(Season 11 opening)
(1,2,3,4,5,6,Dogbone)
(Open on Mike with Crow, Servo, and Gypsy to his right)
MIKE: Hi Everyone and welcome to the Satellite of love, I'm Mike
Nelson, This is Tom Servo,
SERVO: Hi
MIKE: and this is Crow T. Robot,
CROW: Yo
MIKE: And of course this is Gypette.
GYPETTE: Hi everyone.
CROW: (Trace Beaulieu's voice (offscreen)) Don't forget us.
(Cambot gets a wider view finding yet another Servo and Crow to
Mike's Left.
MIKE: (Sees other Crow and Servo) And I guess this is Tom Servo
and Crow T. Robot. All right what's going on here.
CROW (Bill): Well Mike since Dr. F. told us there would be a guest
host we'd have a guest host this week.
CROW (Trace): So we decided to reactivate two of our older selves.
SERVO (Kevin): Yeah now there's one set for you,
SERVO (Josh): And one for the Guest Host.
ALL 4 BOTS:And 4 of us will provide twice the riffs of two.
MIKE: Oh no one of each of you is more then enough for both me and
the guest host.
(Commercial Sign Flashes)
MIKE: Oh we'll be right back, and there had better be only one of
each of us.
BOTS: Darn!
(Commercials)
(When we return Mike, and one of each of the bots is at the desk)
CROW: (Trace's voice) Well Mike, I hope you're happy.
MIKE: Hey Crow what happened to your voice?
CROW: Well Mike we didn't know which ones to deactivate so we
flipped a coin, and I got to stay active.
MIKE: Oh Hey Servo which voice do you have.
SERVO: (Kevin) Oh just the normal.
MIKE: OK I guess I can get used to this.
( Mad light flashes)
CROW: Hey Mike, Dr.F. is calling.
(Mike hits the button)
(Deep T.V.)
Dr.F.: Hi guys.
(SOL)
ALL:Hi Dr.F.
(Deep T.V.)
Dr.F.: Well guys are you ready to meet your guest host?
(SOL)
SERVO: Yes, come on Let us know.
(Deep T.V.)
Dr.F.: Well he should be arriving at the SOL any time...
(SOL)
(Doorbell Rings)
BOTS: I got it!
(They try to run for it when Mike grabs them)
MIKE: Hold it, I'll get. Besides nether of you can open the door
anyway.
(Mike Heads off screen the bots follow him Cambot turns to see the
door)
(Mike opens the door to find Joel Robinson)
BOTS: Joel! Joel's back!
(Joel hugs the bots)
JOEL: Hi guys miss me.
(Joel and Mike shake hands)
MIKE: Welcome back Joel.
(They all move back to the desk)
(Deep T.V.)
Dr. F.: Hi Joel long time no see.
(SOL)
JOEL: Hi Dr.F.
(Deep T.V.)
Dr.F.: Well guys it's time to start today's movies. Hope you enjoy
Evil Dead 1 & 2.
(SOL)
(Movie sign Flashes)
JOEL & MIKE: Ah we got movie sign.
(1,2,3,4,5,6,Theater)
(Joel brings in Servo sitting where Servo normally sits and puts
Servo beside him. Mike and Crow take their normal seat.)
JOEL: OK Lets see if I still got it.
CROW: Did you have it to begin with Joel.
JOEL: Very funny Crow.
MIKE: Roll it Cambot.
RENAISSANCE PICTURES presents
CROW: The life and times of William Shakesphere.
THE EVIL DEAD
SERVO: How can the dead be evil? It's Dead.
CROW: Maybe it was evil when it was alive.
[Daytime - Inside the Delta 88]
The gang are traveling on a highway singing a song
SERVO: This movie has the makings of "Manos"
(JOEL & The BOTS Shiver)
Scott: Hey Ash, where are we?
Ash: Well, we just crossed the Tennessee Border.
MIKE: (Laughing) Man Ash looks like a little dork now. (He really
does)
Ash: Which would put us...
Scott: chuckling Yeeeah?
Ash: Which would put us...
Ash: Right...
JOEL: Just spit it out!
Ash: Here.
The Delta 88 steers out of control as it nearly hit a truck
CROW: Yeah short movie, oh darn.
Ash: What the hell was that? Are you trying to kill us?
SERVO: Yeah that's the basic idea.
Scott: Hey! Don't blame me! It's your steering wheel! Damn thing
jerked right out of my hands.
Ash: I don't understand it. I had this thing in for a tune-up
yesterday and they said they'd go over everything.
JOEL: Well they did a crappy job.
Scott: Yeah! Well you better take it back because the damn thing
don't work. The one thing that does work is this lousy horn.
honks the horn
Scott: to people on the street Ah! Go to hell! I'm not honking
at you!
SERVO: You're not worth honking at.
Scott: Jesus Christ.
Linda: Hey Scotty! What's this place like anyway?
Scott: Well, the guy that's renting it says it's an old place.
Little run down, but it's right up in the mountains.
JOEL: Ever seen the Munsters?
Scott: Yeah, and the best part is that we get it so cheap.
Linda: Yeah, why are we getting it so cheap?
MIKE: Because the Evil Dead that lives there loves company.
Scott: Well, I don't know. Might be in real bad shape.
Cheryl: You mean, nobody's seen this place yet?
Scott: Well, not yet.
Ash: Well, it might not be that bad.
SERVO: (Sarcastic) Sure.
Linda: No.
Ash: Actually, it might be kind of nice.
CROW: (Sarcastic) Mhmm hmm.
Linda: Yeah.
Shelly: It's probably a real pit.
JOEL: With a pendulum.
Ash: Ya, I think this is where we get off.
The gang reads the sign. It reads: DANGEROUS BRIDGE TRAVEL AT OWN
RISK 3 TONS LOAD LIMIT
CROW: Hey Servo, you couldn't cross.
SERVO: Hey!
The Delta 88 crosses a rickety bridge
Cheryl: This is the bridge we're going to cross?
Scott: Jesus Christ! The whole thing's falling apart on us!
Ash: Don't let the noise fool you girls, this thing is solid as a
rock.
As they cross Ash opens the door and looks out as a board falls
into the water.
MIKE: Oh, that's real sturdy.
They cross the bridge and arrive at the cabin
Scott approaches the cabin
Scott retrieves a really big set of keys
JOEL: We'll be here all day.
Scott: It's supposed to be one of these on here.
Scott unlocks the door to the cabin and enters
The rest of the gang unload the car
Ash: C'mon!
Linda: Hey!
Ash: Hey! Hey!
