Hello! Yes, here I am with another one shot! I just can't help all these ideas coming in. Don't worry, yet again, I have not abandoned my other story. I just have way too many ideas and thoughts going on. This one has been there for a while. I mean, come on! That would scar anyone! And the episode showed Donnie already showing signs of PTSD for supposedly being responsible for killing his own brothers-why wouldn't Mikey have a similar issue?
Anyway, sorry for the little rant.
Please enjoy!
My sons…soon, all will be as it should be…NOOOOOOO!
I can't get it out of my head. He was so much bigger and stronger than mine, but it was unmistakable that's who he was. Still wise, still strong, still Sensei.
Why would I design a way to stop it? It is inevitable.
NOOOOOOO!
Stop it stop it stop it stop it! Get out of my head!
"My son?" I jump, muscles jerking automatically, sending now burnt eggs flying off the stove and all over the counters and floor.
"Se-Father. I'm sorry, I didn't see you." I looked at the mess I made and turned off the stove. "Ehe…sorry for the mess, S-Sensei. I'll clean up right away." Master Splinter stroked his beard, eyeing me while I grabbed a broom and started to sweep up the black eggs.
"It is alright, my son. However, I believe it may be too late to fix more eggs, as training starts in 10 minutes."
"Hai, Sensei. I'll get the cereal and let my brothers know."
"No need. I will inform them," I nodded as I swept the last of the egg off the counter into the full dustpan and threw them away. I sighed at the waste. Things have gotten easier with April willing to run to the store for us now, but that doesn't mean I like wasting any more than I did before. Wasting your powers for good? Join me once more, my sons, and we will make this right!
"My son," I jerked again and turned to Splinter who was still standing at the door. He was watching me warily, as if he knew what was going through my head. I felt my heart speed up at the thought. "Is everything alright, my son? You seem agitated."
"Um…no, S-sensei. I'm fine. Just…uh, distracted, I guess." He looked intently at my face, and I did my best to meet his gaze, trying to show him I was alright.
"Very well, my son. I will go get your brothers." He left. I stared at where he was standing. Why am I so nervous? It's not him. Just calm down. It's been several weeks since the Ultimate Drako fiasco, and I was struggling to hide my nightmares. I know I've been getting more and more distracted about it, but sharing it isn't an option.
Donnie had been an emotional wreck when we finally got home. He could barely tell us what happened, and he told me more after, when our brothers weren't around. He went through Hell. Our home gone, Shredder taking over everything, landing in the middle of a war that wasn't just bad versus good, but also brother against brother. He worked so hard to reunite all of us, then lost us, right in front of his eyes. He had frozen in the middle, hearing the sounds of the battle and our screams as we faded. It took us a long time to calm him down, and me even longer to convince him it wasn't his fault. He felt his plan is what killed us all.
He still wakes up with nightmares. I'm usually the one who comforts him, which is why I know more than everyone else. That's how I found out about Casey being dead, Karai dying after killing Leo and Raph, and Sensei…NOOOOOOO! No! Stop it! It's not the same reality! I've had nightmares since coming home, too. I'm usually in Donnie's room before the others have woken up enough to realize what's going on, because I can't sleep either.
"Mikey?"
"Yowza!" I jump up, spilling my cereal all over me. I look up to see my brothers, already finished eating, getting ready for training. They are looking at me like I turned pink.
"You okay, bro? Ya jumped like Leo when Splinter walks in." Raph chuckled, pointing his thumb at said brother.
"I do not jump when Sensei walks in," Leo defends. "It was more like you, when any small insect enters your field of vision." Donnie chuckles as Raph hits his fist into his palm, threatening Leo to continue.
"Uh…yeah, I'm okay. Sorry, dudes. Just a little distracted today," I chuckle. "Um…I'll clean this up really quick, can you tell S-sensei for me?" Leo nods and they all leave me to clean up the mess.
Get your head on straight! It's fine! I took a few deep breaths, threw the dirty towel in the sink, and ran to the dojo. As usual, we meditated first. I used the opportunity to shove my memories and feelings in a small brown box, to be revisited later, when I'm ready. The rest of meditation I used to clear my head and calm my pulse down. When Master Splinter called us to spar, I felt better than I had for a couple weeks. I was even able to score a solid hit on Raph that almost had me winning the spar, if I didn't walk away thinking I already won. He tackled me from behind and held me in a lock until I surrendered.
"Cheater," I mumble, and he chuckles. Training ended with Donnie against Raph. How our purple banded brother beat Leo, I'm not sure. Not that he couldn't, but I didn't see the fight since I was getting my own shell handed to me, so I literally didn't know. After Raph won (though not easily. Donnie flipped him good but didn't expect him to get back up and was tackled. I know how ya feel, bro.), we were excused for free time. As usual, Leo stayed behind to perfect his katas and Donnie left for his lab. As worried as I was about Donnie (he seemed just as distracted as I was today), I really needed to get my head right, and that meant I needed some good old video games.
Raph was already at the television when I got there.
"Aw, Raphie!" I complained. "I wanted to play a game!"
"Yeah, well, ya snooze ya loose, doofus," he said as he flipped the channels. "And today, ya snoozed twice, so ya lost twice." I sighed. I could pester him, make him drop the remote after I annoyed him to the hills and back, but I didn't feel up to it right now. So I grabbed my sketchpad and left for the sewers.
Now, I know what you're thinking. Mikey with a sketchpad? Isn't he trying too hard? Well, despite my namesake, I actually found that drawing can help me calm down. Center myself. Whenever I'm mad at my bros, frazzled from a battle, or I just need to let off steam, I have a few options: 1) Prank my bros 2) Annoy Raph 3) Torment Raph 4) Blow up Donnie's latest invention after using it to annoy, torment, and/or prank Raph 5) Draw. That last one is done only if the others don't work or I don't have the energy to do them. Like today.
I wandered for a few hours, trying to find a place that's peaceful and serene enough for what I need. I stumbled across a sewer pipe leading to the river. There was an old grate covering the opening. I could see the sun setting on the horizon. This was nice, but the grate is in the way. I examined the tiny bars, and found they were so rusted I could kick them down. I didn't want anyone able to come in and ruin my new hiding spot, though, so I used my nunchucks to hit it out from the stone around it, enough to bend back and let me look out at the now unobstructed view, but that would also allow me to bend it back into place before I left.
