A/N: Soo.. I've been working on this for three weeks now and after I realized it wouldn't turn out to be the drabble I originally planned for it to be, my working title for this was "that long ass story" which is basically what this is. Thank you, Ishd, for telling me to just keep writing, otherwise I think I would've thrown this idea out at like 8k words. We're at 27k words so far.

The reason why this took me so long to update is the fact that I wanted to have this mostly down before putting it out there because my schedule is crazy and I didn't want to keep you waiting for long. I should be able to post all five parts of this over the course of a week.

Since they were originally written as a oneshot, the cut usually won't make much sense but I didn't just put one 30k thing out there in one piece, so I tried to make do with what I wrote.

Now, I'm sorry for this long ass A/N introducing this long ass story. I'm feeling rather nervous about posting this after working on it for so long. But I'm done now! I hope you enjoy this and I'd love to hear what you think :)

Remembrance

A Day in the Life of an Amnesiac

2 a.m.

He had left the room for a maximum of five minutes, to see a doctor and use the toilet, but as soon as he closed the door to the bathroom behind him he heard a shrill scream that made the blood in his veins freeze and his heart stop. He would know that voice anywhere.

"What have you done?"

Kurt heard his wife scream just when he rounded the corner and found several nurses and the doctor hurry into the room. He tried to follow them but a small hand on his bicep stopped him dead in his tracks.

"She just woke up", Patterson told him quietly and he looked down at her, his gut clenching when he saw her trembling lips and her evasive eyes.

"What happened, Patterson?", he asked through gritted teeth, trying to breathe through the cold cage that his torso seemed to have become and failing spectacularly. He needed to get in there, to be by her side, but something in his friend's voice made him pause.

Finally the blonde met his gaze and he could see the unshed tears in her eyes as she pressed her hands to her mouth to suppress a sob.

"What. Happened."

His jaw was hurting from the force he gritted his teeth with and he felt the vein on his temple pulse rapidly, his mind throwing around the most horrible scenarios. She was awake, right? He had heard her voice so that meant she was alive. What could possibly have happened for that not to be a good thing? What could have Patterson crying so hard? If she hadn't spoken up again in that very minute, he would've burst in there but her weak voice held him in place.

"She doesn't… She doesn't remember, Kurt."

Suddenly his world stopped spinning and he felt himself go weak at the knees. Never, not once since he had heard the scream, had he thought that that was what Patterson was afraid to tell him. He had feared that she wouldn't wake up from the coma the doctors had put her into after surgery or that she would never fully walk again but never had he considered that she wouldn't remember him.

"What?", his voice broke after the meek sound left his lips and his whole body trembled, held upright only by Patterson's arm that held onto him once more and the wall he was leaning more and more against.

"She woke up and Tasha was sitting with her but when she came to she couldn't recognize her and she freaked out, jumped out of the bed", Patterson told him equally shaken, "She ripped her IV out in the process and wouldn't let Tasha calm her down. And.. she keeps asking for Roman."

"So what is this?", he wanted to know, trying to sound stronger and more collected than he felt, hoping against hope that the answer would present a solution attached to it because he couldn't wrap his mind around there not being a solution to this.

To his surprise it wasn't Patterson who answered him but the doctor coming out of Jane's room, her hair tousled and her cheeks slightly flushed.

"Retrograde amnesia", she told them calmly, taking a step back when both special agents whirled around to face her so fast they almost tumbled over each other.

"We sedated her", she answered their unspoken question, "We couldn't calm her down enough for her to listen and she was risking her health, so we had to give her something strong enough that would. Your friend is still with her but you can go in too. Her vital signs are back into the normal range, no lasting damages as far as we could tell from the stunt she pulled."

Both of them nodded their head and Kurt realized his feet were dragging him back into her room before the conscious thought had formed in his head. Together they entered the room where his wife was lying in a hospital bed too big for her small and beaten form. Tasha was sitting on the chair to her right, clutching to the tattooed, and when she looked up he saw her tearstained face.

Patterson went over to her right away, stepping behind her to rub her arms gently, soothingly, but Kurt was frozen in place, his body refusing to cooperate as he took her face in. The peaceful look she had had for the three days that she had been lying in coma was gone, instead there was a tiny frown right between her eyebrows as if she was in pain.

