Demon Child Part 1
Disclaimer: Victorious and its characters are the property of Schneider's Bakery and Nickelodeon. Three Little Pirates was owned by Columbia Pictures and is now owned by Norman Maurer and C3 Entertainment. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. No profit is intended or wanted for this story.
Note: Strong language in one section. You have been warned.
Driving across the desert in the early morning was nice, David Vega decided. Far less traffic, the heat's not overwhelming the car's AC, yet, and the usually-muted colors in the rocks and sand, as well as the distant mountains, seem accentuated.
The quiet in the car was distracting. On the way to Las Vegas, he was beset by three women all talking over each other about what to do once they arrived in sin city. Now, Holly had her sweater rolled up and acting as a pillow against the passenger window while dozing lightly. Glancing in the rearview mirror, he saw Trina's car. She and Cat were returning to LA with them while the guys decided to stay in Las Vegas for a couple more days.
Dropping the focus of his gaze in the mirror, he saw his youngest was sleeping too, her head resting on the other girl's shoulder.
Said girl's eyes met his in the reflection with a raised brow. He gave a small, happy smile which the girl returned even as she settled her own head on Tori's resting head. David gave her a knowing wink which, surprisingly, she returned before her eyes closed.
He loved his girls. His wife Holly, who was also his best friend. His older daughter Trina and her girlfriend, Cat. Of course, Tori, currently napping on Jade West's shoulder. And Jade, who came to them after her stepmother threw her out for her 'demonic' ways, several years before.
Early Thursday evening, September 19, 2013
Tori had her homework finished, at least the stuff needed for Friday. And she already had a good start on what she'd have to work on over the weekend. Except the project she was assigned to work on for Sikowitz.
But that was the problem. She had to work with Jade on that project – a one-act play outside of their particular comfort zones – romcom or horror.
She and Jade had been getting along better ever since she called Jade to help control Cat during that stupid cell phone bet the year before. Then the 'Yes' bet really went a long way to smoothing the ridges in their interpersonal contacts.
Tori wasn't ready to call it friendship but it was the closest she'd had with Jade and that was okay. For now.
Back to the project, she had ideas. While both like hard-boiled detective stories – film noir – neither felt competent to write something compelling. Not for something as limiting as a one-act play.
Tori had suggested doing some slapstick routine like Abbott and Costello or the Marx Brothers. Or even the Three Stooges.
Having hung out with Andre, Robbie and Beck one Saturday a few weeks before, she had been inundated with Three Stooges shorts. The boys put the DVDs in randomly. Initially, Tori was bored and couldn't stop wondering why they were so popular. But, finally, as the fourth short started, Men In Black, she started to see the appeal. After that, Uncivil Warriors was played. She found herself laughing along with the others at the word-play, which she already started to appreciate in the earlier short. Soon, Tori was even laughing at the slaps, the eye-pokes and the other literal slapstick antics.
When one of their first shorts, Woman Haters, came on, she was stunned and amused by the rhythmic dialogue. It was practically singing.
Later that day, when her dad came home from his weekend shift, she apologized to him for calling the Stooges stupid. He gave her a confused smile and nodded.
Now, if only she could get Jade to go along, they could do the pasha routine from one of Curly's last shorts before his career-ending stroke.
As if called by her thoughts, Jade walked in the front door. "Vega! I'm thirsty!"
"Why come in, Jade. Can I get you something?"
"Yeah, an idea for this stupid project!"
"Okay, first, polite people knock then wait to be let in."
"The door was open and knocking was a waste of time. And who, in this day and age, leaves their front door open like that. I may have been Charlie Manson on parole."
"Second, people entering someone's home usually say 'Hello'."
"I said 'Vega'. What more do you want?"
"Third…"
"Third? You're counting?!"
"Third, when entering a dwelling, most visitors ask about the host, not what they need."
Jade rolled her eyes with a growling, "Alright…" She knocked on a table then said, "Hello. How are you?" This was immediately followed by, "Now, do you have an idea on what we'll do for this stupid project?"
"Much better, Jade. Thank you."
"Whatever! I'm still thirsty!"
