[CLARKE'S POV]
What a nightmare.
Clarke's brain couldn't register what Lexa had been considering. A fight to the death between the Commander of Trikru and the Ice Prince? She stood stiffly as she waited in Lexa's chamber back at The Tower in Polis, after an hour on horseback from leaving the Ice Nation. Clarke was physically and mentally exhausted from trying to persuade the Ice Nation that peace between her people and Lexa's would be a good thing. In the end, she knew Lexa was bounded by duty, but not even her words could reason with the stubborn warrior the had hopelessly fallen in love with.
The ache in the back of Clarke's neck only told her things were going to be a lot more intense and stressful if she didn't allow Lexa to do what she pleased. The blonde, Skaikru woman had begged the Commander of Trikru over a dozen times since they had returned to reconsider fighting Roan for it may hurt chances to have peace with them. Of course, this didn't bode well in Clarke's favor, but she had to do something to keep Lexa from getting herself killed. Unfortunately, she end result would be of her people causing a riot with the Ice Nation.
"Please," begged Clarke as she watched Lexa with from a small distance near the door. Clarke understood that Lexa would do anything to protect her people, but she knew that Lexa had past issues with Nia and the brunette's former lover. If only Clarke hadn't known about that story, this would have been a little less painful in her perspective. At this point, she couldn't tell if Lexa was doing this out of a huge sense of duty and pride for her people or to avenge the death of a former lover which she found herself being envious of. "This is suicide."
Clarke's heart thumped against her chest, knowing the possibility of Lexa's fate. She didn't know what else to do other than to go along with Lexa's plan and hope for the best outcome. Being a sensible woman, Clarke hoped that Lexa was intelligent enough to see that things could go wrong at any moment and chances of death were extremely high. Roan was an excellent fighter. She had witnessed his skill while she was temporarily imprisoned by him and was escorting her to the beauty that was standing before her. She believed that Roan had a small percentage of a chance of winning, but she hoped that wasn't the case.
She took a few steps to the center of the chamber and stood firmly in the center of the room itself. Every step she took, she could feel the nerves in her legs twitch with anxiety. It was nerve-racking, and what worried Clarke the most was Lexa's calm demeanor about the entire thing. "I won't know how to handle it if something happened to you." Truer words have never been spoken. After Finn's death, Clarke had a mental breakdown and even before when she knew he had to die, so it was an extreme shock to Clarke when she realized feelings for Lexa had even existed up under all that pain.
[LEXA'S POV]
The fight would happen today. There was no going back. Nia had issued the challenge and Lexa refused to back down. Despite Titus's constant protests, Lexa still refused to have another fight in her place. Nia had issued the challenge to her, not another warrior. In this battle, no one would fight in her place. She would face Roan alone. If she fell in battle than her spirit would choose another. That was the simple truth; something Titus still continued to argue. Her Flamekeeper had been arguing with her a lot lately. Questioning her every choice, especially matters regarding Clarke and Skaikru.
Finally, Lexa came to a halt a few feet from the doors to her chambers. Titus was busy listing off several warriors who he thought would do well in a fight against Roan. The brunette raised her hand, silencing the bald man.
"There will be no other warriors. This fight will be between me and Nia's son," she lowered her hand as she spoke, her eyes locked with his.
"Please, Heda. You and I both know that Nia is untrustworthy. She could-"
"It is done, Titus," Lexa cut in. "Leave me to my chambers. I must prepare."
With one last pleading look, Titus bowed his head and walked back down the hallway in silence. Lexa approached the door to her personal chamber and entered, not at all surprised to find Clarke waiting for her. She knew Titus wasn't the only one who disagreed with her choice to fight Roan. She knew the blonde would disagree the moment Lexa accepted Nia's challenge. But she had no other choice. She had to face Roan and win to remind the other clans that she still was the Commander. Still, Clarke had argued with her every chance they were together.