"What is retrograde amnesia?", he managed to choke out eventually and even his feet responded again, carrying to his wife's lifeless form. He stood over her, caressing her cold cheek ever so gently and a shimmer of hope blossomed in his heart when her face relaxed at her touch.

"Retrograde amnesia, in contrast to anterograde amnesia, means a loss of memory from before her trauma", the doctor explained, "Sometimes that means forgetting everything and sometimes the amnesia only reaches back a few years and everything before that would be completely intact. We have no way of knowing how far back the memory loss reaches but since she's asked for a name, I would say not everything is lost."

Kurt nodded but he couldn't form a coherent thought, thankful when Tasha asked the most urgent question.

"But she's going to be fine, right? This isn't permanent?"

"Sadly there is no guarantee in a situation like this", the doctor told them evenly and Kurt felt his head start shaking of its own accord, too engrossed in his own mind to grasp the next sentence.

Patterson's raised voice pulled him back into reality.

"We know exactly how she's going to react!", the blonde practically yelled, only quietening down with an apologizing look to her unconscious friend, "And she doesn't have memories to fall back into from a few years back", she managed to say more calmly, "Her memory has been wiped four years ago. She only got glimpses of her life before that and I doubt that any of them are actually good. And Roman… we can't get him here to talk her out of it."

"Zeta interacting protein", Tasha explained quietly, "Her system was flooded with it and she didn't remember anything at first. Roman is her brother, the one person she has had throughout her life, so there's no way of knowing in what time she's stuck and they're not exactly on good terms right now."

The doctor whose eyes had gotten bigger with every word that had left the women's mouth seemed to find her footing again at the last sentence and nodded in understanding, trying to sound hopeful. "A lot of times our patients and their relatives haven't talked in years and sometimes this is what brings them back together. I would advise you to try to seek him out because he might be the only thing helping her to hold on should this be permanent."

"So it doesn't have to be?", Kurt looked up at her last words, "You mean this could only be temporarily?"

Slowly the doctor nodded, "Sometimes in cases like these the patients start slowly regaining their memories within the next two days but they also might never remember at all."

He knew that she was trying to break to him as gently as possible that his wife might never remember him again but his mind clung to the first part of the sentence. Anything else would simply be too horrible to grasp. Why would this happen to her? To them? What god on this earth would agree to something like that?

Kurt had to actively try to swallow his anger when he felt his muscles clench, his whole body put into fight or flight, because he needed to keep a clear head for Jane. Jane was all that mattered right now. Everything else, his anger at the universe, would have to wait until she was better.

"So we wait", he told the doctor, dropping down on the chair next to the bed, sandwiching Jane's left hand between his two bigger ones, "We wait until she wakes up again and I'll talk to her and then we'll ask her how much she remembers."

3 a.m.

He felt the tiniest twitch of her hand in his and immediately his eyes shot up, finding hers halfway opened and blinking in confusion.

"Where am I?", she croaked out, jerking her right hand from the bed to rub her aching throat.

In that moment he was so glad she hadn't made him loosen his grip on her other hand that he almost forgot all that he had planned to say to her in his head for the past hour. Sitting more upright very slowly, as to not scare her, he started opening his mouth but she beat him to it, panic rising in her voice with every new questions.

"Where's Roman? Who are you? What happened?"

Her big green eyes darted through the room, looking for the nearest exit, and he was thankful that she still seemed too out of it to scramble out of bed again.

"Ja-", he started to say only to cut himself off, remembering that she wouldn't remember that name. "I need you to stay calm, can you do that?", he asked her very slowly, "You probably don't remember me. You've been in an accident and…", he choked on the sob that tried to fight its way up his throat, "You lost your memory and we don't know yet how… how many years you've lost."

"No", her weak voice that still sounded stronger than he felt cut him off, "No. No no no. I need to find Roman, he's my brother. If I was in an accident then he has to be here. He's going to be lost without me… please!" Her pleading eyes found him but before he could think of something to say, her green eyes widened in terror and suddenly she pulled both her hands to her stomach. "Did I lose the baby?"

His heart broke even more as he watched tears form in her eyes only to be replaced by another wave of shock when she looked down at her hands to find them covered in tattoos. "I.. What happened to me?", he heard her faint whisper just before her eyes fell on the delicate wedding band on her hand and she stared at him wide-eyed once more, finding his ring finger.

