Christmas in the Castle
Through a series of nine (or ten) instances and emotions, Lily begins to see Hogwarts, and James, in an entirely new way. Marauder Era, JP/LE.
Disclaimer: Disclaimed.
Prologue: Secret in The Girls' Dorm
Lily Evans had always loved Hogwarts, and had always been a good student, but ever since she was eleven she could not help but pay a little less attention in her classes around Christmastime. When the first snow fell, and Christmas trees began popping up in every corner, and green décor in the halls stopped being a sign of all that was wrong with the world, Lily began to feel ever so slightly homesick. She cherished the two weeks she would then spend at home with her parents and her sister, visiting family and opening gifts and taking day trips to the snowy countryside. So no one was more surprised than Lily when her seventh year came, and she sent her mother a letter two weeks before holidays, announcing that Lily's own seat at Christmas dinner would, in fact, be empty.
Dear Mum,
I know I've just written you the other day, but I have to let you know that I will not be home for Christmas. I'm very sorry, but with it being my last year and all I would very much like to spend as much time here as possible. Don't be too upset with me, I'm sure that when Petunia's new boyfriend comes for supper you won't even notice I'm gone. There wouldn't be much room left for me at the table, anyway.
I hope you understand. I really am sorry, I wish I could have all of you here, but I should be so lucky. Send Dad my love. Petunia, too. Do write back soon, you're getting a bit sloppy with your response schedule! I'm only kidding. I'll speak with you soon! Easter holidays are closer than they seem.
All my love,
Lily
Lily watched her friends pack their trunks, refusing to let herself feel any sort of longing. It had been her decision to stay at Hogwarts, and it was the right one. She would miss this place deeply, and she thought that some time alone here would give her a chance to truly appreciate what she had taken for granted the past six years.
"Awe, Lil, are you sure you won't be going?" her best friend Alice implored. Lily smiled half-heartedly.
"Don't worry about me, Alice, I'll be fine."
"You know Lily, you could always come home with me," Marlene offered. "My parents are taking me and my brother to do that… muggle thing, with the planks,"
"Skiing," Lily offered for her pureblood friend.
"Yes, skiing! And I expect that as the only muggle-born, you could show us all a thing or two. Merlin knows we'll all be falling, confused and bruised." Marlene made a face at the thought. "Or perhaps I'll stay behind with you." Alice and Lily laughed.
"No, really. If I were going to leave Hogwarts I would go home. But I'd like to stay. I'm sure it will be lovely. No classes to take up my days, no first-years to crowd the halls, no Filch to yell at me for damp shoes. I'll have the entire tower to myself." Marlene and Alice glanced at each other, continuing to fold their clothes. "What?" Lily asked, "What was that look?"
"Well," began Alice, cautiously, when suddenly Marlene blurted out, "You won't exactly have the tower to yourself."
"I won't? But I was sure that I was the only Gryffindor staying behind this year. I checked about nearly everyone. Head Girl always knows whose going to be staying, and who's boarding the train. Even so, one other person won't get in my way. Who is it?"
Marlene looked alarmed, and suddenly she had socks under her bed that needed to be fetched. Alice avoided eye-contact with the redhead, and straightened out the pile of gifts that she would be taking home with her.
"Marlene, Alice," Lily said calmly, "Who else is staying at school over holidays?" Alice shot a look at the feet poking out from under Marlene's bed, before looking at Lily with apologetic eyes.
"James Potter."
"Lily, my offer still stands about the skeet trip-ow!" Marlene crawled out from under her bed, but not before smashing her skull on the underside of the frame. She hurried to Alice's side, and they both looked at Lily, ready to give sympathies and hugs, and reassurances to their best friend. They both nearly choked when Lily giggled.
"Ski trip," Lily corrected quickly. "Alice, you needn't say his name like it's a plague, and Marlene, really, I'll be fine. He's just James Potter. He's Head Boy now. All that bad blood, that's behind us now, I'm sure. I simply will not let him get to me. It's a big tower, I'll have lots of space. It will be like I am alone."
Part One: Compromise in The Common Room
"James, I can see the veins in your eyes."
Holidays had commenced three days ago, and Lily had yet to indulge in the emptiness of Gryffindor tower. James Potter was apparently not accustomed to others' personal boundaries, because she had found herself reminding him to back up day in and day out.
"Right, sorry."
"S'okay," she muttered under her breath, repositioning her book in her lap. She was seated on the common room couch, enjoying silence in a room that was so often filled to the brim with chattering students. Snow was falling slowly outside of the window, and she could vaguely smell the scent of pine emanating from the Christmas tree twenty feet away. She felt peaceful, and calm in this relaxed environment, and could not recall a time in recent history when she had experience a more serene-
"Potter, what are you doing?"