It was beautiful. I took out my sketchpad and pencils and let my hands move as they wanted to as I felt the sun slowly disappeared under the horizon. I knew my brothers would be worried about me soon, but I wanted to stay here. I could organize my thoughts and it felt like there wasn't anything to worry about here. I drew until the sun was gone, taking my light with it. I sighed, got up, bent the grate back and left, carefully tucking my sketch pad under my arm as I ran home. I knew Leo would give me an earful if I wasn't back in time for patrol.
I walked through the door just as everyone was gearing up. Since I already had my weapons on me, I just used the opportunity to put my sketchpad in its place in my room, then joined my brothers out for patrol.
It was quiet. Well, as quiet as I would allow. I jumped from roof to roof, laughing like a maniac, taunting my brothers.
"Come on, Raphie! We're supposed to be ninja turtles, not tortoises! You're so far behind, Leo might actually be able to catch you!"
"HEY!" two brothers responded.
"I'm not that slow!" Leo complained as Raph yelled out "I can catch Leo without bein' slow!" I waited, then:
"Rrrrrrah! Darn it, Mikey! I ain't slow!"
"Hahahahahaha! Could'a fooled me, Raphie-boy! Took ya long enough to get you dissed yourself!" Donnie was laughing quietly as he jumped just behind me, his closeness to the fastest turtle known as me the only reason he wasn't part of the joke. Well, that and he had a really bad nightmare last night, and I didn't want to push him. It was eerily similar to my own dream. Why, my son? Why couldn't you help me? Why did you kill me? Why? NO! I shake my head, trying to rid myself of these thoughts. It's my job to keep everyone happy, especially Donnie. I can't do that if I keep going back!
"Yeah, well ya won't be sayin' that fer much longer!" Raph called out and put on a burst of speed.
"Aw, Raphie, if you waste all your energy now, you'll never make it home!" Wasted potential. Stop it! Soon, my sons, we will build a new home from what remains. No! I could feel my smile plastered on my face, but my brothers seemed oblivious to its strain. Good. I can't afford to have them worry.
We jumped the rooftops, continuing our game of tag, until Leo called it time to go home. I wasn't complaining. I needed some time alone. Usually I hate being alone, but right now I can't be with my brothers.
When we walked back into the Lair, Master Splinter was sitting in front of the televisions watching the news. He always waits up for us, which is really super nice. I love the warm feeling I get when I see him watching for our safe return. However, this time it is accompanied by a ferocious guilt. My nightmare comes back to mind.
'Why would I design a way to stop it?' Sliver asks.
'I'll fly it into the hemisphere!'
'No! It'll take you with it!'
'No! There has to be another way! The Sliver said he built it so it would only affect what's outside the tower. What if we switched it, so it only worked inside the tower?'
'That might work! … I got it! Let's get outta here!'
'Sorry dudes, looks like I'm already on my way out of this world. If they write a comic about this, make sure they call me the Turtle Titan!' And they're gone. Sliver glares at me.
'How could you do this? Are you not also my son? I can feel your similar energy. How could you kill your own father this way?'
'You were going to kill the entire planet!'
'And your honor allows this? I would be ashamed to call you my own. Murderer!' I'm fading out faster now.
'Well, looks like I'm heading out!'
'NOOOOOOOO!' And I'm gone too, in the strange blue blackness that sent me to this strange world. Except…I don't end up back with my bros and father with the Ultimate Drako the way my memories say I did.
'You think you are rid of me? I will haunt you for the rest of your life. Murderer. Murderer.'
'No. Stop it stop it stop it! It had to be done! We had to save everyone!'
'By sacrificing the one you owe everything to? You know better than I what kind of scum you are, and I will be here constantly to remind you of it.' His whispers echoed around me until I woke up, covered in cold sweat.
"My son?" I jumped again.
"Fa-Se-Master Sl-Splinter! S-sorry, S-sensei. Um…did you need something?" Master Sl-Splinter is looking at me with sad eyes.
"My son. What is it that troubles you?"
"Uh…n-nothing, Master Sl-Splinter. I-I guess I'm just tired." Why am I having a hard time even saying his name!? My father looks at me, concerned, but allows me to leave for my room. I stumble to my bed, making sure the door is shut behind me, and bury my face in my pillow.
"I'm fine. I'm fine. There's nothing wrong. I'm happy. I'm carefree. I've got a prank for Raph tomorrow. It's going to be hilarious. Donnie will be laughing so hard when he sees Raph covered in peanut butter. I'll have to clean, but it will be worth it. I have to keep it up. It's okay. I'm fine." I keep muttering to myself as I hear my brothers eventually head to bed as well, several hours later. I feel myself relax as I drift off into sleep.
'You killed him. Why did you kill him?'
'He was our father! Why did you kill him?'
'We needed him! How could you be so selfish?'
'Guys, I'm sorry! Please, I couldn't think of anything else!'
'We should never have trusted you! Now our lives are tainted with what you made us do!'
'Blobboid, no! It wasn't your fault! Griddex, Shellectro, Graviturtle, tell him! It wasn't his fault, it wasn't any of your faults!'
'Then who's fault was it, Michelangelo? Who made the call to prevent me from taking the bomb to the sky?'
'…mine.'
'Who suggested I switch the polarity of the bomb, thus switching it's function and its target?'
'Mine.'
'Who came up with the brilliant plan too late to save our father?'
'MINE! It's my fault. All mine! I know! I…I killed Father.'
'Michelangelo?' No. Please, not these voices too.
'Mikey…say it ain't so. Please, bro. Tell me ya didn't…' A brief silence.
'He did. He killed Splinter in the reality I was in. After all, if he killed Father in one reality, he's more than able to kill him in any reality. That whole nightmare…it was ALL YOUR FAULT!'
'I'm sorry! I'm sorry…I'm sorry. Guys. I…I was just trying to do what's right.'
'And as usual, ya got it wrong. Traitor! Murderer! We don't want no stinkin' killer in our home! Get lost!' I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Something is thrown, I can hear the air split around it, and I don't bother dodging it as it strikes me hard in the face. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I jolt awake. I don't know what it was that woke me, but the wetness on my face tells me I've been crying for a while. I flip my pillow to its dry side and bury my face again.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." I mumble. After a few minutes I stretch and dry my face of it's remaining tears. I glance at the clock. 2:30am. It'll be soon. Donnie hasn't been able to sleep past three for over two weeks now. I can usually get him back to sleep around four-thirty, so he can get another hour of sleep, but it's pretty hit and miss there. I sigh and get up. Donnie will need comfort food.
