Author's note: MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! it's one o'clock so, yes, it is officially December 25th! I hope you all get the gifts you want! alright, WELL, everyone in my house is drunk beyond comprehension. I'm the only sober one and I'm so bored so I'm posting the first chapter to the sequel to "Butterflies" I hope you like it.
Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi ): if I did, it would probably be the Eli show XD
Another disclaimer: I don't own the song in this chapter either. With Arms Wide Open by Creed. but it is a great song and me and my daddy's song (merry Christmas, daddy, I love and miss you) :D
(still in Eli's POV by the way)
I laid in my bed, my ear phones in and the music on its highest level. I could practically feel the music moving throughout my body, the music was so loud. But it was my new favorite song. It drowned out the world and it made me see my entire life before my eyes for some unexplained reason.
Well I just heard
The news today
It seems my life
Is gonna change
I close my eyes
Begin to pray
Then tears of joy
Stream down my face
With arms wide open
Under the sunlight
Welcome to this place
I'll show you everything
With arms wide open
With arms wide open
Well I don't know
If I'm ready
To be the man
I have to be
I'll take a breath
I'll take her by my side
We stand in awe
We created life
With arms wide open
Under the sunlight
Welcome to his place
I'll show you everything
With arms wide open
Now everything has changed
I'll show you love
I'll show you everything
With arms wide open
With arms wide open
Ill show you everything
Oh yeah
With arms wide open
Wide open
If I hade just one wish
Only one demand
I hope he's not like me
I hope he understands
That he can take his life
And hold it by the hands
And he can greet the world
With arms with open
With arms wide open
Under the sunlight
Welcome to this place
I'll show you everything
With arms wide open
Now everything has changed
Ill show you love
Ill show you everything
With arms wide open
My eyes were closed and I probably couldn't hear a bomb go off, but I felt someone touch my arm and my eyes snapped open.
Clare was sitting on my bed looking at me, her eyes scared and panicked. I pulled my head phones off and threw them against the floor.
I caught Clare in my arms at the same time she began to cry. I didn't say anything at first, just held her and let her cry. Whatever it was, she'd tell me when she was ready.
I gently rocked back and forth and kept my hand moving up and down her back, trying to soothe her. It didn't work. Her arms were locked around my neck and she was shaking with her sobs.
It began to be too much. "Clare, what's wrong?"
She couldn't form actual words through her tears. It was about twenty minutes later, that she composed herself and pulled back to look at me.
"What happened?" I demanded.
"I'm sorry I lost it like that. I've just been holding it in and I needed to get it out,"
"That's okay, I don't care. Tell me what's wrong? Are you okay? What happened?"
She ignored all my questions and asked me one of her own. "Eli, what would it take for you to break up with me?"
"What kind of question is that?"
Clare knows I would never leave her.
"Just answer it,"
"Why? You planning something?" I asked sarcastically.
"Eli, this is serious. What would I have to do to get you to break up with me?"
I was desperately confused, but I answered. "Cheat on me. I wouldn't break up with you for anything, unless you cheated on me,"
She sighed and started to smile. "Really? That's the only thing?"
"Yes. Now please, tell me what's wrong," then her question made sense. My eyes widen and I let go of her hands. "You didn't…"
"No, no, no, no, no," she assured and I took her hands again. "I would never cheat. I just-" she took a deep breath. "Eli, I don't know how to say this,"
"Tell me. I won't be mad at you no matter what," This was starting to bother me. I needed to know why she was sad and what was going to be done to the bastard that caused her to cry.
She took in a deep breath and held it for a long time. I mean, a long time. She finally let her breath out and looked me directly in the eyes. I could see the fear.
"Eli," she whispered my name like I was about to kill her. "I'm…pregnant."
My body stopped. I shut down. I stopped breathing and my heart stopped beating. I couldn't blink or move an inch.
Clare was pregnant? With my baby? Half of me was in her stomach? I created life? Clare was having my baby?