Tori huffed then walked into the kitchen to make coffee. Jade asked, "Do you have any ideas?"
"How about the Three Stooges routine from Three Little Pirates?"
"Oh my God! The Stooges? All the slapstick in the world and you pick those…"
"Knuckleheads?"
"I swear Vega, I'm going to kill you and bury you some place that makes Shadow Creek Park look like Eden…"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah… Been there, heard that, still waiting for the t-shirt!"
"Vega, I swear…" Then she growled, sounding like Ted Cassidy as Lurch when he groaned and shook his head at some Addams Family idiocy.
"I'll take that as acceptance? Wait, before your scissors come into play, just watch the short. Anyway, these guys were the kings of slapstick!"
Tori had one of Beck's boxed sets that contained the last of the Curly years. She already had Three Little Pirates cued on the DVD player.
The boys were on a garbage scow that crashed on an island with 17th century pirates in control. As they were brought before the island's governor, the Stooges were dressed in a Hollywood version of desert robes and turbans. Curly also wore a very thick pair of glasses that he obviously could not see through.
(The following is a transcript of that particular scene.)
Rita (Christine McIntyre): (Curtsies to the Governor (Vernon Dent)) Your excellency, these men bring rare gifts. (Indicating Curly) Allow me to present the Rajah of, uh...
Moe: Canarsie! (Curly does his bit with rapping fist, drumming fingers on neck, then salutes, slapping Moe.)
Rita: (Indicating Moe:) And his interpreter, uh...
Larry: The Gin of Rummy! (Moe does fist-rapping, finger-drumming bit, slaps Larry.)
Governor: Can we dispense with the formalities and make with the gifts?
Moe: Oh, yes; the gifts. (To Curly:) Sit down! (Curly goes to chair, lifts it to examine it through his thick lenses, tries to sit down on it and misses. Moe and Larry rush over to him, help him up and seat him in the chair.)
Moe: You apple head! Come on! [Says something more that sounds like "stick around"] (Returns to the governor)
Governor: What priceless gifts does the Rajah bring?
Moe: Gifts?
Governor: Yes.
Moe: We shall see. (Shoves Larry aside to go over to Curly; seats himself across the small table from him.) Maha!
Curly: Aha!
Moe: You like to speak dat?
Curly: I like to talk dat!
Moe: Rasbanyas yata bene fuchi atimeni kharonchi, dat, how do you say, dat pickle-puss, he asky-tasky what did you fertsaik, you gaddit?
Curly: Nya tink!
Moe: Nya tink?
Curly: Yoks!
Moe: Oh, boy! (To the Governor:) The Maha…
Curly: Aha! Rasbanyas yata bene fuchi atimeni…
Moe: QUIET!
Curly: Oh!
Moe: The Rajah says that he is the bearer of a rare jewel, (Curly pulls a large, heart-shaped lollipop from his costume and puts it in his mouth) known as the…
Governor: A ruby! (Moe fetches the lollipop and gives it to him) A ruby as large as a turkey's egg!
Moe: The Ruby of Lollipopskia!
Curly: It's raspberry!
Governor: What fire! I have many pigeon-blood rubies, but never have I been given the raspberry! What other rarity does the Rajah have for me?
Moe: He had some bubble gum, but I think he swallowed it. But we shall see what we shall see. (Returns to Curly, shoving Larry aside again.) Maha!
Curly: Aha!
Moe: Ello doh!
Curly: Ello doh!
Moe: Rasbanyas yata bene fuchi atimeni kharonchi, dat, how do you call it, dat frog head, he asky-tasky what did you fertsaig, ingensommen. Gadda something else, kiddo?
Curly: Rasbanyas yata bene fuchi atimeni kharonchi, paredeetima hiha, I gonna see dat! (Searches his costume and pulls out a fountain pen.)
Governor: Ah, the tusk of a black walrus!
Moe: (Examining pen) No leak dat?
Curly: No leak dat. (Moe taps him on the nose with the pen then brings it to the governor.)
Moe: (To the Governor) Guaranteed forever.
Larry: You should live so long! (Moe conks him on the head.)
