulled up a chair for her and the waiter came over to take their orders. Leo ordered two slices of good ol' classic pepperoni pizza.
"Now, the first thing you need to know about pizza is that it should be DRENCHED in cheese. Also, anchovies, or any vegetable on pizza should be punishable by law." Calypso looked at him strangely.
"Very specific, but, oookayyy?" Their pizza came on greasy paper plates. Leo grinned down at his pizza.
"Just eat it" he ordered. She took a bite. A smile spread across her face.
"YUM!" she exclaimed, taking another bite. Leo started on his piece, grinning.
After they finished the meal, they left the restaurant and started walking through the neighborhoods, looking for a store to buy materials for Festus, and clothes. Eventually they came across a Walmart, which Calypso looked daunted by. Leo glanced over at her, squeezing her hand. All along the walk, he'd been telling her about the 21st century. She'd never seen skyscrapers, so he was planning on taking her through as many big cities as possible- Chicago, New York, etc. They went into the store and Leo explained everything as they walked through it, picking up clothes and repair materials (and some snacks) along the way. As they checked out (Calypso was fascinated by the self-check machines), Leo caught sight of a newspaper.
"October 15th?!" he screeched. "We've been gone for two and a half months?!"
"Calm down. You don't want to set your clothes on fire here" Calypso said soothingly. Leo took a deep breath.
"My friends are gonna kill me" he muttered, as they exited the store. They walked a bit and found an empty business park to fix Festus in.
Leo pulled his tools out of his belt and went to work, and Calypso started wandering around looking at everything and enjoying the freedom.
"Hey you" she said. Leo glanced up. His hands and face were streaked with dirt and grime and oil. Calypso handed him a sandwich and bit into her own. "How's it going?"
"Okay, almost finished. Where did you get sandwiches?"
"I decided to brave the supermarket" she smiled, chewing her sandwich. Leo took a bite of his sandwich.
"Hey, this is really good"
"Thanks" Calypso said.
"I'm nearly done with Festus- I can finish him tonight and we can fly overnight or we can sleep here and go in the morning. What do you think?"
"That's fine" she answered. Leo rolled his eyes.
"Which one?"
"Either." He rolled his eyes again. "You're probably anxious to see your friends, correct?"
"Yeah"
"So, do you want to go overnight?"
"Only if you're up for it" It was Calypso's turn to roll her eyes.
"Let's just go tonight. We can sleep on Festus"
"Okay" Leo agreed. They finished their sandwiches in comfortable silence, then Leo went back to work, fixing a few last things. Calypso packed the few things they bought and Leo helped her onto Festus. They resumed their earlier position of Calypso behind him with her arms around Leo's waist and soared into the sky.
They were jerked awake by a silver arrow shooting right between their sleeping forms. Another one pierced Festus's foot. Festus clicked and swooped down to the ground, landing amid a camp. There was a brightly burning fire in the middle of a ring of silvery tents and all around him young girls were shooting arrows, cooking food, and leaping out of the way of Festus. Leo slid off Festus and Calypso jumped down next to him.
"Do you know what this is?" she asked. Just then Thalia Grace pushed through the crowd of girls.
"What is this?" she asked.
"Hello to you too, Thalia" Leo smirked. Her eyes widened and she rushed forward and whacked him across the face.
"You idiot! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN! YOUR FRIENDS ARE LITERALLY SICK WITH WORRY! YOU DIED ACCORDING TO THEM! By the way, how did you survive and who is your friend? EITHER WAY LEO VALDEZ, YOU SHOULD NOT BE TRUSTED WITH ANYTHING SURE YOU BASICALLY DEFEATED GAEA BUT THIS IS RIDICULOUS SHOWING UP THREE MONTHS LATER AFTER WE ALREADY BURNED YOUR BURIAL SHROUD AND DECLARED YOU DEAD!" Thalia glared at Leo. Then she hugged him so tight he literally felt his rib crack.
"Ow" he muttered weakly. "Good to see you too Thals." She pulled away and turned to Calypso.
"And you are?"
"I'm Calypso. Leo came back for me and rescued me from Ogygia. He's my boyfriend. Also, we didn't know how much time had passed, time works different on Ogygia"
"Nice to meet you. I hope our undergrown Leo doesn't annoy you too much"
"Hey!" Leo protested. "That's not my nickname! It's Bad Boy Supreme! Or Super-sized McShizzle! Or- "
"Yes, yes" Thalia cut him off with a wave of her hand. "Now go to Camp Half Blood. All your friends are there right now. Good bye." She turned away and beckoned for her fellow hunters to continue their training.
"Well that was eventful" Leo muttered as he helped Calypso onto Festus. He yanked out the arrow and chucked it at Thalia's head before mounting Festus. She turned around and glared at him. He gave a cheeky wave and Festus took flight.