A/N: this is my first RK fanfic! Yey! I read too many misao-aoshi fanfics that i have decided to make my own!!!! i have so many aoshi-misao moments creeping in my head and this is one of them!!! no beta so same excuse-forgive the grammar and spelling errors (plus i'm doing this while i'm at work..sorry!!!!)
ink: we're alive??
splatter: well, you're the only one dead!
disclaimer: me no own RK! i wish i do! Can i own sano??
Always Yours
It was one beautiful sunny morning when Misao decided that she needs to find her own path, her own place in the society. She can't just keep waiting for her "Aoshi-sama" to take notice of her or to care for her for the rest of their lives, can she? Besides, ever since he returned all he ever does is sit in the temple and meditate. Misao feels like her life is just slowly wasting away in front of her, so much like the pretty petals of the sakura tree falling about, they are pretty but once they touch the ground they become just another one of the varied things which turn to dust eventually. With a sad smile, she got up from the river bank and gathered her will. She will have tell Okina of her plan and pray that he understands her desire to find herself on her own. It is becoming awfully difficult for her to keep her cheerful facade on. She knows that she is near in cracking up.
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Just as she expected, Okina almost had a heart attack, but after his initial shock, he calmed down and saw the reason behind her proposal. Misao knew that Okina will agree with her one way or another, besides, it's not as if she won't be coming back to Aoiya. Okina stood rigid while she sat quiet and unmoving before him. In three great strides she was enveloped in the old man's warm embrace. He sputtered gibberish some of which Misao caught to be words of warning laced with words which are obviously aimed to discourage her from leaving. Pushing the man who had raised her as his own grand daughter gently away from her, she bowed deeply in gratitude and submission. It is high time for Misao to grow up and Okina saw the determination in her ocean-blue eyes, he does not have the right to hold her back.
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Misao busied herself that night by preparing their dinner. She had worked herself out trying to make the dishes taste at their best. She had only learned cooking from Okon and Omasu just a month ago and although she couldn't cook food fit to be served in their restaurant yet, the dishes she makes are edible enough and safe to eat. Everybody except Okina puzzled over Misao's strange actions. Even the calm and stoic Aoshi seemed to be interested when Omasu asked Misao if there is any special occasion she is celebrating. Misao only smiled, telling them that she ought to serve the people she loves sometime. No one believed her of course, if the ever bubbly and ever lively Misao willingly spent her time in the humid, space-limited area of the kitchen, it could only mean one thing-she is doing it for her "Aoshi-sama" and since everyone knows that it is not Aoshi's birthday, Misao's actions triggered suspicions from her family. Nevertheless, Aoshi didn't even bother to ask her himself. Not even when he caught Misao staring openly at him during dinner for it could be the last time she ever see his face. Misao knew the dangers of journeying alone, as she had experienced it already while searching for him years ago but journeying is what she must undertake again if she is to find "herself". Misao ate slowly, as if chewing her rice grain by grain. She stared at her family one by one, burning their images in her mind and heart. She stared at Aoshi the longest. Aoshi, the first man she loved and will ever love. The man who does not even know of her current existence because he is too immersed with his past. The man who made her want to live and who ironically killed her in the process. Her "Aoshi-sama". Now she will have a good memory of him eating the dishes she prepared before she leaves Aoiya.
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Okina walked down the stairs with an air of dread and pain about him. He is holding an arm's length of Misao's braid in his hands, cradled as if it will break if he grips it too tight. Everyone turned to him when he coughed to get their attention, everyone-including Aoshi. Okina calculated that Misao should have been out of reach from Aoiya by then and had decided to tell their family about her departure. Okon and Omasu cried silent tears as they recognized Misao's lock of hair Kuro and Shiro were too shocked that both could only gape in the horror of the situation. Aoshi, the man seemingly built from ice, gripped his tea cup too tightly it shattered in his hand, the green tea mingled with his blood as it dripped from his wounded hands. Okina took a deep breath before he sat down slowly. With his eyes closed, he stroked Misao's hair as if stroking a pet kitten.
"Aye, you're all right. Our lovely Misao-chan left us." He said in total calm. Shiro and Kuro gushed words of surprises while Okon and Omasu broke into hysterical tears. Aoshi stared silently at his bleeding hand. Did he hear Okina right? Misao, did she really leave Aoiya?
