stupid little ball of funny crazy pukey fluff.
enjoy, you rat suckers.
Don't Own.
I danced.
The music carried me, swayed my hips and led my feet. Pulsed through me.
His arms wrapped tight around my waist from behind. He smelled like after shave and beer.
Stupid Edward.
You know I lost my license last week.
Whatever.
The guitar in the background, the beat flowing up and out.
So much more important.
We danced our own dance, of no stress and today and no tomorrows.
This last party, our final stance, disappearing around us as it should, until it was only us and me and him.
Just carry me away like this until I forget about everything.
"Bella," he whispered.
"Yeah?"
"I have to tell you something."
"After this song. I love this song."
"No. Now. Before I lose the nerve."
"What?"
He tugged my hand, dragging me through the crowd and out the door before I could protest again.
He left me on the porch, walking forward with his hands tangled in his hair.
It was freezing out tonight. It didn't matter that it was summer. I could still see my breath.
"You're going." He said and I hugged my bare arms.
"Yeah. Tomorrow. You know all this already. Now you promised me that we wouldn't think about that tonight, that we'd just let loose –"
"Bella." He turned around.
"You can't go."
I sighed.
"I have to. It's college. We paid. And I've been waiting to get out of this godforsaken town for years. I can't just not go."
He grimaced, and he pulled his hands across his face.
"Yes you can."
"Edward –"
"I won't let you go. You didn't go to camp that time when we were thirteen and you're not going now."
"We're not thirteen anymore."
"Yeah, we're eighteen, and you're even more dependent on me."
Heat bloomed in my cheeks. "Jerk."
He stared at me from the lawn, green eyes dark and intense.
"You won't go."
He stumbled in the grass.
I sighed again. "Edward, you're drunk."
"So?"
I walked down the porch steps and over to him, gripping his shoulders.
His eyes closed for a second and I took a moment to memorize his features. I had long since realized I was going to have to be the mature one and say goodbye first. Lead the way. That didn't mean it didn't hurt any less.
I hated this.
But I had to do it.
I mean, it wasn't like he was my boyfriend or anything – just, someone I wished was.
I shook those thoughts away.
You're best friends who are saying goodbye.
That's it.
So say goodbye already.
His lips puckered pitifully. "Don't leave Bell. You didn't even, even tell me your locker combination in tenth grade."
I smiled. "That's because I didn't need you to open my locker for me in tenth grade."
"I – don't go Bell. I need you. What about when you forget to set your alarm clock?"
"Aw, Edward. I'll have a roommate. And that's life, right? Being late and then making up the lost time?"
His expression didn't change.
"Please Edward. I have to go to college. You're going too, remember? I can't stay, we can't stay. We have to grow up."
His eyes opened, all wide and green and vulnerable and determined. "I'm going to grow up. I'm going to go to college. I'm just not going to do it without you."
And his frantic eyes stopped on my face and he leaned in.
It took me a moment.
He wasn't gentle. His lips pressed into my own too hard, mouth gaping. He tasted like beer and maybe Doritos and then this something else that was sweet and all around him. His hands cradled me face, angling it and stroking my cheeks with his thumbs.
I didn't know what this meant. It would change everything, surely. And for a brief moment, I was terrified. I was going to lose him. He was going to hate me.
Whatever.
I leaned into the kiss, clasping my hands around his neck and tangling my fingers in his hair.
A thought:
How perfect.
How right.
How I-fit-right-here-in-you-arms-even-if-you-do-need-to-seriously-brush-your-teeth.
And then he lurched backwards and threw up.
Short, sweet, and puke yellow all over the rose bush.
He straightened up, wiping his mouth. "Sorry."
"It's okay."
I hesitated. "Was that . . .?"
"I don't regret it. And hell, if we're dishing out secrets tonight anyway, I might as well serve the main course already. I've wanted to kiss you since we were eleven."
"Oh."
Ugh, god.
I was such a . . . ugh.
"Oh." I repeated.
He smiled. "You're speechless."
And then his smile turned bitter. "I shouldn't have done that. You don't – I know we're not – You're just –"
He brought his hands up to run through his hair again. He looked like he'd been electrocuted.
"I'm sorry." He said finally.
"Edward –"
"No! I am. I –"
He looked undecided for only a moment before his expression grew hard. Determined again.
"I love you Bell."
What?
Wait.
Just wait.
I.
Love.
You.
Bell.
I blinked.
He was waiting for my response, his jaw locked and his hands shoved into his pockets.
But all I could hear was:
I.
Love.
You.
Bell.
I.
Love.
You.
Bell.
Bell.
I.
You.
You.
And.
I.
I.
And.
You.
Love.
You.
I was trembling and then suddenly wanting him to kiss me again, to make it real. Seal the deal.
"Kiss me," I whispered.
His eyes grew wide. But as he stepped toward me this ridiculous grin spread across his face and then he had his arms wrapped around my waist and his tongue down my throat.
My toes tingled and curled and little jolts traveled up and down my spine.
My heart thudded in my chest.
Love.
You.
Love.
Love.
Love.
Love.
You.
Too.
I had to say it.
I reeled back, gasping and tugging on the ends of his hair, still trying to keep him closer.
"No, no, I, you can't think that I couldn't care about you like that, I mean that's stupid and Edward Edward Edward remember that sandcastle we build when we were nine, the one with the crooked flag and no mote and a race car as a knight and I hated it and then you said, "Bella, this is your castle!" and I pretended to like it. And you know why?"
I tugged on the ends of his hair again, our faces so close I was breathing his vomitty breath.
"Cause I love you."
And his lips were crashing into mine again.
He didn't taste like beer anymore. He tasted sour, all the strange sweetness gone.
But that didn't matter because he was Edward. And I loved him.
"Love you." He mumbled against my lips again. "Love you. So don't leave me. Let me come with you."
"Okay." I breathed back and we sank down into the grass.
His arms wrapped around me and he held me like he'd done thousands of times before. Except those thousand couldn't compare to this one embrace, under a starry sky and pukey rose bush.
His face pressed into my hair.
Our breathing was harsh in the quiet.
His laughter broke the silence suddenly, loud and exuberant.
"What?"
"You fell in love with me over a sandcastle?" He asked.
I scowled at him but he only laughed harder.
"I love you." I said again, just because I had to.
He was so . . . ugh.
The laughter stopped.
And he smiled and nodded down at me. "I kinda figured."
reviews equal love and the promise that i won't hunt you down and kill you in the middle of the night.