"Eli, say something," she begged.
I tried to force my voice out, but it came out cracked and broken and barley audible. "Are you sure?"
"I have to go to doctors still, but the three pregnancy tests I took all came up positive. Eli, I'm having your baby,"
I flinched when she said that. It made it all the more real. My baby. Mine and Clare's baby. Happiness traced the fear away and I smiled.
"Did you tell your mom?"
"Not yet. I needed to tell you first,"
"I just don't understand how this happened," I muttered, more to myself than her, but she gave me a dumb look. "I mean I know how it happened, I'm just saying, I used a condom,"
"Well, I guess it broke,"
The way she said it made a new emotion fill my body. Torched me with it. I was over powered by it and I felt a tear fall from my eye.
Guilt.
I pulled Clare back into my arms and tried to control my sobs. "Clare, I'm so sorry. I can't believe this. I am so stupid. I can't believe I got you pregnant. This is all my fault. I shouldn't have gone along with it. I should have respected the 'before marriage' thing. I shouldn't have let my hormones take over me. Oh, but it's too late for that. Clare, I'm sorry, I should have felt the condom break, I should have done something, but I didn't and now you have to go through this. Clare, I am so sorry,"
"Eli," she pulled away to look at me. "This isn't your fault at all. I wanted to have sex, okay? I don't regret a second of it, and I don't regret being pregnant. And we'll get through this together," she took my hand and looked up.
I nodded in reassurance. "You won't be alone in this for a second. But, Clare, when you say 'get through this' do you mean through it? Like abortion? Because I really don't want you to get one. I mean, I know it's your body and everything, so I get it if you don't wanna go through with it, but please don't kill our baby," I placed my hand gently on her stomach.
She smiled. "I don't believe in abortions,"
"Good,"
She put her hand over mine. "Do you really think we can do this?"
"I don't know. But we have nine months to get ready, right? I can get a job, we can figure all this out together. I think we can make good parents if we tried,"
She started to cry again.
"What's wrong? What hurts?"
"Eli," she whispered.
"I'm here. What's wrong?"
She continued to cry, and then she looked up at me. "What about adoption?"
"What?"
"I don't think we're ready for this. It's gonna put a strain on our relationship, we are gonna be cranky, our parents are gonna hate this, we're 18 and 17, we're still in high school with no job. We can't do this,"
"Clare, we have to try. We made this baby; we can't pawn him or her off on someone else,"
"I'm not pawning anyone off!" she argued. "I'm just saying this baby might not have a good life in the situation we're in. Maybe when I get further along, we can decide for real,"
She was trying to change the subject, but I kept thinking about it. I couldn't imagine, knowing I had a baby, but he or she wasn't with me and I didn't raise it. A stranger did.
"How far along are you?" I asked.
"Well, we had sex three months ago and that was the only time, so I'm guessing around three months,"
I began laughing, bitterly.
"What's funny?" she asked.
I shook my head. "Nothing. Just the one and only time we have sex and I you get pregnant. It's so my luck,"
She took my hand. "This isn't your fault, Eli. Quit blaming yourself,"
"But I'm the man, Clare. I should have known. And now I'm gonna be a father,"
"A good one," she murmured.
"If you decide to keep it," I growled.
"What are your opinions on adoption?"
"I don't want to do it. We made this baby, Clare. Us. Me and you. Why should somebody else get to raise our creation? It's not fair to us, the other parents, the baby. Wouldn't he or she want to know its parents?"
"He or she could still know us. It could be an open adoption,"
"You're serious about this?"
"Eli, I'm seventeen years old. I can't be a mom,"
"Whether you give the baby up or not, you're still gonna be a mom. Clare, why are you doing this? We made the baby; we're raising the baby," I stated.
I wasn't letting this argument go until I won. There was no way I was letting her give my son or daughter to a complete stranger when he or she was half of me. Knowing I helped created the baby-I just couldn't give it up.
"Don't you want him or her to be happy?" she asked.
