disclaimer: nothing is mine, nothing. I'm very empty-handed sort of inviduals. Which is better for typing on a keyboard even though i get lazy all the time.
warnings: possible OOCs, AU setting, grammar errors. My English is so-so. I swear I have nothing against Korean drama.
notes: The name for Nyo!Iceland is Ella. I sort of want to name her Elsa. I know I'm not creative with names. And I like simple name for me to easily remember. By the way, side pairing is KikuWan because I feel like it.
the actually concept is that Iceland and Japan is childhood friend and Hong Kong sort of in love with Taiwan at the first sight. Then I think it'll defy all logic so I kind of switch it, making Hong Kong be Taiwan's childhood friends, and Iceland likes Japan because he's the only one treats her nicely while other kids tease her for being different.
where are Mr. Puffin and Norway? Why have I failed myself this way?
Let the rain kiss you. Let the rain beat upon your head with silver liquid drops. Let the rain sing you a lullaby.
~Langston Hughes
i,
[the first supporting character: Jia Long – I don't like Korean drama]
I do not like Korean drama, the kinds that have no surprise with a pair of main characters, a girl and a boy and they will get their happy endings after many difficulties and struggles. Long films will have a secondary pair, but of course, they have to focus on the main couple, right? For example, there is a dark hair, Brown-Eyed Girl who is gentle, kind and a bit clumsy on her feet. Despite that, many people appear to adore her. And there is a Basketball boy with a great sense of humour, but always look so distant (or childish, or overly joyful). Then appears a boy wearing glasses, either be loved or be hated. Glasses Boy has a weird friend named Snub Nose, who isn't exactly beautiful or funny, but patient and hard-working (or quiet and determined, or apathetic but at the same time, so passionate). After many things happen (fate or destiny, they say), Brown Eyes will love Glasses, forgetting about Basketball (or feeling guilty because she can't return his feeling) and Snub Nose won't be able to be as close to Glasses as before.
See, you get the drill. Therefore, I'm not going to talk more about those Korean dramas. But if you look at my life -
I'm Basketball (it isn't my real name, thank you every much.). I've got a crush on Brown Eye since, like, forever (it's some sort of cliché about a boy likes his childhood friend, I know). I join basketball club because she likes this sport very much. I ask for her help whenever I have trouble doing homework and in turn, I assist her when it comes to PE class and school festival stuff.
And, she tells me that I am her best friend.
When I notice Brown Eyes usually taking her eyes off her books, glancing at Glasses when he voices his opinion in class, I know what will happen. But it isn't like I'm looking forward to it. I still talk to her, do everything to make her smile, but I realise that her eyes find Glasses whenever he goes. Sometimes, Glasses turns his head and meets her gaze, and the two of them smile at each other awkwardly.
I've forgotten to mention that Glasses is in my neighborhood. And it irks me to see him every day but I can't punch him because he always smiles at me so nicely. Just think if I do punch him though, Brown Eyes will get upset, my brother will lecture me. I don't want to be a bad guy, thank you very much. I'm still a good friend, silently witnessing their love (but totally useless when she asks me about what boy likes) and will myself not to let out a super long sigh. Unconsciously, I observe Glasses with curiosity and unfounded irritation. I don't hate him. He does nothing wrong. Glasses is a thin boy, shorter than me. I've never seen him scowl or swear, just a little frown when he's annoyed before turning back to his usual reading. Sometimes, I catch Glasses smiling ever so lightly at Snub Nose's tales. That smile is brighter when he looks at Brown Eyes, though. Sometimes, he hands his books to Brown Eyes with some concise words. Maybe there are letters in them. Why does Brown Eyes like something like that? Why does Glasses like Brown Eyes? He has a Snub Nose by his side, doesn't he?
The turning point comes as the first rain of summer arrives. I'm in the training hall, where is about three metres from bike park. It's raining hard, as if the sky is revenging the ground. The sky, in my opinion, is even moodier than a teenager. I see Brown Eyes stand there, because she hasn't brought a raincoat with her. I see Glasses running towards her, two raincoats in his arm, one green and one blue. And then he gives her one. I see Glasses flash a smile to Snub Nose, who smiles in return before waving goodbyes. I see Glasses and Brown Eyes leaving together, slowly disappear from my sight. I see Snub Nose stand there as if being frozen, hands still making goodbye gestures.
When I throw the ball, I think she's like me.
She's still standing in the bike park, a red raincoat at her side. The rain has no intention of stopping soon. I'm still looking at her. It's the first time I've ever "looked at" Snub Nose.