I stagger to the kitchen and start making hot chocolate. Sl-Splinter used to give us different kinds of tea when we were younger, but soon discovered it didn't sit well in Donnie's stomach and set out to find something that would. Hot chocolate was discovered, and soon it was all us younger three would drink, until Donnie found coffee that is. But that would kind of be counter-productive at this point, so chocolate it is.
It didn't take long.
I ran to his room, drink in hand. Quickly placing the drink on his desk, I ran to his side and shook his shoulder. He was sweating as if he was in the Sahara, tossing around and moaning only a little.
"Donnie! Donnie, bro, wake up!" I whisper harshly. I wanted to wake him up before it got too bad, but he wasn't waking up, so I raised my voice. "Donatello!" He started thrashing around, moaning louder. I sighed and rubbed his arms and plastron, murmuring his name.
"It's okay, big bro. Nothing's wrong here. You're home. You're safe. So are we. We're all okay." Suddenly, he started screaming.
"No! Mikey! Leo! Raph! No, please! No!" The pounding of footsteps outside the door told me my attempts tonight were unsuccessful. Again. Leo and Raph burst in the room while I was trying to stop Donnie from hurting himself. Quick as ninja, they jumped to his side as well, murmuring assurances that everything was okay. Raph ran out to get water. Slowly, his thrashing ceased, and he was back to moaning.
"Donnie," Leo cooed. "It's okay, otouto. We're all here. Wake up. You're safe." Donnie shot up, smacking his forehead to Leo's with the sudden movement.
"Ow…" they both groaned. I chuckled. I grabbed Donnie's chin to make him look up so I could check his forehead.
"You'll be fine," I snickered and hand him his hot chocolate. Donnie mumbles an apology and takes a sip as Raph comes in with the water. He looks confused for a second and looks from Donnie's hot chocolate to the water in his hands. I stuck my tongue out at him and he gives an exasperated grin before putting the water down. Soon he's next to us to comfort our genius brother as well.
At first, Donnie tries to ignore us. Leo and Raph pressed for answers, but on realizing they weren't going to get any for a while, settled for sitting in brotherly silence. We all sat together, enjoying each other's company. Donnie kept in constant contact with all three of us as if affirming they were alive. I got it. I understood the need.
"Hey, wanna go watch some TV?" I ask. Clearly, we weren't going to sleep again anytime soon. "I thought I saw a documentary on the list when I looked earlier. Or we could watch one of the movies Casey and April brought us." My brothers nodded in agreement, and we made our way to the living room. I snagged Donnie's blanket on the way out. We all snuggled together on the couch, me leaning against Donnie's legs from the floor (that couch can't hold four teenage boys with shells) while we watched a relaxing movie. Nothing apocalyptic or anything that could remind Donnie of his experience. That narrowed our selection down quite a bit, so we settled for Daredevil.
I couldn't finish it.
It was fine at first, I could kind of ignore what happened at the beginning. It wasn't the kid's fault, he couldn't know his dad was messed up like that. We lost him. No! He didn't know. So, he couldn't have been able to help him by the time he got there. No. The hard part was closer to the end of the movie. When Daredevil did everything in his power to stop it and didn't make it. When he was blamed for her father's death. When his choices led to her father's death.
What if we switched it…?
That just might work.
We lost him. We lost him to evil.
How I have longed for my sons by my side.
NOOOOOO!
Murderer!
No! I left the room quickly, quietly, ignoring Leo's confused glance, and went to my room.
"I'm fine. This is about Donnie. Not me. Donnie. Not me. I'm okay." I took a few deep breaths and looked at the clock. 5am. Not too early to start breakfast. I walked quickly to the kitchen and started on sausage and eggs—Donnie's favorite. I even added some bell peppers, cheese, and mushrooms for his delight. I smiled when I finished. It was salivating to look at, if I do say so myself. I walked back into the living room just as the credits started rolling.
"Hey, guys. Got breakfast ready. You hungry?" They all grinned and nodded and we all enjoyed the meal. I got up to clean my plate when Leo spoke up behind me.
"Oh, Master Splinter! Mikey made breakfast. Would you like some?" I jumped, again, but it didn't seem anyone noticed. Honestly, I'm going to have to ask Don if he's sure we're turtles. I've been jumpier than a rabbit recently.
"Perhaps a little. It does smell amazing." I heard him chuckle as he silently took his seat. I schooled my features into my classic grin as I handed him his plate.
"Thank you, my son," he said.
"Sure thing, Master Sli-Splinter," I grin. I noticed my brothers share a look, and a flash of something in Sensei's eyes, but I try to ignore it. Why is it getting so hard to say his name? I force another smile and leave the kitchen for the dojo. I started shivering when I was alone.
"I'm fine," I whisper to myself. Clearly, I needed to refocus again. I sat in meditation until everyone else joined me, forcing it all back in the box, making it slightly bigger to hold it all better.
"Okay, see? It's getting better!" I tell myself as I walk home from my sanctuary. It's been a week, and I haven't had as many problems. Or at least, not any new ones. I can't call him 'Master Splinter' anymore without almost saying 'Sliver', but I've been able cover it by just calling him Sensei. So far. That's also started morphing into Sliver's name. But it hasn't completely yet, so I'll keep it up until I can't anymore.
Donnie has kind of been getting better. He hasn't necessarily been getting worse. He still has nightmares, but otherwise he is acting as normal as he ever was before the whole Ultimate Drako fiasco. His nightmares seem to be getting better. They aren't as frequent. Which is good. For him. Yeah. Not quite as good for me, since I no longer have a reason to look tired. But so far that has been easy to cover up too.
Recently, I've been taking more trips to my newfound hiding spot, my sanctuary. I take my sketchpad every time. Sometimes, it's bad enough I run there in the middle of the day. It still works, but my favorite time is definitely sunset. It feels like the sun is taking my problems with it when I watch it disappear before rising again for a new day. Almost like it's cleaning itself in the water to start again fresh. One day, I was even able to bring my paints and pencils along to capture the moment on paper. Maybe later, I can convince April to help me so I can transfer it to canvas. I think that would be fun.
