Lord of the Dorks
Two Processors
And so...
The worst of all matters has come to pass. There is a brutal war occurring at this very instant. Pipsqueak, Matty, Sideways and Frito were all missing and were assumed to be dead, just as Arrantgone was. All the while, the Processors were being hammered by all sides and it looked as though there was no hope left. Not only that but also the White Processor and the White Mac Tree in the North where all things sacred were kept would be prey to Saururumon's Dark Army.
Meanwhile...
Darkness was surrounding the Habits and their captors. Gagum had persuaded them that he could distract the Dolts and lead them to Mount Microsoft. Sideways didn't trust Gagum though. He had a feeling that Gagum had a split personality and that both personalities were sinister. Frito wouldn't listen to reason, however. Frito believed that Smeargut, not Gagum, was leading them to Mount Microsoft. Matty and Pipsqueak had sneaked away quite some time ago, and Frito hadn't noticed. Sideways knew it, but he was far too concerned about the hasty and naïve decision Frito had made. Whether Sideways wanted to or not, he had to follow along to protect his friend and keep an especially keen eye on the manipulative Gagum.
Matty and Pipsqueak had found themselves in an enchanted forest in the arms, er...branches, of a talking tree. It was the oldest of a race called the Conks. They had heard about the war that had broken out on Middle Garth. It seemed everyone was going insane searching for the Protector. There were more monsters appearing and Middle Garth itself was shaking. The brothers wondered if the Conks would be joining the battle against Saururumon and his Dark Army. This question would take the Conks a long, long, long...long time to answer.
The War Is Far From Over...
Gamely and Linklist were slaughtering the opposition. Each of them tried to best one another by keeping count of how many Dolts they killed. Linklist was far ahead and had been boasting of his numbers thus far. Gamely was getting steamed but kept his reverence of the cocky elf to himself. The opposition was growing tired, and those inside the castle were unable to hold off the rampaging Dolts. Their battering ram was far too strong against the opposition's firewall. The Dolts easily broke in and began ransacking the Processors. Many people were dying and the Processors were being ripped apart literally from the insides. Suddenly, this came to an abrupt end.
From the west, a brilliant glow of white came. A man could be seen riding a snowy steed and carrying a glimmering torch. He resembled the Columbia Pictures icon, but no copyright infringements were enacted. By the time the typical Columbia Pictures theme song was played, all the monsters had dissipated. Those who had survived the battle knew that this wasn't the end. The one who had made the Protector (the Great Horned Gates) would come looking for it again soon. Unbeknownst to him, a woman would be joining the force of good. This would be the only force that could defeat him.
Gandork reunited with familiar faces, and later caught up with Strutter, who was a changed man. No longer did he wish to be called by his nickname, but by his true name. Arrantgone would lead the newly formed Fellowship to the White Processor and maybe even find Frito and the Habits who had been left behind. Thus far, he had found one piece of evidence; the Pegasus pendant that Frito had been wearing was in the ground where the Dolts had camped the previous night. He knew they were still alive. Gandork reassured them that the Fellowship would be completely whole once this whole ordeal was through, and everyone believed him. His endeavor defeating Bootleg the Terrible and his near death experience had changed him completely. No longer was he Gandork the Gray, but Gandork...The Bright.
The Oncoming Trials on the Way to Mount Microsoft and the Battle to come...
As the half-formed Fellowship went one way, Gagum lured his victims to a place that was far away from Mount Microsoft. Of course, Sideways knew this all along and pleaded with Frito to turn around and go the other way. Frito wouldn't listen, and was later tricked by him into thinking that Sideways had eaten all the elfin bread (actually, they were cookies), that Frito had brought with them for the arduous journey. Frito became enflamed and yelled at Sideways. Sideways was crushed that his friend had fallen pray to the heavy weight of the Protector and that that toad of a former Habit was tainting his thoughts.
To be continued...
In the third and final chapter, Frito almost gets eaten by a giant spider (where's Norton when you need him ?), a woman enlists in the Fellowship, another war breaks out, the Great Horned Gates appears, the Searum Eye nearly destroys Frito, and Gagum's true story is told. Will this ever have a happy ending ? Only the writer knows the true answer. Booga, booga, booooooooooooooooga !
