There seems to be no end to the number of insane humor phics my mind can think up. Enjoy!

Summery: This is just a parody, but it makes fun of all the gazillions of E/C phics out there. Ya know, where Raoul is abusive/drunk/insane/other and Christine realizes that she loves Erik, always has, and always will, and leaves. And she gets sick swimming across the lake, and he nurses her back to health, but she gets delusional, and while she is delusional, she tells Erik that she loves him, but he doesn't believe it, cause she's delusional, and gasps for breath when she finally revives, he realizes that she does love him, and she realizes that he still loves her, and they live happily ever after. Warm fuzzies. Was that a run-on sentence or what? I know. I really shouldn't talk. I write those (and read those) as much as the next person. But...here's a change from the cough normal.

Disclaimer: I only own all the torments with which my mind has thought up to terrorize the fop. I hope you like them. :)

"Raoul!" Christine wailed, "What are you talking about?"

"Well...I'm sorry to have to tell you only 3 hours before the wedding, but, see," here he shifted nervously, "There was this predicament...when I was young."

"Yes?"

"Well, see, the church liked my young girlish singing voice, so...well..." he shrugged.

"Are you telling me that you are a eunuch?" Christine shrieked.

"Well, I wouldn't put it that bluntly, but..."

"Raoul." Christine looked at him.

"I just realized." She laughed. "I can't marry you Raoul! I'm in love with Erik! I always have been, and I always will be."

She edged away from him.

"So, if you excuse me, I will um...RUN!" she shrieked, tripping over her petticoats as she tried to get away from him.

He looked sadly after her.

"Why me?" he yelled at the sky.

A bird pooped in his open mouth.

Christine arrived, wet and miserable at the edge of the lake. She had had to run all the way to the Opera in the pouring rain. Now all she had to do was wait for Erik to come and rescue her.

3 hours later, still wet, cold, and miserable, she finally realized that the boat was on her side of the lake. Just her luck.

Nadir had probably left it over here, and she didn't know how to row.

Weighing her chances, she finally decided to swim.

After nearly drowning, Christine safely reached the other side of the lake, shaking the water off her hair. She peeked inside the house.

Erik was lying on the couch.

Rushing in, she shook him. "

Erik! Erik, wake up! No, Erik, you can't be dead!" she wailed, "You can't be dead! You need to be alive! You need to marry me, because I love you! I don't love Raoul! He's just a friend! I have the same kind of love for him I might have for a brother! Besides, he a eunuch for crying out loud! And a fop! I can't handle it if you're dead!! ER-IIIK!"

She fell forward onto his chest, sobbing.

"My dear," Erik said, looking down, "First off, you weigh a ton. Will you kindly get off? Second, I do believe you are over-reacting. I was merely asleep. Third...Raoul's a eunuch?" He smiled delightedly.

Christine rolled off him, falling onto the floor with a 'ooph'.

Erik stood up.

"Erik!" Christine lunged forward, "You're alive!" she hugged him.

Erik looked down at the girl hanging onto him like a leech.

Shaking her off, he suddenly realized that her dress was white, wet, and extremely see- through.

He cleared his throat. "I do believe you had better change, my dear." He said, gesturing to the dress, "Then we will figure out what to do with you."

Christine grudgingly let go of him and went to change her clothes.