ALONE
I'm alone! For the first time in my life I have no one to turn to. Sitting in this cold sterile room the anomaly of it all scared me. God! It terrified me. Everything I had loved. Everyone I had loved seemed to be slipping away. Twenty nine years of never having to worry. Always knowing I would have a shoulder to cry on, someone there to talk to.
My life had always been full of people. Back home in Nebraska I had been; Penny the home coming Queen, Penny who was always Miss Popularity. My family always around me; yeah Mom nagged, Dad hated all my boyfriends! But they always loved me.
Then the big move to L.A and the four years with Kurt. Ok, he turned out to be an ass-hole but he had always been there for me. Hadn't he? I never woke up in the morning without him in my bed. He was considerate enough to cheat on me while I was at work!
After Kurt I'd had a number of boyfriends, the usual one night hook ups.
No one ever stayed very long. The thrill of taking a hot-blonde to bed wore off after a while. A.L it seems is full of hot willing blondes. But while they stayed I always had someone to hold at night.
Then I meet the 'Boy's' Leonard, Howard, Raj and of course Sheldon. Four of the most screwed up, loveable geeks you could ever meet. I loved them all, each one with their own strange funny little ways.
Now their little band of friends had all but disappeared. Leonard who I had loved and lost twice! He had moved to New York. I was never sure wither it was to exorcize bad memories or it really was work as he'd said.
Bernadette had moved with Howard to Florida something to do with his work with NASA. Who knew all his stories won't just pick up lines?
Ah, Raj. Had I been to blame for him moving away? It had all started that night we both got drunk, waking up the next morning naked and in Leonard's bed! As it turned out nothing had happened. No thanks to me. But it strained things between us. Out of nowhere Raj left, he said for a family meeting. He never returned.
Amy was the biggest shock or maybe not. We were all sitting over in 4A when she announced that after a lot of thought she had decided to join a women's commune in Montana. The effect on the group varied Howard smirked and got a slap from Bernadette. Leonard had given her a hug, wishing her well. Sheldon had sat passively in his spot without saying a word. After the others had left I asked Sheldon why he'd never spoken to Amy. "I informed Amy earlier she had my blessing."
On her last night we had a girl's night out with all three of us getting drunk. Leonard had to come and pick us up. So who can remember where they parked their car after a night-out?
It all seemed so long ago now. There had only been the two of us on the 4th floor. So it made sense when Sheldon asked me to move in with him. How strange it seems now that I had said yes without a moment's hesitation. How little I knew! No these years with Sheldon had been good, and by no means dull. People often asked me about it: 'How can you live with him? He'd drive me mad. What's he like in bed? I always gave the same answer, "Mind your own f###ing business," I am a lady after all and a lady never tells.
No one could even begin to imagine what a loving and caring man Sheldon became once the front door closed. Sheldon saved me from myself. I owed him more than I could ever hope to repay, but in my own way I think I helped him to.
Now with everyone gone there had only been the two of us. So we looked after ourselves. Yes I slept in Sheldon's bed. Within days of moving into 4a I had taken him as my lover what was the point of waiting? We had nothing left to prove to anyone. We both had little family to frown on us. Both my parents had passed away. Sheldon's beloved Meemaw had passed away last year. Her Moonpie had held her hand as she slipped away.
His Mother now sat in her house not even recognizing her own family. The Doctor said she simply had withdrawn inside herself.
Sheldon had not spoken to Missy since his Grandmother's funeral.
Now it seemed I was about to lose my… lose my Sheldon. I wished I'd told him more often how I felt, but there had always seemed to be so much time. We had their whole lives in front of us. Till the night he had become just one more road traffic accident statistic.
The Paramedic had tried to explain they had been held up in traffic; 'If only we'd gotten to him sooner'.
The door opening snapped me from my reverie. "Miss Miller?" The man in the doorway inquired he was a Doctor I remembered seeing earlier. "We just need a few details. A bad time I know but it's got to be done." After what seemed like a life-time he was finished with his questions, "Ok, all done," the Doctor stood and moved toward the door.
Almost it seemed as an afterthought he turned looking at me with his fixed patronizing smile. I really wanted to hate him, but I knew his fixed smile was his only defence; a shield against the countless faces he'd had to tell in this room their loved ones had gone. "The nurses have finished cleaning him up if you'd like to see him?" The Doctor took my arm and led me into the next room. As soon as I entered the room I felt an almost icy chill run down my back.
Standing in the doorway I had to force myself to move. I hadn't wanted to see him like this. I wanted my last memory of Sheldon to be of him smiling at me. Oh, God. The last time Sheldon smiled at me was just as he left the apartment to pick up our take-out. He'd been so proud when he passed his driving test; of course he simply shrugged it off as no big deal but now he drove everywhere.
I realized the Doctor was standing behind me, "Its ok Miss Miller you can sit with him," Slowly moving toward the bed I realized the Doctor was still talking. "Yeah Mr Cooper is a fighter." Looking over my shoulder, "Its Doctor Cooper," I corrected, "Wait! IS! A fighter, but I thought," I didn't finish that sentence before everything went black. I woke up lying on a couch which I guess was in the Doctor's office. I could see him working at his desk; he must have heard me as he looked up, "Ah, good you're awake. I'm sorry I thought you'd been informed it must have been quite a shock." I sat up swinging my legs over the side of the couch, "Informed me of what?" The Doctor now stood in front of me holding out a bottle of water, "Here drink this, take these they'll help," Handing me two pills he walked back to his desk.
He looked at me trying it seemed to think of what to say, "Ok, let me explain what's happening. When your friend," He stopped for a moment, "Hell! I've just realized I really should be talking to his next-of-kin about this. I'm sorry but its Hospital rules."
It took every ounce of will-power I had not to reach over and grab the Doctor by the throat, "We're engaged to be married. I'm all the family he has," What's a little white lie mean now. The Doctors face visibly relaxed on hearing this.
"Well that saves on the paper work anyway," The Doctor smiled. "Mr, sorry, Doctor Copper came to us after sustaining a major head injury," He looked down at his notes, "Yes he was in a traffic accident. He sustained a concussion with a bleed into the brain," The Doctor was so engrossed in his notes it seemed he'd forgotten I was even there, "Doctor! For the love of God tell me how he is," His head snapped up from the papers he was reading, "Sorry. Yes we were able to control the bleeding and the scans show no major brain damage.
We'll know more in the next few days. We have him very heavily sedated; we'll be moving him up to the ICU shortly."
I stood up my legs feeling like lead, "Can I see him please?" The Doctor walked to the door, "Please remember what I said he's sedated he may not know your there."
He'll know I'm there alright.
"I thought I'd lost him once so I'll take what I can get."
"You can sit with him till we're ready to take him upstairs." The Doctor smiled as he walked away, "We were about to call it at one point. He certainly put up a fight."
Sheldon's head was swathed in bandages as I sat holding his hand. Talking to one of the nurses it seemed his only injury other than to his head were cuts and bruises; 'yeah she said your guy was lucky, the other drivers dead'