Anyway, the trips have been really helpful to me. I've come pretty close to breaking down and crying. Crying. Can you believe it? I don't cry, my family would freak out if I actually shed real tears. It would be like Raph turning into a pacifist and dancing ballet! Or Leo getting tattoos drinking beer! Or if Donnie starts experimenting on us! Or Sensei turn into a bad guy and take over the world. No! That won't happen. So, I run to my spot when I feel close to cracking and cry there. Okay, so I lied when I said I don't cry. I just don't in front of my family. Hello? Crazy optimist without a care in the world here. Crying isn't a concept I'm supposed to understand.
So yeah. It's getting better. Easier to manage, anyway.
I sigh as I walk through the front door. No one has seemed to notice my disappearing acts yet, which is good, though I kind of feel hurt at the same time. But then again, it's most helpful to me this way. Sunset. Almost like a starting over. But definitely full of hope. Hope for the future, for the new sun for the new tomorrow, whatever it may be. Hope for the unknown mysteries ahead of us all. I guess Donnie would call it a reset to start over again. And that's okay with me.
"Hey, Mikey. Ready for patrol?" Raph asks, clearly pumped to go. I grin.
"I don't know, Raphie-boy. Last night didn't work so well for you. Maybe you should sit this one out?" He glares as he remembers his humiliating defeat on the race home last night.
"Oh, I don't know about that, chucklehead," he suddenly grins. "I'm thinking this time will work out much better for me than you." I narrow my eyes at his misplaced confidence.
"Well, if you're sure you wanna risk it, slow-poke, be my guest." I chuckle, ready for whatever challenge he dares to throw at me.
"Okay, okay, goofballs." Donnie walks in, rummaging in his bag. He's been a lot more chipper lately now that he's been getting better sleep. "You guys do realize Leo will have your shells if he finds out you guys are planning on racing during patrol?"
"Oh, we realize," Raph grumbles. "But he'd have to catch us to beat us, right Mikey?" he whispers to me and I struggle to hide my laughter as said brother strides in with confidence. He narrows his eyes at us for a moment when he sees us unnaturally close together, clearly scheming, before he rolls his eyes.
"Let's move out!"
…
"Ow! Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow!" I was sitting on the couch hours later, rubbing small bruises on my arms, legs, plastron, and head.
"Stop complainin'. I told ya it wouldn't go same as last night," Raph gloated from the floor in front of the TV. I glared at him.
"You can't throw rocks at your opponent! It's a race." I complain.
"You two really need to focus more," Leo groused, glaring at the both of us from behind the couch. "What if foot soldiers were waiting on any of those rooftops?"
"Then we would'a halted our race, beat their black-clad behinds, and resumed our previous activities," Raph said, shoving Leo's shoulder lightly. "Besides, Mikey's shrieking scared away any ambush they could'a set up."
"Did not!"
"Please, Mikey," Donnie interjected, handing me a washcloth for my bruises. "You sounded like a screaming banshee!" They all dissolved into laughs while I pouted.
"Hardy-har." I cleaned my injuries while they laughed.
"It would seem you met some trouble, Michelangelo," I repressed the jump, but couldn't stop my muscles from tensing. I turned to meet him, classic Mikey-smile on my face.
"Heh. If you call Raphie with a slingshot trouble, then yeah,"
"Stop callin' me that! An' it wasn't a slingshot!"
"Please. You couldn't possibly get close enough to me to actually hit me with those little pebbles without it," I say back, chortling, then my eyes widened as I realized what I just said and spun to face my other two brothers, who were in fact close enough to do the deed.
"You!" They both looked away, whistling tunelessly while I glared at them.
"What happened to being more focused, Leo?" I ask snidely.
"I was focusing!" he defended. I waited. "On you…" he finally added while Donnie laughed. I complained and whined at them all for the next ten minutes, everyone laughing good-naturedly, before we all started heading to bed. Me warning them all to watch their shells for the next few days. Boy, do I have some pranks for them. I stopped by the kitchen before heading to bed, grabbing some water.
"My son, do you have a moment?" I jumped this time, despite fighting it. I turned hesitantly to my father standing in the doorway.
"Sure thing," I mumble while we both take a seat at the table. We sit in silence for a while and I keep staring at the cup in my hands.
"My son, are you alright?" he suddenly asks. I jerk my head up quickly at his worried tone. "You seem so anxious lately. You tense up quite suddenly, then relax, only to tense up again." Oh, shell. He's starting to notice. It won't take him long to start realizing he's the cause of my tension now, if he hasn't noticed already. I put a huge smile on my face.
"I'm fine, Sli-Sensei!" From his face I can tell that calling it nothing won't work. I let the smile slip a little. "I just…I'm worried about Donnie," I mutter. It's not the truth he's looking for, but it's still true. He sighs and grabs my hand.
"My son," I tense again. "Your brother is strong and on the swift road of recovery. It will not be long before he is back to normal." He rubs soothing circles on my hands. I sigh, relaxing in his hold.
"I know. I just can't help my worry."
"He will be alright. As will you. You will all stand strong together once more." His face looked softly at me, confident and reassuring.
'How I have longed to have my sons by my side once more.' His face, fallen in sorrow from not being united with his sons. Lines on his aged face that scream of the sadness within. His face softens for a moment as he remembers better times, when they were all together. His face, scrunched in horror, seconds before the bomb went off, as he realized he would never be with his sons again. And I took it from him. I shook myself out of it before I sank too far.
"Thank you, Sl-Father," I mumble. I couldn't call him Sensei. I almost cried right there, but I could still call him Father. I only called him that when I really needed emotionally support or reassurance, and it fit here either way. He seems surprised at my sudden turn to the affectionate, but he smiled anyway and patted my hand before he left. I sat a little longer before I too left for my room.
I stood in a dark room, the Super Turtles on my left, and Sliver's ghost on my right.
"You took them from me," Sliver suddenly calls to me "I can never see them again. I can never teach them again. They will continue on their path without my guidance. All your fault."
"You took him from us." Graviturtle said. "We can never learn from him again. You heard him. He had so much more to teach us."
"He coulda taught me how ta bettah control mah strength," Griddex sobs. "How I could keep mah bruthas safe from any enemy, includin' mahself."
"He could teach me how to conduct my electricity through objects. How to send it to someone without getting too close, sometimes without them knowing. Why did you take that from us?"
"He could have come back." Blobboid was the worst to listen to. "He could have realized he was on the wrong path and returned home to us. You took our father from us!" he suddenly shouts, and I cover my ears.
"I-I know, guys. I'm sorry."