Lexa stood rooted by the door as she heard Clarke's small plea. Lexa's green eyes fell away from the blonde for a moment. She didn't want to hurt Clarke. This was never about hurting Clarke. But there was no other option in this matter.
"It is not suicide, Klark. You doubt my fighting skills without witnessing me in battle," her gaze rose to meet Clarke's again. She walked forward to meet the blonde in the center of her chamber. She could see the worry caught in those wonderful blue eyes, and as Clarke spoke, Lexa gently took Clarke's hand in hers and lightly pulled her closer.
"You doubt your own strength as well, Klark. There is no need to worry. I will fight Roan and if I win then the other ambassadors will be reminded why I am Commander. And if I die my spirit will choose another and they will protect you." Her thumb rubbed small circles on the back of Clarke's hand in an effort to soothe the blonde.
"Please, ai hodnes, do not worry."
[CLARKE'S POV]
As Lexa spoke, her calm tone sent chills down her spine. Clarke couldn't tell if this was confidence or stupidity, but warrior in front of her had been right. She was doubting both of them. For some reason, she didn't think Lexa had it in her to fight Roan. After all, he hadn't done anything wrong to be in the position that he had gotten into. It was Nia's fault for suggesting such a fate. Clarke put the blame heavily on the Ice Prince's mother for all of this.
Clarke was disappointed that this pointless fight was still going to occur. Any one of the two warriors would have a slip up and get caught by the other's sword and death would come knocking. Clarke tried not to picture it; Lexa at the recieving end of Roan's steel blade, but it was almost impossible for her to not imagine it because it was likely to happen if she hadn't watched herself. "I'm sorry," whispered Clarke as her eyes fell to her feet. "I don't mean to doubt you."
Guilt laced those words. Lexa had been a force to reckon with on several occasions, but this will be the first time up close that Clarke would see Lexa draw her sword instead of using her words, her mind as weapon if you will. This woman had been the most persuasive individual she had ever met, and being here right now was proof of that. She felt like she was having trouble swallowing; the dryness around the inside of her cheeks confirmed her own worry.
Don't worry, she says. Clarke thought as a small sigh escaped her lips. Easier said than done. She felt Lexa's hand in hers and it immediately felt as if a heavy stone wall was lifted off her shoulders. She was trying to comfort Clarke, and the blonde was trying to resist. She shouldn't be so forgiving about this, because Clarke was upset about the fight with Roan was still happening. There was just something about Lexa that made her feel... dangerous on an animalistic level.
"Lexa," she said as she felt the small touches of the other woman's thumb graze her hand. Always, her heart sped up when Lexa had always been this close to her and it was only recently she had reciprocated her feelings toward the Commander. Despite being close as they were now, Clarke moved in further, lacing her fingers desperately around Lexa's. She kissed the back of Lexa's hand innocently as she tightly closed her eyes, and then gazed in her direction. "I love you."
Slowly, Clarke slid her other hand gently around the back of Lexa's neck and stared into her emerald orbs for a long period of time as if this had been the last time she would see them. She wanted to remember those eyes in case she couldn't recognize the new Commander if something god-forbid happened to Lexa. "I don't want someone else protecting me. I want you," she said softly right before she pulled the other woman until her lips on hers. At first, it was just playful, but as Clarke engaged the kiss, her intentions became more clear to her.
It was safe to say, Clarke wasn't experiencing dry mouth any longer. She pulled away briefly, her hand still where it had been moments before. Her thumb rubbed against Lexa's cheek, feeling like her heart could implode with so much love for a woman. "The spirit you speak of doesn't represent you, just as a new figure. Sure, the new Commander is bound to protect me, but what if we don't get along? What if the new Commander is an asshole." She could hear herself pouting, but she couldn't help but wonder herself.
Clarke wasn't sure about reincarnation. Just like she said, the spirit will choose another Commander, but that Commander won't be Lexa. The spirit will adapt to that person's birth-given personality traits which could be far different from Lexa. The only thing the two would have in common is that they would be bound by duty to protect her. The major difference, these two were in love. Clarke could see it in Lexa's eyes that it was real. Clarke spoke again, but this time she had a slight playfulness about her words and was smiling.