Two of the girls throw bags at Ash at same time
Ash: Hmph!
SERVO: Yeah beat him to death with the bags.
[Daytime - Inside the Cabin]
Scott investigates the cabin
[Nighttime - Inside the cabin]
Cheryl draws a clock on in her sketchbook and then hears voices
saying, "Join us. Join us."
CROW: (Whispering) Leave us Leave us.
Cheryl draws a sketch of a book against her will tearing the book
up in the process
MIKE: (Cheryl) Ohh Sketchbook I hate you.
Cheryl observes the cellar door rattle
Scott: whispering It barks in the cellar. It barks in the
cellar.
ALL: Bark Bark Whoof arf.
Cheryl: Will you stop it?
Ash: I would very much like to make a toast for all this evening.
Ah, as a great friend of mine once said, he said, "I..." Oh OK OK
"??This miss tu tarine??".
CROW: (Angry) Hey he cussed me out!!
JOEL: How would you know? You're only programmed for English.
CROW: Well he said something.(Trails off)
Cheryl: Which means?
Scott: Party down! Ya!
The cellar door mysteriously opens and everyone goes to have a
look
SERVO: Yeah crowd around that'll make it easier for whatever's in
the cellar to attack them.
Ash: What is this?
Linda: Whatever it is, it's still down there.
Cheryl: I don't like cellars. Let's just close it up. It's
probably just some animal.
MIKE: Yeah A rabid raccoon maybe.
Scott: An animal? An animal? laughs That is the stupidest thing
I ever heard of. Jesus Christ.
Shelly: There's something down there.
Linda: Maybe it is just some animal.
Scott: Yeah, you're probably right. Probably just some animal.
Here Cheryl, why don't you go down 'n check, make sure?
CROW: Just like a man.
MIKE & JOEL: Hey!
Cheryl: Scotty! I'm not going down there!
Scott: OK, OK you cowards, I'll go.
Shelly: Be careful.
Scott: Back in a minute.
SERVO: Hopefully he won't be.
Scott descends into the cellar
Everyone watches and Ash peers into the cellar
Ash: Hey Scotty! You find anything? Scotty. Scotty! Scott!
Shelly: He's just kidding around... Isn't he?
CROW: No he's dead.
Ash: Scotty!! Scott! Linda, get me a flashlight.
Linda: That's the only one we brought up.
JOEL: Well that was stupid.
Ash: Then get the lantern.
Ash descends into the cellar
[Nighttime - In the cellar]
BOTS: (Make spooky sounds)
Ash looks for Scotty
Ash: Scotty?
SERVO: Beam me up Scotty.
(Thump)
Ash opens a door
Scott: scaring Ash Boo!! Hahahahahah Hey, come here, I wanna
show you something. Look at all this stuff. I bet this still
shoots. pointing a shotgun at Ash
BOTS: Shoot him shoot him.
Ash: Probably does.
Ash: Oh God. Look at this. referring to a book
MIKE: Hey it's the paperback version of the Necronomicon.
SERVO: (Salesman like) New paperback Necronomican when you need to
caste some spells but can't be burdened down by big books.
Scott: Look at this. referring to a scepter This kind of looks
like your old girlfriend. chuckle C'mon, let's take this stuff
upstairs. I'll grab the recorder and you get everything else
now...
CROW: (Sarcastically) oh yeah leave me the light stuff why don't
you.
[Nighttime - Inside the cabin]
The gang is having a chitchat
Ash: OK, shhhh... Listen to this. This is the tape I found
downstairs.
Prof: (On tape) It has been a number of years since I began
excavating the ruins of Candar with a group of my colleges. Now my
wife and I have retreated to a small cabin in the solitude of
these mountains. Here I continued my research undisturbed by the
myriad distractions of modern civilization and far from the groves
of academe. I believe I have made a significant find in the
Candarian Ruins. A volume of Ancient Sumarian burial practices and
funerary incantations. It is entitled "Morturom Demonto"-
CROW: Hey I thought it was the Necronimican
roughly translated, "Book of the Dead". The book is bound in human
flesh and inked in human blood. It deals with demons and demon
resurrection and those forces which roam the forest and dark
bowers of man's domain. The first few pages warn that these
enduring creatures may lie dormant but are never truly dead. They
may be recalled to active life through the incantations presented
in this book. It is through recitation of these passages that the
demons are given license to possess the living.
Cheryl turns off the tape recorder
SERVO: I was starting to like that.
Scott: Hey! What did you do that for? It was just getting good!
Cheryl: I just don't want to hear it anymore that's all.
Scott: Ooooooooo
Ash: Scotty, c'mon. Leave her alone, man.
CROW: Quit feeling her..
MIKE: Crow.
CROW: What?
Scott: Hey, c'mon. I just want to hear the rest of it. No big
deal.
Scott turns the tape recorder back on
The Prof on the tape recorder recites some incantations
The Evil Force awakens
JOEL: (Evil force) Whoa what did I drink last night.
Cheryl: Shut it off! Shut it off! Shut it off!!!
A window breaks and Cheryl is scared out of her wits
Shelly: Cheryl. Where're you going?
Ash: I can't believe this. Scott, you knew not to play that! I
mean c'mon, you knew it was upsetting her. You just don't know
when you're taking something too far.
Scott: Hey, don't give me that! You were playing it too. You could
of shut it off. I mean big deal! She's nuts. I mean it's just a
joke,c'mon! Jesus Christ. She acts like she's three years old or
something.
SERVO: I thought she was three?
[Nighttime - Inside the cabin]
Ash: Listen. Why don't we stay up for a while and listen to the
storm?
Linda: All right, yeah. Let me check on Cheryl first to see if
she's OK.
Ash allows Linda to see a jewelry box when she comes back
Linda: Aha!
Ash: Ohh! Stealing from the blind, hunh? This is for you.
MIKE: It's from Steve he lives across the street from us.
Linda: Linda opens the box and finds a necklace Ash, how sweet
of you.
Would you put it on?
Ash: Oh yeah, sure. I was going to give it to you before we came
up here, but things got so hectic, this is really the first chance
we've had to be alone. Take a look.
Linda: Oh Ash! It's beautiful. I really love it. I'll never take
it off.
The Evil Force observes Cheryl from outside
EvlFrc: Join us!
CROW: Leave us!!
[Nighttime - Outside the cabin]
Cheryl: Is anybody out there?
Cheryl goes exploring in the forest
Cheryl: I know someone's out there. I heard you. I heard you in
the cellar.
MIKE: If she heard it in the cellar why is she looking outside.