"Bu-but Okina! Misao-chan is..." Omasu started.
"Hai. Our Misao-chan had been quite sheltered. Sure she had her fair share of fights but all in all we had been protecting her. She realized that she had come to rely upon us all heavily that she can't do anything on her own for real. We have talked prior to this and I have given her my blessing." Okina continued to stroke Misao's hair.
"But she didn't have to leave! We could've..." Shiro added to Omasu's raving.
"It is her choice. I have seen the fire of determination in her eyes, much like her father's and that is why we have no right to stop her. She promised to return when she finds what she is seeking. She cut her hair and hopes that she may go back just in time when it grows back again.." Okina gripped Misao's hair tighter this time, he knew that the length of hair Misao had cut took her years to grow and it is as good as what it implies.
"That would mean she'd be gone for years!" Kuro blurted out in panic.
Okina stood up just as slowly and started to head for his room. Aoshi may remain stoic and quiet for all he cares. He knows that Aoshi is the main reason why his beloved Misao-chan was forced to leave and he's not going to go easy on him for that.
"Okina! She's just 19! how can you let her roam around alon?!" Omasu shrieked in alarm.
"There are men- dangerous men who would love to get their hands on Misao out there!" Okon cried out. Kuro and Shiro restrained the two women as they made a dash for the door.
"she'd be long gone by now. She had left in the dead of the night." Okina coldly stated.
"Okina. Where." Spoken in such a low deadly tone, Okon and Omasu stopped in their frantic thoughts and turned to look at their former okashira. Aoshi's hand is still bleeding, his head is bowed but the deadly aura pulsed thick about him, the remaining oniwabanshu members involuntarily took a step back. Only Okina remained unshaken with Aoshi's display of temper.
"Tell me, where did Misao go?" Aoshi raised his eyes. There is barely leashed tension in their depths.
"I do not know." Okina turned to leave when he stopped dead in his tracks as he heard a loud crashing sound. Aoshi had smashed the low table in his efforts to reign in his temper.
"This is Misao we are talking about Okina. Do not wait for me to force out the information from you." He said in equally dead calm voice. Okina threw him a disgusted look and proceeded to climb the stairs.
"Perhaps you should have shown her how important she was to you when she was still around." Silence and tension throbbed in the air as Aoshi stood still calming his reawakened anger while the others stood stiffly in fear for Aoshi's sanity and Misao's life.
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It could have been months, years or decades to Misao. She had lost track of time the moment she left Aoiya. She had wandered far enough to be sure that she wouldn't run into any old friends or familiar faces. Besides, she had taken much care to disguise herself, changing her name into Misachi-a combination of Makimachi Misao and the hardest part of all-cutting her hair. She had chosen to garb herself in a boy's clothing in order to save herself the trouble from lecherous men. She was lucky that an old woman had taken her in when it snowed so hard one night. Now, she is living her life all on her own, happy to be needed and depended upon for a change. The old woman had been abandoned by her sons and daughters and she stays alone in her humble cottage. Misao had taken it upon herself to care for her the moment she had taken her in. Himeno-san had been grateful to her and had taught her many things, farming being the most important and useful since they are living a fairly self-sustaining lifestyle. Misao doesn't seem to tan even with her continuous exposure to the sun, though her body seems to change in some other way. She has grown into a beautiful woman when nobody was looking. She is still cheerful as ever but her laughter seems more-refined she had been Himeno-san's source of strengthl. There are still days when she would cry herself to sleep, missing Okina and the others badly and especially on nights when Aoshi's face comes unbidden into her thoughts. She could still feel the dull throbbing ache in her heart whenever she remembers him. There were also times when she would remember Hanya and the others, and it would soothe her heart as she recalls much happier days. Himeno-san taught her how to heal her heart. She had discovered the contentment that mediation seemed to give her and her respect for Aoshi had gone up a notch whenever she recalls him doing the same thing. After all those times and changes one thing remains constant with Misao-Aoshi. He was and still is a part of her everyday life though she finds her memories of him inspiring that stunting.