"Sorry doesn't bring him back!" I sob and fall to my knees, pebbles digging into my hands. I look up and see a grave marker, just like Donnie described from the reality he went to.
"Why'd ya kill him? We still needed him." I could hear different forms of my brothers, Donnie's world's, the Super Turtles, even my own brothers. All saying the same thing.
"We needed him. We loved him. You took our father from us. Murderer." I slapped my hands over my ears, ignoring the pain, as they continued to chant to me.
"Murderer…murderer…murderer…"
A sudden scream tore me from my dream. Fighting down my own scream, I fought against my sweaty tangled sheets and rushed out of my room to that of my brother's. This is a bad one. He doesn't scream anymore unless it's really bad. When I got there, Raph and Leo were already there, as well as Sensei. I froze at the door. I don't know why. But I couldn't make myself move, to go and comfort my crying brother.
'Murderer. You took this from us.' No, I didn't mean to. I mean, I wanted to stop the bad guy! I didn't want to tear apart their family! 'But that's what you did to us.' Sensei looked up, sensing my troubled spirit. 'YOU TOOK HIM FROM US!'
I couldn't help it.
I ran.
I ran, even hearing my father cry out for me, my brothers frantically getting up to give chase.
I ran.
Where to? I can't really go anywhere?
My sanctuary. I'll re-center myself. Think of an excuse there. Just go.
I ran for what felt like several hours, but I knew from experience was only one. I ran until I saw my spot of serenity, with a pad of paper and pencils hidden nearby. I collapsed at my seat after grabbing my art supplies and tore through to a new page. I needed to get this out. It didn't matter that it was darker than the Pit outside, I needed to find my center again.
It's all your fault! Our family is broken because of you!
Why should you get a release? I pause. You did this to us! Face your crime! It's your fault! My fault…my fault. I…I killed him. I killed their father. I killed Sensei. I killed Master Splinter. I killed him. My fault. The tears fell on my unfinished drawing. I fell to the ground and screamed. I cried. I ranted. I raved. I threw my head back and screamed myself hoarse. I screamed and cried until my eyes hurt and I started coughing up blood. I sobbed until I couldn't feel anything anymore.
"My fault. I'm sorry. It's my fault."
It must have been close to dawn by the time my brothers found me. I shuddered. I couldn't find it. My center. It was gone. My ability to smile through the pain, to laugh while I was suffering. I couldn't find it. I broke my family. I broke at least two of my families, maybe three. I couldn't keep smiling.
"Mikey…Mikey, talk to us. Mikey. Mikey, please. Mikey, why are you crying?" My brothers. Sobbing around me. I couldn't feel anything. I was so numb.
"My son." My chest aches with renewed sobs. Please no. Not now. I'm sorry.
"My son," he tries again. "Why are you apologizing? What is wrong?" I'm apologizing? Out loud? I can't hear it. I can't feel anything.
"Mikey, please." Donnie. Donnie! He was crying too! He was hurting too! "Mikey, please, open your eyes. Please, little brother." Of course, Donnie. I need to make sure you're okay.
Slowly, painfully, I crack open my eyes. I was lying on my side, almost twisted as I tried to find my immediate older brother.
"Donnie?" His hand grasps mine. "Donnie, are you okay?"
"I'm fine, otouto. What's wrong Mikey?"
"I'm sorry, Don. I didn't mean to run like that."
"Don't worry about that. Mikey, please, why are you crying?"
"It's my fault. I'm sorry."
"Mikey! What's the matta with ya?" Raph's voice sounds so much huskier than usual. I shake my head and close my eyes, but immediately open them again when I hear the shuffling of papers. Leo was looking at my latest sketch.
"No!" I cry as I lunge for the pad. I surprised Leo and was able to grab it before he saw too much. "Don't look!" I sob, holding the papers to my chest.
"Okay, Mikey," he soothed. "I won't look. I'm sorry. I didn't know. I won't look." I continued to cry, coughing slightly and rocking back and forth. I could sense my family giving each other looks behind me.
I wished for my sons by my side, and you took that from me. Now, I will take your family from you.
No, please!
You left us alone. Why?
Murderer! You are a menace to your family! You'll kill them all!
I sob louder, coughing harder. I could hear Donnie yelling slightly when blood came from my mouth, but I didn't care. I deserved it. I was going to destroy my family.
"My son! Please, calm yourself!" He stood right in front of me, worry and concern all over his face, written in the lines by his mouth and eyes. I could feel my tears pause in seeing him, but then this agonizing feeling erupted from my chest and I started screaming again.
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I didn't want to! I didn't want to! I'm sorry, Father! Brothers! I'm sorry!" The words echoed around me, bouncing from wall to wall, filling my head with my pleas. I saw Father give my brothers a long, sad look before turning to me with his hand raised above my head. This is what I deserve, I thought as the hand came down on the back of my head and I saw no more.
"Is he going to be okay, Donnie?" A sigh.
"Splinter only hit him as hard as he needed to. He might have a slight headache, but that's it. His throat is torn up a bit from all the screaming. He must have been screaming for hours before we found him for it to look like that."
"Hours! What the shell is wrong with him, Donnie?" Raph's voice made my head ring, and I groaned.
"Mikey! Mikey, are you awake?" I groaned again and opened my eyes. My three brothers were surrounding my place in the infirmary, an old gurney Don had found years ago. They all had varying levels of concern on their faces, with different levels of anger and fear as well.
"Mikey, say somethin', please," Raph nearly growled, but there was a lot of fear in his voice. I almost wanted to smile. Fear was almost never heard from Raph, unless he had no idea what was going on with one of his brothers and he couldn't fight whatever it was. I glanced to the side as I considered what to say and froze.
He was sitting in his usual place against the wall. He always sat there when one of us were injured. I felt the tears well up again and fought back a sob.
"I'm sorry, Father," I whisper, barely able to talk through the pain. But I did, because this was nothing compared to the pain I've caused the Super Turtles, or even my own family. "I'm sorry, Donnie, Raph, Leo. I'm sorry." The tears fall.
"Why are you sorry, Mike?" Leo asks cautiously, afraid to set me off again. I shake my head. I can't tell them.
Long have I wished for my sons to be at my side once more.
YOU RUINED OUR LIVES!
We could have had our father back!
It's all your fault!
I couldn't help it. I started sobbing again, causing my brothers to quickly squeeze in to give me pats and rubs and hugs, giving what comfort they could. I sobbed harder and tried to push myself up. They helped me sit, and I curled into a ball and cried into my knees.
