WARNING: Easily triggered Trump supporters and people who have unstable minds from reading really bad fan fiction recently, you have been warned, DO NOT read this story. It's harmful to both your physical and mental condition. Likely to give you cancer. To those probably strong enough to go on (which is nobody), note that this is a story that is meant to depict a parody of current events, AKA Trump being president. Honestly, the authors of this story aren't Trump or Hilary supporters, we're pretty unbiased. Also, this story kind of pokes at a fantasy Anita Sarkeesian dreams about every day, in which women are better than men in pretty much every single way. The men in this story are NOT supposed to be depict men in real life. Not all men are cancerous, racist, sexist assholes, and anyone who believes that deserves to burn in hell. Also, you homophobes, run away and kill yourself. This story isn't for you. Last warning, we did not intend for this to be a good quality story that would gain any popularity, because we are terrible writers. And the new Alien: Covenant trailer sucks. And Alien: Resurrection does too. And AVP. And this story isn't supposed to make sense, there are plot holes everywhere. And we don't support illegal immigration, but we don't want their heads to be blown off either. Note this is from the perspective of Donald Trump. And this story ships Drake x Vasquez, even though Drake is a terrible boyfriend. And uh, that's all.
Chapter 1: Diagnosed with Vasqueztitis
He knew these speeches would come back to haunt him...all those times...he made speeches about illegal immigrants...illegal aliens...and now one has come to haunt him. Donald's racist mind assumed that this man...well woman...was an illegal immigrant from the way she looked...she looked Mexican and had that accent...spoke Spanish...of course she was illegal. He couldn't quite find out where he...she was from. He discussed her with everyone he met...but no one had a damn clue. He went to a doctor, talking about the way she look to the way she spoke. Donald trusted this man. He was a billionaire and of course billionaires are very trustworthy.
Donald walked into the rooms, sitting on the plush chair made of the extinct dodo bird feathers. The doctor sat next to him and told him to tell him all about these dreams...
"Doctor, I keep having these dreams. He, I mean she...she just comes...attacking me with a gun screaming...'LET'S ROCK!' I don't know what to do doctor...about him...I mean her," Donald said shakily, shivering with fright as the dream flashed through his doctor visibly flinched as he made the diagnosis.
"Donald...you are diagnosed with Vasqueztitis," the doctor said.
All of the doctors in the world feared of having a patient with this phobia because it spreads easily... to racist people...and of course the doctor was one.
"Donald...most racist males with specifically double Y blood type... yes the crazy blood type from Alien 3... have this deadly phobia...half of America's population... is diagnosed with Vasqueztitis," the doctor said fearfully hoping he would still get paid a shit ton of money.
The doctor went on...beads of sweat layered on his forehead, "There is no way to cure this phobia. JUST MAKE SURE TO NOT PISS HER OFF IN YOUR DREAMS...you will die in your sleep...and if you threaten her with Drake...you is a dead man...YOU A DEAD MAN!"
Grabbing his paycheck, the doctor fled the room...papers flying everywhere for the fear that the deadly phobia would spread to him.
Donald stood there...dumbfounded.
"The woman...the badass woman...was actually going to kill him...KILL ME THE GREAT DONALD EFFING TRUMP!?" He yelled, laughing maniacally.
"This ILLEGAL immigrant..some farmer probably...she is probably cleaning my toilets...right?"
His voice cracked at the end because as much as he wanted to act strong about this whole thing...he knew that this manly badass woman...was what he feared most. Illegal immigrants were people who he thought were animals..but of course this one wasn't an animal...she was a SAVAGE. And as much as he hated her...he would never want to get on the bad side of...this...monstrous...badass...woman.
Yes, that was the shittiest most sexist prologue/chapter you guys have ever seen in your entire lives. It DOES get better (no it doesn't). So uh... see you in chapter 2! (No one)