AN: I don't own any of the CSI:NY Characters or any of the show's storylines that I may refer to from time to time, but the rest of the plot is mine.

AN2: This idea came to me earlier and the plot bunnies have hounded me all day until I put it on paper. This opens up another of the Laura/Flack series and is set around 10 months after their wedding. If you haven't read the previous stories you should still be able to follow this, but if anything doesn't make sense let me know.

1. Guilt

It was late, the rain pelted against the windows with the latest winter storm. Laura was in their apartment curled up on the sofa surrounded by police files and maps. It was her night off; Don was on nights so she had the place to herself. This shift rota had gone awry as they were usually on the same shift pattern even if they weren't currently working in the same division, that way they at least got to see each other. She was looking forward to working with Mac's crew again when she went back on homicide duty in a few days. She had been so busy in court and stepping up to supervise her old vice shift she'd hardly been near homicide let alone the lab. Those guys were in for a surprise next time they saw her, she'd had a make over including a shorter haircut, so she was looking somewhat different. The pounding on the door drew her out of her reverie and she looked at the clock, it was just after midnight. She pushed herself off the couch and smoothing down Don's shirt she was wearing, she went to the door. After checking the spy hole she opened the door.

"Danny! You're soaking!" She exclaimed stepping back to let him in. He ambled wearily into the apartment and glanced around.

"Flack here?" He asked. Laura could smell the whiskey on his breath.

"He's on nights ... didn't you know?" She asked gently while taking in his dishevelled appearance and stooped posture. "Is everything OK Dan?"

"I screwed up, he told me to stop blaming myself, to stop feeling guilty, I need him to tell me how to do that. ... Reuben was with me when he -" Danny stopped rubbed his hand round the back of his neck and turned to the door. "I need to go, I'm sorry I barged in, something else I screwed up." Laura put her hand on his arm.

"God you're freezing and soaking wet! ... Don't go Danny, not like this. You want to talk? I'll listen if you want. Go take a shower, warm up and I'll grab you some dry clothes of Don's and make some hot chocolate, then we'll talk or you just crash I don't mind, but I can't let you go back out like this, you'll end up with pneumonia or something." He stared at her for a moment then he nodded. She was surprised with the ease at which she could propel him towards the bathroom. "Towels are in the cupboard, I'll leave the clothes on the guest bed. Come find me when you're done." She said closing the door and going into her bedroom.

She entered the kitchen as she heard the water begin running in the bathroom and she picked up the phone.

--

Don was at a crime scene with Stella when he got the call. "Hey sweetheart you ok? I thought you'd be sleeping."

"Danny's here, he's cracking up Don, I don't know if I'm doing the right thing. He's drunk and soaked from the rain, its like he's been out in it for hours. You seen him today?"

"He was in the lab earlier, ... I think he and Lindsay broke up." Don told her solemnly.

"Oh .. she call it off?"

"Hard to say with how he's been recently. As soon as we've wrapped here I'll stop by. Call me if you need anything."

"I will. Be careful"

"Always babe."

Don hung up and pushed the phone into his pocket and turned back to Stella.

"How is your mysterious wife?" She asked, knowing who had called.

"She's good, real good." Answered Don with a smile, leaving Stella to wonder what was going on.

"When do we get to see her? It's been nearly 3 months since I caught more than a glimpse of her. Thought she'd got away from Vice."

"You know they never wanted her to go, and she is good at the job." Don answered back.

"Not to mention how you like her in all those skimpy disguises." Stella replied as she looked at him, with an amused expression.

"She's not back undercover, she'll tell you all about it Friday when we get together. She's also desperate to go shopping."

"May favourite pass time, she free Saturday?" Asked Stella smiling. "I need to go anyway, replace some of the things from the fire."

"Shift starts at 4." He answered.

"You hiding something Flack?" She questioned catching the glint in his eye.

"Me? Nah. You keep asking that, you know these eyes can't lie."

"Something's up. Has been for sometime, everything ok between you and Laura?"

"We're just fine Stell. I'd better go get those statements so I can check on Danny on my way back."

"Danny?"

"He turned up at our place looking for me. Laura's got it under control for now, but I don't want to take chances the mood he's been in lately."

"Don, how bad is he?"

"I'll get back to you later on that." He answered and walked away as Mac approached and they exchanged greetings.

"Stella? Everything alright?"

"Hi Mac, yeah, just trying to figure out the meaning of life you know." She answered turning back to the body while trying to shield herself with an umbrella.

