I thought about episode 3.09 „Red Moon" while I wrote this, but it is not really a tag- more like a deleted scene from the middle of it. Maybe I just thought about the episode because there, they actually are staying at a motel while working the case. This story has hardly any references to "Red Moon"!
I have two very good British friends who are reading my stories, but don't want to see any spoilers until season four is rolling in their country, so I'll write something for older episodes in between!
I was partly motivated to let this story take the course it has taken by the interview in which Simon Baker said, the question is if Patrick Jane is still a sexual being- my opinion: certainly not at the moment. But that doesn't mean he can't be in the future. And: Simon Baker also said he doesn't think the first exploration of Jane's sexuality should be with Lisbon- and here, I beg to differ: I think it would be highly implausible if Jane opens up for a woman he hardly knows- and in the show, there's no one he knows better than Lisbon. So who could be better equipped to make him trust enough to overcome the barriers? These were the thoughts that motivated me this time. But I guess they always do, since that's the basic question in almost every fic regarding Jane's love life: how will he come out of celibacy? It's pretty fascinating, and I never seem to tire to ponder this. But: I'm aware that it might be a crucial mistake to let Jane and Lisbon come together anytime soon in the show- I'd rather have the producers play with the option, not spoil the possibility and let us FanFiction-writers do the rest for the time being.
And in between, I'm writing some fluff…which brings me to another warning. This isn't as fluffy as it seems at first, that made me deem it "Hurt/Comfort", though it's basically PWP, which seems to be a contradiction…but this got far more serious than you would guess at first, so I thought the H/C fits it better than a simple "Romance" would.
This is clearly rated M- I'd especially like to warn the readers who only read "The First Night" and think I'm fairly sweet and harmless- I'm NOT! And I'm bound to prove it :D!
Disclaimer: Not mine. Bruno's. I'm just adding my two cents.
Revelation in Unlikely Places
Patrick Jane hated motels. Hated their anonymity. The loneliness seeping out of the walls and the cheap fabric of the bedspread he was lying on at the moment.
He wasn't really tired. He was just bored and frustrated. And full of a painful longing he cared not to look to close at.
He was fooling around with a set of cards, following no purpose. Great night.
Agent Lisbon had the suite next to his. That opened a flurry of possibilities. Should he?
Just for distraction. He could show her some card tricks. Play some games. Make her laugh, as a small reward for keeping him company. He smiled. He liked it when she laughed. Liked it tremendously.
Without further thought he jumped up and left his tiny motel suite, knocking at the door next to his. The old wooden planks were cold beneath his naked feet.
Lisbon opened after the third knock, her hair disheveled, eyes lost with sleep, lips pulled into a sweet little pout. She looked adorable. Ready to be devoured. No man should visit a woman like her in the middle of the night to show her some card tricks…
He shook his head to shoo the thoughts away.
"Hey, Lisbon," he exclaimed cheerfully, "I can't sleep, and I found this set of cards, so I thought I could show you some phenomenal things I can do with them…what about that, huh?"
Lisbon looked at him, her eyes wandering slowly all over his frame. She couldn't stop her mouth from curling into a tiny smile.
"I have to give you that, Jane- your pajamas are…classy," she drawled, her voice hoarse from being roused too early, even sexier than it usually was.
Jane looked down at his attire. Well, he wore his usual pajamas, light blue, simple- okay, pretty old-fashioned, but hey, he liked old-fashioned.
He looked up and smiled at her, his megawatt smile, watching her melt in front of his eyes.
"Does that mean you're inviting me in?" he asked softly.
Lisbon sighed.
She had learned the hard way that it was never a good idea to be alone with Patrick Jane. And in the middle of the night, both only clad in their sleep-wear? Bad move, that was for sure.
The urge to touch him was strong, even now. She could taste the heartbreak that would inevitably follow. For he made it more than clear that he didn't feel the same- he was smug, aloof, and still using her as a viable accessory for his little games. And now he obviously intended to use her as a sleeping pill. Well, wasn't this a role she was born for?
The night felt deep and dreamlike. And suddenly, Teresa Lisbon felt all game for playing a little bit with him. No matter what the outcome.
"Come in." she said and led the way.
