Languid Sentiments

by Genius of Hardwork

In order to preserve their innocent relationship as student and teacher, Gai rejects Lee's affection for him when the young ninja goes to confess. However, years later when Gai finds himself regretting his decision, he returns to Lee, in hopes of repairing what could have been. But no one can wait forever, and Gai finds himself drunk and alone, cursing at his foolish actions.

Gai had never tasted alcohol that burned his tongue with such sour bitterness until now. The elixir ran freely down the passage of his throat, searing at the sensitive flesh of his esophagus as another glass joined the amounting mass of liquor the Jonin had consumed in one sitting. He listened to no pleas to "slow down", such requests were foolish demands that were only rewarded with Gai's complete disregard.

His body, aching, numb, crying in defeat for the mistreatment to end, had been ignored by Gai's headstrong perseverance and ignorance. Even to his own advice, Gai became deaf, simply enforcing his bodies boundaries until he felt satisfied with the crippling, languid effects only alcohol could grant him.

This would not be the first time his stupidity would cost him something valuable.

Gai pitied his self-centered, arrogant, idiotic, completely indecisive nature, for having wronged not only himself, but also his incandescent student that enchanted him beyond belief. Eyes enraptured in youthful innocence were once directed at him, and the faint memories of Lee's enthusiastic, yet bashful confession played through Gai's mind relentlessly, forcing the older man to relive every sense that flourished within those moments — as if trying to mock him.

Gai remembered the taste of newly formed sweat upon his lips, the sensation of Lee's tight grip as his fingers refused to untangle themselves from Gai's hand, the mellifluous melody that sang sweetly like song birds upon Gai's ears at the sound of his precious confession, the ever rotting nervousness that guzzled through his stomach and burned at his chest when he remembered their positions as student and teacher, and the guilt that consumed his being as he watched Lee retreat in anguish, rejected and crushed that once again, his noblest of efforts were not enough. Even as his love and adoration for Lee transcended past gates of normalcy years before Lee had dared cough up a confession, Gai was still unable to free the caged words that were left locked away by his own stupidity; leaving him only to mourn and fall victim to actions he could blame no one for but himself.

Gai drank, because he dare thought that after years of purposely avoiding and neglecting the subject, Lee would still have accepted and waited for him like some forgotten puppy continuing to cling to the notion that their owner would return. And yet, when Lee's lustrous lips spread out into a morose, decrepit smile, he wished he could have faked the surprised expression that crackled past his frame when Lee admitted that he, "could not wait forever,", and that his desires to be loved and pleased were already being satisfied by someone else. Someone who wouldn't make him wait for years in silence.

At this point, Gai could only laugh, because it was his fear of tarnishing Lee's exuberant innocence that forced to play out such stupid actions. Right now, he could only laugh, because as Lee denied at Gai's advances, the older man noticed clearly the glints of misery that hid themselves behind his beautiful eyes, and could hear as Lee coughed and forced those words of denial past the spacing of his teeth. Even if Lee would never choose to admit it, Gai knew him all too well to know that Lee was lying if he admitted to having no longer loved Gai with amorous sentiments.

However, that made the rejection all the more difficult, because Gai knew that he was only amplifying the effects of his denial of Lee all those years ago, being able to watch as how that single moment had festered and devoured at their precious, youthful relationship. And at the thought of that, he drank.

He drank, for pity.

He drank, for loneliness.

He drank, for sheer bitterness that submerged itself within the core of his being into the form of distraught jealousy,

He drank for sheer anger at the foolishness of his actions for having been blinded of the effects it would result in their relationship,

And he drank, because he could not be the one Lee had yearned so desperately for all these year.

Years — he had spent alone, searching and believing that in some way, all of this was his fault. It was his fault for having ruined something that was already perfect, and as Gai slammed another empty glass upon the counter, his shoulders shook and his eyes begged to release the tears that beckoned to roll down his cheeks, wishing with all the fury that ate away at his soul, that he could tell Lee that none of this was ever his fault.