"Are we married? Where's my child? Where's Roman?"

"You didn't lose your child", he told her softly, glad he could take some of her pain from her eyes but it was a small help knowing that he would have to hurt her again, "But she's 18 years old now. She's waiting at home for us. We have been married for almost three years and Roman.. he can't be here right now.."

"Is he alright? Is my baby alright? She's a girl? I.. I lost all these years with her…" A tiny sob almost escaped her lips but she pressed her lips together so hard, slugging it down.

"Hey", he tried to interrupt her building anxiety attack, "Please try to stay calm. The doctor told us, this might be only temporary or… not", he felt his voice break when he saw her eyes close in pain, "I'm going to tell you everything I know, okay? But it's a long story… and not all of it is happy. A lot of it isn't…"

"You know about my upbringing?", she interrupted him, her eyes seeming to test him and he didn't know what she found in them but she stayed on alert. "Prove it."

"After that, you'll let me ask something?"

She gave a quick jerk of her head and crossed her arms in front of her chest, waiting for him to speak again.

With a soft sigh he nodded and started talking with as soft of a voice as he could muster up, trying to keep himself from reaching out to her.

"You were born in South Africa, your parents were killed by the Apartheid regime and you and your brother Roman were taken to an orphanage where you were trained to become child soldiers. Back then you were still Ian and Alice and you had a coin that you would hold on to, the last thing you had from your parents."

He was watching her intently as he spoke, trying to gauge her reaction, unable to keep his eyes from welling up with unshed tears when she kept clenching her fists laying on top of her stomach, her eyes so unsure and broken and scared.

"When the Apartheid fell American soldiers came to free the children, placing them with foster families in the US. You were taken in by one of the soldiers, Ellen Briggs, who you called Shepherd and changed your names to Remi and Roman."

"I told you all that?", her voice was full of wonder, "I never thought I'd tell anyone… What… what happened?"

"A lot", his voice broke, "And I'm going to tell you all that I know of, I promise but", he met her eyes, trying to convey all of his emotions in them, hoping she would still be able to read them like she always had, "Can you.. Do you really not remember me at all? Can you.. Can you try to.. I don't know."

Hope left him when her eyes, still trained on him, stayed devoid of any recognition. He let his head drop to the hospital bed, staying far away from her body to not make her uncomfortable. What had he been hoping for? That she would take a look at him and her love for him would cut through her medical condition?

This was not one of those damn movies where love conquered all.

Hell, he didn't even know if their story would ever get a happy ending. Everything that happened seemed to drive them further apart. Maybe this was fate telling him that he didn't deserve someone like her, that he was too much like his father to ever have a family of his own. Maybe this kind of love just wasn't in the cards for him.

He had started shaking with sobs, unable to keep it in anymore and not finding a reason to even try. It didn't matter anymore, did it? He would try to be strong for her after this but he needed to… he had to let it out. But he wouldn't burden her with it.

Kurt was about to push his chair back to leave the room until he'd be able to calm down again when he felt the feather- light touch of her hand on his skin and held his breath as tender fingers ran down the scrape of his neck gently, moving to his short hair.

"You really love me", she stated quietly and he felt compelled to nod but couldn't bring himself to meet her eyes, he couldn't stand the emptiness in them.

"Would you look at me?"

He was about to shake his head when she added a "Please" so softly that he wouldn't have heard it hadn't she leaned in closer.

Slowly, scared of what he would find, he ordered his body to raise his head and look her in the eyes. She was searching his face for something and he wasn't sure what she would find, it terrified him.

As if in slow motion her hand fell from his neck and he was already missing the contact but then she reached out to run her fingers over his hand that was still resting next to her and once more his breath caught in his throat as his mind took him back to the first time they had met and her shaky fingers had first run over his stubble. He had felt the electricity even then, had felt the heat she radiated and that he couldn't pull himself away from. It had scared him then, had made him feel uncomfortable.

Now, when she raised her hand to cup his cheek gently he didn't try to fend her off but leaned into her touch, closing his eyes at the familiar gesture. Her voice brought him back into the hospital room with her, her green eyes looking right into his soul.

"You feel familiar", she told him and it wasn't much but it was more than he had dared to hope for. "I feel safe with you. I've never felt safe with anyone."

The wonder in her eyes made his heart ache.

"I love you so much, Jane."