"My son." His voice was so weak! So hoarse! As if he had been crying too. As if he was in physical pain to see my distress. "My son, we wish to help you. But we cannot unless you help us. Michelangelo." He grabbed my chin and made me look into his warm, caring, distressed eyes. "Michelangelo. My son. Tell us. What is wrong?"
Looking at him, I felt my tears dry up. I had to tell him. There was such pain in his eyes. Like his whole world was dying. It was hurting him not knowing. I was hurting my family by not telling them. I took a deep breath.
"Do you…remember? What I told you about what happened to me…with the Ultimate Drako?" I ask haltingly. Everyone took a seat in chairs that had been sitting next to the bed.
"Yeah," Raph chuckled. "Ya said ya got ta team up with these really cool super hero versions of us."
"And you said you helped them to stop a Great Evil from destroying the city." Leo chimed in.
"Well…I wasn't completely truthful." I shifted, and they scooted in closer. Donnie was watching me carefully. I knew he recognized similarities between his and my actions after we came back. I'm sure he already had more pieces than anyone else did. But I also knew he didn't even think of what I was about to tell them. How could he? It was an impossibility in our minds. I took another breath, steeling myself for a long story.
"When I got there, I was in a rad building called Turtle Tower. It was their base. I already told you how I met them and their powers. Naturally, I was eager to find out who was who. I wanted to know who had what powers. I'm pretty sure Donnie was Shellectro. Naturally I also asked what happened to their Master S-Splinter," I tried not to, but still ended up stuttering over his name. "They said they lost him." My brothers' faces all fell, all no doubt imagining what it would be like to be faced with that information. I even saw Leo shiver while Splinter looked down in sorrow. I'm sure that was a huge fear on his part as well.
"They were all working together with me, trying to figure out how to send me home. Then April came along and gave them a mission. It was funny seeing her as mayor and Casey as her secretary. He was such a pacifist," I chuckle, and see Raph shake his head. It was really hard to see, and I knew it. "They said their bad guy, the equivalence of our Shredder, had built a bomb."
"You told us this bomb would have wiped out the whole city," Don said. I nodded.
"Yeah. But I lied." I shook my head, trying to keep calm. "It was called the Penultimate Nullificator. It was designed to destroy any and all life outside his tower." I waited while they all looked at me. They didn't get it. I sighed. "It was going to destroy all life on earth, with the exception of those who were in his tower." Their eyes widened as the tried to comprehend the scope of that statement.
"Billions on billions of lives…" Leo muttered.
"That's a heavy burden," Raph grumbles, clearly not pleased that I was there alone. Even with our four counterparts, he didn't like that I had to face such horrifying odds without my immediate brothers. I just nodded.
"It made Graviturtle really tense, that's for sure. Huh. I guess that would make him Leo," I tease lightly, and he made a face at me. "Anyway, we had to prioritize. My getting home wasn't as important as saving the world. So we all went to his tower to try and stop it. The Super Turtles all used their awesome powers to get us inside. However, once we were there," I shudder, gulping, before forcing myself to go on. "He captured us all with their one weakness, the one thing their powers couldn't even scratch. Utromidiom. Well, naturally, they couldn't really think their way around it. It's their weakness. People tend to give up when faced with the thing they can never beat. Well, they aren't people, they're turtles, but you get the point. Well, we don't have just one weakness, so we're pretty versatile in our thinking—"
"That, and you have a pretty crazy mind," Donnie chuckled. "Half the things you think up even comic authors would have difficulty cooking up." I grin but continue with my story as if he didn't say anything.
"So I tried to brainstorm. But they couldn't think of anything. Eventually, though, I got an idea. Blobboid could morph, change his substance in a way. Kinda like clay, I guess. If it was moldable, he could do it. So I had him morph into me and play on the guy's emotions and crazy ideals to free us. Kinda like the Shredder. If we could ever convince him one of us would turn against our family and join him. That kind of ploy." Leo and Raph nodded while Donnie grimaced. None of us liked the idea of turning traitor, being on the wrong side of justice. Which is how I knew they were not going to like my story. I pause for a minute. Do I really want to do this? They will know…they'll know I'm—
Murderer! I cover my ears, trying in vain to block him out, and I vaguely hear my family trying to comfort me, console me.
You deserve everything that's coming to you! I close my eyes and breathe. I'm not doing this for them, but for my brothers. They needed to know. I'll take the consequences. Whatever they may be.
"I'm alright," I breathe. They all force themselves to relax back into their seats. I clear my throat. "So, he pretended to be me, playing turncoat. Explained how I came from another world, and all us turtles were allied with him, destroying mankind. He was…excited at the prospect. It was like his deepest desire." I wince slightly at my word choice. Slightly misleading. But they'll get it. When I finish, they'll understand. And they'll hate me.
"So, he freed him. When he got his chance, Blobboid took his staff which controlled the cage and let us out. We all fought. Well, he was their ultimate bad guy, their Shredder. He knew all their strengths, all their weaknesses. He was able to beat them. They couldn't do anything. But he didn't know me. He didn't know anything about ninjutsu. I was able to dodge my way around him, land a few solid hits too. He didn't make it easy. Super Turtles have a Super Villain. I had to dodge lightning, goo, gravity attacks, super strength, and cheating dodging abilities. As if I was going against the Super Turtles themselves." I frown at the thought.
"It should have been harder for me to beat him, but he was cocky. He was confident in his abilities and didn't think someone without powers could take him on. I used his goo side against him. He was just like the Shredder in the whole "you dare to touch me!?" thing, so he used his goo side to make me go right through him. I grabbed his staff as I did, because he had grabbed it back from Blobboid way back at the beginning of the fight. He was kinda shocked about it and backed up a few steps, which was his downfall. I trapped him in his own cage. He was strong enough he could almost break out with his strength, but it was still his weakness, his kryptonite, and he couldn't bust out. It hurt him."
"So, you won? What about the bomb?" Donnie asked when I paused too long. I could feel tears burning the backs of my eyes again and I could only study the blanket beneath me. How could I tell them?
"Mikey? It's okay, bro. You can tell us." I sigh. It's not okay. But I'm still telling them. I was ready for this to be done. I already knew I wasn't getting out of this. Best case, they'll kick me out. Worst case, they'll lock me up forever. Probably with the Utroms. I doubt they'll send me to a lab, since it would put them at risk as well. But I wouldn't blame them if they did. I was a horrible brother. A horrible son. I deserved whatever they chose.
