DISCLAIMER: I own nothing, just the story.

SUMMARY: Mulder gets in trouble after he appears on the cover of a conspiracy magazine. Set after Season 7's "all things."

"Agent Mulder, what the hell is this?" Assistant Director Skinner threw down the magazine with Mulder's face plastered all over the front of it. He was having a hard time remaining serious.

"Oh, my God....," Mulder trailed off as he lowered his face to his hands, shaking his head.

"Sir, Agent Mulder was recently the unwitting subject of an interview that he did not know was an interview," Scully, always Mulder's savior, said as she took the magazine in her hands. "He was speaking online daily with an individual who identified herself only as 'ConspiracyChick'." She raised her eyebrows in a sympathetic gesture. "Needless to say, this, uh.... is the result." She looked down at the magazine as she grimaced. It was the cover of Conspiracy Monthly that featured one "Fox Mulder: the FBI's Sexiest G-Man!"

Skinner seemed to see the title of the article at the same time and fought back a smile before he spoke again. "Agent Mulder, I don't think I need to tell you how this could affect the Bureau's image in the minds of the public. Not that many people read....," he checked the title, "Conspiracy Monthly. And I don't think I need to tell you that Deputy Director Kirsch is so not happy."

"Sir, I don't know what to tell you. I-I.... I had no way of knowing she would send our conversations into this- this magazine," he spat. He shuddered as he saw the cover again. "Oh, God...."

"Unfortunately, Mulder, this is out of my hands. Kirsch wants to make an example of you."

"What else is new?" Mulder spat, then looked apologetically at Skinner. "Sorry, sir."

"You're formally being asked to take three weeks unpaid leave, affective immediately." He put his hand in the air to stop Mulder's objections. "Now, I managed to get it to three weeks paid leave, but your ass is in trouble, Mulder."

Mulder looked over at Scully. She knitted her brow with a sympathetic look. "I can't believe this is happening. This is like my worst nightmare times Richard Simmons." He sighed. "Anything else?"

"No, but you had better be thanking your lucky stars, Mulder. This could have been a hell of a lot worse."

It was Scully who spoke up this time. "I'm sure that Agent Mulder is very appreciative of your efforts, sir. Is there anything else?"

Skinner waved dismissively, and both Scully and Mulder made their way out of the office and back to their basement. As the door shut, Skinner couldn't help but chuckle. "You know, Mulder, this isn't as bad as you think it is."

"Scully, are you kidding me?" He fumbled with the pages as he flipped to the article and read, "'His name should be Special Agent Foxy Mulder?' How is that not bad?" He was having a hard time ignoring the giggles and mutterings of the agents in the elevator. Finally it opened onto the basement level.

"Well, think about this. Now you'll have time off for all of those meetings with your fans." She gave Mulder one of her rare laughs. "Try to look at the bright side," she said with a smile.

There was something in Mulder that wanted to make her feel as miserable as the he did, but he simply shook his head at the thought. This situation was worth Scully's smiling face. "What the hell am I supposed to do for three weeks? I-I should be out there" he gestured to the window as he put one foot on the chair, looking all the world like the hero of some movie "searching for the truth, discovering the secrets that upper levels of the government conceal everyday, and-and...."

"Fighting the good fight? Look, Mulder, Churchill speeches aside, I think this is a good time for you to take some much needed vacation. You know, go relax some where. Take a trip." She frowned. "Wait, what am saying? I should be the one taking a vacation."

Mulder ignored her last comment. "I take trips, Scully. Just last week I took that trip to England. Granted, that was to witness first-hand the making of crop circles by UFOs, and nothing happened, but, it was still a trip. And besides, you saw that sweet hat I brought back. 'Stonehenge Rocks,' Scully."

"You need something to get your mind off work, Mulder, you spend way too much time here anyway." He was almost touched by her concern. Almost, but not enough to make him take this moment completely serious.

"Well Sister Spooky," he said, sashaying over to where she sat perched on the corner of his desk. "I can think of a few things that would take my mind off of work." He put his arms around her waist and grinned, then lowered his voice to a whisper. "Some things at which you uh, yourself showed me how good you were." He licked his lips and grinned at her again.

Scully raised an eyebrow and managed to keep the flush she felt at the mention of their night together off her face and neck. She brought her lips up to his ear and whispered silkily, "Fox...we're standing in the basement of the Washington headquarters of the Federal Bureau of Investigation."

He let her go and laughed. "Jeez, Scully, you really know how to turn a guy on." He stepped back some from the desk, still grinning.

"Well, regardless, you still need time off. Hey, maybe you could uh, do another magazine interview during the next three weeks." She tried her best to keep a straight face and failed.

"You know, Scully, I expected something like that from Skinner maybe, but coming from you...." he put a hand over his heart "that just plain hurts." He shook his head slowly in an attempt to hide the laughter in his eyes.

This time it was Scully's turn to ignore his comment. She had picked up Conspiracy Monthly and was flipping through the pages. "I mean, come on. How much better do you get than 'brilliant conspiracy mind who, as it turns out, is not a bad piece of ass either.'" She looked up into his face as he scoffed and shook his head again. "I mean, at least they're not calling you 'Spooky Mulder'. That's worth something, right?"

Mulder pursed his lips and nodded. "Mm-hmm, so let's do an interview right now, set the record straight for G-Woman Tribune. You, Special Agent Dana Scully, as interviewer, how would you describe me for the magazine?"

She thought for a moment then said, "Well, let's see...." She stood up and began pacing the office slowly. "Intelligent, stubborn, a little bachelor- esque at times with the apartment..." She trailed off at his protesting cry, and smiled at him.

"Come on, Scully, that's no fair." He smiled back at her, but his smile faltered as hers became sexy and intense. He glanced to the side and backed up as she advanced on him, until he reached the wall with Scully getting ever-closer.

"Well, Agent Mulder," she began in a sultry whisper. "I would have to describe you as 'the FBI's sexiest G-Man' who, as it turns out, is not a bad piece of ass." She was pressing her body against his as she softly ground her hip into his groin. "Not to mention quite the philanthropist in bed." Scully bit his lower lip playfully, then abruptly tore herself away from him, heading out of the office.

It took Mulder a second to clear his throat, but he managed to get out, "Sc- Scully!" He looked down at his lap. "Aw, come on, that is so not fair!"

Scully was already in the elevator when she answered, "Told ya I could turn you on, Foxy." The doors slid shut.

Mulder was left alone, shaking his head. "Great. She is so in trouble."

Review!! I might continue this, might not.