I'll Always Have the Moon
Summary: Frodo considers leaving the Shire, and decides to tell Pippin first, based on an old promise he made. Short and sweet, COMPLETE
Author's Note: Hello everyone. Yea, well, I don't even know if Frodo told his cousins about leaving or not… I really should… but nowhere in the book does it say that he didn't. Just a little idea I had. I needed a little break from Little One, LOL. I'm still working on it though: It-will-be-finished… yea well. Enjoy.
'I think, Frodo, that maybe you will not need to come back, unless you come very soon. For about this time of the year, when the leaves are gold before they fall, look for Bilbo in the woods of the Shire. I shall be with him.'
J.R.R. Tolkien, Return of the King, 'Many Partings'
…
"Frodo, why does Merry always know everything, before I ever do?"
"Well, Pip… I guess, Merry is older than you, and spends much of his time at the Inn, lad."
"What does that matter?"
"He meets many of the local hobbits there, Pippin, and he-"
"Gossips?"
"Er, yes. I suppose you could call it that."
"Well I think it's rather unfair."
"What?"
"That Merry hears everything first. I never surprise him with any important news. He just laughs, and says that he already knows."
"Oh, my dear Took. You're right: That is frightfully unfair. But you've surprised me many times."
"Yes, but Frodo, you barely ever go out anyway, and hardly visit the Inn."
"Right. Well, there's not much I can do to help, but how does this sound: I'll do a little bit of research for you. I'll visit the Inn with Sam next week, and listen out for anything interesting, and I'll pass it on to you, and you may surprise Merry."
"That sounds good, Frodo."
"Wonderful."
"But, really, I myself cannot go to the Inn, so until I turn twenty, I won't be anywhere near as interesting to speak with as Merry, or any other tweenagers."
"… I'm afraid there's not much to be done about that, dear Pippin. But let me try: I promise, that whenever I hear something, or know something of any significance, I will tell you first, before anyone else, including Merry."
Pippin had smiled delightedly.
"I'll hold you to that promise, cousin Frodo."
"Of course, cousin Peregrin."
…
Frodo jerked awake, clutching at his throat unconsciously. Realising it, he sighed, and forced his hand away, clenching his fists tightly. For several seconds he lay motionless, the bright voice of his young cousin playing over in his mind. He smiled, remembering a young Pippin's happy smile and unquenchable cheerfulness. Something that he saw only mere echoes of now, after they had all returned to the Shire after their long journey.
Actually, on the outside, Pippin had remained much the same hobbit as he had always been, if perhaps a little tougher, and more determined than ever. But Frodo could see past his jolly smiles and jokes; could see through the bright, shining eyes. Pippin was a scarred hobbit.
As were they all, he thought with a sigh. But he noticed it more with Pippin. He knew his cousin endured horrific nightmares, almost every night. Pippin always laughed it off, when Frodo made mention of it. "Who among us does not have nightmares, Frodo?"
Merry had discreetly informed him of Peregrin's sleepless nights… the several times when he had awoken, screaming, feverish and delirious. Only the familiar touch of his cousin had bought him back to the waking world, and then he had spent the remainder of the night crying at Merry's side, struggling to remember the happy times before he had ever left the Shire.
It tore at Frodo's heart to hear that. Why had he ever allowed Pippin, dear, sweet Pippin, to follow him out of the Shire? His company had sometimes been the only thing to keep Frodo sane, but couldn't help but think that his own peace of mind had come at the expense of his cousin's innocence.
Pippin and Merry had each other. They lived all the way over in Crickhollow… and while he saw them often, knew they were perfectly comfortable there, on their own…
Knowing that Frodo was alive and well, he realised. Only a few days travel away from them. With Sam at his side, to care for him.
He couldn't leave his cousins.
Frodo sat up slowly, gazing miserably out the window. The large, bright moon lit up the sleeping Shire, a shiny reflection in the lake turning the lapping water silver. He smiled grimly, wondering how Sam was coping back in Hobbiton. Little Eleanor was beautiful, but quite a handful these days. Frodo, for his part, was somehow glad for the silent nights, here in Crickhollow.