"Yes. And he or she could be happy with us. Of course we'll love it, so what's the problem?"
"Eli, you have to think rational. We aren't even out of high school-we can't raise a baby for eighteen years,"
"But we need to try!" I stood up off the bed, suddenly furious. "We need to take responsibility for what we did. This baby may have been an accident, but he or she isn't a mistake. We did this. We had sex. This is because of us; we need to be responsible,"
"I'm trying to be responsible!" she screamed back at me. "I love this baby already, and that's why I want to give it a better life. We created it, yes, but we can't raise it. It won't be happy. I am being responsible by giving it a happier life with better parents,"
"I don't care who is the better parents. We're the parents. We need to raise our baby!"
"Eli, the baby isn't even here yet, please, let's just calm down and tell our parents. Maybe if they offer to help, we can get through this without adoption,"
"I know my parents will help. They don't believe in adoption,"
"They don't? How come?"
I shook my head. "It doesn't matter. Let's go tell them,"
She paled. "Now?"
"Might as well. They probably heard the yelling up here anyways," I held my hand out and she took it. As much as I was mad at her right now, I still loved her with all my heart. I would convince her to keep our baby.
We walked downstairs and my parents were sitting in the living room, watching some stupid game show on TV.
My mom turned it on mute when we came it. "Eli, we heard yelling up there. Is everything okay?" she eyed Clare, who looked scared out of her mind.
"Mom, we have to talk to you," I sighed.
"Okay. What's up?"
I took in a deep breath and finally understood why it took Clare so long to tell me. I was terrified.
"Mom, Clare is…" My throat closed. I couldn't say it. I turned to Clare and she shook her head, panicked.
"She's pregnant, isn't she?" my mom asked.
I nodded, too afraid to speak.
"Eli, Eli, Eli," my mom sighed. "I thought you knew better than this,"
"I'm sorry, Mom, I know I was stupid, but I love Clare. I'm not leaving her because of this,"
"Damn right your not. You and Clare are gonna have this baby. You're gonna be the best parents you can be and we're gonna help," she motioned to herself and my dad. My dad nodded.
Clare stiffened next to me and my mom noticed. "You are keeping it, right?" she asked Clare.
"Well, I'm not getting an abortion, but I was considering adoption,"
My mom looked at me now. "Eli, are you okay with this?"
"No, I'm not," I admitted honestly. "I don't want to give my baby up. It's my baby, I want to raise it,"
My mom smiled. "You sound like me," she murmured before speaking louder. "Clare, have you told your parents yet? Or seen a doctor?"
Clare shook her head. "I just found out today and came over to tell Eli. I plan to tell my mom tonight, then see a doctor tomorrow,"
My mom nodded. "Are you sure about adoption?"
"Not 100%, but I'm pretty sure,"
"Don't I get any say in this?" I yelled, ripping my hand from hers. "I mean, it's my baby, too, don't you need, like, my permission or something? Why don't I get to decide anything?"
"Alright, Eli, calm down," my mom said. "I know it's frustrating, but you have to respect Clare's point of view. And Clare, you need to hear Eli out. You both have to have a very serious talk about this. I know you aren't that far along yet. I mean you aren't showing a bit, but trust me, these nine months are going to go by fast. You need to decide soon and be ready for either outcome. After you tell your parents, I want you two to have this talk. And figure everything out. If you parents want to join you, we'll be there, too. But I think you two need to decide it first before you bring anybody else into this. And this decision, whatever it may be, doesn't need to break you two up. I've never seen a teen couple like you two. Don't loose each other over this. Hear each other out and decide,"
Clare began to cry. "Okay, Mrs. Goldsworthy. Thank you for being so supportive,"
I took Clare in my arms and held her. "Mom, we're gonna go. I'll call you if we all need to talk and I'll be home kinda late,"
"I understand and…I'll respect you decision…whatever it may be," her voice cracked a little at the end and I felt my eyes fill with tears. I mouthed okay and we walked out to Morty.