(And wonder why I never noticed her before, because she's the only one with silver hair in my class, a foreign student that doesn't talk much.)
ii,
[the second supporting character: Ella – Barely appearing or always standing behind someone isn't a pleasant feeling]
I can't see anything more. Drops of waters splash into my face, my eyes and I have to blinking furiously. Maybe it's because of the rain that I look like crying, maybe I'm actually crying. My eyes are blurry. It shouldn't have happened that way. It's me who told Kiku that Xiao Mei didn't have a raincoat. It's me who made any possible chances for Kiku to be with the girl he likes. I literally have the image of them being together in my head. I have been preparing, I have been telling myself that I can handle it. I expect to see the sight every day, I shouldn't have been that sad. I shouldn't feel hopeless, standing there and unable to do anything.
Until a light pressure is put on my shoulder, that is.
"We are having final exams, like, in three days. It will be troublesome if you catch a cold and affect your grades, or, like, make your classmates sick with you." That voice resounds in the rain, wet hands smoothes my hair. I don't have will to tell him that the final exam is actually in eight days.
Jia Long is standing behind me (he's taller from this angle), looking at me with those
Eyes as if he's been observing everything and had enough so he has to speak. An uncomfortable feeling settles on in my chest.
"It's none of your -"
But he's already dragged me with him into the rain, without umbrella, without raincoat. What kind of idiot does that? I see him drenching with water, even worse than me, and suddenly have the urge to laugh out loud. The sadness, however, is stronger. I says, annoyed: "And now you're wet. Won't it be trouble some if you catch a cold."
"Don't, like, use my words against me!"
"Why are you here? Where have you been?"
Jia Long clicks his tongue, pulling me with him until we arrives at the training hall of basketball club.
"Here. I've been looking at you."
His words immediately silence me. How pitiful I've looked… Maybe Jia Long doesn't know anything, maybe he doesn't understand. I make a futile attempt to let go of his hands, but Jia Long continues to drag me as if I was a prisoner. His hands are big and warm. I realise he's been leading me to the locker room. I wrinkle my nose at the smell of sweat, and Jia Long mutters something about 'of course, there are all boys' (is he talking to me?) before opening a locker and taking out a sport towel.
"Dry yourself first."
I blink at him, suddenly become aware of the face that I'm, indeed, shivering.
"Thank you."
He says nothing, just calmly checking his watch: "Do you have extra activities?" I nod. "Well, it seems you're late anyway. You certainly appear with that look." I know I look awful. "Is white your natural hair color?"
"What?" Oh, no, please don't. He's going to tease me about it -
"It's cool. Your hair looks like snow. Where did you live before coming here? England? America?"
"I… I'm from Iceland."
"Does it snow a lot there?"
"Yes."
"You know what? I think the rain makes your hair look darker and you look, like, very pretty. But I like your white hair better." What's with him? He's said to be distant to everyone but Xiao Mei! "By the way, would you like something hot? My treat." I nod again, because I really don't know where to go. "Good, let's wait until the rain stops." Jia Long says before dropping himself next to me.
The rain doesn't show any signs of stopping until dust. I sit next to Jia Long, wanting to ask what he's seen, but the prospect of being questioned is daunting. In the end, I decide not to. I wordlessly dry my hair with the tower. Jia Long has changed back into his school uniform. He gazes at something outside the window, and I have the feeling that it is beyond the rain, far, far away. If he weren't so distant, a lot of girl would fall for him. There might be ones that like distant type, but I'm certainly not one of them.
"I know watching the ones we love be with someone else isn't easy." His voice is so soft that I almost miss it. I turn to him, but he suddenly finds his shoes very interesting. Is he talking about me, or about himself, or about us? I suddenly realize… how much Jia Long loves Xiao Mei.
When Jia Long reaches out his hands and smoothes my hair again, I feel like crying. I don't want anyone to see me cry, but his words and actions bring me to my limit. He sees through it, he sees into me. I cry when hearing the rain and when unable to hear anything. Jia Long stiffens, awkwardly wrapping his arms around me. He doesn't ask, doesn't joke. He merely leads me to a noodle shop then walks me home. That evening, Kiku phones to thank me and says that everything is alright.
That night, it rains again. I shut my eyes and inhale before letting the image of Kiku and Xiao Mei together disappear.
I can't cry. I'm only a supporting character, who always silently witnesses the innocent affection between the two of them.
Just breathe Ella, think of Jia Long, think of the boy that is like you.
iii,
[looking for the main characters: Jia Long – I have been with Snub Nose since that day]
Everything goes on rather smoothly, but if I take a closer look, I'll see Snub Nose (her nose is perfectly normal, you see.) doesn't approach Glasses as usual, she often decreases her pace as her close friend quickens his steps to go home with Brown Eyes.
