So this idea popped into my head after watching the last episode, mostly from the scene at the end. It wouldn't leave me alone until I wrote it down. Definent spoilers for Episode 2.05. Hope you like it!
Disclaimer: Not mine. Though any mistakes are.
You Never Know
Every time she looked at him, the one question formed her in her mind, When did her friendship for him turn into something deeper?
Audrey didn't understand her feelings, but ever since she kneeled next to a dead Nathan, she had been different. And those different thoughts and urges were what caused her to send Chris away. He was a great guy, smart, funny, thoughtful (to her at least) and who liked her for her, not because she could do something for him. But, when he died, it was nothing like the pain that shot through her entire body like with Nathan. His actions during that time did nothing to make her think of any less of him, he believed and trusted her completely, all the days. Even when he was dying, he had still trusted her to save him. His faith in her seemed to be unfailing and that thought scared her as well.
He had said, "You could never fail me" but she wasn't so sure. Nathan had more confidence in her abilities then she did at times. He was her rock, without him, she would not be nearly as strong as she was when it came to the Troubles. She wasn't weak without him and could probably do a decent job even if he wasn't around (like with the fighting families), but with Nathan to bounce ideas off of and have him back her up, things flowed easier.
Now, she couldn't help but watch him as he talked to Dave and Vince at the bar, Duke hovering just within earshot. From Nathan's tense back and Duke's smirk, she knew the subject was not something he wanted to talk about. She wanted to rescue him from the conversation but didn't know how, not in her current state of mind. So, instead of walking up to the bar and freeing him, she walked out of the Gull and up to her apartment, to wallow in her dilemma.
Audrey looked at her bed with longing, all she wanted to do was crawl in and not leave for days, but she knew the truth. Her sleep would be plagued with nightmares, as they had been for weeks, usually it was just the memories of Duke, Chris, and Nathan dying from the hit-and-run. But, sometimes it would change location and she would watch Nathan die in some other horrible way, and it always ended the same, "All I can feel is you." He would say and then drift away, leaving her alone. And she'd wake up, covered in a cold sweat, shivering, and with labored breathing.
The knock on the door brought her back to reality, "Parker." Nathan's voice said, followed by a second knock.
She walked slowly to the door, hesitated a moment, took a deep breath, and opened it, "Yes Nathan?"
"Are you alright, you haven't…..seemed yourself recently?" He asked, concern lacing his voice and eyes.
"I'm fine, just tired." She answered, trying to give him a small smile for assurance but failing. Knowing she was defeated, just by the look he gave her in response, she opened the door wider to let him in.
"Tell me." He said simply and took a chair at her table, watching her with concerned eyes.
With a sigh, she sat in a chair near him, and said, "Every time I close my eyes, I see you, Duke or Chris die again. Right there, in my arms, and me powerless to save you."
"Aud…"
"No Nathan. I don't need your pity." She snapped, and regretted it immediately. She shot up from the table and began to pace. Her thoughts rolling around in her head so fast, she was sure that she missed half of them.
He waited a few minutes before standing up to stop her, he grabbed her shoulders from behind and she quit moving. "I don't pity you, never have and never will. But you need to stop doubting yourself. I am alive, Duke is alive, Chris is alive, alot of people are alive because of you. You need to stop blaming yourself for things that happen beyond your control and remember that you can't always save everyone."
"In my dreams….I'm not trying to save everyone, just one person." She whispered, but knew that he would hear it, he was so close to her. His hands were a comforting weight on her shoulders and the heat he was giving off was just as comforting.
"You already have." He whispered back, gave her shoulders a squeeze, and let go of her.
The loss of warm and comfort was instant and frightening, it suddenly occurred to her what she needed to do. "Nathan?" She asked, slowly turning around to face him, he had backed up several steps, "Can you stay with me tonight? I don't want to be alone."
"Of course." He answered, and she gave a small smile and nodded.
She watched as he took of his shoes, jacket, and dress shirt, but nothing else. Always the gentleman, she thought, never assuming her invitation was anything but simple comfort. She went behind her separator and changed into an old t-shirt and sweats for bed, she wanted comfy and warmth right now, nothing else.
When she emerged Nathan was dozing on the bed, she knew he was not sleeping because his head had turned slightly at her footsteps. "You can get under the covers you know." She teased.
"Wasn't sure where you wanted me, didn't want to jump to conclusions." He smirked back, but got under the blanket all the same.
"How thoughtful." She answered, smiling and with a small laugh. She would have thought that climbing into bed with her best friend and boss would be weird, but it really felt like the most natural thing. Her plan hadn't been to do anything but have him lay there next to her, but she needed some contact, and snuggled up against him. He lifted his arm and she placed her head on his chest, "Thank you."
"Anytime." He answered, and kissed the top of her head.
Audrey sighed in relief, for the first time in a long time, she felt completely content, there was nowhere else she wanted to be. Her fingers were moving on their own and making little circles on the top of the hand that was laying on his stomach. She wasn't aware of the movement until Nathan said, "I can't sleep if you keep doing that." There was nothing but affection in the statement, but it still made her feel guilty.
"Sorry, didn't know I was doing it." She responded, and started to move her hand but he grabbed it and kept it under his.
"Just try and relax, I'm not going anywhere. Not tonight, or the next, or as long as you need me." He told her quietly.
"I know that Nathan. I know that you will always be there for me." That is one of the reasons why I love you, she completed the sentence in her head, not daring to say it out aloud and scare him away. As much as she wanted more with him, the fear of scaring him away and leaving her with nothing was even worse.
"I mean it Audrey, I am not leaving you, no matter what." He said again, hearing the doubt in her voice.
She nodded against his chest and he kissed her hair again. The desire to have those lips comfort other parts of her body was getting harder and harder to resist with each time he moved them. "Nathan, what were you talking with Dave and Vince about earlier?" She asked, hoping the change of subject could get her to stop thinking about his lips.
"Nothing important. Why do you ask?" He said, tension in his voice, and his muscles.
"You seemed tense when you were talking to them, and I just wondered if I could help." She answered, repositioning her head to look at him.
He looked down into her eyes and said, "You are already. How about we try to get some sleep alright?"
"Okay." She answered but didn't make any movements, looking at his lips had not helped her desire, it just made it worse. And then, without any thought from her brain, she moved forward and gently pressed a kiss to his lips. After the initial shock, he responded, not pushing her for anything more, and that just made her love him more. She pulled back and whispered, "I love you Nathan."
"And I love you." He gave her a kiss, deeper than the one before, but no less tender. He pulled back and said, "Go to sleep, we have time for more after you've rested a bit."
Audrey smiled, gave him one last kiss, and returned to his side, closer than before, and even more comfortable. And, for the first time since her day off, she slept through the night without any nightmares. Waking up with Nathan next to her in the morning was a bonus to her great night of sleep.
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