"So, Clare, do you wanna have the big talk first of tell your parents,"
"I wanna talk first. I need to know exactly what's gonna happen before I tell my parents,"
I nodded. "So…can I explain to you a different reason why I don't want you to give the baby up?"
"Sure,"
I couldn't help it. I started to cry. It was my own memory and pain that made me cry, not Clare's or the baby's. Clare took my hand.
"My mom was fifteen when she got pregnant," I began. "She was terrified. Had no idea what to do. Her parents kicked her out. She had to live with my dad and deal with being pregnant. My dad's parents never liked my mom, but they said she could live with them. They had a tough relationship and no money. My mom was going to get an adoption. She had met the parents and everything was set up. She wanted to give me a better life. She didn't think her and my dad could do it. She wanted me to be happy, not sad and poor like they were. She liked the adoptive parents. They weren't rich, but they had enough money to raise a child. See, they couldn't have babies, but always wanted one. So my mom said she'd give them me. But when I was born, she held me, took one look into my eyes-her eyes copied exactly-and couldn't do it. She said it was hard, having to tell the parents. She felt terrible. She had to give them hope, promise them a baby, and then change her mind in a split second. She was fifteen and my dad was sixteen, but they knew that they created life and they wanted to keep me and raise me no matter what the outcome because of what they made. My mom told me it was the hardest decision she's ever had to make, but when she sees me everyday, and how happy I am and growing up well, she knows she made the right decision.
"My life growing up was hard. I'll admit that. I was poor. I lived my grandparents till I was, like, seven. I didn't have the cool new clothes or the latest phone, but I was happy. If I could go back and chose I would have chosen the same exact thing. If growing up with money meant growing up with people who weren't my family, then I don't want that. And that's why I want you to keep this baby. Sure, it'll be hard, but we'll love it and I can guarantee you, when it grows up, you'll know we made the right decision. I know babies are expensive and time consuming, but all it really needs is love. Sometimes, I'll try to imagine what I would be like if my mom had gone through with it. But then I realize, I don't care. I was raised by mom actual mother and actual father. Genetically what I'm made of and I couldn't be happier. That baby inside of you-it's half of us, Clare, and I want to watch my baby grow up and have fun. I don't wanna know I'm a parent and not be able to teach him how to throw a baseball or let her borrow the car. I don't want somebody else to experience parenthood with our baby,"
It was a pretty long speech. I cried throughout most of it and so did Clare. We hugged and she sobbed against my shoulder. "Eli, I had no idea," she whispered.
"I know. But I cant stand to see you give that baby up, when I already love it,"
"And you're sure we can do this?"
"I'm not saying it wont be hard, because it will be. But we can get through it. I love you, and I love that baby. That's all that matters,"
She put a hand over her stomach. "I love him, too,"
"Him?" I asked.
"Well, I always wanted a boy," she smiled.
I laughed. "But we're having a girl," I put my hand over hers. "And she'll have your eyes,"
"But, I want a boy," she whined. "And I want him to look exactly like you,"
"No, she'll-"
She cut me off. "We are so backwards,"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, in a normal relationship, the guy wouldn't want the baby. And the guy would want a son and the mom would want a daughter,"
"I guess, we're not normal, then, are we?"
"I guess not,"
I laughed. "So, Clare, we're doing this? We're keeping it?"
She took in a very long deep breath. "Yes. We are gonna have this baby,"
I smiled and pulled her into my arms. "Thank you, Clare, oh, thank you so much,"
She laughed and hugged me back. "I cant promise that'll we'll be the best parents, but we cant try, right?"
"Absolutely," I let her go and started the car.
author's note: so it's kinda long, but is it a good first chapter? I loved the Eli story, personally. idk why? anyhoo, please…as your Christmas gift to me…review the first chapter? cant guarantee I'll post the next chap tomorrow…unless I get bored with the family. merry Christmas and good night!