Author Note: Man, I've been out of it for awhile. This is probably one of the only things I've posted in the last... 4 months. I kinda feel bad about it. But no! Its a revolution! I'm posting stuff again people!

Anyway, about half of the mindless teenage populace surfing the internet these days has seen, heard and laughed at a song from Avenue Q, but none of us have actually see the play of origin. Well, I haven't either, but that's not stopping me from writing this. I pieced together a Tales of Symphonia and Avenue Q crossover plot. What? Plot? Yes, plot. There's plot to this people, in addition to the cast of ToS acting out our favorite Avenue Q songs. But as such, its very AU, so don't go telling me off about it because I gave you fair warning.

Disclaimer: I don't own Tales of Symphonia, and I've never even seen Avenue Q, so it'd be really strange if I was the one who owned it.

Please read enjoy and review.

Tales of Avenue Q:
A Tales of Symphonia, Avenue Q Crossover

~ Chapter 1:
It Sucks To Be Me

The bright, midmorning sun overhead bleached out the cityscape around Lloyd Irving. The young man, fresh out of college, dodged the people who passed by him on the crowded sidewalks of Meltokio. Blaring traffic, unfamiliar faces and towering skyscrapers were all very overwhelming for a country kid like him.

All he had on him was his wallet and a map of the city; he'd left the rest of his things at the hotel he was staying at for now. Lloyd's dream was to strike out on his own, be successful, rich and famous. The first step he had to make was finding a place of his own. With a tentative glance around him, he unfurled the map and tried to figure out where to go next.

The hope that the pitiful amount of gald in his wallet would keep him from being mugged wasn't very reassuring, so to calm his nerves he decided to sing to himself, soft enough that no one would hear him.

A piano and clarinet introduction played in his head, and he began. "What do you do, with a B.A. in Blacksmith? What is my life going to be?" He folded up the map and set out again. He kept his head low and continued to sing to himself. "Slept all through college, and Dwarven folk-knowledge has earned me this useless degree."

Just like that he was starting to feel a bit more comfortable now, his stride quickened and his tone was rising gradually.

"I can't pay the bills yet, I don't have the skills yet. The world is a big scary plaaa-ace!" He held the note, causing several people passing by to stop and stare at him.

"But somehow I can't shake, the feeling I might make, a difference, to the huu-man raaaace!" He crescendoed the last note with his arms held skyward. All too suddenly, Lloyd noticed the ring of onlookers who had gathered, thinking he was some crazy street performer.

Lloyd's face turned as red as the Princeton sweatshirt he wore and with his head dipped low and his hand over his face, he sliced through crowd and got away as quickly as he could. Had he stayed he might have gotten a few bucks in change.

He sprinted for the nearest subway and almost killed himself on the stairs. Taking a big gasp of air, he pressed himself against the wall and sighed. "That was so embarrassing." Moaning, he proceeded to the subway platform.

In another part of the city, where the buildings weren't quite so tall and faded police sirens could be heard in the distance, Zelos sat on the steps leading up to his apartment building's door.

He was hunched over, contemplating his life when another one of the tenants stepped out into the thick morning city air. It was Raine, the girl down the hall, still dressed in pajama pants and a loud-orange bathrobe. It was Saturday; she didn't work on Saturday.

She walked right past him to the newspaper dispenser on the street, popped in a coin and withdrew a copy. Taking a sip from the coffee mug in her other hand she scanned the front page and without looking at him, gave him a casual, "Good morning Zelos."

"Hi Raine."

She folded up the paper and tucked his under her arm before walking over to him. "How's life?"

"Disappointing."

She frowned and sat down next to him on the stairs. "What's the matter?"

"The Coliseum Office laid me off," was his grim reply.

"Oh, I'm sorry." She took another sip of coffee; Zelos could now see that the mug said "World's Best Teacher" with some stick figures painted on it. Probably a gift from one of her students.

"Me too. I mean… Look a me. I just breeze through college and I always thought- Oh." He stopped suddenly.

"What?"

Zelos looked away. "No, it sounds stupid."

"You can tell me." Her misty blue eyes were calm and placid, making Zelos think she'd have made a better psychiatrist than a teacher.

And as if it was the most normal thing in the world, a little tune began accompanying their words.

"When I was little," Zelos sang, "I thought I would be…"

"What?"

"A big-time hero who appeared on TV."

Raine chuckled. "Oh."

"But now I'm twenty-two, and as you can see: I'm not."

"Nope."

"Oh well."

