If Only Chapter 1, a castle fanfic

Disclaimer: I don't own Castle (but I certainly would like to)

A/N: I know that there are a lot of What If stories out there but hey, it's fanfiction and everybody can write anything ^^. I thought about all those moments where something just went wrong for them.

So, I hope you enjoyed this one. Please read and review. Compliments are welcome, criticism appreciated and if you hate and flame, Sally Struthers will bring little kids to your door and will make you feel very bad about yourself :D

If only Castle never rekindled his relationship with Gina at the end of season 2. If only Kate said something. Starts with the dialog at the end of the show.

After Kate ended her relationship with Tom, she turned her head and listened to Castle and the rest of the group talking in the room.

"It was very emotional." Castle told the others. "There were a lot of tears. Alexis was fine by the way." That sentence earned a heartfelt laugh from the guys and Lanie.

"I gotta say Castle, we're gonna miss you around here." Esposito said.

"Yeah, I'm gonna miss you too." Castle responded quietly.

"Still leaving the coffee machine, right?" Ryan asked, trying to lighten the mood.

"Can't have you suffer in my absence."

"We could really use one of those down in the morgue." Lanie said.

"With Castle gone I hope our clearance rate doesn't drop." Captain Montgomery said, earning another laugh from the group. Just then Kate entered smiling and took a beer from the basket.

"Oh, look who's off duty." Castle said.

"Yeah Castle, I'm not all work." she responded with a forced smile on her face.

"Don't get into a drinking contest with her." Lanie said to him. "She can take you."

"Thank you."

"Oh, I don't need to drink to take him." Beckett said smugly, earning her a look from Lanie.

"Uh, what's gotten into you." Lanie said to her.

Her face turning serious, she turned to Castle.

"Castle, do you have a second?" she asked him.

"Of course, yeah." he answered and both headed out to the bullpens, the others looking at the two as Kate closed the door.

"What's up?" he asked.

"Look, I know I'm not the easiest person to get to know and I don't always let on what's on my mind but this past year working with you... I had a really good time..."

"Yeah, me too." he interrupted.

"So, I was thinking about your offer of me accompanying you to the Hamptons." she said in a low voice. "Uh... does that offer still stand? I...I could really use some downtime."

"Sure." he answered. "But you do realize that I planned to spend the whole summer there. It would help if you could find a ride home because I tell you, when I'm writing, sometimes I'm in a zone and you can not get me out of it." he said grinning.

"That's okay, I'm pretty sure I have some vacation days left." Kate said smiling.

"A few days? Try a few weeks." came the voice of Captain Montgomery, who had opened the door to the party room.

"Sir? What do you mean?" Kate asked.

"Beckett, how many vacations did you have in the last five years?" Kate's silence was enough answer for him. "You have about ten or even twelve weeks accrued."

"What?"

"You heard me. So if you want a longer downtime, I can sign you the leave of absence."

"But won't Human Resources object to a detective taking a three month vacation?" Castle asked the Captain.

"Not so much if the Captain, which is me, signs it. If they still object, I can talk to them, I know the HR manager. If push comes to shove, I put in a warning about a possible burnout syndrome. So go home, go packing and take a long vacation. You deserve it."

"Uh, okay." Kate said, still surprised at the turn of events. She was thinking about a two-day weekend, now it seems she was taking 84-day weekend. She didn't know if she should be happy or worried. She was looking forward to a nice weekend with Castle, but the thought of 12 weeks filled her with slight apprehension.

"So Kate" Castle interrupted her thinking "go home and pack for a three month vacation. By the way, I have a pool and a beach not far from my house, so don't forget a bathing suit. And don't worry, there is a dry cleaner in town, so you don't need to bring your entire stock of clothing. I'll pick you up tomorrow at 9 am. And now I'll head home and pack as well."

"Good... Until tomorrow." Kate said to him, still stunned by the turn of events.

When Kate was home she stood in front of her closet, unsure what to take with her. Behind her were several opened, empty suitcases and bags. She started grabbing the essential stuff, socks, shirts, pants and underwear.