Silent, but still sleepless.
At least he knew Sam would be well. He had Rosie. And Eleanor, and soon Frodo-lad. And doubtless, many other happy hobbit children.
He smiled. Merry seemed to be getting very close to Estella Bolger. She had been at the house three times already, during Frodo's short visit. Pippin seemed rather indifferent to all the attention Merry was bestowing on her, and had stuck close to his eldest cousin's side during those times, but seemed to be dealing with it with a good grace. And Frodo had not failed to notice the looks he had been sending Diamond during their stroll through town, yesterday.
Yes, his young cousins would soon both be involved seriously with a hobbit lass, and he brightened at the thought of being a… granduncle, or… something.
Pippin and Merry: fathers.
He sighed, suppressing a yawn. And he would never get to meet their children.
He slid his legs out of the covers and onto the floor. Listening out, there was utter silence throughout Crickhollow. All but him were fast asleep. Even the ponies he knew to be nearby made no noise.
Frodo reached for the bedside candle, and slid his fingers through the cool, steal ring attached to the base. Raising it, he stood, waiting for his eyes to adjust as he stepped into the dark hallway.
He had made a promise: he would keep it.
…
Frodo almost laughed. Carefully, he lowered himself to sit cross-legged on the soft grass at his cousin's side, and looked down at him with a smile. Pippin was lying curled up, head resting on his folded hands, soft golden curls gently tousled by the slight wind.
On stumbling into Peregrin's room, he had been surprised to find it empty. Guessing glumly that Pippin had endured another nightmare, and crept into Merry's room, he checked their next, but was again confused to find Merry alone in his bed, fast asleep.
Aimlessly, he had found himself looking around outside, breathing in the cool, early morning air, and had finally caught a glimpse of his cousin on the hill by the young trees, fast asleep.
Frodo gently squeezed his shoulder, whispering his name fondly.
"Pippin."
Peregrin stirred faintly, letting out a cavernous yawn. His eyelids fluttered, and sleepily he took in Frodo sitting above him. He smiled and tightened his fingers about Frodo's sleeve.
"Frodo… what are you doing here?" Frodo glanced around them skeptically.
"More importantly, what are you doing here?" Abruptly Pippin realised where he was, and laughed softly.
"Oh… I was… watching the stars, and the moon…" He looked upwards, gazing intently at the shimmering stars above. "Beregond sat with me one night, and we looked at the moon. He said… he said that he often looked to the moon while he was not with his family. He wondered if perhaps they would look to it at the same time: that way they would be connected… somehow. I wondered if perhaps you and Merry would even glance at it… I missed you all so much, I guess it was a small comfort." He smiled dreamily. "Also, I knew that Ma and the girls always spent part of the evening outside, stargazing."
Frodo smiled back, recalling many nights in Tuckborough, curling up on the porch with two young cousins and fantasizing about the night sky. Could there be more than stars hidden in all that black? He remembered an old fancy of Pippin's: that one day he could himself walk about on the moon, and look down at Middle Earth, and wave to his cousins.
"Well, isn't that odd? I remember doing the exact same thing many nights, while I wandered with Sam." Pippin let the understatement go unmentioned: they both knew that Frodo and Sam did far more than wander.
"You did?"
"I remembered something you used to talk about, as a very young lad. You used to tell me that the moon was a peep-hole from above, where all the old hobbits who have died can look down on the rest of us, and make sure we get into no trouble." Pippin laughed. "I hoped and prayed every day that you and Merry were not dead, but looking up to it reminded me of you two. So, you never know, Pip: maybe we were both looking at it at the same time."
Pippin nodded, yawning again, and rolling onto his side, to rest his chin upon his cupped hand.
"I'm sure we were… at least once."
A comfortable silence fell upon the hill, as both hobbits reflected upon their time outside the Shire. Frodo settled himself down besides Pippin, resting his head upon his folded hands, sighing deeply. Somewhere nearby, an owl's hoot resonated through the green trees, and Pippin stirred again, a smile playing upon his lips.