"Well, locking him up didn't stop the bomb. We had thirty seconds by the time the battle was over. Not enough time for Shellectro to examine it, let alone diffuse it. I demanded he tell us how to stop it…"
"He wouldn't?" Leo prodded gently.
"Couldn't. He didn't build it to be stopped." They all gasped, horrified at the implication.
"Was there no way to save the world? What if Graviturtle—"
"Yeah, you're definitely him, Leo," I chuckle. "He suggested that too. But there was no guarantee he could take it high enough, and he wouldn't survive either way. Griddex refused to let him try."
"Sounds like my kinda guy," Raph grumbles. I smile. Guess I'm Blobboid. I chuckle to myself.
"Yeah. You'd get along real well with him, Raph. Well, with no way to stop it, they were frantic. Naturally. You fight with everything you have, finally beat your ultimate enemy, only to find all your efforts in vain. They were all kind of frozen, not sure how to proceed. Luckily for them, I've read my fair share of comics," I wiggle my eyebrows at Leo, who rolls his eyes. "And I could think of a few ideas. I asked if they could somehow…flip it. He designed it to only blow up everything outside the tower. Makes sense that you'd be able to rewire it or whatever, so it only worked inside instead."
"That…could actually work," Donnie murmured, surprised. I chuckle again.
"That's what Shellectro said. With ten seconds to go, he started to work it 'electronically'," they roll their eyes at the joke. "With about five seconds left, he said he got it, and they all got ready to bug out. I had already started to fade out from S-Father's call to us, so they didn't have to worry about me. But we didn't have time for…"
"For their enemy," Leo finished. I nodded, and tears fell again. I couldn't look at anyone.
"Well, shell, Mikey!" Raph suddenly exploded. I didn't move. "It's not your fault. There wasn't enough time! Ya couldn't save him! He didn't deserve it, anyway!" I shook my head and held my ears. I couldn't block out his scream, his final plea to live, to be with his family. I started to sob again.
"H-He screamed," I hiccupped. "I f-faded out j-just a-as th-the bomb went off. H-he was s-s-so desperate." I cried. My brothers tried to hug me, but I fought them off. They wouldn't want to even touch me when I finished. I tried to still my breathing before I got too panicked. I had to finish first.
"Th-they called him by many names. The Great Evil. Sometimes Crazed Maniac. The Sl-Sliver." I couldn't help it. I looked up. I saw dawning understanding in two sets of eyes. "They c-called him F-Father." A heavy sob escaped, and I shook for a minute, before gasping.
"I killed Master Splinter!" I wailed and dissolved into tears. I heard a chair clatter as someone rushed forward and braced for the hit I was sure was coming. It came, but not how I expected. I expected a harsh hit to the face, the jaw. I expected screaming and yelling. I expected cursing and ranting and pain. I would welcome it. I expected a beat down like I've never had before, even from Shredder. I did not expect strong, shaking arms surrounding me, holding me as steadily as they could, nearly squeezing me as I had my panic attack. I did not expect warm drops of liquid falling onto my shoulder. I did not expect a sudden cold rag against the back of my neck as I hyperventilated, or the soft furred hand, trembling with emotion, rubbing on my shell. I did not expect to hear my brothers crying with me.
"Mikey," Raph sobbed in my ear. "I'm so sorry, Mikey. I'm sorry. I didn't know." His trembling arms held me in place, keeping me from falling. I looked at my family, confused. Leo was holding my arms in front of me, burying his face into my hands, soaking them. Raph was at my right side, hugging me and hiding his eyes in my shoulder. Donnie was behind me, pressing the cool cloth to my neck while he rubbed my head. Sensei was on my left, rubbing my shell and arms. Everyone was crying, loud, heaving sobs. I didn't understand.
"D-don't you g-guys hate me?" I gasp. Raph was squeezing too hard for me to breathe. All four faces hardened and they all looked right at me.
"No." They all said, with the same voice. I would have chuckled if I wasn't so shocked.
"B-but I-I k-killed Sensei. I killed F-Father." Raph growls and puts his head back on my shoulder.
"No ya didn't, Mikey," he growls in my ear. "Ya stopped a crazy bad version of someone who looked like Dad. Ya saved an entire world." I shook my head. He didn't understand. It was him. It wasn't him, but it was. I killed him.
"Mikey," Leo said softly, trying to keep his voice calm. "Mikey, look to your left." I obliged. There was Splinter, tears streaking down his fur, leaving salty, darker trails in his normally light fur. Rubbing soothing circles on my shell and arms like when we were tots.
"Who is that, otouto?" Leo prompted.
"Master Splinter," I answer huskily. My throat hurt again, and I could taste blood.
"Is he dead?"
"No."
"So could you have killed him, if he stands there, alive?"
"No."
"Mikey," he turns my face to his, forcing me to look into his watery eyes.
"You did not kill Father, Mikey. He is alive. You did not kill him." I frown and sob. He didn't get it. He didn't get it!
Everything is ruined because of you!
You tore our family apart!
"Mikey." Donnie walked in front of me and gently cupped my cheek in his hand. His eyes were filled with so much pain and despair. Oh… I sighed. He understands. He gets it. Of course he does. With that horrible world. Watching us die in front of him, because of a plan he thought up. He gets it. He gets it. I cry out and fling myself onto him, latching tightly to his shell. He grabs me just as tightly.
"It's alright, little brother," he says in Japanese, our comforting tongue. "I know. It hurts. It's going to for a while. But listen to me carefully, Mikey. You aren't going to believe this yet, but it's still true. It's not your fault." I clutch tighter to him and shake my head, muttering my disagreements. He squeezes me tighter. "It's. Not. Your. Fault. You did what you had to, to save the world from certain destruction. You saved millions of lives." He sat there, hugging me while I sobbed. He rubbed my head while Leo and Raph wrapped their arms around both of us, soothing us both as they realized we had a shared pain.
"I h-hurt m-my family," I cry into his plastron. "I b-broke my fam-mily."
"No, otouto," Donnie soothes. "No, you didn't. We're still here, still whole."
"B-but I k-killed Papa. I killed Dad." I feel him take a deep breath as he considers what he's about to say.