Smiling to herself, she also grabbed the special underwear that she wouldn't use everyday. A few thongs and very sexy bras that didn't leave much unseen. Remembering Castle's comment about pool and beach, she grabbed several sets of bikinis as well. Satisfied at her choices and with butterflies in her stomach, she ate a light dinner and went to bed.

True to his word, Castle rang her doorbell at 9 am. His eyes widened as he saw the amount of luggage Kate packed. She could only smile as he tried to carry every case and bag at once and getting stuck in the door.

"Damn Castle, let me carry at least some of my stuff." Kate said laughing, and took two bags and a suitcase from him. They put her stuff in the trunk and on the backseat and took off for a long vacation. Kate looked at him as he concentrated on driving and smiled to herself.

After their arrival, Castle showed her around the house. 'House? It's a freaking villa' she thought. But he was right. It was beautiful. The pool sparkled with clear water and the view from his backyard on the ocean was breathtaking. She was sitting on one of Castle's lawn chairs, looking out at the Atlantic.

"Hey." Castle said to her, snapping her out of her thoughts. "Since it's lunchtime, you want to go out? I don't really have any fresh food here right now. And I don't want your first impression of my hosting abilities be canned food."

"Sounds nice. Italian would be great." she said. "And after that, grocery shopping."

"Sure. I know a great Italian restaurant. But lets unpack first. Come on, I'll show you the inside. Then you can choose your room."

"Choose my room?" Kate asked him. "How many bedrooms does this place have?"

"Uh, five actually. Mine, one for my mother and Alexis, and two guest rooms. Each have their own bathroom with shower. The master bathroom has a bathtub along with a hot tub. I have other rooms that can be converted to bedrooms when the need should arise, like inviting a lot of people for a party or something like that."

He offered her his hand to help her stand up and she gladly took it. She looked at their hands and inwardly jumped in joy when he didn't release her hand immediately after she stood.

After she unpacked her stuff in one of the guest rooms, they went out. As Castle had promised, the restaurant was amazing. They sat in a quiet little booth at the back of the place, away from the entrance, offering them privacy to enjoy their meal. Although it was the Hamptons and famous people tended to be more numerous here, Rick didn't want to tempt fate and have some reporter seeing him with what others would call a 'new conquest'.

"So Kate, what brought this decision on to accompany me here? I thought you had plans with Demming." he asked her, after they placed their orders to the waiter.

"Yeah, but at almost literally the last minute I realized that he wasn't for me."

"Care to elaborate?"

"No, not right now."

"Okay, maybe later. But first, lets eat." he said grinning when he noticed the waiter closing in the their food. Castle had ordered Pasta with a 'special' sauce while Kate chose Lasagna.

"Oh my god!" Kate exclaimed. "This is amazing."

"I know, right?" Castle replied smiling.

"You have to try this." Kate said, taking a piece of her lasagna with her fork and holding it to him.

"You're right, it tastes great. Here, try some of my pasta. This special sauce is awesome. "Rick said, rolling some of his pasta on his fork and offering it to her. She ate it and moaned as the sauce melted like ice on her tongue, sending shivers of delight through her body.

"Seriously, we need to switch meals."

"No way, woman. Eat your own."

"Spoilsport."

"Nah, you like it."

Castle tried to take another piece of her lasagna, earning him a slap on the wrist from Kate.

"Next time, I'll use the fork." she said smiling.

"Just wait for the desert, your taste buds will do somersaults."

He was right. After finishing their meals, both ordered a piece of pie for desert. Castle chose a poppy seed pie layered with strawberry jam and topped with vanilla cream while Kate ordered a large piece of strawberry cream pie.

Kate went into her pie with abandon, taking the smallest bites possible to lengthen the experience, moaning with every bite she took. Rick only watched her while nibbling at his own cake, savoring the taste and view.

"Want to try mine again?" he asked her. offered her a piece of his pie again. She smiled and ate the piece.

"Mmmh, the strawberry jam in there makes it especially delicious. Seriously, how does the pastry chef do that? I've never had a pie this good in any other restaurant in my life."

"I wondered too for a while until I realized that ignorance is bliss. Now, let me try some of yours." he said, moving his fork to her pie.