The familiar name left his lips without a thought and suddenly she tensed, her hand fell from his face and she eyed him suspiciously.

"That's not my name", she pointed out coolly before once more confusion took over her features, "Is it?"

"It's a really long story."

The demand in her voice was exactly like the strong woman he had always known. "Then tell me."

And so he did.

4 a.m.

He told her everything he could think of and when she followed up on something with her own questions he told her that as well.

He told her about everything he knew before she came to them and followed up with the story of how she wound up in Time Square. He tried not to let the occasional gasps and painful shudders keep him from telling her the whole thing and every once in a while he thought he had seen a flicker of recognition in her eyes, especially when he was talking about Roman.

He told her how they had stopped Sandstorm and how Roman had turned against them after she had wiped her memory and held her hand when a sob escaped her lips at his words.

He told her about their wedding and their house in Colorado. And about the bounty on her head that had made her run.

He told her about how he had chased her and how he had found her, about the new tattoos that she couldn't see and about how happy he had been when he got her back.

He told her about Roman's game, about his lies and about Avery. He didn't leave out how much he had hurt her nor how she had come back home to him.

He told her everything and when he was done his throat was dry and the sun was already rising, peeking out behind the tall buildings and brightening the clean hospital room, warming their faces. He held his breath then, not sure what she would say next, if she'd even believe him.

"I'm Jane", she whispered under her breath, meeting his eyes, "Jane Weller."

He nodded but didn't dare to interrupt her train of thought.

"You're my husband. And Avery is my daughter… she's 18 years old… And she doesn't hate me for giving her away?"

"No, she doesn't. You had a rocky start but you're on good terms now. She's very worried about you but couldn't stay at the hospital the whole time so she went back to our apartment, so she'd see you the minute you get back."

Jane nodded slowly, frowning but unsure how to phrase what was on her mind. "How can you still love me after everything I've put you through?", she wanted to know finally, "Why are you still here? You had the opportunity to leave all of this mess behind you… I didn't remember anything. I think I've got a glimpse of you here and there but you could've just left. Why didn't you?"

Taking her left hand in his very carefully, he threaded his fingers through hers, rubbing his thumb over the ring on her finger. "Because you're my wife", he told her, "And I love you. And no matter how hard everything between us was… That has always been enough for me. You didn't hate me for … for what I did and I could never hate you. Somehow we managed to forgive each other for everything that happened and it is all worth it to have you in my life."

She stayed quiet for a moment, taking it all in, watching their interlaced fingers. "I think I feel some of that. I think I might remember… I hope… I want to remember all of this. I want to remember us and Avery and…" her voice broke and he wasn't sure she'd continue.

"Right now I only have a few distant memories and one clearer one", she said quietly, "I'm guessing it's the only one I regained after I got injected with that drug. I remember our childhood, the orphanage and the coin… Not much of our adoptive mother.. Shepherd? But I remember being pregnant." Once more her hands found her stomach, coming to rest right above the burning rose.

"And I remember Roman being with me and we were both so scared but he had managed to go to town one day without being tailed and when he got back he gave me this tiny onesie. It was pink and so soft and had fluffy ears on the hood and I told him that I didn't even know if the baby was a girl but he was so sure it would be", she swallowed the lump in her throat before continuing, "He spent all of his pocket money on that onesie and I remember how much I love him and how I feared for the both of us. I can't believe he's not in my life anymore. I want to… no, I need to apologize to him for what I did to him."

"Jane", Kurt's soft voice got through to the static noise that seemed to take over her head, "He just sent someone to kill you. He's the reason you're in the hospital right now."

Glaring at him she shook her head forcefully, "He's lost… Roman has always been so pure and so afraid and so loyal… I need to try to make amends with him. And I want to meet my daughter. And I want to ask someone if there's a way to get my memories back."

"Okay", he nodded, "We'll ask the doctor as soon as she gets here and then we'll go home, okay? And we'll try to find a number to call Roman on. I'll do whatever you need me to do. I'm on your side, Jane."

Frowning at him in confusion she huffed in frustration. "How do you know how to calm me down? How do you always know the right thing to say?"

"Because I know you", he replied sincerely, the corners of his lips turning up ever so slightly.

5 a.m.

"I will let you leave the hospital but only under a few conditions."