"Michelangelo." I pull back to look at him, a little surprised at the use of my full name. His eyes are firm, but still kind and understanding. He observes me a moment before continuing. "There is no denying you caused a death." He put his hand up as our other brothers tried to interject. "However. You did everything in your power to save as many lives as you could. Right?" I nod hesitantly, not fully convinced it was true, and he saw it.
"Leonardo," he turns abruptly to said brother. "What is the job of the leader in a situation similar to this? Say Shredder finally got his army. One final stand to take him down. What are the priorities?" Leo blinked a moment before sighing.
"Save as many as you can; take out the threat."
"Michelangelo. Did you meet these criteria?" I nod again, still crying. His gaze softened once more. "I understand, otouto. Truly, I do. Your decisions in battle caused a grievous injury to your heart and mind. You feel you are at fault for not having come up with a better plan, or even for opening your mouth to begin with. You will carry this wound with you for a while. But you will be okay. You will heal. Just as I am." I finally nod in understanding but bury my head into his chest again.
"I can still hear his screams. They all blame me for breaking their family."
"I know." My brother shuddered at the memory of some of his nightmares. I wince as I remember some of what he told me. Of broken and bruised turtles glaring at him with empty eyes, blaming him for not saving them. He sighed. "But it isn't true. They do not blame you. We do not blame you. That is your own guilt eating at you from the inside."
I could hear our own words echoing in his—Leo, when he calmed his guilt, Raph, when he calmed his fears, Father, when he calmed his agony. He tilts my chin up to look into his eyes again.
"'Your family will see you through this, brother'," he quotes back to me. I break down into sobs again as my own words burrow into my mind, lighting the corners that had darkened, giving me hope again for the new tomorrow. He let me cry, murmuring soothing words in English and Japanese until I fell asleep.
(3rd Person)
"Is he gonna be okay, Donnie?" Raph asks quietly as said brother gently places their grieving otouto onto the infirmary bed.
"He'll be fine, if I'm anything to go by," Donnie murmurs, and smiles up at his two older brothers. "I'm doing better by the day. I still have bad days, always will, but even I feel like I'm improving. He's hurt, badly. But we'll get him through this, just like he's been working to get us through our traumas."
"I am proud of you all, my sons," Master Splinter said. He was clearly distraught, there was a pain in his eyes they had never seen before and his shoulders sagged as if they had a whole new weight on them. But still he stood as tall as he could, determined to help his ailing son through this ordeal. Suddenly, they heard the rustling of pages behind them. They turned to see Leo flipping through Mikey's sketchbook again.
"Uh, bro. Ya sure that's a good idea? He nearly ripped yer head off fer trying ta look earlier." Leo shrugged slightly, not trying to disregard what his brother said, but unsure how else to respond.
"He's been running to that spot for weeks, could you tell? He had melted candles all around, even a little box to protect his pencils and paper. And he'd been drawing his feelings out. How else could we try to understand what he went through, just how much he's feeling about this, if we don't look?" They all looked at each other. While they didn't fully agree with his logic, it wasn't easy to argue against either, and they eventually gathered around the pad of paper with the oldest flipping the pages.
And what drawings they were! They were vivid, life-like. Extraordinary. Never before had they seen art like this from their youngest. It was stark and clear, with vivid colors and deep shadows. Several depicted that last scene their brother had seen, with a bigger rodent with strange arms and legs yelling in horror while a terrified-looking turtle blurred out. Some of those scenes had four interestingly-dressed turtles flying out of the room. Some were only focused on the rodent in the cage. One was just the lone turtle, tears streaming as he reached out frantically for a glowing cage just as he was fading out and a small pillar next to what looked like a throne was glowing a brilliant vibrant white.
Another drawing had a small terrapin creature huddled down under a pile of rubble, clutching his head with tears down his face, as an obvious but unseen pressure was pushing in from all sides. So the turtle looked like he was stuck in a box with no way out. One was a dim room, the giant rodent on one side, slightly ghostly-looking, the Super Turtles on the other, all angry and distressed, yelling at a lone figure in the center. There was even one stunning one of a sunset, halfway in its process, slowly turning the sky it's beautiful hues.
When they got to the last one, obviously incomplete, but still very vivid, they all felt their breath catch. It was a pair of eyes. Eyes that showed pain, betrayal, and hurt. But also a longing love and a desperate desire for that love to be returned. They were narrowed in anger and hate, but soft in sorrow and that desperate longing. The pupils were slightly slitted, as if showing the evil classic cartoons depicted, but still rounded in the soft way of rodents going about for food. They glowed with intense emotion but were dim in resignation to their fate.
It was only the eyes. Nothing more. But it screamed to them the pain that their dear Michelangelo had to see, the burden he had to bear. They understood, if these were the final eyes he had seen before finally ghosting out of there, why Michelangelo was so torn up. How he could see that he didn't kill a Great Evil, like he tried to convince them he had. How he felt he truly killed their father—one who had unmistakably taken the wrong path, but one who had great potential and ability for finding the right one again.
They sighed and looked at each other, sharing in the knowledge they now had, before gazing at their youngest, sleeping fitfully on the bed.
"Don't worry otouto. We will see you through this. Until you no longer carry this burden, we are here." And slowly, they all grab blankets and pillows, and each turtle brother climbs gently onto the too-small bed, even pushing the other gurney next to it for more room, and fall in next to their hurting brother, each making sure they are touching him, comforting him in some way. Donnie on Mikey's right side, holding him close; Raphael on his other side, hugging his two younger; Leonardo squeezing into the small space above their heads, protecting all three of his younger brothers, his hand on his youngest's shoulder, rubbing small circles into his skin. Finally, the rat, smaller than the one in the drawings, turned out the lights, leaving a small candle on the desk, sank into a chair and watched over his sons until they all fell asleep, falling asleep himself only after he watched his precious ones comfort each other a little longer.
Rest, my sons. We will see each other through this, as a family.
Okay. So, I know there is a story pretty similar to this out there, but I swear, this is an original idea! I mean, I'm not the only one who wondered, right? But I hope my story is different enough to give another perspective and that no one hates me. I swear, I wasn't intending to rip off anyone! It's just we thought along the same wavelengths.
Please leave a review/comment/feedback and let me know how I did. What you'd change, keep, move around. If it was clear. Anything will help me improve my writing. Also, if you have any advice to avoid possible clashing of topics in the future, I'm all ears (because I seriously don't mean to copy/cheat/steal from anyone!).
Thank you for reading!