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It had exactly been a year since Misao left Aoiya. The place had been more peaceful, more serious and inevitably duller. Okina did his usual routine, walking down the path of flowers and sipping his usual tea. Okon and Omasu served and Kuro and Shiro manage the kitchen. They would only smile whenever customers would ask for the spirited young girl who used to serve their tables. They miss Misao too. Aoiya misses Misao. It's like a gaping void had opened up when Misao left. Okina had become serious, too serious that his family started to worry for his health. There were days when he would not eat anything but simply drink his tea. And Aoshi, Aoshi had been worst among them all. He had left in search for Misao the very same day of her departure. His efforts had been in vain, after six months he had decided to wait for her return in Aoiya. It seemed like Misao had finally mastered the arts of being a ninja for she had hidden her trail so well, even Aoshi failed to track her down.
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Aoshi cursed himself. He knew that Misao loved him. "Loved". Something from the past. How he regrets it now. He could have told her how much she means to him, how he longed to tell her that he-Aoshi Shinomori, a man ten years older than her, loves her too. Loves her so much he couldn't afford to drag her into the darkness of his soul. Now she is lost forever from him. Who knows if she will ever return after being broken-hearted for so many times. Her heart being broken by none other than himself. Aoshi raised his head to the heavens, and uttered a silent prayer for the first time in his life, "If there is truly a God and I have been forgiven for all the sins I have committed, then please let me meet Misao again, if only to tell her how much she means to me..."
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Misao stared blankly at the wall of Himeno-san's cottage. She couldn't believe it. Himeno-san had passed away. She passed away peacefully but not before Misao had sworn on her death-bed that she'd go back to her real family. Misao, not wanting her surrogate grandmother to suffer much longer, promised to fulfill her last wish. And now, alone in the cottage she had shared with Himeno-san for one year, she cried silent tears of heartache and fear. Heartache that someone she had learned to care for deeply had been taken away from her again and fear that she must once again face the man who had caused her so much pain and suffering. But she is Makimachi Misao, a true Oniwabanshu by blood and birthright. She has her word of honor and she had promised an important person, she must stay true to her word and face her past in order for her to move on into the future.
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Misao braided her hair the way it used to be a year ago before she left Aoiya, it is still not of the same length but it had grown long enough to be tied in a braid. She donned her oniwabanshu uniform and had discovered that it had become too tight in some areas and too short to be decent, she sighed as she dropped her things and proceeded on repairing her uniform. If she is to go back, she is determined to go back as part of the Oniwabanshu and not just "Misao-chan" for she had grown-up considerably during her one year absence.
It was late afternoon when she had decided to leave Himeno-san's place, paying respect on her grave before leaving the peaceful village. Everyone who knew her had grown quite fond of her had called her Mi-chan. She bowed her head in respect to the village elders and had told them about her promise to Himeno-san. They wished her well on her travel and told her that she will always have a place in their village. Misao cried as she looked back at the village which adapted her for a year and had taught her so many things.
After 1 week of constant traveling, stopping only for a a brief meal and some sleep, Misao had finally reached her home-Aoiya.
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Okina is out in his usual morning walk, looking at the new blooms but never really seeing them. His thoughts wanders off to Misao. "Where could my Misao-chan be? I want to see her lively blue-green eyes. I want to hear her loud laughter. I wish to see her at least one more time before I die..."
"Oh Kami-sama! I was just joking about the dying part..." Okina murmured as he spotted a familiar figure walking steadily towards him.
"Jiya."
"Okairi, Misao-chan."
Before Misao knew it, she was assaulted by two fierce kimono-clad females who proceeded on giving her bear-hugs, much to Okina's distaste as he was unceremoniously flung aside. Kuro and Shiro came rushing to see what caused Omasu and Okon to squeal like some youngster in love. Both men flung themselves at the tangle of arms and legs and both got slapped as they accidentally touched parts they were not supposed to touch.
"Really you guys haven't changed at all." Misao laughed graciously with them. Everyone stopped to take in their little Misao-chan.
"Oh my, you have grown quite beautifully Misao-chan." Okon mused making her blush.
"I haven't grown that much."Misao indicated her height.
"She's not referring to that, silly girl." Omasu winked at Okon.
