"Good evening, night and or morning, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Neptune, and I will be your protagonist for this fine story," greeted the purple-haired protagonist of Planeptune. "Ooh, that was some nifty alliteration," she added for good measure. From the sidelines, her doppelganger emerged from the shadows, waving cheerfully towards the imaginary crowd. She offered her smaller self a hand to help her down from her podium a whole 2- COUNT 'EM 2… centimeters off the ground. "And this is my lovely assistant, Big Me!" Said doppelganger then struck a pose, flashing a peace sign, coupled with a big grin.

"Tadaa! It's me, your friendly neighborhood Neptune!" the Big Neptune cheered. "We're coming at you live from the Nepstation filming room for a big announcement! Want to tell 'em, partner?"

"Gladly!" the Small Neptune answered. "As of today, Harem Bonding 201 has been revamped! But please, hold your applause and tears of joy until after the show," she urged, an unflinching look of smugness on her features. She turned to her partner in crime with a more nostalgic, almost sentimental look to her. "I can't believe it's been over 10 months now. We can finally pick back up where we left off!"

"Aw, Little Me," Big Neptune blushed. She reached out and clasped her smaller self's hands in her own… for all of two seconds before wrapping her arms around her and pulling her into the biggest bear hug of her life. "I've missed being in a story with you! Little Me!" she cried out, so filled with emotion that it threatened to spray out of her eyes like a garden sprinkler, except with a bit more salt in the mix since that's kind of part of the composition of human te- Ahem!

"Mmf…" As for the Small Neptune, she was greeted by the firm bounciness of two fun bags in her face. "Hey, Big Me. Your chest is in my- Actually, this is kind of nice… So soft," she cooed, nuzzling her head into her other self's bossom. "Wait! I can't let myself get distracted like this!"

Regaining her senses, Neptune pried herself away from Neptune's breasts, much to Neptune's dismay. "Hey! I thought we were having a tender moment," Neptune pouted.

"You know I love you, Big Me. You're my number one partner in crime," Small Neptune assured. "But as much as I'd love to motorboat my own chest right now, we have a story to get to! And as the main character, I can't afford to dilly dally any longer than I already have!"

Of course, Big Neptune still wasn't too thrilled to let their little moment end so abruptly, but she relented. "Hmm… Fine, I understand. A protagonist's gotta do what a protagonist's gotta do."

"Great!" In a surprising twist, the smaller of the two leaned up and gave her look-a-like a tender peck on the forehead, to the bigger's surprise. "I promise I'll make it up to you later on down the line. Hey, come to think of it, we never officially had a date together, did we? We'd better do something about that."

Big Neptune blinked for a second. "I'm going to hold you to that," she said simply, smiling smugly.

Small Neptune smiled. "Now then! Let the story begin! Harem Bonding 201: Revamp begins… Right now!"

…

"O-oh yeah! And just so you know, this little beginning segment has absolutely no connection to the rest of the chapter whatsoever!"

"Wait, then why-"

"Showmanship, Big me. Showmanship."

"O I C! Such wisdom!"

…

"Hey, wait, does that mean our promise to go on a date is also irreleva-"

Cue the opening sequence!

Back To Phase 1!

The purple-haired CPU of Planeptune waltzed out of her room that morning with a spring in her step and a song in her heart. She skipped through the hallways with the most serene of smiles as she leap-frogged over her absentminded sister, who was too busy looking at her N-Gear to pay attention to her surroundings. She passed by Histoire's room, barred by a closed door, her own work office, barred by her own laziness, and finally made it through the living room and into the elevator.

Without missing a beat, Neptune hit the button for the first floor and was greeted by the calming music occupying the space and a sudden shift as she began her descent. She hummed along with the music until she came to an abrupt stop, followed by a 'ding' signifying that, yes, she had indeed made it to the 1st floor of the building. She made sure to wave at the staff working by the front office on her way out of the Basilicom.

She was then greeted by the sun's warm embrace. It was all such a beautiful scene; the clear blue skies expanding over the horizons, the smell of freshly cut grass wafting in the air, the crazy-looking redhead charging at her with the speed of a locomotive. It was all such a beautiful way to start a morning, especially that last bit about the redhead-

"AHA! There you are! Waifey ge- Thuugh!" Whom Neptune casually grabbed by the face and threw behind her.