Cheryl is attacked by Evil Trees [Note: Attacked is a nice word
for it Raped fits better.]
ALL: Ahh no
SERVO: Man this is downright sick
CROW: Yeah Dr.F. how could you do this to us?
MIKE: How did that make it by the Censors.
JOEL: Well this is Fox anything can make it by Fox's Censors.
Cheryl: Ashley!!!
Cheryl runs and gets back into the cabin
SERVO: Damn she lived this movie needs some killing to liven it
up.
[Nighttime - Inside the cabin]
Ash: What the hell happened to you? What's the matter with you?
Did something in the woods do this to you?
Cheryl: No! It was the woods themselves! They're alive Ashley! The
trees! They're alive.
MIKE: Plants are alive.
Linda: Ash. Why don't I take her in the back room so she can lie
down.
Cheryl: I'm not lying down! I want to get out of here. I want to
leave this place right now. Right now Ashley!
Scott: Wait a minute. I sure as hell am not leaving any place
tonight.
Shelly: Cheryl.
Linda: Cheryl.
Ash: Cheryl, there's nothing out there. Trees do not attack
people.
Cheryl: Ashley! Will you drive me into town or not?
CROW: Ashley (laughing)
Ash: What? Right now?! Look, sure, sure, I'll take you into town,
but just listen to what you're saying.
Cheryl: I don't care how it sounds. I wanna get out of this place
right now.
Ash: OK, maybe you could stay somewhere in town tonight.
[Nighttime - In the Delta 88]
The Delta 88 refuses to start
Cheryl: I know it's not gonna start. It's not gonna let us leave.
It starts and they drive to the bridge
Cheryl: Why are you stopping?
Ash: Wait here a minute. Ash exits the car
Cheryl: Do you see something? Where're you going? Ashley? Cheryl
exits the car to look for Ash Ashley?
Cheryl discovers that the bridge is wrecked
SERVO: That's a good bridge I tell you.
Cheryl: weeping It's not going to let us go! It's not going to
let us go! I told you! I told you! It's not going to let us go!
Why won't you listen to me?
JOEL: (Ash) Because I'm stupid that's why.
[Nighttime - Inside the cabin]
Ash plays the tape recorder again
Prof: (On tape) I know now that my wife has become host to a
Candarian demon. I fear that the only way to stop those possessed
by the spirits of the book is through the act of bodily
dismemberment. I believe now to avoid this horror, but for myself,
I have seen the dark shadows moving in the woods and I have no
doubt that whatever I have resurrected through this book is sure
to come calling... for me.
Linda and Shelly are playing a guessing game with a deck of
cards
Linda: OK, ah, let me think. Ummm... It's a seven.
Shelly: Oh! What suit?
Linda: Ahh... diamonds. N-n-no wait! Ummm, hearts!
Shelly: Oh My! It's seven of hearts! You're right!
SERVO: You are way off.
Linda: Hey Ash! I guessed the card right!
Ash: Yeah... truly amazing Linda.
Linda: I don't know. I don't know, but I think it's really some
sort of extra sense or something, you know, like ESP.
CROW: Eternal Stupid presitiantence.
Shelly: OK, try this one.
Linda: OK... It's a seven.
Shelly: I don't believe it!
Cheryl: ... of spades. Queen of Spades. Four of Hearts. Eight of
Spades. Two of Spades. Jack of Diamonds. Jack of Clubs!
Cheryl turns around to reveal that she is possessed
JOEL; Ahh she got real ugly.
PosChr: Why have you disturbed our sleep? Awakened us from our
ancient slumber? You will die! Nightmare is before you. One by one
we will take you.
Possessed Cheryl collapses on the floor
CROW: Well that was a pointless waste of time.
Scott: What happened to her?
Linda: Did you see her eyes? Oh Ash, I'm scared. What's wrong with
her?
SERVO: It's a stomach virus.
Possessed Cheryl stabs Linda in the ankle with a pencil and
throwsher and Ash against walls
Scott: Cheryl! Stop it! Scott is thrown against a door
Scott kicks Possessed Cheryl into the cellar and locks her in
JOEL: That'll hold her all of 5 secs.
PosChr: Join us!
Everyone sits around thinking about what has gone on
Scott: Ash. I think we ought to get out of here.
MIKE: That would be smart if if the tres wern't alive.
Ash: Yeah.
Scott: We still have a few more hours before morning.
Shelly: I don't think I can wait that long.
Scott: You have to. We all have to! And then in the morning, we'll
get in the car, and we'll take the bridge. And-
CROW: The bridge is kinda out of shape.
Shelly: Why does she keep making those horrible noises? referring
to Possessed Cheryl who's locked in the cellar
Scott: I don't know!
Shelly: Her eyes! Her eyes... For God's Sake! What happened to her
eyes?
Possessed Cheryl growls and chuckles some more
JOEL: Is it really that funny.
The Evil Force approaches the cabin
Scott: Everything's going to be all right.
Shelly: Scotty. I-I think there's something's out there.
Scott: Go to bed, and get some sleep. OK?
SERVO: That why you can die silently.
The Evil Force attacks Shelly
Scott investigates Shelly's room and finds she is missing
Scott: Shelly?
Scott is attacked by a Possessed Shelly
Possessed Shelly is knocked into the fireplace but Scott drags
her out
MIKE: Moron.
PosShy: Thank you. I don't know what I would have done if I
remained on those hot coals, burning my pretty flesh. You have
pretty skin. Give it to us.
PosShy: Join us. Join us...
Scott slits Possessed Shelly's wrist then stabs her in the back
with a scepter
SERVO: (Shelly) I will always love you Ashley.
Possessed Shelly attacks Scott again
Scott: to Ash Hit her! Hit it!
CROW: Do it you weine.
Scott grabs the ax from Ash and chops Possessed Shelly up
Ash: Scott.
Scott: Yeah?
Ash: What are- What are we going to do?
Scott: We're going to bury her.
Ash: We can't bury Shelly. She's a- she's a friend of ours.
JOEL: That's what you normally do with dead bodies.
Scott: Yeah, she's dead. Shelly's dead. We gotta bury her now.
[Nighttime - Outside the cabin]
Scott and Ash bury Shelly
[Nighttime - Inside the cabin]
Ash: Linda's still sleeping. I think once her leg-
SERVO: Rots off.
Scott: I'm getting out of here.
Ash: Scott, we can't take Linda anywhere with her leg like that.
We don't even know if there is anyway back besides the bridge.
Scott: Maybe there's a hiking trail, or an old road or some other
way around the cliff. I mean there's gotta be another way besides
the bridge.