By: Elizabeth Berndt
July 20, 2004
Two Processors
And so...
The worst of all matters has come to pass. There is a brutal war occurring at this very instant. Pipsqueak, Matty, Sideways and Frito were all missing and were assumed to be dead, just as Arrantgone was. All the while, the Processors were being hammered by all sides and it looked as though there was no hope left. Not only that but also the White Processor and the White Mac Tree in the North where all things sacred were kept would be prey to Saururumon's Dark Army.
Meanwhile...
Darkness was surrounding the Habits and their captors. Gagum had persuaded them that he could distract the Dolts and lead them to Mount Microsoft. Sideways didn't trust Gagum though. He had a feeling that Gagum had a split personality and that both personalities were sinister. Frito wouldn't listen to reason, however. Frito believed that Smeargut, not Gagum, was leading them to Mount Microsoft. Matty and Pipsqueak had sneaked away quite some time ago, and Frito hadn't noticed. Sideways knew it, but he was far too concerned about the hasty and naïve decision Frito had made. Whether Sideways wanted to or not, he had to follow along to protect his friend and keep an especially keen eye on the manipulative Gagum.
Matty and Pipsqueak had found themselves in an enchanted forest in the arms, er...branches, of a talking tree. It was the oldest of a race called the Conks. They had heard about the war that had broken out on Middle Garth. It seemed everyone was going insane searching for the Protector. There were more monsters appearing and Middle Garth itself was shaking. The brothers wondered if the Conks would be joining the battle against Saururumon and his Dark Army. This question would take the Conks a long, long, long...long time to answer.
The War Is Far From Over...
Gamely and Linklist were slaughtering the opposition. Each of them tried to best one another by keeping count of how many Dolts they killed. Linklist was far ahead and had been boasting of his numbers thus far. Gamely was getting steamed but kept his reverence of the cocky elf to himself. The opposition was growing tired, and those inside the castle were unable to hold off the rampaging Dolts. Their battering ram was far too strong against the opposition's firewall. The Dolts easily broke in and began ransacking the Processors. Many people were dying and the Processors were being ripped apart literally from the insides. Suddenly, this came to an abrupt end.
From the west, a brilliant glow of white came. A man could be seen riding a snowy steed and carrying a glimmering torch. He resembled the Columbia Pictures icon, but no copyright infringements were enacted. By the time the typical Columbia Pictures theme song was played, all the monsters had dissipated. Those who had survived the battle knew that this wasn't the end. The one who had made the Protector (the Great Horned Gates) would come looking for it again soon. Unbeknownst to him, a woman would be joining the force of good. This would be the only force that could defeat him.
Gandork reunited with familiar faces, and later caught up with Strutter, who was a changed man. No longer did he wish to be called by his nickname, but by his true name. Arrantgone would lead the newly formed Fellowship to the White Processor and maybe even find Frito and the Habits who had been left behind. Thus far, he had found one piece of evidence; the Pegasus pendant that Frito had been wearing was in the ground where the Dolts had camped the previous night. He knew they were still alive. Gandork reassured them that the Fellowship would be completely whole once this whole ordeal was through, and everyone believed him. His endeavor defeating Bootleg the Terrible and his near death experience had changed him completely. No longer was he Gandork the Gray, but Gandork...The Bright.
The Oncoming Trials on the Way to Mount Microsoft and the Battle to come...
As the half-formed Fellowship went one way, Gagum lured his victims to a place that was far away from Mount Microsoft. Of course, Sideways knew this all along and pleaded with Frito to turn around and go the other way. Frito wouldn't listen, and was later tricked by him into thinking that Sideways had eaten all the elfin bread (actually, they were cookies), that Frito had brought with them for the arduous journey. Frito became enflamed and yelled at Sideways. Sideways was crushed that his friend had fallen pray to the heavy weight of the Protector and that that toad of a former Habit was tainting his thoughts.
To be continued...
In the third and final chapter, Frito almost gets eaten by a giant spider (where's Norton when you need him ?), a woman enlists in the Fellowship, another war breaks out, the Great Horned Gates appears, the Searum Eye nearly destroys Frito, and Gagum's true story is told. Will this ever have a happy ending ? Only the writer knows the true answer. Booga, booga, booooooooooooooooga !
By: Elizabeth Berndt
July 20, 2004