Raine shrugged. "Mm"

Zelos hunched forward in misery. "It sucks to be me!"

Raine tried to comfort him and put a hand on his shoulder. "Noooo."

"It sucks to be me," he repeated.

"Noooo."

"It sucks to be broke and unemployed and turning twenty-three!" He looked to Raine and nodded. "It sucks to be me."

"Hmph, you think your life sucks?" she asked, gazing out across the street.

"I think so!" he insisted.

"Your problems aren't so bad." She took one last swig of her coffee and set the mug behind her. "I'm kinda pretty," she bobbed her head from side to side, "and really quite smart."

"You are."

"Thank you." She nodded, as though she was expecting that answer. "I know lots of things like magic and artes." Her tone was rising. "And I have oh so much space inside my heart, so why…!" Her pale cheeks started to turn red with the energy with which she sang. "don't I have a boyfriend? I'm outta luck! It sucks to be me!"

"Me too!" added Zelos.

"It sucks to be me!"

"It sucks to be me! It sucks to be Zelos."

"It sucks to be Raine."

"To be such a schmuck!"

"To search for love in vain!"

They sang in unison. "It sucks to be me!"

From down the street came two bickering voices. The two men who belonged to those voices emerged around the corner soon after.

The one on the left carried a bag of groceries in his arm and wore a thick, long-sleeved, dark purple sweater with a matching scarf drawn up loosely around his neck. He was obviously overcompensating for the early fall chill.

The one on the right seemed to have been sucked into helping carry the groceries and clung to a bag in each hand. He wore white khaki pants and a red shirt and what appeared to be a dark blue jacket worn like a cape.

"No, Yuan, we have talked about this before," the one on the left insisted.

"11 o'clock, midnight…" the other one argued, "I'll be home when I want to!"

"No, Yuan, I know that. But-"

"You're not my mother, Kratos!"

"I'm not trying to be your mother!"

Zelos raised his arm and waved them over. "Hey, Kratos, Yuan, can you settle something for us, do you have a second?"

They quieted down rather quickly and came to a halt at the steps.

"Oh… Certainly," Kratos replied.

Raine spoke up. "Whose life sucks more: Zelos' or mine?"

Yuan scoffed. He and Kratos exchanged glances. "OURS!" they crowed.

The tune picked up again. "We live together," Kratos stated.

"We're close as people can get," Yuan added with an eye roll.

Kratos continued the sarcasm. "We've been the best of friends."

"Ever since the day we met."

Kratos rounded and glared at Yuan. "So he knows lots of ways to make me really upset!"

"Wh-"

"Oh! Everyday is an aggravation!"

"C'mon, that's an exaggeration!" Yuan retorted.

Kratos turned around and looked up into the air. "You leave your capes out."

"Wha-?"

"You put your feet on my chair."

"Oh yeah?" Yuan glared at the back of his red spiked head. "You use all those women's beauty products in your hair!"

Both Zelos and Raine burst into fits of laughter.

Kratos clapped his hand over his head and sang through bared teeth. "You make that very small apartment we share, a HELL!"

"So do you! That's why I'm in hell too!"

"It sucks to be me," said Kratos.

"No, it sucks to be me!" Yuan insisted.

"It sucks to be me!" added Raine.

And Zelos. "It sucks to be me!"

Altogether they sang, "Is there anybody here it doesn't suck to be? It sucks to be me!"

Inspired by the nice little piece of harmony they'd just pulled off, Raine rose and directed the others. She began in her soprano, "Da da da da da!"

Zelos followed in alto, "Da da da da da!"

Yuan, a tenor, "Da da da da da!"

And Kratos, in his low, baritone voice, "Da da da da da!"

As they were going on their second round, the apartment door behind them opened. Out stepped a barefoot woman holding a plastic bag full of cans and other recyclables. Her hair was tied back in a messy bun and she wore a violet bathrobe. She obviously was going to take a shower sometime in the near future.

She stopped on the doorstep, eyeing the singing quartet crowded around the stairs that blocked her path to the recycling bin on the curb.

The four of them turned around to regard her. Raine and Zelos both gave her a greeting smile and in stark contrast to Kratos who looked as nonchalant as ever, maybe even a little… uncomfortable, Yuan cocked an eyebrow when he notice that the newcomer's bathrobe only went to her mid thigh. Zelos beat him back with a glare. He then swiveled his head and gave his fiancé a cheery grin like nothing had happened.

Sheena placed her hands on her hips. "Why you all so happy?" Her voice had a nasally tone that came with her Mizuho accent.