"I trust that you will win, because if you don't and die, I will kill you myself."
[LEXA'S POV]
The warrior could see the worry still lingering in the blonde's blue eyes. She wished she could lift this weight from Clarke's shoulders, but there wasn't anything more Lexa could say. She would fight Roan and if she fell in battle than that was what would happen. There was no avoiding it. There was no backing out. Lexa would not face her death like a coward. She would fight until the challenge was over. And Clarke…she could not allow her love for Clarke to turn to weakness. Even if it pained her to see Clarke in so much distress.
She felt Clarke's fingers wrap around her hand, before lifting it up and pressing her lips against the back of her hand in a soft kiss. The single, innocent kiss sent shivers through her entire body. Shivers that left her body desperately wanting far more than just innocent kisses. But Lexa kept herself rooted in place. There was no time for them to take their love to her bed. But there was still time enough for these few moments.
"I love you as well, Klark," she felt Clarke's hand slip around the back of her neck as she spoke. And as Lexa returned Clarke's gaze with her own, the next words that fell from the blonde's lips tore at the warrior's heart. But before Lexa could respond, Clarke pulled her forward until their lips met. Lexa's eyes closed, returning Clarke's playful kiss with one of her own, but with less playfulness. Clarke's words continued to echo in her ears as she deepened the kiss. The idea of scooping Clarke off her feet and taking her to bed returned and it took a good deal of strength not to give in.
When Clarke's lips broke away, Lexa leaned forward in an attempt to capture them again but paused. Her eyes opened, feeling Clarke's finger gently rub against her cheek. She was quiet as Clarke spoke, having learned many months ago during their first meetings that it was best to give the blonde the chance to speak what was on her mind without interruption.
"The spirit of the Commander will protect you, Klark. Even though the physical bodies of past Commanders are different, the spirit remains the same. Even if I fall in this battle, I will still be with you."
Lexa quickly caught Clarke's lips again with her own for another soft kiss. She hoped her words had eased Clarke's worry, but she was doubtful. She knew Clarke well. If she won this fight this conversation would return in the future the next time her duty as Heda called her into danger. But there was little else to tell her.
As their kiss broke, Lexa wrapped her arounds around Clarke's waist. She spotted Clarke's playful smile but her words confused the brunette. "You cannot kill someone twice, Klark." Ever since Lexa had started spending more time with Clarke she had begun to notice that she still had much to learn about Skaikru culture. This wasn't the first time Lexa had been confused by something Clarke had said.
"You also would not win that fight," the corner of Lexa's lips lifted into a playful smile of her own.
[CLARKE'S POV]
"That's not good enough," replied Clarke when Lexa once again explained to her how the spirit of the Commander worked. She just wasn't convinced. It was still hard for Clarke to understand Trikru culture, but she still respected it just the same. Every day she learned something new even though politics of it all had been the most stressing thing for her to understand; making alliances and truces with other clans that helped Lexa's army become stronger. She couldn't imagine what Lexa had gone through the first few years as Commander since her Ascension Day.
"I don't know if I'll be able to get used to anyone else other than you regardless of a new Commander's loyalty to me. You have to understand that it would be very strange, since I recently came to terms about loving someone who is amazing like you..."
Her words trailed off as when she noticed she had been rambling. It was an intense time for them, but these little moments is what helped calm Clarke's nerves despite the current topic of conversation which had been often. She felt the Heda's arms around her and she couldn't help but release a few stifled giggles at Lexa's sudden bewilderment. This wasn't the time for laughing. She should still be angry, but Lexa was still the one person that could allow herself to smile even when she was suffering on the inside.