"This is all because of you, Frodo."
"What?"
"All of this: the trees, and grass, the animals… the owls. They're all still here because of you."
"And the hobbits." Said Frodo softly, looking at his cousin, who grinned.
"The hobbits too. I'm sorry, I thought it was enough that you saved the Shire-"
"You know what I meant, Pip. You and Merry mean more to me than any of the birds do." He laughed softly, unable to help himself. "Except maybe the robins."
Pippin stuck his tongue out, and rolled closer to Frodo, nudging him playfully.
"I thought you'd say the falcons."
"No, I have my own little falcon, and he's a pain in the neck. He's always hungry."
"Not so little anymore."
"No indeed. Now he is all grown up… and rather large for his kind."
Pippin sighed contentedly, bright stars reflecting in his shiny green eyes.
"I was serious, though, Frodo. Can you imagine, there being no Shire? I know as a lad, I always wanted to adventure out of it, as did you, I'm sure, but now that I've seen what's beyond the borders, I'm perfectly happy here."
"What was outside the borders, Pip. It's changed now, especially after you introduced the other three meals to Rivendel and Minas Tirith. Besides, I daresay Aragorn will be calling you back to Gondor one day, and then what will you do?"
"I will refuse, respectfully." Declared Pippin, waving an arm about. "I would ask him to carry his own behind down here to meet with me, the Thain. I shall be too busy to bother with a bothersome King of Gondor." Frodo smiled.
"Oh, is that right? That 'bothersome King of Gondor' saved your life, Pip." Pippin sighed.
"Yes, I suppose he did, and I shall be forever in his debt now." He smiled. "Although, on second thoughts, jolly old Strider was always very nice. Maybe I shall visit him… one day. It might even be nice to see the White City again, where all those men thought me a prince."
"Yes, about that," said Frodo, frowning. "I never thought to ask. Wherever did all those men get the idea that you were a prince?" Pippin flushed.
"I didn't tell them, I swear it. When Denethor bought me into his service, I suppose they assumed that I was of noble blood. And also, I was there with Gandalf…"
"Hmm. I'll ask that wizard myself, when I meet him next."
"As you wish, but I speak the truth."
Again there was a relaxed silence. The gentle wind ruffled the long grass about them, and the night animals made soft sounds nearby, waiting the impending dawn. After several long minutes, Pippin turned his face to Frodo again, bright eyes suddenly confused.
"Frodo, are you happy here?" The sudden seriousness in his voice startled Frodo. He cringed, realising that he could put it off no longer.
"What do you mean, Pip?"
"Well, Merry and I are perfectly happy here… and we've become famous, for whatever reason." Frodo smiled. "Merry has Estella… it would seem." Pippin sighed. "And Sam has beautiful Rosie… what about you? The hobbits here don't seem to pay you any attention, no matter what Merry and I tell them. Are you happy with that? They just don't understand-"
"Pip, I didn't expect to be greatly lauded when I returned here. We Baggins's have never been very popular, after Bilbo first disappeared. I'm thrilled that you and Merry have been doing so well… I used to fear that letting you both follow me into the wide world would change you very much… but as far as I know, there are no ill effects." He let go the subject of Pippin's ongoing nightmares, and he saw his cousin flinch slightly as he said it.
"And Sam, I could not be happier for him, and Rosie. But the folk here do not offend me in any way, Pip." He paused, reluctant to go on, but knew he had no choice. Pippin saw the hesitation, and sat up, gazing at him anxiously.
"Frodo? What is it?"
Frodo drew a deep breath.
"Pippin… I'm considering… I might be going away." Pippin smiled.
"You are? That's splendid! You always did want to go to Mirkwood, and all those other places Bilbo went to. I have to admit; I was a little worried, considering how often you used to go on walks about the Shire. You haven't left Hobbiton in a fair while-"
"No, Pippin… you don't understand." He cut in, raising a hand. Pippin cocked his head.
"You're not going to Mirkwood?"