Ash: Listen to me. Linda cannot walk with her leg like that. She
can't even stand up.
Scott: Well, then we'll leave her here. Until we can send somebody
back.
CROW: Yeah so she'll die like everyone else.
Ash: What? Are you crazy?
Scott: Look! I'm getting out! I don't care what happens to her.
She's
your girlfriend, you take care of her. I'm getting the hell out of
here. Right now.
Scott leaves the cabin
MIKE: Well I guess he's dead.
CROW: Don't count on it Mike.
PosChr: Soon all of you will be like me. And then we'll lock you
up in the
cellar. Hahahahaha
Ash observes Linda as she becomes possessed
SERVO: Don't just stand there do something.
Possessed Linda sits on the floor giggling
Scott reappears at the cabin badly wounded
MIKE: I guess the trees already got him.
Scott: Ash! Ash!
Ash: Oh My God!
Scott: Help me!
Ash: Scotty. You're going to be OK. You're going to be just fine.
You'll see.
Scott: Ash. It's not going to let us leave. Cheryl- Cheryl was
right, we're all going to die here!
Ash: No, we're not going to die.
CROW: We're just actors.
Scott: We're all going to die. All of us!
Ash: No, we're not going to die! We're not going to die! We're
gonna get out of here. Now listen to me Scotty. Is there a way
around the bridge? Scotty! Listen to me please for God's Sake!
Scott!!
Scott: Ash. Ash. I don't wanna die. You're not going to leave me
are you Ash? Are you?
MIKE: On the first chance I can I will.. I mean I'd never leave
you here.
PosChr: mocking I don't wanna die. You're not going to leave me
here are you? Are you Ash? Hahahahaha
Ash: Scotty! Now c'mon listen to me for God's Sake! Is there a way
around the bridge?
Scott: There's a way. The trail. But the trees Ash. They know.
Don't you see Ash? They're alive!
Possessed girls are giggling
BOTS: (Giggle)
Ash: to the possessed girls Shut up will you? Shut up!
Ash slaps Possessed Linda
JOEL: Oh she's gonna get him for harassment.
Scott: Kill her! Kill her!
PosChr: Kill her if you can, loverboy.
Ash: Now, forgive me Linda.
Ash draws a gun on Possessed Linda but then she seems to have
returned to normal
SERVO: Shoot her shoot her.
Linda: Oh Ash, help me please! Ash, help me please Ash. Oh Ash.
Please don't let them take me away again. Please.
Ash: No, I won't. I won't. I promise.
Ash hears Cheryl's normal voice
Cheryl: Ashley. Ashley, help me. Let me out of here. Ashley? Ash,
help me. Let me out of here. I'mI'm all right now, I'm all right
now Ashley, I'm all right. Unlock this chain and let me out.
Ash: Cheryl? Cheryl?
Possessed Cheryl grabs Ash by the neck but he gets away
CROW: I just wanted to hug.
PosChr: mocking I'm all right now Ashley! Come unlock the chain
and let me out! Hahaha I'm all right now. It's your sister,
Cheryl.
Ash: Ah you bastards! Why are you torturing me like this? Why? to
Possessed Linda because she's giggling again Shut up!
JOEL: I thought I had you thaught better then that.
PosLin: singing, taunting We're going to get you. We're going to
get you. Not another peep. Time to go to sleep. We-ahhahahahaha
Ash drags Possessed Linda outside the cabin
SERVO: Leave you out here to rot.
[Nighttime - Outside the cabin]
PosLin: Useless! Useless! In time it will come for him and then it
will come for you!
[Nighttime - Inside the cabin]
Ash: Here. Here. giving Scott a glass of water
MIKE: Yeah moisten the corpse.
Now, the sun will be up in an hour or so and we can all get out of
here together. You, me, Linda, Shelly. Hmm.. Well... not Shelly,
she- We'll all be going home together. Wouldn't you like to be
going home? I bet you'd like that, wouldn't you? Scott?
Possessed Cheryl cackles
Possessed Linda attacks and stabs Ash and licks the blood off the
scepter she used
CROW: Yummy
PosChr: Join us! Join us!
Ash fights Possessed Linda and finally stabs her in the back
Ash drags Linda's body outside to the toolshed
[Nighttime - Inside the workshed]
Ash weeps as he cannot bring himself to carve up Linda with a
chainsaw
SERVO: I just love her too much.
Ash: Oh Linda...
[Nighttime - Outside the cabin]
Ash buries Linda but she escapes from her shallow grave and
attacks Ash
Ash beats on Possessed Linda and then chops her head off with a
shovel
CROW: Well I guess she's a head below the crowd now.
Ash heads back to the cabin
[Nighttime - Inside the cabin]
Ash notices that Possessed Cheryl has escaped, picks up a shotgun
and goes looking for her
Cheryl attacks Ash and then Ash struggles to close the front
door
Ash: whispering Back door. closes the back door
MIKE: There's also about ten windows why aren't you shutting them
too.
Shells. Where did I see that box of shells?
Ash goes down into the cellar
SERVO: That's smart go down there and get killed.
Blood pours from everywhere and electronic devices start
operating on their own, including a record player
CROW: The evil wants to listen to some tunes.
PosLin: (On the record) singing We're going to get you. We're
going to get you.
Ash: Shut up, Linda! Shut up!
PosLin: (On the record) So sweet of you...
ALL: Ooohh.
Prof: (On the record) ...is through bodily dismemberment.
Scott: (On the record) Hit her! Hit it!
JOEL: Kill something you moron!
Ash retrieves some shotgun shells and returns to the inside of
the cabin
Ash: whispering Oh come on... come on... don't... like this...
SERVO: Then how?
Ash: looking at the necklace he gave to Linda Linda...
Ash remembers Linda and then is attacked by Possessed Cheryl
CROW: (Ash) Hey do you mind? I was thinking here.
SERVO: And that doesn't happen very often.
PosChr: Join us. Join us.
Ash shoots Possessed Cheryl and then is attacked by Possessed
Scott
MIKE: The first possesed man in this movie.
Possessed Scott's eyes are gouged out and then Possessed Cheryl
attacks again as Ash tries to reach the "Book of the Dead"
Ash retrieves the "Book of the Dead" and burns it in the fire
The possessed bodies fall apart
JOEL: Should we?
MIKE: Why not?
ALL: (Witch) I'm melting I'm melting.
EvlFrc: Join us. Join us. Join us...
Daylight breaks!
[Daytime - Outside the cabin]
Ash walks away but the Evil Force is seen to come at him once
more
Ash: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!
MIKE: My words eacxtly.