Jane stepped inside and couldn't help to look at her shapely, perfect legs, pale and slender beneath her oversized Chicago-Bears-jersey. Damn, the thing was barely covering her tush. What if she didn't wear underwear…pretty hot in here all of a sudden. He felt sweat break out on his back. Maybe this wasn't such a great idea…
"I'm not in the mood for card tricks," Lisbon stated, "I want to play poker."
Jane stopped dead in his tracks. The smile that blossomed on his face was almost cruel.
"You want to play poker?" he asked calmly, "With ME?"
She returned the smile and just looked at him.
"What's the stake?" he asked eventually.
"The winner can ask for a favor of his choice." She said.
A hot wave of curiosity surged through his system. What would she ask for? He was dying to know.
"Okay." He nodded.
Lisbon sat down on her bed, folding her legs beneath her (but he still couldn't see if she wore panties), and Jane lay down on his side, propped up on his elbow, already shuffling the cards.
They were some moments into the game when he decided to let her win. He knew she would notice, of course- he was a master poker player, she didn't stand the slightest chance against him, and she knew it. But he wouldn't put it past her to trust him with letting her win- just out of curiosity, just to see what would happen. He would have loved to defeat her just to teach her a lesson, just to show her that it was never a good idea to challenge him. But he decided to let this pass- he would let her win.
She smiled when she realized what he was doing. He made it easy for her, stopping short only at actually showing her his hand. She won without difficulties, and he smiled at her when she glowed with delight.
Dammit- how sexy and edible he looked, even in this grandfather-pajamas. But he was still damaged. Hurt. He wore his misery like a coat, wherever he went. And this case got to him, she could tell. Sure this was the reason why he couldn't sleep.
Maybe she shouldn't do that. Maybe she should be nice and reasonable and bid him goodnight right now…
He turned onto his back so that he was propped on both elbows now. In this position, his body was virtually on display. The fabric of his pajama top was strained over his chest. All coherent thought fled her mind.
"So," Jane smiled, "which favor can I grant my victorious commanding officer?"
"Get out of those awful pajamas.", she said softly.
Jane froze. But his heartbeat had accelerated since he'd decided to let her win, and he realized with horror that he had hoped for this. It scared him.
He looked at her closely, and for once, he saw to the core of her. Saw a beauty that rendered him speechless every time he came in contact with it. Beneath all the hurt and the bravery she wore like a mask to hide her pain she was a pure, glittering gem. There was no one more precious in his life. No one who had earned his trust the way she had. No one able to rouse feelings that had seemed dead for so long.
"Okay." He said calmly, and got up.
He tried to shut his mind down completely, to just function. But he felt nervous. He wanted her to like what she was about to see. He wanted to please her. And he wanted to run. Badly.
His fingers trembled slightly. But he plowed on. Opened the buttons on his pajama top. One by one. Let the garment slide from his shoulders. His hands went to the waistband of his pants. No underwear. When he shed them, he would be completely naked. He allowed himself a moment of contemplation. He had no idea if she would be able to seduce him. If she would try to seduce him. He didn't have the slightest clue if he would be able to perform. He hadn't tried in almost a decade. Sexual intercourse had been so out of the question- he had forbidden himself to get aroused. Ever. And he knew that he was…limp right now. He had no idea how she would react.
He took a deep breath and pushed his pants down. Stepping out of them carefully.
He put his hands on his hips. He was many things, but he sure as hell wasn't a coward. He looked at her and was surprised about what he saw in her eyes. He was ashamed. He had no right to make her feel this way, he knew full well he couldn't give her anything. What if he had stopped being sexual in any sense? Could she live with that?
What in hell was he thinking? Time to make a graceful exit…
"Lay down, Jane," she said softly.
Her voice stirred something inside him, but still he couldn't muster a whiff of physical arousal. His soul reached out to her, even if his body stubbornly refused to follow, and he knew in that moment that he had fucked up big time. He loved. He recognized the signs, even if it had been that long. He wanted to hold her, to shield her from everything bad… himself included. She should find a good, honorable, capable lover. Someone who could give her everything, and would treat her like the princess she was.
Damn, he really loved her. What a pathetic moron he was. He never should have allowed that to happen.
But he lay down, feeling the faint cool of the sheets against his fevered skin, still shamefully unerect. Damn, she had to think that he was completely unaffected by her, when nothing could be farther from the truth. But her eyes were full of gentleness, there was no judgment in them.