"Phew! That was close," the purple CPU uttered to herself, wiping away the non-existent sweat from her forehead- At least until she heard the pained groaning coming from behind her. "Eh? Oh, it's you, Red. What the heck are you doing, trying to tackle me so early in the morning? I'm pretty sure that's a felony." Indeed, the girl('s butt) that faced back at her was the wifey hunter of Gamindust- It was Red.

"Hey! How come my title got skipped over so easily?!" she barked aloud.

"Never mind that," Neptune interrupted. She approached the redheaded girl and offered her a hand. "So, what's up, Doc?"

"Well, if you must know, I'll tell you what's up," the redhead said in a more calm demeanor. She gladly took the CPU's hand up, but to Neptune's surprise, she used it to pull herself onto the CPU and attempt to do the classic "wall-slam" maneuv- "Guh!" If there had been a wall there to begin with. Unfortunately, she just ended up bonking foreheads with Neptune instead.

"Ow! Did you actually come here to assault me today?" Neptune asked, starting to look a little miffed.

"Of course not! I would never do such a thing to the wifeys of Gamindustri!" the Maker declared, throwing her hands out enthusiastically. "Unless they're into that kind of thing, then maybe. But otherwise, no way!" she sighed. "Alright, I'll just cut to the chase, then," she finally said, as she stopped kicking the ground around a stray bush. "Ahem! ...So, I've been hearing around the grapevine that you've also entered the world of waifey-collecting, Lady Neptune," she spoke in the most sophisticated manner she could muster, almost coming off as a bit snobbish. "I must say, though, trying to maintain a harem of any kind is rather tricky ordeal. I wouldn't mind giving you a hand, with all my knowledge on the subject for, let's say – a small fee."

"Sorry, Red, but no can do," Neptune answered almost instantly.

"Hm hm. I figured you'd see things my way, which is why I… I… I figured I'd ask you to repeat it so I could hear you again..." Red added, ever so smoothly- smooth as a deformed boulder.

"My Momma taught me not to trust no duplicitous, larcenous ursine. And that sounds exactly like something they'd say." She tried to explain, but judging by the dumbstruck look on Red's face and the sound of a bear getting walloped by a large club in some other universe… She was still a bit shell-shocked.

"B-But, you don't even have a mom? Are you sure, Lady Neptune?" Red asked, rather meekly.

"Sure, I'm sure," said Neptune. "Now, I'd love to stay and chat, but I've got places to be, ladies to see. You know the deal."

With a farewell wink, the CPU of Planeptune turned heel and proceeded to flee the scene-

"Wait!"

Proceeded to try and flee the scene, until Red jumped her for the third time in the span of 5- No, maybe more like 2 minutes. Less than 2 minutes, even!

"Gurk… Are you sure, you didn't come here to harass me?"

"Fine! I'll stop beating around the bush!" the redhead blurted out, her growing sense of desperation becoming as obvious as Neptune's hair was purple.

"It's actually Lilac, but that's beside the point." Truer words had never been spoken.

Almost literally swallowing her pride, Red faced the CPU of purple, practically smashed her face and hands into the ground and said, "Please, take me under your wing!"

"Eh?" Neptune said, ever so eloquently.

"I want you to teach me everything you know about making my own harem!" she explained. 'So that I can make you all part of mine when the time comes!' she added deviously in the back of her head. Too bad it was practically written on her face, too, or Neptune might've bought it.

"Sorry, no can do." The words spoken from her mouth almost instantly made Red deflate like a midget-shaped balloon. "Besides, if you really want to know how I go about making my own harem, you can feel free to check out the prequel story to this one," she added proudly at the last minute. Unfortunately… Red looked rather skeptical. "Wh-What? It's a pretty good lesson by yours truly."

Red responded in the most dry, disappointed tone possible with, "You didn't even teach anything. You just went from girl to girl and got lucky just because you're the protagonist. That was it," she explained dryly. "It wasn't even that good."

"What?!" Neptune exclaimed at the realization. "What are you talking about?! It was a totally informative… Totally..." Her expression turned grim as the truth sunk in. "… Darn it all..."

"So, come on! Please, just take me under your wing! I'll make it worth your while!" she practically pleaded. Now if only she hadn't just verbally slapped Neptune across the face with reality...