(They all leave)
(1,2,3,4,5,6,Dogbone)
(Open on Mike with Crow, Servo, and Gypsy to his right)
MIKE: Hi Everyone and welcome to the Satellite of love, I'm Mike
Nelson, This is Tom Servo,
SERVO: Hi
MIKE: and this is Crow T. Robot,
CROW: Yo
MIKE: And of course this is Gypette.
GYPETTE: Hi everyone.
CROW: (Trace Beaulieu's voice (offscreen)) Don't forget us.
(Cambot gets a wider view finding yet another Servo and Crow to
Mike's Left.
MIKE: (Sees other Crow and Servo) And I guess this is Tom Servo
and Crow T. Robot. All right what's going on here.
CROW (Bill): Well Mike since Dr. F. told us there would be a guest
host we'd have a guest host this week.
CROW (Trace): So we decided to reactivate two of our older selves.
SERVO (Kevin): Yeah now there's one set for you,
SERVO (Josh): And one for the Guest Host.
ALL 4 BOTS:And 4 of us will provide twice the riffs of two.
MIKE: Oh no one of each of you is more then enough for both me and
the guest host.
(Commercial Sign Flashes)
MIKE: Oh we'll be right back, and there had better be only one of
each of us.
BOTS: Darn!
(Commercials)
(When we return Mike, and one of each of the bots is at the desk)
CROW: (Trace's voice) Well Mike, I hope you're happy.
MIKE: Hey Crow what happened to your voice?
CROW: Well Mike we didn't know which ones to deactivate so we
flipped a coin, and I got to stay active.
MIKE: Oh Hey Servo which voice do you have.
SERVO: (Kevin) Oh just the normal.
MIKE: OK I guess I can get used to this.
( Mad light flashes)
CROW: Hey Mike, Dr.F. is calling.
(Mike hits the button)
(Deep T.V.)
Dr.F.: Hi guys.
(SOL)
ALL:Hi Dr.F.
(Deep T.V.)
Dr.F.: Well guys are you ready to meet your guest host?
(SOL)
SERVO: Yes, come on Let us know.
(Deep T.V.)
Dr.F.: Well he should be arriving at the SOL any time...
(SOL)
(Doorbell Rings)
BOTS: I got it!
(They try to run for it when Mike grabs them)
MIKE: Hold it, I'll get. Besides nether of you can open the door
anyway.
(Mike Heads off screen the bots follow him Cambot turns to see the
door)
(Mike opens the door to find Joel Robinson)
BOTS: Joel! Joel's back!
(Joel hugs the bots)
JOEL: Hi guys miss me.
(Joel and Mike shake hands)
MIKE: Welcome back Joel.
(They all move back to the desk)
(Deep T.V.)
Dr. F.: Hi Joel long time no see.
(SOL)
JOEL: Hi Dr.F.
(Deep T.V.)
Dr.F.: Well guys it's time to start today's movies. Hope you enjoy
Evil Dead 1 & 2.
(SOL)
(Movie sign Flashes)
JOEL & MIKE: Ah we got movie sign.
(1,2,3,4,5,6,Theater)
(Joel brings in Servo sitting where Servo normally sits and puts
Servo beside him. Mike and Crow take their normal seat.)
JOEL: OK Lets see if I still got it.
CROW: Did you have it to begin with Joel.
JOEL: Very funny Crow.
MIKE: Roll it Cambot.
RENAISSANCE PICTURES presents
CROW: The life and times of William Shakesphere.
THE EVIL DEAD
SERVO: How can the dead be evil? It's Dead.
CROW: Maybe it was evil when it was alive.
[Daytime - Inside the Delta 88]
The gang are traveling on a highway singing a song
SERVO: This movie has the makings of "Manos"
(JOEL & The BOTS Shiver)
Scott: Hey Ash, where are we?
Ash: Well, we just crossed the Tennessee Border.
MIKE: (Laughing) Man Ash looks like a little dork now. (He really
does)
Ash: Which would put us...
Scott: chuckling Yeeeah?
Ash: Which would put us...
Ash: Right...
JOEL: Just spit it out!
Ash: Here.
The Delta 88 steers out of control as it nearly hit a truck
CROW: Yeah short movie, oh darn.
Ash: What the hell was that? Are you trying to kill us?
SERVO: Yeah that's the basic idea.
Scott: Hey! Don't blame me! It's your steering wheel! Damn thing
jerked right out of my hands.
Ash: I don't understand it. I had this thing in for a tune-up
yesterday and they said they'd go over everything.
JOEL: Well they did a crappy job.
Scott: Yeah! Well you better take it back because the damn thing
don't work. The one thing that does work is this lousy horn.
honks the horn
Scott: to people on the street Ah! Go to hell! I'm not honking
at you!
SERVO: You're not worth honking at.
Scott: Jesus Christ.
Linda: Hey Scotty! What's this place like anyway?
Scott: Well, the guy that's renting it says it's an old place.
Little run down, but it's right up in the mountains.
JOEL: Ever seen the Munsters?
Scott: Yeah, and the best part is that we get it so cheap.
Linda: Yeah, why are we getting it so cheap?
MIKE: Because the Evil Dead that lives there loves company.
Scott: Well, I don't know. Might be in real bad shape.
Cheryl: You mean, nobody's seen this place yet?
Scott: Well, not yet.
Ash: Well, it might not be that bad.
SERVO: (Sarcastic) Sure.
Linda: No.
Ash: Actually, it might be kind of nice.
CROW: (Sarcastic) Mhmm hmm.
Linda: Yeah.
Shelly: It's probably a real pit.
JOEL: With a pendulum.
Ash: Ya, I think this is where we get off.
The gang reads the sign. It reads: DANGEROUS BRIDGE TRAVEL AT OWN
RISK 3 TONS LOAD LIMIT
CROW: Hey Servo, you couldn't cross.
SERVO: Hey!
The Delta 88 crosses a rickety bridge
Cheryl: This is the bridge we're going to cross?
Scott: Jesus Christ! The whole thing's falling apart on us!
Ash: Don't let the noise fool you girls, this thing is solid as a
rock.
As they cross Ash opens the door and looks out as a board falls
into the water.
MIKE: Oh, that's real sturdy.
They cross the bridge and arrive at the cabin
Scott approaches the cabin
Scott retrieves a really big set of keys
JOEL: We'll be here all day.
Scott: It's supposed to be one of these on here.
Scott unlocks the door to the cabin and enters
The rest of the gang unload the car
Ash: C'mon!
Linda: Hey!
Ash: Hey! Hey!
