I Told You So

By: Lilly Tagloft

It rang for the fifteenth time today. I couldn't figure out why you won't pick up. I know you stormed out earlier because of some petty argument we were having, but you should be able to control it by now – we have a child for God's sake.

It just went to the message... again. I left the same one with a more tired toned in my voice, I could only keep this up for so long. Lani's getting pouty and she wants her father. I wish you would put aside your mood swings for a few minutes to think about the impact this has on our daughter.

I shut the phone as it beeped. But seriously, she's three and a half. Yesterday she went around saying things like 'shit' and 'fuckbag'. Fuckbag for crying out loud! You would think you would be a little more secretive about your name calling.

Then I shoved it into my jean pocket. I know your phone is on. Otherwise it wouldn't ring so many times when I called. I really shouldn't be worrying about this anyways. You are probably at some strip club right now with your pack or at that one whore's, Leia I think her name was, house. Ugh. The very thought makes me want to hurl.

I picked Lani up off the floor. She's such a pretty girl with her dark skin she inherited from you and a mop of brown hair from me. Although it is a lot tamer than mine ever was, it is still somewhat of a hassle to take care of. I used to torture myself getting my hair ready for a date with you. I bet you'd laugh at me trying to take on a straightening iron. Last time I wound up in the emergency room and Charlie made me throw it out.

Lani's brown eyes drooped. It was time for her to go to bed. With her on my hip, I walked her over towards the other room and started to rock her in the chair that your dad gave us. The rocking was more for me than her, but either way it was relaxing. I had to push away what you said. It was all too true.

"Do you think I'm happy here?" Your dark voice echoes in my head.

"I-I just assumed-" I was a little shocked at your earlier question and wasn't sure what to say. You took hold of that vulnerability.

"Exactly! You assumed," you spat hatefully at me. "You don't ask me how I feel anymore. You don't ask me what I want to do. You just assume– assume I can take care of this and do that for you. It's like I'm indentured to you or something!"

"Well, it's part of having a family and getting things done. If I let you play X-box and hang out with your friends ever second do you know how little would get done with just me?" I remember screaming. "It's called growing up."

"Don't you dare pull that one on me again," you growled, stepping closer. "I'm fully grown up."

"You don't know the meaning of being grown up. Instead of saving your extra money you go and spend it on worthless plastics or overpriced discs," I challenged, stepping closer as well.

Your eyes turned into slits at that point. Then you slapped me hard across the face. I remember gasping as you stormed out of the house a second later. You were angry and we both knew why; I was right.

I let a tear slip. I hugged Lani closer as they began to slide freely down my face. She seemed to understand and asked me what was wrong in her little sing-song voice.

"Nothing sweetie. Everything is all right," I responded with a sad smile. Lani only buried her head deeper in my torso as I kept an even rhythmic rocking.

Time passed. And you still have not come back yet. I have been rocking Lani for about forty-five minutes and she is long gone. I decided to put her in the crib your grandmother gave us. It was right after our honeymoon in Australia that this beautiful thing arrived. The white wood was so smooth and the little pink ties on the ends were gorgeous. It was as if she knew already that we would be expecting a baby girl soon enough.

As I tip-toed out of the room I pulled my cell phone back out of my pocket. Nothing. At all. Obviously you are too busy brooding to pick up the phone and call back. Or text for that matter.

I punched you digits in. I prayed you would pick up just this once. The anger bubbled inside me as the first ring went off then as more came it slowly passed and transitioned into sadness.

I threw the phone on that leather couch you spent a fortune on and walked into our bedroom. The empty bed was almost too much to bear. One side was wrinkled and shifted a little while the other side, your side, was neatly put; as if you weren't even planning on staying.

I took off my clothes before changing into a nightie. It looks like the ones your grandmother wears; with a floral print and goes past her knees. She was such a sweet woman. You were so sad when she died; we all were.

I slid under my side, and realized how empty the queen sized bed was without you. I hugged the comforter tightly around me, as if to simulate your arms around me. Fail.

I shifted so that I was closer to your side. The faint smell of cologne you wear entered my nose. I sniffed and thought about maybe it's all natural because of how often you spend in the woods hunting down vampires. Last week you brought one home and lit it in the backyard before getting marshmallows for me and Lani.