Governor: Ask the Maha…
Curly: (Rising, facing the wrong direction) Aha! Rasbanyas yata bene fuchi atimeni kharonchi…
Moe: Sit down, you Flatbush flathead!
Curly: Oh, shut up, I don't have to! (Tries to sit down and takes another spill. Moe and Larry rush over to set him into the chair.) Rasbanyas yata bene fuchi, I faw down! (Moe and Larry hit him, then return to the Governor.)
Governor: Are there fair damsels in the Rajah's domain?
Moe: Damsels?
Governor: Yes. (They chuckle together.)
Moe: We shall see. (Returns to Curly.) Maha!
Curly: Aha!
Moe: Rasbanyas yata bene fuchi atimeni kharonchi a Bay Meadows, dat iron head, he asky-tasky what did you fertsaig, hendele bendele, you got some slick chicks?
Curly: Oh, a wolf! Rasbanyas yata bene fuchi atimeni kharonchi, panedeetima hiha, I'd like to see some babes myself.
Moe: Me too… (interrupts utterance to slap Curly.)
Curly: (Removing glasses) Hit a guy with glasses, huh? (Moe slaps him again.) AAH! All right.
Moe: (Sotto voce) Put 'em back on! (To Governor:) The Maha…
Curly: (Rising) Aha! Rasbanyas yata bene fuchi…
Moe: (Rapping on desk) SIT DOWN!
Curly: Oh, shut up, I don't have to!
Moe: The Rajah says that in his domain on the islands of Coney and Long, there are some fair chickadees, who prowl through the meadows day and night. If you give us till sunup, we shall bring some back by sundown.
Governor: Excellent! Excellent! On your way with winged feet!
(Moe and Larry rush past Curly toward the door.)
Moe: (In passing) Come on, Maha!
Curly: (Rising and groping about) Aha! Yata bene… WHERE ARE YOU?! (Falls over his chair; Moe and Larry pick him up and hustle him toward the door.)
Moe: Pick up your winged feet and let's get going! (He and Larry exit through the open door; Curly walks into the wall.)
Jade was actually laughing at the double-talk between Moe and Curly causing to Tori smile, I got her!
"Okay, Vega, that's pretty good. But how're we going to do it with only the two of us?"
"Well, Larry isn't essential to the scene. Neither is Christine McIntyre. Vernon Dent's part as the governor… We could ask Sikowitz to act as a talking…prop."
"A talking prop. Gotta admit, I like it. Okay, let's float it by him tomorrow."
"Yay," Tori said quietly, so as not to earn a Jade-glare.
They sat and watched a couple of other, older Stooge shorts made before Curly had his first stroke. But they agreed the Maha scene was the one they wanted to try. Before long, Jade said it was time for her to head home. "Can I borrow that DVD? I can try to make a transcript of the double-talk."
"Sure. I tried too and have some notes. Found a site that had transcripts of some of the Stooges shorts. The URL is on the top. We can compare our notes if Sikowitz is okay with this."
"I'm sure your notes will be worthless but what the hell…"
"Seeya, Jade!"
"Not if I see you first," Jade responded as she walked out the door.
She did wave back at Tori over her shoulder giving Tori a reason to smile. Progress!
Arriving home, Jade was irritated to find her step-mother's car in the driveway, with no sign of her father's Lincoln. Ah jeez…
"The whore returns!" a female voice announced as Jade walked in.
"What? What did you call me?!"
"A whore! A slut! A piece of pussy out there for anyone to have whenever they want!"
Jade pointed her finger in the bleached blonde's face. "Don't. You. Ever. Call. Me. That. Again!"
"You little bitch! You little spawn of hell! You dress like a slutty tramp and wear that…metal in your face! Like some sleazy biker bitch!"
"GANK! You should know! How often do you pull your Yamasaki out of storage? How many bikers did you service at those biker runs to Sturgis?"
"FUCKING SLUT! YOU CAN'T TALK TO ME LIKE THAT! I'M YOUR MOTHER!"
"YOU'RE DAD'S LATEST PIECE OF ASS, YOU SKANKY BITCH! A FUCKING GOLD-DIGGER!"