Two of the girls throw bags at Ash at same time
Ash: Hmph!
SERVO: Yeah beat him to death with the bags.
[Daytime - Inside the Cabin]
Scott investigates the cabin
[Nighttime - Inside the cabin]
Cheryl draws a clock on in her sketchbook and then hears voices
saying, "Join us. Join us."
CROW: (Whispering) Leave us Leave us.
Cheryl draws a sketch of a book against her will tearing the book
up in the process
MIKE: (Cheryl) Ohh Sketchbook I hate you.
Cheryl observes the cellar door rattle
Scott: whispering It barks in the cellar. It barks in the
cellar.
ALL: Bark Bark Whoof arf.
Cheryl: Will you stop it?
Ash: I would very much like to make a toast for all this evening.
Ah, as a great friend of mine once said, he said, "I..." Oh OK OK
"??This miss tu tarine??".
CROW: (Angry) Hey he cussed me out!!
JOEL: How would you know? You're only programmed for English.
CROW: Well he said something.(Trails off)
Cheryl: Which means?
Scott: Party down! Ya!
The cellar door mysteriously opens and everyone goes to have a
look
SERVO: Yeah crowd around that'll make it easier for whatever's in
the cellar to attack them.
Ash: What is this?
Linda: Whatever it is, it's still down there.
Cheryl: I don't like cellars. Let's just close it up. It's
probably just some animal.
MIKE: Yeah A rabid raccoon maybe.
Scott: An animal? An animal? laughs That is the stupidest thing
I ever heard of. Jesus Christ.
Shelly: There's something down there.
Linda: Maybe it is just some animal.
Scott: Yeah, you're probably right. Probably just some animal.
Here Cheryl, why don't you go down 'n check, make sure?
CROW: Just like a man.
MIKE & JOEL: Hey!
Cheryl: Scotty! I'm not going down there!
Scott: OK, OK you cowards, I'll go.
Shelly: Be careful.
Scott: Back in a minute.
SERVO: Hopefully he won't be.
Scott descends into the cellar
Everyone watches and Ash peers into the cellar
Ash: Hey Scotty! You find anything? Scotty. Scotty! Scott!
Shelly: He's just kidding around... Isn't he?
CROW: No he's dead.
Ash: Scotty!! Scott! Linda, get me a flashlight.
Linda: That's the only one we brought up.
JOEL: Well that was stupid.
Ash: Then get the lantern.
Ash descends into the cellar
[Nighttime - In the cellar]
BOTS: (Make spooky sounds)
Ash looks for Scotty
Ash: Scotty?
SERVO: Beam me up Scotty.
(Thump)
Ash opens a door
Scott: scaring Ash Boo!! Hahahahahah Hey, come here, I wanna
show you something. Look at all this stuff. I bet this still
shoots. pointing a shotgun at Ash
BOTS: Shoot him shoot him.
Ash: Probably does.
Ash: Oh God. Look at this. referring to a book
MIKE: Hey it's the paperback version of the Necronomicon.
SERVO: (Salesman like) New paperback Necronomican when you need to
caste some spells but can't be burdened down by big books.
Scott: Look at this. referring to a scepter This kind of looks
like your old girlfriend. chuckle C'mon, let's take this stuff
upstairs. I'll grab the recorder and you get everything else
now...
CROW: (Sarcastically) oh yeah leave me the light stuff why don't
you.
[Nighttime - Inside the cabin]
The gang is having a chitchat
Ash: OK, shhhh... Listen to this. This is the tape I found
downstairs.
Prof: (On tape) It has been a number of years since I began
excavating the ruins of Candar with a group of my colleges. Now my
wife and I have retreated to a small cabin in the solitude of
these mountains. Here I continued my research undisturbed by the
myriad distractions of modern civilization and far from the groves
of academe. I believe I have made a significant find in the
Candarian Ruins. A volume of Ancient Sumarian burial practices and
funerary incantations. It is entitled "Morturom Demonto"-
CROW: Hey I thought it was the Necronimican
roughly translated, "Book of the Dead". The book is bound in human
flesh and inked in human blood. It deals with demons and demon
resurrection and those forces which roam the forest and dark
bowers of man's domain. The first few pages warn that these
enduring creatures may lie dormant but are never truly dead. They
may be recalled to active life through the incantations presented
in this book. It is through recitation of these passages that the
demons are given license to possess the living.
Cheryl turns off the tape recorder
SERVO: I was starting to like that.
Scott: Hey! What did you do that for? It was just getting good!
Cheryl: I just don't want to hear it anymore that's all.
Scott: Ooooooooo
Ash: Scotty, c'mon. Leave her alone, man.
CROW: Quit feeling her..
MIKE: Crow.
CROW: What?
Scott: Hey, c'mon. I just want to hear the rest of it. No big
deal.
Scott turns the tape recorder back on
The Prof on the tape recorder recites some incantations
The Evil Force awakens
JOEL: (Evil force) Whoa what did I drink last night.
Cheryl: Shut it off! Shut it off! Shut it off!!!
A window breaks and Cheryl is scared out of her wits
Shelly: Cheryl. Where're you going?
Ash: I can't believe this. Scott, you knew not to play that! I
mean c'mon, you knew it was upsetting her. You just don't know
when you're taking something too far.
Scott: Hey, don't give me that! You were playing it too. You could
of shut it off. I mean big deal! She's nuts. I mean it's just a
joke,c'mon! Jesus Christ. She acts like she's three years old or
something.
SERVO: I thought she was three?
[Nighttime - Inside the cabin]
Ash: Listen. Why don't we stay up for a while and listen to the
storm?
Linda: All right, yeah. Let me check on Cheryl first to see if
she's OK.
Ash allows Linda to see a jewelry box when she comes back
Linda: Aha!
Ash: Ohh! Stealing from the blind, hunh? This is for you.
MIKE: It's from Steve he lives across the street from us.
Linda: Linda opens the box and finds a necklace Ash, how sweet
of you.
Would you put it on?
Ash: Oh yeah, sure. I was going to give it to you before we came
up here, but things got so hectic, this is really the first chance
we've had to be alone. Take a look.
Linda: Oh Ash! It's beautiful. I really love it. I'll never take
it off.
The Evil Force observes Cheryl from outside
EvlFrc: Join us!
CROW: Leave us!!
[Nighttime - Outside the cabin]
Cheryl: Is anybody out there?
Cheryl goes exploring in the forest
Cheryl: I know someone's out there. I heard you. I heard you in
the cellar.
MIKE: If she heard it in the cellar why is she looking outside.