I fell sleep remembering how you held Lani in your arms that night, cradling her and kissing her forehead absently from time to time. How I long for you to do the same thing to me.

I thrashed about in my sleep a few hours later. Argument after argument replay through my head. Especially the one where I hit you with a toaster oven then broke down after seeing the scar it left a minute later from the quick healing you possess.

I quieted down after dreaming about what happened after. You came over and sat down next to me. You took the same barely injured arm and pulled me into you with it. I cried and cried, but when I was done you still kissed me. Even though I probably had snot and salty tears mixed and spread about on my face.

I woke up a moment later, a bit disgruntled and aware of your absence. I sniffed as it was ten in the morning and you're still not back. Last time at least you were in by four, but now... I don't want to think about it. I let a few tears loose as the sudden images came to mind. I did not want to think of you with your wedding band in your jean pocket or some floor while you whoo some nineteen-year-old girl. I just could not bear it.

I shuffled out of bed and changed. I put on a light colored blouse and khakis for work. Just because it's the summertime doesn't mean some kids aren't taking summer school classes. I rub water on my droopy lids before putting in my contacts and throwing my rat nest of hair into a tight bun.

I walked over to Lani's room and set out clothes to change her into. A simple pink pastel dress and matching black ballet flats would be perfect for daycare.

I walked out of the room for a second to grab a phone. The one on the couch was untouched by messages and calls. The thought made me frightened and scared, but most of all just... sad. Sad that you couldn't man up – that you couldn't come home and apologize. Sad that you left me and Lani hanging and with a few moments notice.

I tactfully pressed down the numbers slightly harder than usual. I vented some of my anger out on the worn-out buttons. I slammed my finger on the call button before attaching it to my ear. The phone rang and rang. I was about to hang up when I heard a sudden click. But instantly that bubble of hope that appeared, popped when your recorded voice sounded in my ear.

"Hey, hang tight and I'll call you back as soon as I can. Just be sure to leave a name and number and I'll call you after I see if my wife's in the mood. Love you hunny."

Every time I listen to this I cannot help but feel the need to cry. You sound so happy and full of love when you recorded it. Where is that now? Why can't you show me love or acceptance anymore? Why don't I mean more than a worthless sex session?

Instead of asking these questions when I heard the phone beep I started out with something a tad bit different:

"Look, I know that you need your space; I wasn't how you wanted me to be. I stood in your way and did not make you happy. I was just surprised when you didn't come home last night over that minute fact." I let in a shaky breath and continued. "And I know there is that one point in your life where you start to wonder if you made the right decision; taking this path. A-And I have thought about it once or twice myself and I never drabbled on it until now. When it comes to you and me I think this is where we should be. Can't you see? That for worse or for better – we are better together. Please, just come back home... You don't have to say that say that you are sorry and I won't say I told you so."

I sighed. I could only imagine what he will do when he hears this. I swear sometimes I think our relationship is only based on the love we have for our child. I do not get nearly as many tickles or hugs as Lani does and it scares me to the core. I feel as though I am being replaced. Which is absolutely absurd... right?

I run my fingers over my pants. "Of course it is," I try to assure myself as I slip Lani into her neatly pressed daycare clothes. I couldn't help but smile – she looked adorable. I tied her hair in pigtails then two I put two loose ribbons on them that were the same pale color of the dress. She smiled sweetly at me and I carried her to the door after picking her up.

I opened it to find nothing but the front lawn. Disappointed, I made my way over to the two-car garage and opened it with my free hand. It rolled easily up the side and I set Lani down to go start the car. I fit the key into the ignition and started it up. Lani stood a few feet away looking at some of the marigolds in the garden. She looked so cute; like a photograph you would see in a parents magazine.

I picked her up and strapped her into her car seat in the middle section of the SUV. She smiled as I went to the front and hopped on in. I drove fairly fast; it looked as though it were about to rain. I do not like the rain and neither does Lani.

I pulled into the daycare parking lot and drop her off in the designated pre-preschool room. As soon as I'm in I'm out. Lani only needs a hug and a kiss before I leave. Although she usually demands more from her father. Maybe she knows something I don't.

I drive to my work; Forks Jr. High. Summer school is in session and I teach a variety of failure how to draw still lifes, paint with water colors, and define pottery associated words. Easier said than done; those kids can be a real hassle.