--

Danny stood under the shower for a long time letting the hot water warm his body, while his mind relived the last few weeks and what had happened to him and those around him. He wanted the pain to stop to go away, he wanted to feel better, but every time he thought he was getting past it he ended up back where he started. The image of that little boy laying on the morgue trolley, haunting his dreams, and hitting him when he least expected it at other times. He was responsible for the care and protection of that child and he'd failed. He'd nearly failed when his friends were on that subway train, he failed Reuben, failed Rikki by not protecting her son, she'd trusted him and he let her down in the worst way possible. He failed Lindsay, forgetting her birthday, pushing her away. Now he had totally messed up, sleeping with Rikki was meant to make him feel better, she had been under no illusions about what had happened, but why didn't he feel better? In fact he felt worse, Lindsay had pushed him in the lab earlier then told him she loved him before walking out. Now she wouldn't take his calls, Rikki had gone to see relatives leaving him alone with the nightmares and guilt. Flack had told him to stop blaming himself for Reuben's death, but he didn't know how to, which was why he'd ended in the bar with a bottle of whiskey for dinner before walking the streets in the rain for hours.

He didn't know what to do.

Finally the knocking on the door forced its way into his consciousness and he was once again aware of his surroundings, well sort of. Where was he?

"Messer! You ok in there? I could come in and check, but I'd rather not see you naked!" Called Laura through the door.

"Yeah!, ... I'm coming." He half mumbled. Shit Laura? Oh yeah, Flack's, but how did he end up in the shower?

"Danny? Seriously are you OK in there? You've been in there like half an hour, it won't be long till all the hot water goes. I don't want you freezing again."

He shook his head under the steaming water then shut off the taps and reached out for a towel. "I'll be done in a minute." He said loud enough for her to hear.

"Take your time, I'll be in the lounge." He listened to her footsteps trail away down the hall.

When he entered the lounge Laura was curled up on the end of the couch surrounded by maps and documents. He didn't really notice much of her appearance other than she was wearing an oversized NYPD t-shirt, obviously one of Don's. He saw the papers around her as she sat making notes and he felt guilty again. He'd barged in, interrupting her work. He sensed her eyes on him before he actually met her gaze.

"Hey, you're looking a bit better. Strange seeing anyone in his clothes, but at least you're dry. While you were getting dressed I hung yours up, they'll be dry by morning. ... I left you a couple of pills and some water to stave off that hangover tomorrow." Laura rambled.

"Thanks, but I should go, I shouldn't have barged in here, you were working." He answered waving his hand at her papers spread out on the couch.

"I've done as much as I can for tonight. I'm packing up anyway." She answered as she gathered everything together into a police issue folder and dropped it into the briefcase on the floor at her side and pushing the lid closed. "... take a seat and drink your chocolate."

"Sounds like you want to psychoanalyse me." He suggested.

"Me? I wouldn't know where to start. I leave that to the professionals, ... do you think you need it? ... I could recommend someone, outside the department."

"I don't need a shrink to tell me I'm guilty, ... Flack got any whisky around the place?"

"Sorry, we're all out. ... Is that the answer?"

"Thought you weren't playing shrink"

"I'm not, ... Danny we're your friends, we don't understand what's happening to you, but we want to help. ... You know Don risked a lot to bail you out over Rikki taking your gun, would you at least talk to someone, let someone try to help you."

"It was my fault, he was my responsibility, I should have kept him safe, how can I just move on like nothing happened? ... That's what they all want." Danny blustered, tears threatening.

"That's not true. They all know how much you loved Reuben, but sometimes bad things happen to good people and there's nothing to do to stop it. It's hard but the best thing you can do is to pick up the pieces and move on, do your best with the rest of your life that you can, so that it honours his memory." Danny jumped out of the chair and started to head towards her, his eyes blazing. "Hey! Don't you dare take another step!" she told him firmly causing him to stop. "I know it sounds cliché, I know you're angry with me for saying it, with everyone and most importantly yourself. ... We can all see it, if you don't find a way of stopping it you'll self destruct and none of us want to see that happen."

Danny sank to the floor on his knees . "I can't, it won't go away. I think it starts to get better then boom, ... it's happening all over again." His voice was cracking with emotion as he spoke. "I close my eyes and all I see is that trolley in the morgue, telling his mom, ... I did that to her, turned her into a criminal because I couldn't take care of her son. If I'd just-"

"Danny you were not at fault, you did what seemed to be the best thing at the time. No one holds you accountable. ... You know something? I would trust you with our kids any day." Laura slid onto the floor next to him and wrapped an arm around him. "We trust you so much we want you to be godfather to our family."

"Flack know about that?"

"His idea, but he didn't think now was a good time to ask. I kept telling him to ask anyway. ... would you think about it?"

"Me? ... I can't, you can't trust me."

"You're wrong Danny, as much as this hurts now, you're wrong and I hope one day soon you'll realise that and that we know you can get through this, and be there when we need you, when our family needs you. ... but I need something from you right now."

"I can't give you anything."