"Oh really?" asked Clarke as she arched an interested eyebrow in the warrior's direction. "I would win because you wouldn't hurt me," she said with a matter-of-fact tone. During the time of playful behavior, there was a knock on the chamber doors. Clarke's peaceful expression that was focused on Lexa's beautiful face twisted into worry and annoyance once more. Not now... I need more time with her.
This was it. They were coming to tell Lexa she had to leave, but Clarke would be by her side through it all. She wasn't looking forward to watching Lexa walk straight to her death, but she had to support her somehow, someway even if it was just being there for her. At that point, there would be nothing she could do or say to make Lexa back down. Her shaken hand went to Lexa's arm and she squeezed it tightly for reassurance. "Who is it?" Clarke asked first, her voice cracking before even Lexa spoke.
"Indra," said the stern voice behind the door when she realized Clarke had been with Lexa at the time. "Heda needs to prepare herself. The Ice Queen is requesting her presence within the next two hours." Clarke listened to Indra's words. Even they seemed to be full of concern as she spoke in her usual stern way. The blonde figured she wasn't the only one fearing they will lose their Heda in this pointless fight, but if it was the only way to seal the deal for an alliance if Lexa were to win, it must have been done.
She listened for Indra's footsteps as they fell silent. The sound decreasing as her heartbeat increased, knowing what was to come soon. Quickly, Clarke turned her focus back on Lexa, her lips connecting with the Commander's once more. She deepened the kiss, practically standing on the balls of her feet and she slipped her hands up around Lexa's neck as she forced it subconsciously. She placed her forehead against Lexa's, the warrior's heavenly scent encasing the inside of her nostrils which made her breath shudder upon release.
"I should help you get ready."
[LEXA'S POV]
By Clarke's laughter, Lexa knew that she once again misunderstood what the blonde had said. If the Commander's spirit chose to stay with her after her fight with Roan, perhaps she needed to spend more time learning about Clarke's people. Understand her culture better. Understand her jokes better. Before Lexa could inquire what the blonde had meant by killing her twice, Clarke was already speaking and what she said next stumped her even further.
"Well no I wouldn't but…but in a fight…I mean…"
A knock on her chamber door ended their little game which Lexa realized a second later that Clarke had won. She watched as the smile faded from Clarke's face all too rapidly. She did not want Clarke to feel this way, but she knew that the only way to ease Clarke's worry was to abandon the challenge. And that was something Lexa couldn't do.
She felt Clarke's hand on her arm, holding on tightly as if she was about to suddenly slip away. Before Lexa could attend to whoever had come, Clarke was already calling out, beating her to it. Lexa could only imagine the look on Titus's face if he were here to see Clarke answering the calls of her visitors without question. It was a good thing he wasn't here. He'd also have a fit if he knew Clarke had been waiting in her personal chambers. She knew very well why he didn't approve of them spending time together. She had heard his reasoning dozens of times. Her people were not overly welcoming of the new thirteenth clan. Distrust still ran rampant among her people and the choices she had been making in favor of Skaikru had not earned her the popular vote amongst her people. Still, her goal had always been to bring peace. In time, her people would understand what she was trying to do.
"Thank you, Indra," Lexa replied, her focus returning to Clarke as Indra's footsteps slowly faded into silence. Two hours. Clarke's earlier words continued to echo in her head. Her fear that the new Commander, should she fall to Roan, would treat her differently. There was truly nothing more Lexa could say on this matter. Clarke would always be protected by the Commander's spirit. That she was completely certain of, even if Clarke was still unsure.
"Klark," but the other girl's lips pressed against hers again. It wasn't playful this time. It was deep and this time Lexa could sense the fear. She kept her arms wrapped around Clarke's waist, holding her close as their kiss broke. Lexa was quiet again, allowing them this moment to just be together. Alone. Holding each other close.