"No."
"Rivendell?" Frodo shook his head.
"Alright then… where are you going?" Frodo looked down, wishing deeply that he could somehow avoid this conversation.
"Pippin… before we left Rivendell… Lord Elrond mentioned something to me, in private. He said that, unless I returned soon, I would have no need to go back to Rivendell." Pippin frowned, but suddenly his expression turned to one of horror, and great sadness.
"Bilbo? Has Bilbo-"
"No, no lad. As far as I know, Bilbo is alive and well." Relief flooded through his young cousin quickly, and Frodo wondered how well Pippin had gotten to know Bilbo during their stay in Rivendell.
"Don't scare me so, Frodo. What are you trying to say? Just say it." Pleaded Pippin, taking his hand and looking at him intently.
"Elrond told me to wait for a certain time of year… when the leaves turn gold before falling from the branches, and to look for Bilbo in the woods of the Shire. Elrond will be with him."
Pippin stared at him for a moment, uncomprehending, before paling slightly, and letting his jaw drop open. Tears welled in his bright eyes, and Frodo felt him shiver.
"Oh… oh…" he stammered, unconsciously squeezing Frodo's hand tightly. "You… you will go? You really will leave?"
Painfully, Frodo nodded, looking miserably at his little cousin… his beloved little cousin: Pippin, who had not wept openly before him since their reunion with their families in the Shire, was about to cry.
"Yes, Pip, I think so."
Suddenly the tears fell, and Pippin began to tremble. He stared at Frodo a moment longer, before shifting his gaze downward, letting out a small sob.
"Oh, Pippin…" Frodo took him in his arms, and held him tightly, as his dear cousin shook and cried into his chest.
For the better part of an hour, they remained that way, Frodo rocking Pippin back and forth gently, as they both cried and took comfort in the other's presence. All the while the moon shone brightly overhead, illuminating the small rise on which they huddled, and the young trees, which sheltered them.
At length Pippin quieted, clinging tightly to Frodo's side. Frodo leant his chin upon his cousin's golden curls, and inhaled deeply.
"I'm sorry, Pip." He whispered. Pippin sniffed, and scrubbed at his eyes.
"Look at me, crying like a babe." He whispered, smiling brokenly.
"I don't want to leave you, Pip." Whispered Frodo. Pippin smiled sadly and snuggled more firmly against his side.
"Frodo, please don't be sorry. I cried because I love you, and after spending all that time thinking you had… I still have to look hard at you sometimes to assure myself that you are still with me." His voice was low and shaking, but Frodo heard the warmth behind it.
"And I won't lie. I don't really want you to go anywhere… I wish you didn't have to go. But I do understand, Frodo. I don't want you to feel guilty, about me or Merry. Or Sam."
Frodo smiled slightly, into Pippin's hair.
"I don't want to leave you, Pip. I love you and your cousin so much… but I can tell that you will both be very happy here, for years and years to come. As you said before, Merry and Estella seem to be an item, and I noticed you looking often at that pretty lass Diamond, the other day…"
Pippin flushed slightly, but did not deny it.
"Does Merry know? Or Sam?" Frodo shook his head, remembering painfully that he still had to bring up the subject with his other friends.
"Don't you remember, Pip? When you were twelve, I promised you that I would always tell you everything first. Before Merry, and before Sam. So, here I am." Pippin smiled faintly, and reached for his hand, clenching his own fingers about Frodo's tightly.
"Thank you." He whispered.
For a while, again they fell into silence, each hugging the other tightly, and comfortingly.
"Pip… do I have your leave?" Pippin almost laughed.
"You don't have to ask, Frodo. I want the best for you. I'll be fine." Frodo said nothing for a moment, closing his eyes briefly and exhaling.
"You will?"
"Well… I'll always have the moon." He murmured. Frodo looked up, and folded his cousin more determinedly into his arms.
"Yes." He replied softly. "That you will."
The End
…
For those who didn't get it, there is a type of falcon called the Peregrine.
Thanks for reading, everyone. :)