I parked my car in the usual place. It is right in front of the building so I can escape the stuffed rooms and humid environment as soon as I possibly can. I swear I hear the same five phrases all day:

I don't know / I don't get this / I don't care / When is lunch? / How much longer?

They kind of remind me of you in a way. You tend to be sort of a negative person, especially when it comes to the education system. I know I am underpaid when it comes to these salaries, but despite the fact these kids are future cashiers and beggars occasionally you find a diamond in the rough; like you.

I explain to Branson how to use a potter's wheel, for the fifth time in two days. He is in the fifth grade and doesn't quite grasp things too quickly. He's more of a two-handed learner. You know - put one hand on the burner on the stove and go 'Ooh, that's hot... but it didn't burn my other hand.' and then they put that one on the burner; not the brightest bulb on the porch. I think he could break through some day, all he needs is someone to look up to and for someone to support him. Most of these kids do.

That's why I'm here. I am an educator. I try to help these children blossom to their potential and sometimes I feel as though they reach it. I may very well count the minutes until I leave, but I also count them until I can come back again. In about three I can leave and go home for the day.

So, I clock out my card and walk into the parking lot. I unlocked the door and get in. I put on my safety belt before starting it up and driving over to Lani's daycare to pick her up.

I step out and notice there is only one other car in the parking lot. I walk towards the building and enter to see just one lady filling out paperwork nearby. I walked over to her and tapped her on the shoulder. I asked her if Lani _ was here and she just gave me a rather confused look and said, "Her father picked her up an hour ago."

It didn't quite dawn on me then, but I left for the car in a hurry after thanking her.

I squealed out of the lot and made my way home. You took her and I had to make sure she was alright. Lani is my last connection to you at this point and I just can't lose her; no matter what.

I park in the driveway, not even recognizing your car was there along side mine. I got out and slammed the door, scrambling to find the keys to the house.

I scrambled into the main entrance after jumbling with the door for a minute or two. The house was quiet and dark except for a solitary light that barely came from around the corner.

I followed it and I silently gasped as I saw you. The same man who left the other day. The same man that stormed out of the house. The same man who is looking at me with the most unrecognizable expression on his face.

"Paul," I whisper hoarsely. "What are you doing here?"

You look at me, shame faced before putting down the mail you had in your hands. You took a step closer which I glared at, but you didn't back down. You never do.

"I live here," you answer with empty confidence.

"That's not what I interpreted. It seemed like this was anywhere but your home. Instead it was a living nightmare where you had to be mature and have responsibilities." I spat at him ungratefully.

The sudden change in his expression made me freeze. Instead of looking headstrong and full of himself his demeanor changed and it looked as though he were breaking down; as if though he were about to cry.

A tear slipped out of an open, pleading eye.

I took a step closer, but you didn't move. I took a few more towards you and you only closed your eyes entirely; too ashamed to look me in the eye.

That was when I made a mad dash for you and hugged you to me. I cradled your six foot, four inch frame as you leant into me and began to cry quietly. I held you tight for a long time, longer then I'd held you before.

"Bella," you croaked at last, the pain echoing in your voice and deep brown eyes.

"Shhh," I hushed you, rubbing your back soothingly, or so I hoped. "You don't have to say anything."

"Bella," you said softer a moment later and leant more into me and grasped me as if I would disappear if you let go. "Y-You were right. I was acting like an adolescent child, and I... I'm sorry."

He hugged me hard then and I hugged him right back. He broke out again into my messy hair, letting little droplets fall into the choppy curls that made up my head. I buried my face into his chest and a moment later let go of him completely.

"Paul. Where is Lani?" I asked as I nearly forgot about my child while being in my husband's arms.

"I put her to bed. I-I needed to talk to you along and apologize because you deserve that much with the way I've treated you lately and how well you have been handling it. I could only hope you take me back and that... That I'm sorry."

I glared at him hardly, but he didn't break his eye contact with me. I did this for a minute before stepping forward and wrapping my arms around his neck.

Before he could say anything I leaned up and kissed him... hard. He backed up a bit, running into the table. He looked down at me before quickly closing his eyes and kissing me back with as much drive.

A few minutes later we broke apart and I said the words that I promised I wouldn't:

"I told you so."