("We aren't that close." She shrugs. "It's just… he was the only one nice to me when I first transferred here while everyone laughed at me because of my hair and my accent."
"Your accent sounds nice."
"I take year of practice, you know.")
Every time like that, I extend my hand and pat her head in reassure (she tells me to stop it) suggesting practising basketball. Sometimes, when Snub Nose doesn't have any extra club activities (Ella, her name is Ella, a member of chess club.), she will stay with me until I finish. When it rains, we talk about everything we can think of. She has a nice voice.
There are many stories about heart break that I've heard about, but I'm not that heart-broken. At least, I know what I have to face. I know how to avoid getting hurt as much as possible. At least I know there is someone who holds back more feeling than me, and hides her sadness so well that there are times I almost believes. Almost.
I wonder why my concern about Snub – Ella – has grown that big. It's like the first rain of summer has changed everything.
I don't think of Brown Eyes as much as before. I am still her best friend, one of her brother figure. I even tease her about Glasses ("He does take off his glasses, don't call him that!"). And even when telling jokes, my eyes dash around to find a lonely figure watching the next through the window. There's something I notice about Ella is that she's alone most of the time, and it's worse when Glasses goes out with Brown Eyes.
Apparently, Snub Nose doesn't find the situation easy.
The last day of the semester, she still sits at her table at the corner when everyone has already packed and left. I stand outside, looking at her as her whitish silver hair glitter almost yellow under the sunrise. She looks like she's been crying and I wonder why, it isn't like she can't meet Glasses for three months, their house is just three blocks from each other (well, knowing Ella, she seems not to step out of her house unless necessary).
"He has changed many of his habits." She says, staring at her hands on her lap. "Not all, of course. But it seems all to me." Her voice gets quieter. "He's agreed to go to the bookshop with me this afternoon, but I don't think he remembers now. Then when he does, maybe it will be just a call to apologise. I can't really get angry at him." Ella bits her lips. I reach out my hand to pat her head as usual, she turns her head to avoid the gesture. Maybe she's too upset to let my habit go unnoticed.
Ella (I've got rid of the habit of calling her Snub Nose in my head. Because she's a pretty girl) shots me a glance: "What're you looking at?"
I think of the training this afternoon, well, it can be arranged later.
"I can go to bookshop with you. And after that, we, like, can have noodles."
Ella frowns at me, shaking her head. Of course I can't replace her good-looking, hard-working and friendly friend, but what's the point in sitting still? I gather all the courage I have – yes, the courage that I don't have to confess to Brown Eyes – takes Ella's hands and forces her to follow me. She protests all the way. She doesn't want to go anywhere. She wants to drown in her sorrow. But I can't care that much. It isn't not until she sits obediently behinds my bike with chocolate in hands that she stops struggling.
"If you have gone through yesterday, you're able to survive today. Only when you survive today can you live tomorrow." I say, smiling at Ella, who has her eyes widened in surprise. She doesn't say anything afterward. I like the comfortable silence between it. I like it when she finally gives herself a break.
"You don't love Xiao Mei anymore?" Ella asks, twisting one of my basketballs in her hands.
I shake my head. I don't know whether that means 'yes' or 'no'. Even if I don't love Xiao Mei this way anymore, I should still love her as a sister. Ella tries to throw the ball into the hoop, and frowns when she fails. She huffs, crossing her arms before dropping herself next to me.
"Sometimes, I think if this story is a film, I will be a supporting character with no unique personality. Harboring unrequited affections, and then giving up quietly. A nameless character." She raises her finger, drawing in the air. It is a moment of silence before she speaks again. "Yesterday, I saw Kiku hold Xiao Mei's hands. Ever since I knew him, he hasn't held anyone's hands. In that moment, I thought I was going to stop. It's sad, but I can. Do you know why?"
I outstretch my legs, leaning towards to hear Ella more clearly. She looks like she's about to say something really important. She takes a deep breath.
"Because when I looked at them from behind, I saw two people. I thought of you, . If you had been there, I would have squeezed your hands and never wanted to let go." She smiles at me, and there is a relief colored in her voice as she continues. "It does count as a confession, doesn't it?" I'm too surprised to rely as she stands up and runs to play with the balls again.
I suddenly laugh. It seems I'm going to be the main character in my own story very soon.
"So, we can, like, go on a date this weekend?"
author note: my last one-shot before the end of break.
hope you enjoy your reading, please post a review to tell me what you think.