"If you want me to stop, Jane," she said, her voice so warm he wanted to bath in it, "just say so- I'll stop. Immediately."
She rose onto her knees and pulled the jersey over her head.
He'd guessed correctly. No panties. His breath caught in his throat. She was so small, so perfect, so delicately textured, like something made of marzipan, he was dying to taste her skin all of a sudden. It was pale and smooth and taut over her slender, elfin frame. His mind was definitely aroused now, it almost begged his body to allow this, and he felt a faint onrush in his groin area. But his genitalia wouldn't obey the order. It had been too long. He felt a surge of desperation, wanted to be gathered into her arms and cry, his face pressed against her chest.
Please- he so hoped his eyes were telling her that it wasn't her fault. That there were some barriers in his brain that he wasn't capable to tear down. Because they had protected him against a fatal heartbreak so far.
He wanted so much to open up for her. But something inside him refused. He could will his mind to accomplish anything for him. But now, it seemed intent to protect him. Even against his own want.
He thought about something to say, but words seemed meaningless, futile. He just hoped she saw.
She seemed so calm, there was not the slightest hint in her beautiful face that she felt offended by his outward refusal to get turned on. He lifted his hand and brushed against her cheek with his knuckles. She turned her head, placed a tiny kiss on his hand and smiled at him.
Suddenly, he was grateful to be here. With her. He would let her touch him. Would allow her fingers to slide over his skin, as long as she wanted to. He hoped she would hold him when she'd had her fill, allow him a moment of closeness, of promise. He just wanted to breathe in her scent. He might not be a sexual being right now. But he loved her. And he wanted to be close, no matter if he could react or not.
Her right hand drove into his curls, tousling them gently, while she slowly extended her left hand.
„LISBON!" Jane cried out.
She caressed his lower abdomen, almost grazing his pubic hair, her fingers so close to the base of his shaft he could feel their warmth.
Blood streamed into his length, making it swell so hard it was almost painful. He closed his eyes and whimpered softly- he knew he had felt this before, but dammit, he couldn't remember. Liquid heat flooded his system, he felt more blood rush into his groin, making the skin so sensitive he was afraid he wouldn't be able to bear any touching there. His erection throbbed violently, his body surrendered completely, and he doubted he would survive if she kicked him out now.
Her fingertips danced over his rock-hard manhood, he couldn't breathe through the sensation.
"Jane," she whispered, "stop me, please! Or god help me- I'll go on."
She was almost pleading with him now, at least giving him allowance to push her away. But he didn't. He clenched his lips shut and tried to process the feelings piercing through his body. He wanted to get closer, but he knew he couldn't cope with the sensory overload at this moment. So he lay stock still, his fists clenching next to his shaking frame.
Lisbon felt tears running down her face. She was so afraid to hurt him. But she bowed down and kissed his chest, allowing her lips to get distracted by his luscious nipples. He groaned when she sucked them into her mouth, just shortly, gently tugging at them before she released them reluctantly, one after the other.
He reacted as if he were in agony. His body almost arched off the bed, his face contorted as if in pain.
"I'm sorry," she whispered, "god, Jane, I'm so sorry, I never should have started this…"
She moved to get up, but he raised on his elbows and grabbed her wrist.
"No," he said hoarsely, "please, Lisbon…don't stop. I…I don't know what's going to happen next. I know if I can…I just don't know. But please. If you don't continue now, I'll never cross that bridge. I'm scared. But there's no other one in the world with whom I'd want to do this. So please- let's just…try. Let me feel this. I promise- I'll tell you if I can't take any more. Please, Lisbon- go on."
She watched him for a moment. Damn, he was beautiful. Why had fate sent her this man? Teresa Lisbon could resist anything, was brave and altruistic and did what needed to be done. She was strong and courageous, could endure pain and lovesickness and the most devastating heartbreak. She had seen it all.
But she couldn't resist him. And she couldn't endure not to touch him.
She sobbed and lay down next to him, pressing her body against his, and he snuggled up against her with a sigh, turning onto his side, pulling her flush against him. His erection pressed against her abdomen, the sensation so mind-blowing he almost blacked out. His skin was aflame now, and he tried to calmly analyze the burn, even as it made him tremble with ecstasy. He pulled her closer, clutching her so tightly he was afraid he would crush her. Her hands slid over his naked back, caressing his flanks, and he shuddered with feeling. There was no other woman in the world he could have let do this. He clung to her for dear life. And yes- it felt too good to stop.