Misao had been nervous on her trip back, her mind was filled with thoughts of rejection and hatred from her family. She certainly was not expecting such a warm welcome from them.
"They're right Misao! Now you can go and break a few hearts." Okon remarked happily
"Now, now, don't go on corrupting my cute Misao-chan's mind you two! Off to the restaurant with you all, close it. Misao's return calls for a celebration." Okina shooed them away leaving Misao alone with him.
"Now, won't you give your grandfather a proper welcome home hug?" He said, eyes dancing with renewed life. Misao happily obliged.
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It took Aoshi all his self-control not to go rushing and pry Misao apart from Okina's embrace. One more thing which stopped him from doing so is the fact that he does not know how Misao feels for him now. One year for him felt like an eternity without her by his side and now she's only a few feet away yet he couldn't bring himself to face her.
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Just like a year ago, Misao knew whenever Aoshi was around, it is not different this time around. He still has his tensed, powerful aura about him. Misao reluctantly let go of Okina to face the man she both hated and loved. Loves. Aoshi. With all the will power she has, she turned and bowed in front of him like a respectful underling.
"I wish to be part of the Oniwabanshu again, Okashira." she stated with determination. She knew that Aoshi took up her post when she ran away a year ago, she knew because she asked Okina to make him take it.
Aoshi's breath was caught in his throat. "Okashira" Misao had called him okashira instead of the usual "Aoshi-sama". Aoshi did not know that one word could be too unbearable to hear. He does not want to be Misao's Okashira. He wants to be her "Aoshi-sama" once more, if asking her to call him just Aoshi is too much, he'd settle with the honorific.
"Let's get you inside now Misao-chan, you look straved! What have you been eating you poor thing." Okina dragged Misao away from the paralyzed Aoshi and into the restaurant.
"Hmmm...I missed the food here!" Misao remarked as she ate heartily. Shiro and Kuro stared at her dumbfoundedly, not once did a grain of rice fell from Misao's chopsticks. The way she had been eating looks so graceful that both men had blushed when Misao asked them what's the matter. A thing which even Aoshi did not miss. He ached to touch Misao, to have her in his arms and their so called "family"is the only reason he hadn't done it yet. And Okina, oh how the old man tortures him so. He had asked for Misao's hand in marriage from Okina 6 months ago. He had decided to give Misao a year and if she does not return he swore to go through the ends of the world to bring her back, in exchange, Okina must give her to him. He thought that Okina would oppose but to his surprise, he agreed. And now, Misao came back to Aoiya, to him. Okina gives him knowing stares and he knew that he still remembers his confession but will not help him in any way.
"Why, Kuro and Shiro have a crush on our Misao-chan!" Omasu remarked. Both men blushed deep crimson while muttering denials and excuses. Misao laughed good-naturedly at the thought.
"Don't be silly Omasu! Who would crush on a tomboy like me huh?" Her eyes danced with a mischievous light.
"Aiya, I will have to cut down those who think my lovely Misao-chan is a tomboy!" Okina dramatically declared.
Aoshi had been observing Misao. He had noticed the scars in her palm. Noticed how her long legs folded gracefully under the table, how her slender arms looked both powerful and fragile, how her shoulder-length braided hair looked invitingly soft despite being braided. Noticed every single detail which shows him that she is no longer the little child he knows but a grown woman.
"Okashira? Okashira? Is there anything wrong?" Misao's melodious alto voice broke into his daydream. There goes the "Okashira" again.
"No. Nothing's wrong Misao." was all he said as he forced himself to look away from her eyes
"Oh, I see. See you tomorrow then." Misao bowed before him and walked away to join Okina outside.
Aoshi stared after her in longing. He could not take it anymore. He must tell her about his feelings right now or he'll do something irrational sooner or later. He sat still for sometime in meditation trying to clear his head from indecent thoughts and went after Misao. He saw her with Okina, sitting under the moonlight. Her features seem to be amplified with the moonlight shinigh down on her. She seems to sparkle and glow in Aoshi's vision.
"Okina. I wish to speak with Misao. In private." Aoshi managed to say calmly. Okina looked at him with knowing eyes and he stood up.