"Don't you dare, Mister Castle. I have my fork ready to pounce." she purred, picking another bite and very slowly putting the fork in and out of her mouth, her eyes never leaving his.

"Devil woman. You owe me for this."

"Oh, I think I can find a way to make up for it."

His eyes went wide at her comment, and she laughed. After a few more minutes, both their plates were empty. Rick paid and left a generous tip. As Kate went towards the exit, she noticed Rick getting a box from the pastry chef before he joined her.

"What is in there?"

"A surprise for later." he said, putting the box into the cooler in the trunk of his car after she got into the car. A short time later, he joined her. "Okay, now it's up to grocery shopping.

The shopping didn't take as long as she feared. The store was modest but well stocked and only a few other customers were with them in there. Unloading their full cart onto the checkout conveyor, paying and reloading the cart only took five minutes and less then twenty minutes later they were back at Rick's home.

"Well, lets put these things away and then it's time for some relaxation. The pool awaits you, milady." he said, mocking a bow like a butler. Kate just smiled and started filling the fridge and shelves with their groceries.

Rick could only watch as she did that and wondered why that scene of her putting away groceries, moving through his kitchen and humming gently to herself looked so natural and real. He could get used to that.

"I'm done. Now I will go to my room and change and then we'll see if your claims about the pool are real."

"Yes, they are. I'll meet you out there." he said, running out to the car and taking the box he got from the restaurant and putting it into the fridge after she went upstairs before following her to change too.

It took him only a minute and soon he was sitting in a chair next to his pool, notes and pencil in his hands, trying to get the story of his new book into gear, losing himself in his imagination. His attention was only partially roused when he saw a figure entering the pool area from the corner of his eye.

His attention only wandered from his notes when the figure turned into Kate. Watching here, his body suddenly surged into an upright position.

After Kate changed into one of her more skimpy bikinis, with a very revealing top and bottoms that showed more than they hid, she put on her sunglasses, went out to the pool with a towel around her body and saw Castle sitting shirtless on one of the chairs, sunglasses on and scribbling notes on several pieces of paper with a pencil like he always did when he bounced around ideas in his head.

Smiling to herself, she had an idea to attract his attention. Stepping out of the shade, she flattened the pool lounger she chose to lie on. Turning towards him, she loosened her towel, took hold of two ends and spread her arms wide, letting the towel slip down behind her. When she noticed Castle stopping his writing, she had to fight the urge to grin.

She couldn't see his eyes but she could imagine where they wandered. She turned around deliberately slow and bend down to spread her towel on the lounger, giving him an open and firm view of her only semi-covered ass. She again had to fight the urge to laugh when she heard the pencil drop to the floor.

She sat down on the lounger and slowly began rubbing sunscreen on her arms, legs and front, keeping her eyes on Castle to see his reaction. Her expectations weren't disappointed when he saw him sitting upright, staring at her, his writing hand still in the same position as before he dropped the pencil.

When she had finished, she turned around and lied down on her front. Her head turned to the left in the direction of the ocean but under her sunglasses she was watching him from the corner of her eyes. With slow deliberation, she reached behind her and undid the knot of her bikini top and let the straps fall to her side. She again had to keep a laugh in her, when she saw his mouth drop open.

"Castle?" she called him with her bedroom voice. "Would you please rub sunscreen on my back?" she asked holding up the tube of sunscreen.

His reaction was to press down on his notes, making the pages fly out of his hands. At this, she had to turn her head away from him and started laughing, trying her hardest not to shake with the laughter.

"Uh...I...I...sure." he stammered and shuffled over. Sitting down on the side of her lounger, he took the sunscreen and began to rub it slowly on her back.

When Kate asked him to rub sunscreen on her, Rick thought he'd have a heart attack. Here he was, sitting innocently by his pool, thinking about a way to incorporate another sex scene in his newest Nikki Heat novel, when she came out of the house and presented her awesome body in the most sexy bikini he had ever seen. Not only was the top almost non-existent, the bottom was half a thong and showed off her ass in the most impressive way.