"Your assistance isn't required, but I won't refuse," Lexa gave the blonde a small smile. The brunette slowly unwrapped her arms from around Clarke's waist and gently took hold of Clarke's hand, leading her into a small room connected to her chambers that held all her favorite outfits from casual dresses to full armor sets. "I was thinking something black." Her eyes roamed the several armored outfits she had obtained during her time as Commander. Her gaze shifted back to Clarke. "I was also thinking of letting you help with the war paint. You are a gifted artist so there is no fear that you will make me look any less fearsome."
[CLARKE'S POV]
Clarke slowly came back to reality when Lexa pulled her over toward the sectioned off room that was used as Lexa's wardrobe. She could see why. Back on the Ark-when they were still in space-Clarke could only imagine having closet space such as this, especially after she had been convicted and sent to the Sky Box, where she had been in just one cell. She was glad those days were behind her. Her brain registered that if her mother hadn't went along with Jaha's idea, she would have met Lexa a lot later in life, perhaps never if the circumstances didn't unfold like they had.
Just thinking that made her heart twitch.
"It's huge," whispered Clarke in surprise. Her astonished expression drifted over toward the silk fabrics; some were blue, red even one that was forest green in color with a floral pattern that matched Lexa's eyes. Clarke reached a curious hand up, her fingers slid along the lavish material as it fell from her fingers like water. Lexa mentioned something about black clothing. Clarke turned her head, briefly distracted by the whole fighting Roan thing to examine Lexa's body. "Black is your color," she said as her tone returned to normal.
Her hand went over toward the armor, selecting the first armored outfit that she touched. It seemed that helping Lexa prepare was the only thing giving her mind a bit of peace before her nerves would start back up into a fighting frenzy. She would savor these moments by Lexa's side, helping her in any way she could to succeed, even if it was the little mundane jobs. Clarke's eyes shifted to the outfit. It was slimming, sleek and made anyone who wore it look completely invincible. Looking at Lexa, Clarke casted her a loving smile. "You want me to help with war paint?"
Hearing Lexa's compliment made Clarke's face blush with flattery. She groaned at the Commander's words, shaking her head and smiling at the preposterous woman. "I'm not that great. Compared to other talents, I'm probably just a doodle artist," she joked slightly, somewhat selling herself short. To be honest, Clarke didn't think her art could compare with other talents that existed in people that she knew. Like Raven for example, her skill with mechanics goes far beyond anything she could understand.
Whenever Raven spoke-if she had been speaking to her at the time instead of yelling-her instructions were nothing but a foreign language (despite Clarke realizing those two talents weren't the same thing). In the end, the blonde nodded her head as she embarrassingly looked down at her feet, accepting Lexa's offer to aid her. If there was a slight chance that Clarke could help this woman beat the unsure odds that rested in the back of her mind, then she'll damn well make it happen.
"Where is the war paint? I'll get it while you change. Here." Clarke took the suit of armor with her from out of the wardrobe, brushing a shoulder playfully against Lexa as she passed by. After a moment or two, Clarke realized how light the suit had been. It was probably custom made; allowing Lexa to move freely in a fight without having to worry about being weighed down by unnecessary clunky armor. It gave her stealth power, as well as impeccable maneuverability.
Clarke neatly laid out the armor on the bed that she had recently became acquainted with. Not only had she gathered the uniform itself, she managed to find Lexa's boots and menacing-looking Viking style arm guards that went along with it. She placed a curled index finger to her lips whilst her thumb rested up under her chin. Deep in thought, Clarke tried to think of any other improvements she could do to make Lexa look terrifying up against her enemy. Roan was a pretty fearsome individual as well, having experienced what he could do to others if things didn't go his way.
"I can't afford to lose you," said Clarke as she gazed in Lexa's direction. Clarke had been through so much, building up the heavy emotions of personal life disappointments and failures. After first losing her father, then Finn and eventually the trust within her people including her own mother, she couldn't bear the consequences of it all. She had been suffering in silence for far too long. "I keep repeating myself because I feel like if I don't, nothing else seems to comfort me. I can't lose another person I love." Her next words were serious and she hoped Lexa understood the answer she needed to hear. "Promise me you won't die..."