Lisbon kissed his face softly, tiny smacks detonating against his skin until he raised his lips, offering them to her. She claimed them gently, kissing him playfully, until he surprised her and pushed his tongue into her mouth. He was hot. His taste wrapped around her senses, sinfully sweet, drowning her taste buds in sensation. She almost squealed with delight. His tongue slithered against hers while his hands moved to learn the contours of her body, and she lost all sense of time and place, stopped to exist anywhere but in his arms.
She felt his frantic heartbeat. And still he kissed her, making love to her with his tongue, showing her that he was no coward, that he wouldn't shy away from this. He would give her everything he had- and that would just have to be enough.
He carefully pushed her onto her back, not breaking the kiss, covering her body with his.
Lisbon savored his weight, moaning into his mouth, her hands driving into his hair.
Jane pushed his hand between her legs and tested her readiness, his fingers sliding over her slick folds, making her shudder with anticipation. It had been a while for her, too, and she was so aroused it felt like a fever. His erection was huge and unyielding. She spread her legs to welcome him between them, heard his breath hitch slightly, but he moved back and forth slowly, rubbing the steel of his hard-on against her soft female flesh. Lisbon's eyes rolled back into her head. This would kill her for sure.
"I'm still hard," he whispered against her lips, clearly surprised. Obviously he'd never thought he would get this far.
She couldn't help the tiny smile that curled her lips.
"I noticed," she rasped, hardly recognizing her own voice. She just hoped he knew how much he turned her on, how much she wanted him. She did. Badly.
He pulled away slightly, allowing the tip of his length to slide against her entrance. He was astounded how hot it was- like a tiny flame lapping at him intently. And he was still hard.
He pressed some languid, wet kisses on her lips, panting slightly. He was afraid. But he couldn't stop now.
He put his forehead against hers and pushed inside her. She enveloped him without resistance, though she was so tight he had to use some force to get inside. His breathing was harsh and labored. She clutched him like a hot glove while he inched deeper, slowly, his length parting her folds, stretching her sheath until it was close to tearing, but she accommodated him, angling her hips to grant him better access, biting her lip to stop herself from getting too noisy…she didn't want to scare him, didn't want to make him stop. She closed her eyes and tried to cope on her own. Feeling him like this quenched a numbing urge deep inside her, he scratched an itch that had slowly been driving her insane. She had craved to touch him for years, had felt paralyzed by her deep love for him- a love that made her a willing pawn in his hands. She would do everything to save him, soothe his pain, and he knew it.
Jane pushed deeper, his shaft aflame inside her, nerve endings screaming with ecstasy under all that friction, and still he kissed her, again, again, addicted to tasting the lust on her lips. Her breath touched his face, sweet, hot clouds he inhaled greedily, dying to consume her, to make her his until they'd be a part of each other for eternity.
Her legs slid along his calves, his thighs, his butt, only to wrap high around his waist.
Jane waited for the pang of self-consciousness that would make him unable to do this, but it never came. Instead his erection stayed large and firm while he pressed into her. And he even hardened with desire. With every inch he gave her.
Lisbon could tell when he passed by her cervix, rubbed against it, entering the fornix, the deepest part he could go to. She felt it because the ecstasy was so fierce it was close to torture. She bit back the scream, but she couldn't stop the tears. Jane continued to kiss her, tiny explosions of passion against her lips. They trembled beneath his ministrations.
He was now so deep inside her she felt owned. Conquered. Filled to the brim. And it felt so good.
"You feel so good," he whispered, and she smiled shakily.
He started to move, slowly at first, pulling out almost completely before he pushed back in to the hilt. She whimpered in disapproval every time he left her, cried out with desire every time he returned. Her sounds of passion turned him on, urging him to pick up speed, and he did, his thrusts getting faster, harder, his surging length igniting her nerves until they were burning with hunger, for more, for release. She squirmed with lust, trying to press closer, but he continued to pump into her, deeply, rapidly, faster and faster with every plunge he took.
He couldn't kiss her any longer, he was shaking all over, panting into her mouth, sweat running down his face in rivulets.
