Take a breath,
Take it deep. 'Calm yourself', He says to me
It was late one night, as it always is whenever we train. Alek and I were in a really big room of an abandoned building. This, tonight, was some of the most intense training that a Mai ever has to go through. It tested our speed; how fast we could dodge something. And just what I had to dodge made me completely nervous.
It was dead silent in the building. I took a deep breath. "Calm down, King." Alek whispered. He was just as nervous as me.
If you play, you play for keeps. Take the gun and count to three.
If I didn't dodge this, if I failed, I wouldn't be able to retake it... ever. And we both knew it as Alek picked up the silver revolver and aimed it in my direction.
I'm sweating now,
moving slow, No time to think. My turn to go
It was a cold night, but I was still sweating through my shirt. I slowly moved into position, ready to dodge the one bullet in the gun. I didn't want to die, not even once. "C'mon, Chloe. It's now or never."
And you can see my heart beating
you can see it through my chest.
My heart was pounding. It felt out of rhythm and it was beating so hard against my chest I thought I might just possibly lose this last life by it thumping right through me. My tank top was tight and I'm sure that Alek could see the outline of my heart, yearning to be free of this body that was surely going to have to endure such pain very soon.
Said I'm terrified but I'm not leaving I know that I must pass this test so, just pull the trigger
"You know, Chloe, you don't have to do this now. Especially if you're not prepared for it. I can see how scared you are. We can go and do this another night." Alek said, lowering the gun slightly. "No! I have to do this. I have to let you all know that I don't have to be protected every second of my life." I had to pass this little test; I had to be fully accepted. "Just... just shoot, Alek."
Say a prayer to yourself
He says 'close your eyes, sometimes it helps'
'Beset, I hope I make it!' I prayed to the Mai goddess. I stared straight ahead and could feel tears welling up in my eyes at the thought of seeing the bullet rocketing toward me. "Close your eyes. Sometimes it'll help enhance your senses." Alek supplied. My eyes fluttered shut and locked down tight, not wanting to open ever, ever again.
And then I get a scary thought
that he's here - means he's never lost
Then a thought hit me. Alek's here. That means that he made when he did this and every other time since then that he's had to defend me from some threat. I sigh and listen to every bit of advice he gives me because he's a pro.
And you can see my heart beating.
No, you can see it through my chest.
I feel his eyes on my heaving chest, and not just for perverted reasons. I know that he's just concerned for me. He's not sure that I'm really ready for this. He can hear the loud pounding of my heart and I'm certain he can see it as well, pumping there right beneath my skin, prepared to leap out of the bullets way, but leaving the rest of me behind.
Said I'm terrified but I'm not leaving Know that I must pass this test. So, just pull my trigger
"Alek, I'm scared and I know that you know it. But I have to do this! I'll have to do it eventually, so let's just get it over with. Pull the trigger already. Please." I pleaded without opening my eyes.
As my life flashes before my eyes
I'm wondering will I ever see another sunrise?
In the dark behind my eyelids, I wait for the sound that means I'll have to fly away in less than a second. Images start flashing through my mind. My mom and dad. Mom's red-rimmed eyes after he hadn't come home. Amy and Paul smiling and laughing with me, trying to make me forget my absent father. Our first day of school and all of those good old school memories. The new boy, the British boy with the cute accent and nice eyes. The day I tossed the basketball in the trash and our meeting a little later that day.
The thrills I had when fighting the bad guys. Brian briefly flashed for less than a second before he was gone. Then it was Alek, watching me from my neighbor's roof, Alek lying on my bed looking a little too comfortable. Alek telling me that he wouldn't stop watching me because he couldn't. Alek standing in the pouring rain, staying to watch my mother. Alek telling me he liked me and then kissing me. And then me kissing him back. Losing my life to a Jackal, and then to the Order three times. And then my own clumsiness that once. Then the suicidal kid who rampaged through the school shooting everything in sight, that time I died twice. And every single other memory that led up to this very point.
So many won't get the chance to say good-bye
but it's too late to think of the value of my life
I thought of what would happen if I didn't make it out of the bullet's path. So many people I wouldn't get the chance to say goodbye to. Mom, Amy, Paul, Jasmine, Valentina, the lunch lady! Everyone. My eyes flashed open. "Alek, just in case... Goodbye." They drifted shut again and I thought of how many Mai I'd be letting down. But it was too late to think about that.
And you can see my heart beating.
No, you can see it through my chest. Said I'm terrified but I'm not leaving no Know that I must pass this test.
In a last moment decision, I opened my eyes. My chest was hopping up and down and I knew I wouldn't be able to stop it. Alek's gaze was roving over my entire body, taking in my terrified eyes, the bruise that my heart was beginning to imprint on the outside, and the determined set of my mouth. He sighed and closed his eyes, his strong exterior faltering as he redirected the gun towards me.
So, just pull the trigger
And as that saying goes, I believe "This is the way the world ends, not with a bang, but a whimper." The bullet passed directly through my heart, halting its frantic beating as it attempted to bang its way out its prison. A whimper trembled out of my mouth as I collapsed onto the cold, dusty, and rotting floor. Alek dropped the gun, and if it made any noise I didn't hear it. He ran over to me. I saw his mouth moving as he shouted something, but whatever those last words to me where, I couldn't decipher them over the rushing sound of the blood that had been forced through my veins in that final pound. And there was the rushing sound as all color drained from the world and it all became black.
Strangely, the thing that hurt the most about this was that Alek, the Mai I loved, was actually the one to kill me. Valentina had been right, each was more painful than the last death. So, of course, my own true love killing me, would be the last and most painful of all.