Cheryl is attacked by Evil Trees [Note: Attacked is a nice word
for it Raped fits better.]
ALL: Ahh no
SERVO: Man this is downright sick
CROW: Yeah Dr.F. how could you do this to us?
MIKE: How did that make it by the Censors.
JOEL: Well this is Fox anything can make it by Fox's Censors.
Cheryl: Ashley!!!
Cheryl runs and gets back into the cabin
SERVO: Damn she lived this movie needs some killing to liven it
up.
[Nighttime - Inside the cabin]
Ash: What the hell happened to you? What's the matter with you?
Did something in the woods do this to you?
Cheryl: No! It was the woods themselves! They're alive Ashley! The
trees! They're alive.
MIKE: Plants are alive.
Linda: Ash. Why don't I take her in the back room so she can lie
down.
Cheryl: I'm not lying down! I want to get out of here. I want to
leave this place right now. Right now Ashley!
Scott: Wait a minute. I sure as hell am not leaving any place
tonight.
Shelly: Cheryl.
Linda: Cheryl.
Ash: Cheryl, there's nothing out there. Trees do not attack
people.
Cheryl: Ashley! Will you drive me into town or not?
CROW: Ashley (laughing)
Ash: What? Right now?! Look, sure, sure, I'll take you into town,
but just listen to what you're saying.
Cheryl: I don't care how it sounds. I wanna get out of this place
right now.
Ash: OK, maybe you could stay somewhere in town tonight.
[Nighttime - In the Delta 88]
The Delta 88 refuses to start
Cheryl: I know it's not gonna start. It's not gonna let us leave.
It starts and they drive to the bridge
Cheryl: Why are you stopping?
Ash: Wait here a minute. Ash exits the car
Cheryl: Do you see something? Where're you going? Ashley? Cheryl
exits the car to look for Ash Ashley?
Cheryl discovers that the bridge is wrecked
SERVO: That's a good bridge I tell you.
Cheryl: weeping It's not going to let us go! It's not going to
let us go! I told you! I told you! It's not going to let us go!
Why won't you listen to me?
JOEL: (Ash) Because I'm stupid that's why.
[Nighttime - Inside the cabin]
Ash plays the tape recorder again
Prof: (On tape) I know now that my wife has become host to a
Candarian demon. I fear that the only way to stop those possessed
by the spirits of the book is through the act of bodily
dismemberment. I believe now to avoid this horror, but for myself,
I have seen the dark shadows moving in the woods and I have no
doubt that whatever I have resurrected through this book is sure
to come calling... for me.
Linda and Shelly are playing a guessing game with a deck of
cards
Linda: OK, ah, let me think. Ummm... It's a seven.
Shelly: Oh! What suit?
Linda: Ahh... diamonds. N-n-no wait! Ummm, hearts!
Shelly: Oh My! It's seven of hearts! You're right!
SERVO: You are way off.
Linda: Hey Ash! I guessed the card right!
Ash: Yeah... truly amazing Linda.
Linda: I don't know. I don't know, but I think it's really some
sort of extra sense or something, you know, like ESP.
CROW: Eternal Stupid presitiantence.
Shelly: OK, try this one.
Linda: OK... It's a seven.
Shelly: I don't believe it!
Cheryl: ... of spades. Queen of Spades. Four of Hearts. Eight of
Spades. Two of Spades. Jack of Diamonds. Jack of Clubs!
Cheryl turns around to reveal that she is possessed
JOEL; Ahh she got real ugly.
PosChr: Why have you disturbed our sleep? Awakened us from our
ancient slumber? You will die! Nightmare is before you. One by one
we will take you.
Possessed Cheryl collapses on the floor
CROW: Well that was a pointless waste of time.
Scott: What happened to her?
Linda: Did you see her eyes? Oh Ash, I'm scared. What's wrong with
her?
SERVO: It's a stomach virus.
Possessed Cheryl stabs Linda in the ankle with a pencil and
throwsher and Ash against walls
Scott: Cheryl! Stop it! Scott is thrown against a door
Scott kicks Possessed Cheryl into the cellar and locks her in
JOEL: That'll hold her all of 5 secs.
PosChr: Join us!
Everyone sits around thinking about what has gone on
Scott: Ash. I think we ought to get out of here.
MIKE: That would be smart if if the tres wern't alive.
Ash: Yeah.
Scott: We still have a few more hours before morning.
Shelly: I don't think I can wait that long.
Scott: You have to. We all have to! And then in the morning, we'll
get in the car, and we'll take the bridge. And-
CROW: The bridge is kinda out of shape.
Shelly: Why does she keep making those horrible noises? referring
to Possessed Cheryl who's locked in the cellar
Scott: I don't know!
Shelly: Her eyes! Her eyes... For God's Sake! What happened to her
eyes?
Possessed Cheryl growls and chuckles some more
JOEL: Is it really that funny.
The Evil Force approaches the cabin
Scott: Everything's going to be all right.
Shelly: Scotty. I-I think there's something's out there.
Scott: Go to bed, and get some sleep. OK?
SERVO: That why you can die silently.
The Evil Force attacks Shelly
Scott investigates Shelly's room and finds she is missing
Scott: Shelly?
Scott is attacked by a Possessed Shelly
Possessed Shelly is knocked into the fireplace but Scott drags
her out
MIKE: Moron.
PosShy: Thank you. I don't know what I would have done if I
remained on those hot coals, burning my pretty flesh. You have
pretty skin. Give it to us.
PosShy: Join us. Join us...
Scott slits Possessed Shelly's wrist then stabs her in the back
with a scepter
SERVO: (Shelly) I will always love you Ashley.
Possessed Shelly attacks Scott again
Scott: to Ash Hit her! Hit it!
CROW: Do it you weine.
Scott grabs the ax from Ash and chops Possessed Shelly up
Ash: Scott.
Scott: Yeah?
Ash: What are- What are we going to do?
Scott: We're going to bury her.
Ash: We can't bury Shelly. She's a- she's a friend of ours.
JOEL: That's what you normally do with dead bodies.
Scott: Yeah, she's dead. Shelly's dead. We gotta bury her now.
[Nighttime - Outside the cabin]
Scott and Ash bury Shelly
[Nighttime - Inside the cabin]
Ash: Linda's still sleeping. I think once her leg-
SERVO: Rots off.
Scott: I'm getting out of here.
Ash: Scott, we can't take Linda anywhere with her leg like that.
We don't even know if there is anyway back besides the bridge.
Scott: Maybe there's a hiking trail, or an old road or some other
way around the cliff. I mean there's gotta be another way besides
the bridge.