Jane wasn't even listening anymore, already throwing the white blanket off of her to reveal the hospital gown she was still wearing. Thankfully Kurt held her back slightly and took note of what the doctor was saying to both of them.

"You won't do any sort of straining physical activity. That includes running, lifting heavy and even taking the stairs to the third floor."

Kurt saw the eye roll Jane tried to hide from the doctor and simply nodded, feeling as ready as she did to finally leave this room behind him. But not before he knew what he had to do to take care of her.

"For the first 24 hours you always have to have someone else present and the second you start feeling lightheaded or get a headache don't hesitate to come back here, alright?"

The both nodded in unison and the woman seemed happy enough about that.

"I'll give you an appointment for tomorrow for a last check up and to talk to you about your first night back home. Do you have any more questions?"

"I do", Kurt spoke up, seeing Jane sigh in impatience from the corner of his eyes, "Are there any things we need to keep in mind regarding nutrition? Or any other signs apart from headaches to watch out for?"

"Well, as long as she eats and drinks enough I don't think you'll have to worry about that", the doctor told him friendly, "The headaches are the most predominant symptom but if your wife should feel ill in any other way it would be better to clarify what that is about in the hospital as well."

He nodded in agreement, "Thank you."

"You're welcome." Turning to Jane she added, "Hopefully I'll see you tomorrow, Mrs. Weller. Take care of yourself and should you be worried, don't hesitate to ask the people around you. I'm sure your husband will provide you with all the information you need but you need to be patient with yourself. Progress, especially with something like this, needs time."

The second the doctor left the room, Jane pushed the blanket away and threw her legs over the side of the bed to stand up. And the second she stood, clutching her side as pain shot through it, Kurt was by her side, an arm wrapped firmly around her waist.

"She just told you to take it easy", he nagged her gently, "And your chances of getting out of here are a lot better if you don't faint after the first step."

"Fine", she grumbled, finding herself leaning into him more heavily. The heat his body radiated warmed something inside her that she couldn't quite grasp and she felt her stomach flutter at his tender touch. She couldn't put her finger on it, couldn't picture an actual scene of them actually standing together like this, but she knew that she had spent a lot of moments tugged to him just like this. If only she could remember… But the doctor had told her that the feeling of recognition was a very good sign and so she tried to stay positive.

Patience, she reminded herself, as she soldiered on to the bag with her clothes with Kurt by her side.

As they worked to dress her together in silence, she let her mind wander in the hope of finding something other than the memories from her childhood that could give her an inkling as to what was expected of her. She had already learned enough about her husband to know that he would never pressure her into doing something.

Kurt watched her hang onto her own thoughts as he helped her slip into her jeans and put on her socks and shoes for her so she wouldn't have to bend down. He only decided to interrupt her when he saw a familiar frown appear on her forehead.

"What ya thinking about?", he asked as kindly and non-threatening as he could.

"I- oh", she looked up, biting her lip as she looked down on her body that was still partly undressed, showing off the tattoos on her stomach and arms. For a moment she got lost inside the delicate drawings but, shaking her head, she tried to snap out of it.

"I was thinking about Avery", she finally told him, fumbling with her hands to have something to do. "When we get home….what am I supposed to say to her? How can I forget my own daughter? For the second time… How.. I don't even know her."

"Do you want me to tell her to come by later", he wanted to know softly, reaching for her hands and covering them with his, waiting for her to look up.

She thought about that for a moment before she shook her head, "No. I want to see her so badly but I just… I'm so scared to meet her and not remember her. I don't want to hurt her more, you know? I know it hurts you that I can't remember you but I remember the feeling of you", her cheeks turned a bright shade of pink when she met his eyes now. "What if I don't remember her at all?"

"You remember being pregnant, don't you?", he asked, stepping closer to her, lacing their fingers together once more, waiting for her to nod. "And you already loved her when you were pregnant. You remember that, right?"

Again she nodded only for the nod to change into a shake of her head midway. "But it's not the same thing."

"Yeah, Jane", he smiled, "It's exactly the same thing. You loved your child back then and you still love her now. She just happens to be 18 years old but the two of you managed to bridge that gap once already. You'll do it again."

"Freaking optimist", she murmured and grinned up at him sheepishly through her dark lashes when she realized he had heard that. With one more huff she pulled back one of her hands from his and put her index finger on his chest, right over his heart, in determination. "Okay optimistic husband of mine, then you have to get me up to speed on everything concerning my daughter. And help me pull on that shirt."