Jade's head rocked back from the woman's slap. The side of her face was numb.
"Bitch!" Jade spat as she turned and went to her room.
"Don't walk away from me! I'm not done!"
Jade stopped on the stairs and coldly said, "I am!"
Slamming her door, Jade fell back against it. Unwanted tears formed in her eyes. What did I do to deserve this?
Oh god, Dad'll have a field day with this too!
Jade walked to her bed and fell on it, hoping the bitch would be too drunk to tell him what happened, from her twisted, evil point of view.
No such luck, Jade realized when she heard the front door close a few minutes later. Harsh words she couldn't make out drifted up the stairs followed by her father's measured tread.
Suddenly, Jade felt a sinking feeling – like everything she had was about to be taken away.
Sadly, she was right. Her father came in without the customary knock, his face a mask of rage. "What the hell is your problem?!"
Jade had no idea what to say, which scared her inside. A bellow this time, "JADE?!"
That unlocked her vocal cords. "That bimbo called me a whore and a slut!"
"She did no such thing! She said you started with the name calling. You called her a bitch and a slut and… I won't even use the word."
"Cunt?" Jade asked. It was the word she had in mind for this stepmother most of the time even though she had never voiced it.
"Yes! What the hell…"
Jade cut him off, "I never called her that! She started off on me as I walked in the door. Before I called her a gank and a gold-digger. She started it when she called me a slut and a whore!"
"That's not what Yvonne told me. I have no reason to dispute her. If you can't abide with her, you'll have to leave."
"LEAVE?!" Jade shouted. "Where the hell do I go?"
"That boy you've been sleeping with…"
"Beck and I never slept together! And we're not together anyway!" Jade paused, "Wait! You're taking Beach Blanket Bingo's word over me?! Wifey number three, who's barely older than me and a total skank, has more regard with you than I do?
"Fine! I'm out of here! I'll get my shit later!" Jade grabbed a bag and shoved some clothes into it. "By the way, it all better be here for me when I come for it."
"And if they're gone?"
"Don't threaten me, Father. I have a damn good lawyer!" I hope Mrs. Vega will help.
With her bag's strap over her shoulder, Jade paused at her door. Her father stood in the middle of her room but refused to look at her.
"Well, I hope you'll be happy when this bitch leaves you high and dry. And a million or so lighter!"
Down the stairs, towards the door and the loss of her old life. A voice rang out, "DEMON CHILD! Go with Satan!"
She paused and looked at the young bimbo with the artificial hair and artificial tits. Her lips were probably fake too. "If I'm the daughter of the devil, what does that make my dad? You're the fucktoy of Satan yourself!"
In less than a half-hour from her arrival, Jade left that house.
Jade drove through the Hills, up into the San Gabriel Hills and back towards Hollywood before she finally admitted to herself she only had one place she could go.
The door opened. "Vega…"
"Jade! Why are you here? I mean, come in…" Tori saw the devastated look on Jade's face. This was bad.
Trina was sitting on one of the couches and glared, "Why is she here?"
Tori spat, "Shut up, Trina!"
"Trina…" Holly warned as she came from the kitchen. "Hi, Jade. Sorry we're not having an anniversary…" Then she saw the look on the girl's face.
The attempted joke did bring a small smile to Jade's face, "Sorry about that. I… Vega…?"
"C'mon, Jade," Tori said, leading Jade upstairs.
Once in her room, Tori turned to Jade, "What's wrong?"
"Why does something have to be wrong? Maybe I just wanted to borrow some notes or…" Closing her eyes tightly, and taking a deep breath, Jade quietly admitted, "I've been kicked out!"
"What?!"
In a low voice, Jade explained what had occurred. Tori cut in from time to time with her own, somewhat tame, editorial comments. However, at the end, she did say, "That woman is a complete and total bitch!"
Feeling better telling of her travails, Jade laughed, "Yeah, she is that! But I thought that was what you thought of me."
"Jade, however we got along, I never thought of you as a complete and total bitch. Well, not since the day after you dumped your iced coffee on me.
"So, you want a place to stay?"
Rather than her usual caustic response, Jade nodded, "Please. Just for a day or two…"
"As long as you need, Jade. You've always been welcome here."