Ash: Listen to me. Linda cannot walk with her leg like that. She
can't even stand up.
Scott: Well, then we'll leave her here. Until we can send somebody
back.
CROW: Yeah so she'll die like everyone else.
Ash: What? Are you crazy?
Scott: Look! I'm getting out! I don't care what happens to her.
She's
your girlfriend, you take care of her. I'm getting the hell out of
here. Right now.
Scott leaves the cabin
MIKE: Well I guess he's dead.
CROW: Don't count on it Mike.
PosChr: Soon all of you will be like me. And then we'll lock you
up in the
cellar. Hahahahaha
Ash observes Linda as she becomes possessed
SERVO: Don't just stand there do something.
Possessed Linda sits on the floor giggling
Scott reappears at the cabin badly wounded
MIKE: I guess the trees already got him.
Scott: Ash! Ash!
Ash: Oh My God!
Scott: Help me!
Ash: Scotty. You're going to be OK. You're going to be just fine.
You'll see.
Scott: Ash. It's not going to let us leave. Cheryl- Cheryl was
right, we're all going to die here!
Ash: No, we're not going to die.
CROW: We're just actors.
Scott: We're all going to die. All of us!
Ash: No, we're not going to die! We're not going to die! We're
gonna get out of here. Now listen to me Scotty. Is there a way
around the bridge? Scotty! Listen to me please for God's Sake!
Scott!!
Scott: Ash. Ash. I don't wanna die. You're not going to leave me
are you Ash? Are you?
MIKE: On the first chance I can I will.. I mean I'd never leave
you here.
PosChr: mocking I don't wanna die. You're not going to leave me
here are you? Are you Ash? Hahahahaha
Ash: Scotty! Now c'mon listen to me for God's Sake! Is there a way
around the bridge?
Scott: There's a way. The trail. But the trees Ash. They know.
Don't you see Ash? They're alive!
Possessed girls are giggling
BOTS: (Giggle)
Ash: to the possessed girls Shut up will you? Shut up!
Ash slaps Possessed Linda
JOEL: Oh she's gonna get him for harassment.
Scott: Kill her! Kill her!
PosChr: Kill her if you can, loverboy.
Ash: Now, forgive me Linda.
Ash draws a gun on Possessed Linda but then she seems to have
returned to normal
SERVO: Shoot her shoot her.
Linda: Oh Ash, help me please! Ash, help me please Ash. Oh Ash.
Please don't let them take me away again. Please.
Ash: No, I won't. I won't. I promise.
Ash hears Cheryl's normal voice
Cheryl: Ashley. Ashley, help me. Let me out of here. Ashley? Ash,
help me. Let me out of here. I'mI'm all right now, I'm all right
now Ashley, I'm all right. Unlock this chain and let me out.
Ash: Cheryl? Cheryl?
Possessed Cheryl grabs Ash by the neck but he gets away
CROW: I just wanted to hug.
PosChr: mocking I'm all right now Ashley! Come unlock the chain
and let me out! Hahaha I'm all right now. It's your sister,
Cheryl.
Ash: Ah you bastards! Why are you torturing me like this? Why? to
Possessed Linda because she's giggling again Shut up!
JOEL: I thought I had you thaught better then that.
PosLin: singing, taunting We're going to get you. We're going to
get you. Not another peep. Time to go to sleep. We-ahhahahahaha
Ash drags Possessed Linda outside the cabin
SERVO: Leave you out here to rot.
[Nighttime - Outside the cabin]
PosLin: Useless! Useless! In time it will come for him and then it
will come for you!
[Nighttime - Inside the cabin]
Ash: Here. Here. giving Scott a glass of water
MIKE: Yeah moisten the corpse.
Now, the sun will be up in an hour or so and we can all get out of
here together. You, me, Linda, Shelly. Hmm.. Well... not Shelly,
she- We'll all be going home together. Wouldn't you like to be
going home? I bet you'd like that, wouldn't you? Scott?
Possessed Cheryl cackles
Possessed Linda attacks and stabs Ash and licks the blood off the
scepter she used
CROW: Yummy
PosChr: Join us! Join us!
Ash fights Possessed Linda and finally stabs her in the back
Ash drags Linda's body outside to the toolshed
[Nighttime - Inside the workshed]
Ash weeps as he cannot bring himself to carve up Linda with a
chainsaw
SERVO: I just love her too much.
Ash: Oh Linda...
[Nighttime - Outside the cabin]
Ash buries Linda but she escapes from her shallow grave and
attacks Ash
Ash beats on Possessed Linda and then chops her head off with a
shovel
CROW: Well I guess she's a head below the crowd now.
Ash heads back to the cabin
[Nighttime - Inside the cabin]
Ash notices that Possessed Cheryl has escaped, picks up a shotgun
and goes looking for her
Cheryl attacks Ash and then Ash struggles to close the front
door
Ash: whispering Back door. closes the back door
MIKE: There's also about ten windows why aren't you shutting them
too.
Shells. Where did I see that box of shells?
Ash goes down into the cellar
SERVO: That's smart go down there and get killed.
Blood pours from everywhere and electronic devices start
operating on their own, including a record player
CROW: The evil wants to listen to some tunes.
PosLin: (On the record) singing We're going to get you. We're
going to get you.
Ash: Shut up, Linda! Shut up!
PosLin: (On the record) So sweet of you...
ALL: Ooohh.
Prof: (On the record) ...is through bodily dismemberment.
Scott: (On the record) Hit her! Hit it!
JOEL: Kill something you moron!
Ash retrieves some shotgun shells and returns to the inside of
the cabin
Ash: whispering Oh come on... come on... don't... like this...
SERVO: Then how?
Ash: looking at the necklace he gave to Linda Linda...
Ash remembers Linda and then is attacked by Possessed Cheryl
CROW: (Ash) Hey do you mind? I was thinking here.
SERVO: And that doesn't happen very often.
PosChr: Join us. Join us.
Ash shoots Possessed Cheryl and then is attacked by Possessed
Scott
MIKE: The first possesed man in this movie.
Possessed Scott's eyes are gouged out and then Possessed Cheryl
attacks again as Ash tries to reach the "Book of the Dead"
Ash retrieves the "Book of the Dead" and burns it in the fire
The possessed bodies fall apart
JOEL: Should we?
MIKE: Why not?
ALL: (Witch) I'm melting I'm melting.
EvlFrc: Join us. Join us. Join us...
Daylight breaks!
[Daytime - Outside the cabin]
Ash walks away but the Evil Force is seen to come at him once
more
Ash: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!
MIKE: My words eacxtly.
(They all leave)