"Break her heart again and I'll rip yours out, even if you manage to kill me I'll come back from the dead to do it." Okina said in his low dangerous voice. He may have agreed on giving Aoshi his precious Misao but if he ever hurt her again this time, he'd kill him for sure.
"Well then Misao-chan, be sure to bring me my tea tomorrow morning, okay? See you then!" Okina cheerfully waved at Misao.
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"What is it, Okashira?" Misao looked at Aoshi with a serious and level gaze.
"Okashira." Aoshi mumbled, his eyes taking in Misao's.
"Huh?" Misao asked, confused. She does not like the way Aoshi is looking at her. It makes her feel...uncomfortable.
"You keep calling me Okashira." he repeated again as he stepped closer to Misao, who remained sitting with her legs crossed, indian style.
"Ah, well, you are the Okashira." She replied.
"Does it hurt you? To say my name?" Aoshi asked dangerously as squat before Misao, his face only a few inches away from hers.
"Wha-what are you doing?" Misao asked horrified. She had attempted to stand up but Aoshi held her shoulders down.
"Are you mad at me, Misao?" he asked, still holding her shoulders while she tried to shake loose from his grip.
"You're hurting me! Let go!" Misao cried in panic. She tried to inch away from him but he slammed her into the wall.
"Misao...you have no idea...no idea..." Aoshi had just slammed her into the wall, his head bowed and he looks like he is suffering from an internal battle.
"What's happening to you? You did not care a bit for me a year ago! Why are you acting as if you cared now?" Misao snapped at him. Aoshi looked into her eyes and she knew whatever will power she had been using to hold against him will just not do.
"Did you really think you meant nothing to me?" He said, even as his face inched closer to hers once more.
"You didn't care. You didn't notice. Everyday is the same to you whether you see me or not." Misao whimpered, not liking Aoshi's crazy antics.
"Everyday I waited for you. Everyday I longed for your company. Everyday I wished to hear your voice, to see your face, to hear you laugh. You were the only reason I kept my sanity. You were my link to the outside world. When you left I..." Aoshi ranted much to Misao's surprise.
"But I...Ao-...Okashi-hmmpph!" Misao's words were cut off as Aoshi's lips crashed into hers.
"Aoshi. Not Aoshi-sama and never Okashira. Just Aoshi, Misao, to you I'm just Aoshi." Aoshi said as he leaned his forehead against Misao's.
"What, what do you mean?" Misao, asked though red-faced.
"I'm going to marry you Makimachi Misao. I have Okina's blessing. I was about to go out and scour all of Japan just to bring you back and marry you Misao. I won't take no for an answer." He said, not removing his forehead from Misao's, needing to feel that she's really there. Misao cried. Tears fall beautifully from her eyes. Aoshi became rigid, reluctantly he held her at an arm's length.
"Aa. Maybe I had given you a fright. It's okay Misao. You don't have to marry me now, but I swore to God that I'll do everything in my power to win your love." He had said with grave seriousness that Misao was tempted to laugh.
"But, how can I marry someone else when you have stolen my first kiss?" Misao tearfully asked him. Something like joy or pride pierced Aoshi's heart as he heard those words.
"I wish to be your only kiss Misao...I don't know what I'd do if someone else dares to touch you..." Misao had placed her finger on Aoshi's lips. Then she had covered his mouth with her palm, kissing the back of her hand while still on his mouth.
"Then I'll give my kisses to you only, Aoshi. But for now, you will not get anymore until you marry me." With that Misao stood up and looked down at him.
"I dont' know what possessed you to be like this Aoshi, but if tomorrow you turn back into your stoic personality and denied this ever happened, I'll have to kill you." She said while smiling sweetly at him.
"You'd have to beat Okina at it. He swore to kill me first." Aoshi muttered.
Within a blink of an eye Misao had kissed Aoshi again, this time she pushing him against the wall.
"Misao!" Aoshi gasped as she parted just as quick.
"Just checking if you're real." Misao chuckled to herself.
"Hai. And you'll be mine, come what may." Aoshi said with his dead serious tone again.
"Anata...I have always been yours." Misao winked at him while she ran back into the restaurant leaving a flushed Aoshi behind.
A/N: yes, this was rushed! Lotsa fluff too and cliché moments! O read and review if you want more misao-aoshi fluff