And she had to bend over. He didn't feel his pencil drop. He was more busy keeping his tongue from rolling out of his mouth. Then she started to rub sunscreen on her. She must have done it deliberately slow, it had to be. He wasn't able not to stare. Then she lay down and what did she do? She undid her top and asked him to rub sunscreen on her. He noticed his notes flying out of his hands and he didn't care.

He took the tube and started applying the cream to her back, doing it slowly to enjoy the feeling of her body for as long as possible. Starting using both hands, he unknowingly turned the rubbing to a half-massage. She didn't seem to mind. It lasted for about five minutes, until he realized that his fingers brushed the sides of her bare breasts and he froze.

She was enjoying herself. Not only did she get him to rub lotion on her, he turned it into a massage. How come his hands felt so good on her. He was a writer, they couldn't be that firm. Suddenly she felt him stop moving. Moving her body a fraction she realized that his fingers were on the side of her breasts.

"Castle?" she asked, wanting him to continue and disappointed when his hands snapped away from her body.

"I'm sorry, so sorry." he stammered. "I have the sudden urge to take go swimming." she heard him say and his statement was followed by a loud splash when he jumped into his pool. She snuggled into her towel and smiled to herself. Part one was complete, he saw her almost naked and he felt her body. It won't be long until he was convinced to act on the feelings he clearly had for her. She decided to give him a month, tops. If he didn't do something after that, she would take matters into her own hands. Her thoughts were still with him when she dozed off.

Rick climbed out of the pool and dried himself off with a towel. What was happening? One minute he was massaging Kate, the next he had to fight hard to resist the urge to start fondling Kate's breasts. But the swim cooled him off. He looked at her an saw her dozing on the lounger. He decided that now would be the perfect time for some coffee.

Kate's woke up when she smelled the scent of freshly brewed coffee along with a sweet undertone her olfactory senses couldn't quite place. She opened her eyes to see Rick sitting next to her with a tray in his hands. On the tray were a pot of coffee, two cups and, to her surprise, a piece of the amazing strawberry cream pie she had for desert during their lunch date.

When she sat up, he immediately turned his head away. Wondering why, she realized that her bikini top was still unfastened and lying on the lounger. She grabbed it and put it back on, smiling at his mental strength. While she wouldn't have objected if he had looked at her breasts, she knew full well that it would be too much for the first day. On the other hand, his awkwardness and slight embarrassment made her want him even more. She might not be able to wait for a month.

The rest of the day went by way too fast for her liking. After having coffee, they took a long walk on the beach, with Kate making sure that her arm never left his. When they saw clouds gathering in the sky they turned back.

"Listen Kate, I don't want to appear rude and blow you off but my head is swimming with ideas. I need to get them written down before I forget again."

"Go ahead. I just watch some TV."

Rick disappeared into his bedroom and soon Kate could hear the clicks of furious typing.

Later that night, after Kate got ready for bed by putting on a thigh length see-through nightie that only covered the real juicy parts of the body with non see-through fabric, she walked towards Rick's room to show him what he could have by starting a conversation about nothing in particular. Peeking in, she saw him reclining on his bed, several cushions behind him, headphones on his head and typing like crazy. Not wanting to interrupt him when his creative juices flowed, she went back to her room and to bed.

Kate jerked awake after thunder rumbled outside. Rain splattered against the window and lightning flashes illuminated the night sky. After getting a glass of water from the kitchen, she came back up. When she was about to get back into her room, she noticed that there was still light coming from Castle's room.

Taking a peek inside, she saw him as he was before, headphones on and his laptop on his lap. His head was lying on his pillows and he was breathing slow and deep breaths which told her that he probably fell asleep while writing. She noticed that his bedroom was beautiful. It had a fireplace where a fire was burning low, casting the room in a soft light.

She took the laptop away to put a blanket over him but paused when she saw the text that he had written before he fell asleep. She skimmed over it and saw salacious dialog and realized that it was most likely another sex scene between Nikki Heat and Jameson Rook.

Although she knew that it was wrong to read what he wrote and he'd probably be really mad she couldn't resist. She scrolled up and began to read the entire scene.

