Disclaimer: I do not own or intend to disrespect Discworld, Spam, or the orientation events at MIT, none of which I have experienced directly, although I do consider anyone who has to be slightly insane.
The Brass Bridge Experiment
It was the beginning of the term at Unseen University. Archchancellor Ridcully stood on the Brass Bridge. The newly accepted students stood behind him. The muck that was called the Ankh crawled jerkily under them.
"New students! Today you begin the study of magic at Unseen University. Every year at this time, we do a little experiment to see if the Laws of Thaumaturgy are still working as they should be." There was scattered laughter among the students. "This is no joke!" said the Archchancellor. "With Thaumaturgy, you can never be too careful. One year, when we did this same experiment, /absolutely nothing happened!/" There were now confused stares from among the student body.
"In any case, let us begin the experiment." He held up a small, black, cylindrical container. "This canister contains a highly volatile mineral that explodes when exposed to water. What do you think will happen when I drop this canister into the river?"
Some of the students shrugged, and some said, "It'll explode!" excitedly, and some just stood and looked confused some more.
"Well, let's see!" said Ridcully. "Here we go!" and he dropped the canister off the bridge.
It fell onto the river.
Absolutely nothing happened.
"As you can see," said the Archchancellor, grinning, "the Ankh does not contain enough actual water to start the reaction. You have now learned an important lesson for surviving school here in Ankh-Morpork."
Most of the students looked confused. Some looked at the muck that was called a river with a horrified expression.
"Now," said the Archchancellor, now flourishing a small metal box, "We will witness the second part of the experiment. This is a can of Spam. It was obtained from the street vendor named C. M. O. T. Dibbler, and he assures me that it is made from Mostly Genuine Pig. Research suggests that the remainder consists of random magical particles; this happens often on the Disc, for when too many unidentified substances meet, the chances are that some of them will react magically."
There were disgusted faces from many students, even some of those who up until then had merely stared with a glazed expression. But most of the glazed expressions stayed in place.
"Now," asked Ridcully loudly. "What do you think will happen when I drop this over the side of the bridge?"
Some students shrugged. Guess what the others did. That's right, they looked confused. Who can honestly say they're not confused at this point?
"Watch this!" Ridcully exclaimed, and he dropped the tin over the side of the bridge. It fell, or started to. It slowed as it approached the surface of the river, and then curved its path upward to hover in front of Ridcully again. Then it exploded, showering the Archchancellor and the nearest students with pieces of Mostly Genuine Pig product.
"That's odd," he said. "It's never done that before! Last year it shot straight up in the air, just like a firework. And the year before that, it kept floating just above the surface, and then it stuck its tongue out at me. And the year before that…."
The Brass Bridge Experiment
It was the beginning of the term at Unseen University. Archchancellor Ridcully stood on the Brass Bridge. The newly accepted students stood behind him. The muck that was called the Ankh crawled jerkily under them.
"New students! Today you begin the study of magic at Unseen University. Every year at this time, we do a little experiment to see if the Laws of Thaumaturgy are still working as they should be." There was scattered laughter among the students. "This is no joke!" said the Archchancellor. "With Thaumaturgy, you can never be too careful. One year, when we did this same experiment, /absolutely nothing happened!/" There were now confused stares from among the student body.
"In any case, let us begin the experiment." He held up a small, black, cylindrical container. "This canister contains a highly volatile mineral that explodes when exposed to water. What do you think will happen when I drop this canister into the river?"
Some of the students shrugged, and some said, "It'll explode!" excitedly, and some just stood and looked confused some more.
"Well, let's see!" said Ridcully. "Here we go!" and he dropped the canister off the bridge.
It fell onto the river.
Absolutely nothing happened.
"As you can see," said the Archchancellor, grinning, "the Ankh does not contain enough actual water to start the reaction. You have now learned an important lesson for surviving school here in Ankh-Morpork."
Most of the students looked confused. Some looked at the muck that was called a river with a horrified expression.
"Now," said the Archchancellor, now flourishing a small metal box, "We will witness the second part of the experiment. This is a can of Spam. It was obtained from the street vendor named C. M. O. T. Dibbler, and he assures me that it is made from Mostly Genuine Pig. Research suggests that the remainder consists of random magical particles; this happens often on the Disc, for when too many unidentified substances meet, the chances are that some of them will react magically."
There were disgusted faces from many students, even some of those who up until then had merely stared with a glazed expression. But most of the glazed expressions stayed in place.
"Now," asked Ridcully loudly. "What do you think will happen when I drop this over the side of the bridge?"
Some students shrugged. Guess what the others did. That's right, they looked confused. Who can honestly say they're not confused at this point?
"Watch this!" Ridcully exclaimed, and he dropped the tin over the side of the bridge. It fell, or started to. It slowed as it approached the surface of the river, and then curved its path upward to hover in front of Ridcully again. Then it exploded, showering the Archchancellor and the nearest students with pieces of Mostly Genuine Pig product.
"That's odd," he said. "It's never done that before! Last year it shot straight up in the air, just like a firework. And the year before that, it kept floating just above the surface, and then it stuck its tongue out at me. And the year before that…."