"Nope!" The CPU immediately turned to leave, as an increasingly flustered Red started to break under the pressure of this, clearly, life or death situation – harems are a very serious matter. In one last act of desperation, she ran in front of Neptune and… "Wait! I'll do anything! Even… Even…" In one swift motion, she grabbed at her shirt and pulled it down, her breasts bouncing like jello as they were set free. At the very least, she finally succeeded in grabbing Neptune's attention. "I'll let you have your way with me..." she said in the most seductive and provocative voice possible through her ever-reddening face.

"..."

At the very least, Red took the CPU's silence as a sign that her tactic was working, so she leaned forward and squished her breasts together with her arms. "Please~" Her next move was to lean over even closer and make herself look as enticing as possible. "I'll do anything you wa- Nnngh?!" Too bad Neptune wasn't interested. In fact, she was so disinterested that she grabbed Red by the face and threw her into the bushes like a rag doll. She practically flopped into it like one, too. "Guh… But why…?"

"Sorry, but it's a little embarrassing to have girls randomly flash me in public like that," Neptune interrupted.

"Wha?" Red mumbled to herself, craning her neck to look upon the oncoming CPU approaching her from behind. Of course, instead of realizing how suggestive her pose was, she shook her head and flipped over into an even more provocative position with her legs spread out. Whether she was doing it on purpose or she didn't realize the risque position she was putting herself in had yet to be seen. "That hurt!" she whined.

"So does my head. I think we're even now," Neptune countered. "So what's all this about again?"

Red pouted, promptly covering her breasts once more. "I want you to teach me how to make a harem," the short redhead reiterated.

"Oh, I dunno," Neptune began in a faux reluctant tone. Red would quickly come to regret her previous words upon seeing the CPU's devious smirk. "Apparently I'm not a very good teacher. I just go from girl to girl and get lucky because I'm the protagonist. What can I say? I'm afraid I don't have anything to teach you." She sighed to herself in a show of fake exhaustion and lack of confidence. Red took it as her cue to sweat profusely, doing her best "in the rain without an umbrella" impersonation.

"H-Hold on now-"

"Sorry," Neptune cut in. "I've got things to do, people to see," she smiled like a wolf. "Cute girls to make out with. I'm sure you understand."

Leaving Red like a shell-shocked blue shell victim, the CPU dusted herself off and went off on her merry way. But she did at least have the courtesy to give Red one piece of advice.

"Oh, by the way, the Basilicom staff usually like to make their rounds around this time of day. So you may want to book it before they catch you trespassing." Cue the wolfish grin. "See ya."

Now, Red was very well-know for being a very collected and calm individual, so she took her defeat with the grace of an angel-

"DARN IIIIIIIIT!"

-who had no grace whatsoever.

"THIS ISN'T OVER, YOU! I'LL MAKE YOU ALL MY WIFEYS SOMEDAY! JUST YOU WAIT!"

"Who the heck is that girl screaming in the Basilicom garden?"

"I have no idea, but it looks like she might be threatening Lady Neptune somehow. I believe we should call the guards."

"EEP!"

"Get back here, you fiend!"

"Oh, snap! I've always wanted to be part of a sick chase scene."

And it was the sickest chase scene that Basilicom attendant had ever experienced… If Red hadn't tripped on her own feet and knocked herself out cold from the fall. How embarrassing.

Back to Phase 1!

Off in some remote area of the Planeptune wilderness, a stoic-looking mouse pitter-pattered across the fields looking very… Stoic. The yellow blob of poker faces set up a small lemonade stand in its place- don't ask where he was carrying it- before hopping up on a stool and producing a placard, which read as follows:

"Hello there.

I am the author of this fine story. I am sure many are probably wondering "why was this story rebooted, Draco? You were my brother! I loved you! I hate sand."

Well, joke's on you, for I have the high ground. As for the reboot, over my time away from the fantastical keyboard with which I create the slightly above average magic you are reading right now, I have reflected heavily upon HB 201 as it was. I came to the decision… That it was a bit 'meh' for my liking. Meaning that I kinda started to feel it strayed too far from what HB 101 was, so I sought to recapture this magic, hence my wanting to redo it in such a way that remembers the charm of the original, and possibly improves upon it. I thank ye for bearing with me through these long periods of inactivity as I try to live up to my potential as a writer once more. And possibly fail all over again. Let's hope not."

End scene.

"But wait! There's more!"

Dear Goddess...

"What if I told you… This whole scene was just one giant, meta author's notes?"

No…