It took her ten minutes to finish reading and by then she was ridiculously turned on. She could feel herself sweating slightly, her breath uneven and moist between her legs. She looked at the man on the bed who wrote this and wondered how an innocent looking man like this could write something so hot and steamy as this. It surpassed the scene from the first novel by far and was prove of a very dirty imagination.

She saved his work and put the laptop down, closing the lid. About to leave, she turned around to look at him once more and goes to his side to take his headphones off. Before she could stop herself, her eyes went to his shorts and her thoughts to what was inside.

Prying her eyes away from his crotch, she carefully lifted the headphones off and being curious she put them to her ear to listen to his choice of music. The running song put a smile to her lips. Wicked Game by Chris Isaak was a great song for anything romantic. On the other hand, listening to it did nothing to calm her raging hormones that were still rioting through her body after reading the sex scene and her thoughts and eyes again wandered unconsciously to his shorts. And although she knew it was really really wrong, she couldn't stop herself from lifting the waistband of his shorts up to take a peek inside to see the good stuff.

Her eyes went wide at the sight that greeted her before she squeezed them shut again. She stood up and moved towards the door but before she could exit, she heard Rick moan her and Nikki's name in his sleep. That little involuntary whispering broke something in her. She couldn't help it. She wanted him. Needed him. Needed him to understand that she wanted him. Standing again next to him, she wondered what to do. Just jumping on him was out of the question, it would make her look desperate and that was totally not gonna happen.

After a minute of standing there, looking down at him, she remembered the scene she just read. She ripped two thin strips of lace from her dress, wincing internally as she did so.

'What I do for love' she thought and bound his wrists to the bedposts using the strips of lace.

Crouching down next to his head she began whispering into his ear.

"Jameson, I told you what would happen if you were a bad boy again. And now Nikki is very angry." His mouth turned into a sly smile in his sleep and she grinned. Sleep suggestions still worked. She moved down and slowly removed his shorts without him waking up. Getting a full view of his manhood her eyes went wide again.

Quickly removing her panties, she sat down on his thighs and started rubbing his manhood. At her gentle touches, Rick slowly opened his eyes.

"Kate?" he whispered.

"Jameson! I will overlook the fact that you just said the name of another woman while I'm on top of you. But you will have to make it up to me even more now!" she purred in her best bedroom voice.

"Your wish is my command, Nikki. Do with me what you will." he replied and closed his eyes again.

She smiled and after a minute more of rubbing him hard, she lifted her hips up and slowly sat down on his hardness. She gasped loudly as he filled her out. After getting used to his size, she started rotating her hips, causing a moan to escape from his mouth. Not able to control herself, she picked up speed way too soon and with a yelp of lust and no small part surprise she had her first climax after only a few minutes.

Not even stopping her hip movements, she bend down and kissed Rick hard. He reciprocated immediately, invading her mouth with his tongue, fighting for dominance. Ever increasing the speed of her movements, their lips parted with a lout smack when she felt another climax growing inside her. She arched her back and let out a cry of pure pleasure before collapsing on Rick's chest.

"Keep moving, Nikki." Rick growled beneath her.

'You've got to be kidding me' she thought but nonetheless slowly restarted her movement on him earning another gasp from him.

He was having the best dream of his life. It felt so real. He was living the scene he remembered writing. He was Jameson Rook, his hands were bound to the bedposts, Detective Nikki Heat on top of him, riding herself to oblivion. He couldn't help it, he needed to touch her. His attention shifted from the woman to his bound hands as he tried to untie the knots.

What he didn't realize, doing that was the proverbial Think-about-baseball-to-last-longer thing, giving Kate an even longer experience.

She was dying. She was sure of it. At some point, her body had to give out just from the pleasure coursing through it. Her head was tilted upwards, her eyes closed and she was bouncing up and down like crazy to receive every ounce of joy possible and therefore didn't see Rick freeing himself from the cloths she had bound him with.

As she was changing her movements, there were suddenly hands on her body, strong arms enveloping her and flipping her around on her back. Opening her eyes, she was surprised to see a now unbound Rick Castle on top of her.

