This is a Reader x Russia story, but it could change if I decide to change the plot. The reader used to self-harm but stopped for Russia, but what happened if Russia says something that hurts the reader in the worst way possible, and then does the worst betrayal he could towards the reader, keep reading to find out what happens.
Me: "hey Russia come here"
Russia: "da" *walks to us*
Me: "do you mind telling these amazing people to read this"
Russia: "da," *looks into your eyes*
Russia: "Become one with Russia, da?" *he says as he smirks*
Me: "no! thats not what I meant, I meant ask them to read it- ahh just forget this, and lets get to the story now shall we"
WARNING TRIGGERS FOR SELFHARM!
You look down at the book you had started to read today, you were sitting on your bed eagerly reading the short novel, hoping that the two main characters won't end up together, because you hated romantic cliché stories, and the only reason you were reading this was because your best friend, Gilbert had lent it to you, and he thought you would like it.
You put the book down and gazed up at the ceiling, this room was not as comfortable as your room at home, but it was nice. Ivan, your loving boyfriend of 3 months tried to make it as comfortable as he could. But there are some things he couldn't change, like the freezing wind that would flow into the room, through the window. But because you loved him, you didn't mind it that much.
You continued to read the book, as you wondered about what you should do today. Maybe you can go and visit Prussia and his brother, but that would just piss Ivan off. He hated Prussia, and he never liked it when you went to his house. You shook your head as you started to read the book again, and a soon as you turned the page, you heard Russia running up the stairs and crashing into your room.
He took one look at you, and gave you one of his famous adorable Russian smiles. You smiled as you continued to read the book, it had just started getting interesting and you had promised to return the book tomorrow. You saw from the corner of you eye, how Ivan smirked and started taking off his coat, leaving him in just his white shirt, with a few buttons undone, leaving some of his gorgeous muscle chest in view. You started to blush as you tried not to look up at him.
He sat down next to you, as he started kissing your neck. "I want to play, da?" he said in his thick accent as he pushed you back onto your bed. "Babe, I'm reading" you whined but you didn't sound too upset when Ivan softly started kissing your lips. You moan as his tongue licks your teeth, asking for entry. You open your mouth willingly as he slips his lounge inside. He then suddenly pushes away and stares down at your crimson face.
You realize that he starts to undo your top few buttons on your shirt. You suddenly get slightly scared, because you didn't know if you were ready to actually sleep with Ivan. Even though you have been together for 3 months, you still haven't completed the deed. Because you were scared about what Ivan will say about the hidden self-inflicting scars you had on your body. You gasped as Russia, placed one finger on your cheek, and then slowly moved it down your neck, then rested it on your chest, fondling your skin.
"Your skin is so soft, I love how your skin is so smooth and pure... unlike mine which is ruined" he said as he looks away in shame. But then you place your hand on his cheek and turn his gaze back to you. "You are beautiful, and your body is not ruined, you are a goddamn tiger and you earned your stripes. You don't have to be ashamed of your scars; none of your scars can make me love you any less." you say while resting my hand against his shoulder.
"I'm not ashamed of my scars; I'm ashamed at the world for not understanding." he falls into your hug, and then puts his arms around you. You stoke the scar you can see on his chest, and you wonder what battle he had to go through to get this.
His scars were beautiful unlike yours. Yours just showed how week and pathetic you are, while his showed his bravery. "I love how you have no scars, I would hate it if you had any scars, I love you cause of your pure you are" he says not knowing how much those words make you want to die.
You push him off you, and look at him angrily. He falls off the bed, and then looks up at you in confusion. "What's wrong (Y/N)?" he asks as you turn your back to him, because you don't want him to see your tears. "Leave right now" you say quietly as you feel the hot tears rolling down your face. "But..." he doesn't have a chance to say another work before you start screaming at him.
"GET THE FUCK OUT! JUST LEAVE! I DON'T WANT YOU HERE ANYMORE! LEAVE ME ALONE!" You shout as you realize how much you must have hurt him. But it doesn't matter right now, because you were in pain too.
"Okay" he said sadly as he leaves the room. You walk into the bathroom and look at your reflection in the mirror. You realize that you haven't been hurt this badly by such words in a long time, you remember the day you had stopped cutting yourself.
It was the day that Ivan had told you he loved you, and he would never abandon you like everyone else did. And you stupidly had believed him, but what about now; he will never truly love you. Once he finds out about the scars all over your legs, how can he love you? How can anyone love a girl with scars?
"I would hate it if you had any scars"
"I would hate it if you had any scars"
"I would hate it if you had any scars"
The voices keep screaming in your head as you try to think of a way to stop the pain, you walk back to your bed and you were just about to grab the hidden blade, but then suddenly something stopped you. You realized you were stronger than this, instead of taking the blade you just lay down on your bed, as you cry yourself to sleep.
