AN: The VA series belongs to Richelle Mead.
Prologue
It isn't easy, losing the one you love.
What makes it harder is the fact that you never really lost them. Physically the love of my life, Dimitri Belikov is still out there. Mentally and emotionally? He was lost that fateful day, when the school was attacked by Strigoi. They took him from me. His warmth, his love, his kindness, even his Zen life lessons.
He taught me how to control myself. Maybe more importantly though, he taught me how to lose control with the one I loved, when it mattered. I will never forget that day in the cabin, nor will I be able to separate it from the attack that lead to me losing him. I can only be grateful for the time we spent in there, losing our control with one another.
When I left the first time from St. Vladimir's I never expected to be back. I had to protect Lissa at all costs. When Dimitri brought us back from Seattle I was furious about it. How was I suppose to protect her in the very place that she needed protection from? He taught me, in the months that followed, how little I actually knew. That if I truly wanted to take care of Lissa the way I so badly yearned to, I needed to stay there and learn everything I could, from the Academy, as well as from him. It was then, that I fell in love with him. I gave him my heart and soul. He lost a part of it when he lost his own soul when he was "awakened" months ago.
After being back at St. Vlad's there was so much that had happened. The last year has seemed so unreal. I wish it was. I wish that it was all just a dream that I would be able to wake up from. I know, too, that everything that I have been through in the last year has made me who I am today. He helped with that. He was suppose to be Lissa's other guardian. We were going to have him reassigned so we could be together without putting her in harms way.
Lissa. My best friend in the whole world. The bond we share insures that we are never truly apart from one another. I was able to prove that when I was half way around the world. Well, at least I was never truly without her. She wasn't able to peek in on me and my life like I was able to her. Since the bond only works one way she was as alone as if I really left her. Even though I knew I didn't. I was even able to be there for her in the end when things with Avery went wrong. I also discovered that being Shadow Kissed is not something that you can simply walk away from. I still felt the affects from her. I was still able to pull the darkness and shadows from her mind. In a way they helped me get through my time in Russia. They helped fuel the rage that I used to destroy all the Strigoi that I did. So in a way, it was sort of a blessing I suppose you could say. If I were one to believe in God. I usually stay away from the Chapel. Especially since I know what has happened in the attic of the Chapel, that doesn't seem very Godly to me.
The Attic of the Chapel was Lissa and Christian's love nest. That is where it all started. They love one another like Dimitri and I love one another, or use to love one another. It is amazing. The way they look at one another can be painful to see. At least it would be if they were still together. Avery pulled some pretty nasty stunts, ended up secluding Lissa from everyone and making her look unstable. In the process she was not thinking straight. She ended up hiding something from Christian. He had to break it off with her. He wasn't able to look at her the same. Knowing that she hid something like that from him. It hurt him so much hearing it from Jill at practice. If she would have told him, then things would have been fine. If it truly meant nothing, there was nothing to hide from him. So I have to fix that. I need to make it better. I love Lissa like a sister and, well, it seems that Christian has grown on me too. I love him like a brother. I want to see them happy. Even if it does cause me pain to see them look at one another the way Dimitri and I use to look at one another. Not to mention, if I can make Lissa happy again, I won't feel her pain and longing for Christian. On the other hand, I risk being jolted awake while they are in the Attic showing how much they love one another.
Sleep hasn't come very easy for me since I received the letter and the stake from Dimitri confirming that I had failed another one of his lessons. I have been very uneasy. Nightmares consume my sleep, I wake up sweaty and not feeling very rested at all. Unless I fall asleep and end up in an Adrian dream. Adrian is able to dream walk. He uses it as a way to be able to talk to me alone. Since he is a spirit user as well, he is able to see my aura. He hasn't been happy with what he has seen lately but there is not much I can do about it right now. Lately I have been welcoming his dreams. I use them as a way to escape from my own nightmares. I still wake up feeling utterly exhausted, but not frightened and sweaty. I much rather prefer the former than the latter. I'm not sure how to deal with Adrian now though. I promised him that I would give him a fair chance when I returned. Honestly, I never even planned on returning. I was sure that my quest was going to kill me. Yet he understood. He gave me the means to get to where I needed to go and to complete, well try to complete, my task. To fulfill my promise to Dimitri. Now I'm just not sure I can fulfill the promise I made to him, not now that I know that Dimitri is still alive and that there is a chance that I could save him.
I promised him a chance though and I will give him that. Even if it doesn't work out. I am a woman true to my word. Besides I made other promises when I returned. Promises I was sure I was able to keep. Before I knew Dimitri had survived. I promised my Mother, Janine Hathaway that I would stay the two and a half months left to graduate. In order to do that, I have to take extra class work and begin guardian training with Guardian Alberta Petrov. So if I am stuck here for another two months waiting for Dimitri to come and end my life, or for me to give him his back, then I can at least try in that time to give Adrian his fair chance. I am just not sure it will actually be fair. If my heart still belongs to someone I can save, well I am not sure he will be getting the fair chance that he asked for. The question now is, can I save Dimitri?
When I met Oksana and Mark in Russia they told me about the fairy tale. About Robert, another Spirit user who was able to restore a Strigoi to their former self and get their soul back. The only problem is. Robert is no where to be found. The only person in the whole world that may have even the slightest idea of where he may be is his half brother, the one man in this world I truly hate. Victor Dashkov. Now I have to give Victor the one thing he desires most in life right now. His freedom. I have to find him and break him from jail. I am going to have to bring Lissa along to do it, although she doesn't know it. Another promise I made when I returned. That if I ever, ever, had to leave for any reason again, that she go with me. She didn't think we should ever be separated. When Mia asked why she wasn't with me when I was in Russia, it bothered her more than anything else ever had.
Now I must take my best friend, to break out of prison, the man who tortured her and forced her to heal him. So that I can find his brother and figure out how I can save the one man I love, my soul mate, Dimitri Belikov. All I have to do is wait until graduation day. Then Lissa and I will begin our quest. I just hope that I am able to wait that long.