"'Cause our lives suck," Zelos supplied, still beaming.

"Your lives suck?" Her eyebrow quirked as she observed the four people sitting on the doorstep. "I hearing you correctly? Ha!" She tossed the plastic bag aside and joined in with her own solo. "I come into this country, for opportunities! Tried to work in big shot office." She rolled her eyes. "They thought they do what they please. But with hard work I earn two Master's Degrees. In Summoning! And now I a Summoner! But I have no Spirits! And I have an unemployed fiancé!" She smacked him over the head as she said this. "And we have lots. Of. Bills. To. Pay!" She paused, glaring down at Zelos' messy red head. He winced.

"It suck to be me!" she sang. "It suck to be me! I say it sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-sucka-suck! It suck to be me!"

While the rest of them were preoccupied by Sheena's musical rambling, a brown spiky-haired young man in red crept up behind them. "Uh, excuse me…"

"Hey there." Zelos arched his back and gave the him a wave, as Kratos and Yuan stepped back to regard the newcomer.

"Sorry to bother you," Lloyd went on, "but I'm looking for a place to live."

Sheena crossed her arms. "Why you looking all the way out here?"

"Well, I started in Avenue A, but so far everything is out of my price range…" The sentence ended in a weak chuckle. "But this neighborhood looks a lot cheaper."

The residents briefly pondered if they should take offense to this statement.

"Oh and look, a 'for rent' sign." Lloyd indicated the blocky orange letters of a sign hanging in one of the ground-floor windows.

"You need to talk to the superintendent; let me get him," Zelos told him, standing up.

"Great. Thanks."

Zelos cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted up to an open window. "YO, GARY!"

"I'm comin', I'm comin'!" Moments later, who else but a diminutive black man emerged from the apartment building's door.

Lloyd had to do a double-take. "Oh my God, it's Gary Coleman!"

"Yes I am!" said the since grown up child television star who seemed very out of place in this run down little neighborhood. But nevertheless, he proceeded into his own solo. "I'm Gary Coleman, from TV's 'Diff'rent Strokes.' I made a lot of money that got stolen by my folks. Now I'm broke, and I'm the butt of everyone's jokes, but I'm here, the superintendent! On Avenue Q!"

The rest of them joined in again. "It sucks to be you!"

"You win," said Raine.

"It sucks to be you!"

"I feel better now!" Zelos added with a grin.

Gary continued. "Try having people stopping you to ask you, "What'choo talkin' 'bout, Willis?'" His expression dulled. "It get's old…"

They all sang again. "It sucks to be yoooou!"

"On Avenue Q!" only the men sang.

"Sucks to be me!" was the girl's part.

"On Avenue Q!"

"Sucks to be you!"

"On Avenue Q!"

"Sucks to be us!"

And together again. "But not when we're together! We're together here on Avenue Q! We live on Avenue Q! Our friends to do too. 'Til our dreams come true! We live on Avenue Q!"

"This is real life," Lloyd mused.

"We live on Avenue Q."

Zelos threw his arm around Lloyd. "You're gonna love it!"

"We live on Avenue Q."

"Here's your keys." Gary shoved the jingling ring in Lloyd's hand.

Everyone raised their hands to welcome Lloyd. "Welcome to Avenue Q!"

Extra:
Z-skit: It's What We Do

Lloyd: Wow… That was…

Raine: What?

Lloyd: (Grinning) That was awesome! I mean, I sang on the way over here but this... It was so exhilarating!

Zelos: Yeah, almost as great as the one we did yesterday.

Lloyd: …Huh? You mean… You do this often?

Sheena: Every day!

Lloyd: Wha- really?

Everyone: (nods)

Lloyd: And that's not, like, weird or anything?

Zelos: Nope, it's what we do.

Lloyd: …Uh-huh.

Yuan: And if you're going to live here, you're going to have to get used to it.

Kratos: (with his hand covering his eye) Yes… You will…

Lloyd: Huh. Okay… I guess I'll give it a shot.

Gary: Great! Now that we got that outta the way, let me show you to your new place!

Zelos: I'll come with!

Lloyd: Hey- Okay. (Gets dragged into the building.)

Author Note: Well there you have it. I hope you liked it. And if you did, let me know via review. No, seriously, I have another story that I just posted that I'm comparing number of reviews with, and the one that has the most gets updated first. Sorry about the inconvienience, but that's the only way I can make any progress. I'm very... what's the word... lazy. So if you want to see a new chapter soon, let me know what you think.