"Shall we break the news to your mom and the Air Raid Siren?"
Relieved at Jade's jibe at her sister, Tori laughed as she led Jade back downstairs. There, Tori told her family, less her dad who wasn't home yet, about Jade's problem.
Holly came over and hugged Jade, "Sweetie, I'm so sorry. You can stay as long as you want! I'm sorry about the anniversary crack…"
"Don't! I deserved that. My only excuse was pain killers from the ER." Then she smiled, "And everyone else was here…"
Trina also stood and made a move to embrace Jade before a glare forced her back. "Jade, I don't like you but this sucks so bad. I'm willing to allow you to stay here." Then she needlessly added, "Thank God, I'm going to Malibu tomorrow for the week…"
Before Jade could reply, Tori cut in, "Thanks guys. Mom, is there anything legally we can do?"
"Definitely. If Jade wants to. Just give me a day or two to prepare a case."
"A case? I'm not sure I want to sue…"
"Jade, this will just be a way to explore your options. How old are you?"
"I'll be eighteen in a few months. March 26th."
"You're still a minor... Good. We can use that. I can't guarantee you'll be able to live in your house. I'm sorry, Jade."
"Don't be. Ever since Mom left for New York, that hasn't been a home but a residence."
"Wow, pretty profound, Jade," Trina said, earning her another glare.
As an explanation, Jade said, "That was my fault. Mom wanted to take me but I wanted to go to Hollywood Arts after grade school. Dad agreed, grudgingly, so I stayed."
"Oh, Jade…" Tori said, draping an arm across the girl's shoulders. Amazed that wasn't rejected, Tori kept it there.
"Regardless, Jade… I think we have a case. Do you have any proof of this woman's abuse?"
Sadly, Jade shook her head, "No…" She paused, "Wait! Maybe… If Beck will…"
"I'm sure he'll help you. You're still friends."
"Not really. I called him a mimbo when he was talking to that Northridge skank."
"O-okay… I'll talk to him."
About that time, David walked in, "Mmm… Do I smell tacos? Thanks for waiting for me." Then he saw Jade, "Oh. Hi, Jade! Sorry, not our anniversary…"
Jade started to apologize again when Holly stepped in to tell him about recent events.
"Jeez, I'm so sorry Jade. Can I do anything?"
Tori spoke up, "Maybe you could be there when she gets her stuff?"
Using a slightly dated colloquialism, David said, "No worries. I'm there whenever any of you girls need me."
Holly cut in, "Jade, I'm guessing you're hungry. Let's eat."
On the table was a large baking sheet with two rows of homemade tacos. There were also bowls of lettuce, tomatoes and cheese with various burn-levels of hot sauce.
"What do you want to drink?" Tori asked.
"A shot of tequila," Jade said. "But, I'll take iced tea, if you have it. If all you have is that pink wazz, I'll take water."
"My wife, for an Irishwoman, makes awesome tacos!" David stated as Holly served Jade first. - pregrilled, spiced beef and cheese in flour tortilla that baked in the oven for about ten or fifteen minutes at 350 degrees.
Taking three, Jade used a lot of the hand-grated cheese - a mix of cheddar, Monterrey Jack and spiced cheese - with some lettuce and a couple of tomato sections then some of the hotter hot sauce.
"Mmm… Mrs. Vega, these are incredible!"
Jade ended up eating six tacos with two helpings of refried beans. Even David, who had the same number of tacos but only one helping of beans, was impressed.
After helping clear the table, Tori and Jade retreated upstairs. Tori showed Jade the guest bedroom then they sat and talked until almost midnight.
Unable to sleep, Jade went downstairs to get something to drink. Even that pink chiz.
Tori was already at the table with a couple of tacos. "Want some?"
Jade nuked a couple of the tacos and joined Tori for a late-night snack.
Notes: 1) The scene quoted above can be found on Youtube. Since I can't use the actual URL, just type in The Three Stooges Maha Aha. You can even watch the whole short if you wish.
2) The next part will be posted in a day or so. This is only a three-parter and will undoubtedly be a stand-alone.