"You'd better Messer, I got cramp and I can't get up!" Laura hissed through gritted teeth, gaining his attention. He jumped to his feet and held out his hands, which she gripped tightly as he pulled her up, supporting her weight as she rubbed her sore calf muscles. He was still supporting her as the sound of keys turned in the lock and the door swung open. Don glimpsed the hold he had on her and rushed in.

"Kat? ... Messer have you-" He began to yell as he eased Laura from Danny's grasp. She squeezed Don's arm tightly as she looked up into his anxious face.

"It's Ok, just cramp." She gasped as he helped her onto the couch. "I'm fine."

When Don had rushed in and taken Laura, Danny had stepped back. He watched Don brush the hair from her face as they whispered to each other. The only other time he had seen his friend this protective of her was that case about a year ago where she'd been abducted and ended up injured, right before he'd proposed. Danny took a moment to focus on Laura, she looked different, but he couldn't figure out how. That was half his problem, how to figure out the women in his life and what he wanted from them. Satisfied that Laura was alright, Don let her get up.

"I'm gonna let you two talk and I mean talk. I am in no condition tonight to separate you if you get your fists out, which I know you are both capable of. You start a brawl and it won't go down well if I call it in and I will." She warned them before giving Don a kiss on the cheek. "Come see us before you go back" she told him then said goodnight to Danny and left them alone.

"Dan I'm sorry, I just-" Began Don feeling an ass for jumping to conclusions when he opened the door.

"It's ok, ... She got cramp sitting on the floor and I was just helping her up." Danny explained.

"She told me, promised she'd kick my ass for it sometime. ... Look I don't have long she called me said you were looking for me, I promised I'd drop in see how things are. ... I'm gonna have to head back soon but I got a little time."

"Thanks man." Sighed Danny

"You guys talk about anything?"

"You trying to play shrink on me now too?" Asked Danny a slight curl to his lips.

"Are you kidding? No way! ... do you need one?" Don questioned.

"... I don't know Flack, everything's so messed up. First that whole stalker thing with Mac, then Reuben and everything that's happened since, now Lindsay says she loves me and then walks out. I don't know which way is up anymore ya know?"

"Have you talked to anyone about any of this stuff?"

"I thought I could handle it."

"So did I, but there's a point where it starts to eat away at you and if you don't do something about it, open up and talk to someone, you'll end up doing something really stupid. ... circumstances were different, but I know what it feels like. I made a big thing last year about how she got me through my recovery after the bombing. I thought I was doing ok when we met, but it went down hill for a while, one night I almost self destructed and was too chicken to call my folks and admit how much pain I was in. We'd met for coffee a couple of times. I called her at 3am and begged her to help me, I don't know what I expected her to do. I was terrified of getting addicted to the pills so I wasn't taking them, that was half my problem right there. ... Thing is she came over, I poured out the whole sorry story to her. I figured that she'd think I was a coward or something and walk straight back out. She didn't Dan, ... sometimes you need to let a little of yourself go to get back on track. After the first few times she sat up with me, making me take the pain meds, she gave me the number of someone professional, She even held my hand the first few times I went. ... Talk to someone. If you want my guys number I'll give it to you. Don't just try and deal yourself, it doesn't work, I already found that out."

Danny listened. He had never heard Don talk about the bombing, the odd throwaway remark maybe but not like this. He had no idea that things had got so bad for his friend. "You serious, you talked to a shrink?"

"Still do sometimes. Last year when that scaffolding collapsed just before the wedding. ... Helps put things in perspective. ... Think about it. ... Want to go shoot some hoops in the morning when I get off?"

"... actually that sounds good. I could do with kicking your ass"

Don grinned. "In your dreams Messer."

"... you can tell me how I handle this thing with Monroe."

"What's to handle, if you don't love her forget it, if you do then I suggest you start grovelling for not confessing straight away."

"It's not that simple."

"nothing is ever simple, but honesty usually scores points."

"I slept with Rikki." Mumbled Danny. Don raised his eyebrows at his friend while he processed the information.

"Tell me you're kidding"

"I can't, I did." Sighed Danny.

"... I don't know what you expect me to say. ... does Lindsay know?"

Danny shook his head. "... I never admitted it to anyone ... until now."

Don ran his hand through his hair. "... you need to sort yourself out and fast. I'll keep my mouth shut about this for now, but you have to decide where your priorities lie and which of the women in your life mean the most and be honest with both of them." Don told him firmly. "You've got a bed here tonight, why don't you use it try and sleep. ... I'm gonna say goodnight to my wife and head back in."

Don pushed himself off the couch and headed towards his bedroom, leaving Danny staring out the window to the street below, wondering how he could fix his life.

AN: This is my take on what has happened recently. Please review.