"How did you..." she started but he cut her off.

"Shhh."

He dipped his head to steal a slow and sensual kiss from her as he opened her legs and entered her very slowly. Kate moaned into the kiss and wrapped her legs around him again. It felt so good to be under him. Although he was heavy, it wasn't enough to give her a sense of discomfort. She arched her hips up in rhythm with his him, her arms wrapped tightly around his neck as she felt him pick up the pace of his thrusts.

Rick smiled inwardly at the sounds she was making. He didn't know why, but the way she whimpered and moaned under him made him shiver with delight. He loved feeling her hot and slightly sweaty skin against his.

Kate felt her body starting to tremble uncontrollably. She arched her hips into him again, harder this time, urging him to pick up the pace even more. Rick could only chuckle at her outburst of need. He slowly withdrew himself from her, which earned him a lout protest from Kate.

"What are you doing?" she asked incredulously. Rick only chuckled at that.

"Don't worry. Turn around." he grinned as she turned around onto her stomach.

"Lets continue." he whispered and entered her again.

This new angle brought a whole new level of sensations for Kate. She buried her face into the pillows, groaning and moaning and letting out the occasional scream. Her hands flailed around aimlessly, she couldn't decide if she wanted to grip the sheets or him in an effort to get him into her even deeper.

His hands were on his hips, squeezing her skin and moving her in sync with his own movements. She felt one of his hands squeeze between her body and the sheets, moving down her body until it was between her legs and it started to stroke her in rhythm with his thrusts.

Kate's head came up as she gasped loudly and started to wiggle and writhe under him. What he was doing to her was akin to torture. Between the rubbing in front and the thrusts from behind, she was lost in the sweet agony of coitus. She couldn't stop moaning and groaning into the pillow, saying his name over and over again. Her body started to tremble even harder as she came closer and closer to going over the cliff.

"Oh god Castle, please don't stop now!" she screamed as she felt the climax coming. She tried to brace herself but she could never have anticipated the intensity of it. It started down between her legs, with the god that still was both pounding and rubbing her, and climbed up her spine. Her entire body was trembling uncontrollably, shaking uncontrollably in a building orgasm. As the power of the wave increased almost beyond endurance, it suddenly broke in a mighty explosion of pleasure in her brain.

When she was almost being blinded by lust, she felt him tremble as well and with a mighty groan he collapsed on top of her. His head next to hers, she could hear him breathing heavily. Her own breathing was no better, both were entirely spent, still basking in the aftermath of the pleasure that went through both their bodies. After what he just did to her, he definitely had earned many, many more orgasms and she was more than happy to provide them for him as often as possible.

If only they had done this earlier. She wasted one year by not giving him to her feelings for him.

"Beckett?"

If only she had said something earlier.

"Beckett?"

Why was he saying his name? 'Oh my god, I called him Castle earlier, not Rook.' But why did he sound different?

"Beckett!"

If only they would be able to sill work together. After this night, she would never be able to have him at her desk without the urge to jump into his lap.

"Beckett!"

When she opened her eyes, she saw Esposito standing in front of her.

"Beckett, are you alright?"

Turning her head, she saw Castle and Gina in the elevator as the doors closed.

If only she said something earlier.

"I'm alright Espo, but I need to go to the ladies room." she said, with a look in her eyes that betrayed her being so not okay.

After she entered the ladies room, she checked all the stalls. When she found them empty, she went into the same one she had read the sex scene of Castle's first Nikki Heat novel in. Only when she sat on the lid with her knees against her chest and arms wrapped around herself did she allow the tears to fall. She cried and cried, couldn't stop. She continued crying after Lanie entered the bathroom as well, and took Kate in her arms. They stood there for several minutes, while Kate cried tears of sorrow and disappointment.

If only she had acted on her feelings for Castle earlier.

If only she hadn't met Demming.

If only...

A/N: I know that there are a lot of What If stories out there but hey, it's fanfiction and everybody can write anything ^^. I haven't written for a while and after getting to know the show and watching it begging to end in a week (DVDs for the win ^^) I thought about all those moments where something just went wrong for them.