He thrust. Again. Again. His every movement sent sparks of pleasure through her body, until she hardly could take anymore. His heat inside her was enormous, mind-blowing, and he heightened the delirious lust every time he rubbed his cock over hyper-sensitive tissue, until she screamed his name and came, tension snapping in her lower body in a giant ball of fire. The explosion blasted through her system until it felt as if her blood was boiling, he gasped in shock when her walls contracted around him, squeezing at his tortured shaft so much he had no chance of controlling himself. The sensations took his breath away. His balls were drawn tight against his body, his nerves prickled with liquid flames dancing over them like a fever. He was almost choking with the force when his come burst from his body in a searing flood, squirting into her clenching core in massive waves, she felt every single blast of heat and came again from the breathtaking feeling of it.
She'd had lovers before. But she'd never felt like this- she'd never loved this damned much. Not even close to it. She clung to his shoulders, burying her face against his neck while he emptied the rest of his seed into her, his body rigid with the force of his release. He could hear his desperate intake of breath and knew the experience demanded much from him.
The all-encompassing guilt that was at the base of his soul had been intent on never letting him feel pleasure again. She had no idea how it had been defeated tonight, what she had done. When she'd made up her mind about seducing him she'd fully expected to fail. She knew how broken he was, she'd seen the worst of him, and she had learned to be prepared for his obsessiveness to show up at the most unexpected moments. Had learnt to deal with it. And yes- she wouldn't have been surprised if he had been unable to have sex again. Ever.
He had surprised her. But in his harsh breathing she could feel he was surprised, too.
Damn, he was. His body felt inflamed and alien, his skin tingling all over, a strange, honey-sweet satisfaction coating his insides. He sensed her with every fiber- her scent, her taste, the warmth her tiny frame was sending into his. He wanted to breathe her in. He'd never thought he could feel this full again. This right. At this moment, he felt almost whole in her arms, and the throbbing pain in his soul lessened with every kiss she pressed on his skin. He felt ready to sleep for the first time in an eternity. Boneless exhaustion settled into his core, and he sighed softly when it gripped him, almost pulling him under then and there.
She snuggled up against him, wanting to hide beneath his body. His cock twitched inside her, his weight was almost crushing her, but she reveled in the feeling, not able to get close enough. She didn't want to think about consequences, implications, didn't want to return to their case at this very moment, just wanted to stay here, warm and secure and satisfied. His skin was hot and slightly moist from his sweat, his masculine, sweet scent filled her nostrils and made her want him again. His hair was so downy soft against her face, she could smell his shampoo in it and a luscious fragrance all his own. Her senses drowned in the sensations wafting all around her, and she shuddered with delight.
His name felt wonderful on her lips.
"Patrick," she whispered, trying to translate everything she felt into the word.
She knew he understood when he shivered. He was still inside her, blazing and filling. She wanted to keep him in, but he pulled back eventually, slowly sliding out of her, groaning when the sheer friction sent new waves of pleasure through his body. She felt his hot seed trickling down her thighs while he lay down next to her.
She was scared, so scared. What had she done? What if he broke her heart right now, told her it was all a terrible mistake, and she found out she couldn't deal with it after all? Found she wasn't half as brave as she'd assumed? That Patrick Jane was her undoing?
She didn't dare to say anything. For a long time.
Until she heard him yawn heartily. The sound was so sweet, human and endearing that a small smile tugged at her lips.
"Damn, woman," he growled, "all I wanted was to show you some silly card tricks!"
And Lisbon laughed. She laughed so hard her stomach started to hurt, but she just couldn't stop. She laughed and laughed, until he leant over and kissed her, smiling against her lips, kissing the remains of her laughter away.
When she felt a modicum of control again she dared to speak.
"What now?" she asked softly.
"I don't know," he whispered between kisses, "but when they want one of us to leave the team, I'm going."
Her eyes widened in shock, and a pang of feeling pierced her heart.
He smiled against her lips.
"And," he said calmly, "I can't wait to go on vacation with you. There's so much I want to show you."
The End
Yeah, the ending is fluffy and sappy to top it off…you liked it anyway? I know, I don't get that much reviews for smut, but every single one is much appreciated…and encourages me to write more! So, please, don't be shy. And: anonymous reviews are enabled! So you don't have to leave your nick! Thank you so much for your support!