(Couple of hours later)
You open your eyes when you hear a cat screaming, you yawn as you look at the time. It was half 9, you had only been asleep for an hour. Suddenly all the memories came rushing back to you, you feel a sense of guilt as you realize the horrible stuff you had said to Ivan, and he didn't deserve it. He didn't know what he had said was the worst thing he could ever say; he was trying to be nice. You decide to go find Ivan, and apologize to him for what you had said.
You get out of your bed and put a warm sweater on as you leave your room, and start walking towards Ivan's room; you look around the corridor to see empty bottles of vodka everywhere. Then you realize that Ivan must be drunk, you knew this was bad. Ivan only turned to getting drunk when he was in real pain, and just wanted to forget everything, the last time he had gotten drunk was when he lost a war.
You nervously take a closer step towards Ivan's room, before you get stopped by Lithuania. You smile at him, he was one of your many friends at this house, he was very kind and in return you were kind and gently to him. But you were confused at why he was blocking your path.
"Is something wrong?" you ask. He tries to smile as sweat starts pouring down his face. "Nothing's wrong, why would you say that. It's just that Russia isn't here... He went out hunting" he says a bit too quickly. "I think you should return to your room" he said, and you were about to until you heard some moans coming from Russia's room.
You carefully push Lithuania out of the way as you slowly open the door. What you saw in the room made you want to die, you wished the ground would just open up and swallow you, and take all the pain away that you were feeling right now. You view goes cloudy as you look at the scene in front of you.
Russia was on his bed. He was naked. He was thrusting into some other girl. You couldn't believe your loving boyfriend would do something like this. How could he hurt you like this, and he probably won't remember a thing tomorrow because he is drunk. You then realize the girl is china, (I know china is a boy, but for this story china isn't) she has hated you since the start. She was Ivan's ex-girlfriend, but they had broken up a while ago and it was common knowledge that she still loved him.
Russia had his back to me as he thrust deeper inside her, but she didn't. When she realizes you was standing there, she smirks at you as she starts to moan louder and scratches at Russia's already scared back, he moans as well as she gives me a look, meaning 'he is all mine now.'
You hear a heart breaking scream, and then a few seconds later you realize that it had left from your mouth. Suddenly Ivan turns around and looks at you. It's like he doesn't recognise you but that didn't matter because you just start running, running as fast as you could towards your room.
You locked the door behind you, as you lean against the wall and slowly fall to the ground, you wrap your arms around your knees bringing them closer towards you, as you cry. You had decided to keep Ivan forever, you were going to get married and grow older together. He wasn't meant to get cheat on me, he wasn't allowed to, and it wasn't in your plan.
But somehow he had. Fear rises up inside you as you realize he might never love you again like he did before; he will never want to be with you again because he has chosen her. You close your eyes to stop the tears from forming; there are thousands of things you need to say.
You feel the darkness closing in around me, choking my heart. Your hands shake uncontrollably as you try to picture life without him and your knees attempt to give up on you, threatening to fall asleep on you as you tried to get up and walk towards the hidden blade. What was the point of being strong now?
You felt a single tear slide down your cheek and you sat up, reaching for the blades you kept under your bed. You rolled up your sleeves to reveal row upon row of cuts and scars from different stages of healing. You bit your lip and pressed the blade to an unmarked patch of skin, feeling the relief flood through you as the blood slowly trickled out of the new wound.
So you cut again, and again, and again, feeling better and better each time until you were emotionally drained. Then you started cutting on your thighs cause your arms were not enough, you cut again every cut sent an adrenaline rush to your brain while sending a shiver run down your spine, making you forget everything... but the pain.
The blood slowly escaped my cuts in small circles, and was rolling off your leg. The blood drops fell on to the floor creating a puddle, you forget about it as you lay back down on your bed as you let the pain take over, and force you into a sleep.
Thank you for reading this :) and I don't know if I should continue this, so if you think I should... vote on this, or leave a comment if you have any time. Thank you for your time and attention.
Russia: "why did you make me the bad guy" Ivan says as starts to pout.
Me: "I'm sorry but it will get better soon, I swear on my heart. You won't be the bad guy for long. Will you forgive me?"
Russia: "da" he says happily as he gives us a hug.
Me: Also If anyone of you need anyone to talk to, or are having any problems involving self harm, then you should know that I am here for you and you can talk to me because I know what it is like, you can message me on whatsapp and no matter what time I will always reply. My number is 07966170701, and I live in the uk so maybe you have to add +44 infront of it or something.