"Of course, ma'am", he replied, his heart feeling lighter than it had in days.

Jane watched him as he helped her pull the cloth over her head, all the while telling her everything about her daughter that she wanted to know. Calling him her husband had felt oddly satisfying and it was just another tiny piece she could add to the mounting pile of puzzle pieces in her mind that she still had to made complete sense of. Or maybe his were the only puzzle pieces that made sense at all.

6 a.m.

He had slung her bag over his shoulder and watched her take everything in on their way to their apartment. Sometimes he thought he had seen her recognize something and she had stopped to look at it more closely, but most of the time she had stepped back again, shaking her head in a heartbreaking discontent that she tried to keep from him.

They were standing in the elevator now and he could feel her getting nervous with every floor they passed, holding on to the rail at the side, staring up at the slowly moving digits.

"Five", she uttered just as the elevator came to a halt on their floor. "I had a feeling it would be the fifth floor. Why is it not the fifth floor?"

"Breathe", he told her, letting her step out of the lift before catching her hand to pull her closer to him, holding her gaze with his, "You need to stay calm, okay? It's only a floor number. Now you know you live on the third floor, it's not the end of the world. It will come back."

"What if it won't?", her voice was so soft he barely heard it, "What if I'll never remember any of it? What if I've completely forgotten… again? My mind is like a coarse sieve and everything just slips through the holes."

Her eyes were darting back and forth rapidly and he knew exactly what she was going to do and he knew exactly how he had always managed to calm her down before. He had done it a few days after they had met when he was still supposed to be objective… why should he feel weird doing it now?

Still.

Slowly he reached out to take her hand into his, putting it on his chest, right over his heart, and holding it tightly so she wouldn't let go.

"Can you feel that? I'm here. I'm here with you. You need to breathe with me."

Her eyes fluttered closed. Focusing on the steady heartbeat beneath her palm she tried to match her breathing pattern to his hot breaths that caressed her skin. He wanted to calm her down and he was succeeding shutting down her irrational impulse to run but her heart started beating faster the longer they stood like this, the longer she touched him like this.

"Better?"

"Huh?", yanking open her eyes she stared at him in confusion, having almost forgotten her most recent panic. She cleared her throat and pulled her hand back awkwardly. "Yeah. Yes, I think I'm ready to meet her."

She wasn't really but she doubted she'd ever be any more ready so that was probably what being ready felt like.

The click of the door lock when he turned the key resonated through her entire body and when he pulled the door open she was glad he took the first step inside so she had another second to compose herself.

As soon as she stepped into the apartment she found herself face to face with a beautiful girl with concerned brown eyes trained on her as she stopped her pacing and practically flew to her side like a whirlwind. Before Jane could utter a single syllable or look to Kurt for support, Avery was already talking so fast that her voice tumbled over the words.

"They told me what happened and I would've come over straight away but Kurt wouldn't let me spend the night at the hospital with him." She glared at her stepfather for a blink of an eye before turning back to Jane, taking her hand and leading her further into the living room, "I googled retrograde amnesia and I found some article about a woman who lost 14 years of her life after a car accident and she never got them back."

Biting her lip she stopped dead in her tracks before she rushed on. "Not that I think you won't get them back! But she forgot her 13 years old daughter and she said it was the worst thing because she didn't feel like a mum and that it broke her heart and I know we're not the conventional mother-daughter pair but I really want you to get better and I'm gonna help you in every way that I can and I wanted to tell you that it's okay if you don't remember me and-"

Before the tears could fall down either of their cheeks Jane took a step forward and wrapped her arms around the teenage girl, feeling lightheaded when the lank arms came around her waist to hug her back fiercely.

Doing what her gut told her to do, she patted her dark locks gently. Holding her like this seemed to be just what her body had needed and just like with Kurt she felt something from underneath the surface try to scratch its way back into her mind that she couldn't quite catch. It wasn't a memory it was more of a feeling… She felt both earthshattering loss and tragedy but also hope in the tight embrace of her daughter.

Over Avery's shoulder she found Kurt's eyes that had welled up as well and she met his gaze through her own veil of tears when she told Avery as evenly as she could "I remember being pregnant with you and how much I loved you even then when you were only a tiny Blip on the ultrasound. We're going to be okay."