"Humming." Lily raised an eyebrow.
"I can hear that. But why?"
"Bored," he stated simply. Lily rolled her eyes. Did he have to act like such a five year old all the time?
"James, I'm reading a book." His hazel eyes regarded her as a two-headed goblin wearing a tutu and a top hat.
"Lily, I'm humming a song." She sighed loudly.
"I can hear that! But your humming is interfering with my ability to concentrate, ergo, disallowing me to read my book." He nodded and did not continue to hum, so she smiled sweetly and picked up reading where she had left off. Once again, she drifted into a world free of stress and tension, where pine tickled her nose, glistening snowflakes caught her eyes, and silence appeased her ears-
"James!"
"I'm sorry, Lily, but I'm bored!"
"Find something to do then!" James' bottom lip jutted out just enough to look naturally disheartened, and he let out one deep breath. Lily closed her eyes and counted to three before shutting her book and placing it on the table in front of her.
"Okay, James. What would you like to do?" He smiled broadly, and the look of joy that dressed his features appeared so genuine that she could not help but smile back.
"Lily, have you ever snuck down to the kitchens?"
Part Two: Modesty in The Kitchens
Lily was Head Girl and made a point not to break the rules in any obvious, intentional sort of way, but she figured that at least she could not be held entirely responsible if she was coerced into doing so by Head Boy. And she was certainly not going to say no if it would stop his wretched humming. But once Lily and James entered the kitchens, and Lily was submerged for the first time in this quick-moving world, she forgot how much trouble they could get into. House elves danced around each other, platters of food, or pitchers of pumpkin juice in one hand, and white cloths or dirty plates in the other. They spun to avoid each other, and sidestepped around corners and walls that they could not possibly see over the objects they held in front of their faces. Lily watched awestruck at the synchronized system before her, and James smiled at her gaping expression.
"Neat to watch, isn't it?" Lily nodded, closing her slightly-ajar mouth. "C'mon," James said, taking her hand and leading her towards an island in the center of the room. Had Lily not been so distracted by the majestic timing of the movement around her, she would have been taken aback by the butterflies that had suddenly shown up in her stomach. She and James each perched themselves upon a stool at the island, and almost immediately an elf was whisking away all that cluttered the table top.
"Mister Potter, friend of Mister Potter," he nodded, "How can Caddy be of service?" James smiled brightly at the house elf.
"Caddy, this is Lily Evans. It's her first time in the kitchens." Lily offered her hand.
"Hello, Caddy, I'm Lily. You have a wonderful kitchen." The tiny elf shrank back at the gesture, and Lily lowered her hand, looking to James for reassurance. James just shook his head slightly, and Lily felt her cheeks flush. Apparently she was not up to date on house-elf etiquette.
"A hot chocolate for me, Cad old boy," James stated dramatically. "And for the lady…" he grinned at Lily.
"Oh, I'll just have a tea, please." Caddy was gone in an instant, and Lily found herself looking in every which direction that was not James'.
"Sirius and I used to come here all the time after detention," James told the back of Lily's head. She whipped around and immediately regretted it when her hair slapped him across the face.
"Sorry," she whispered, embarrassed. He laughed quietly, his way of telling her he didn't mind. "So, why don't you and Sirius come anymore?" James cocked his head at her inquiry and the fact that she did not know why this was such an apparently stupid question only made her feel more stupid.
"Well, I don't get detention anymore." Lily tried not to look to surprised. She did not think he would be quite so tolerable over the next two weeks if she were to offend him this early.
"You-You don't?" Lily cursed her traitorous stutter, but was relieved when James let out a breathy laugh. "No, I don't suppose that would make Dumbledore look very good, would it?"
"Pardon me?"
"Well, I reckon' he went out on a bit of a limb, making me Head Boy and all. I'm not claiming to have displayed any of the required traits. I have a trouble-making history, I'm sure he took a lot of slack over that. Head Boy is a big thing to a lot of people, so I'm not going to offend them by taking it for granted. There were a lot of people who deserved this job more than I did, I know that. The least I can do is try and earn it now that I've got it." Lily did not know which amazed her more. The intricate inner workings of the Hogwarts kitchens, or the fact that James Potter was being truly, and genuinely modest.
Part Three: Embarrassment in The Corridor
"Right, well, thanks a lot, Caddy, but me and the lady have to be off now. Don't want to be breaking too many rules her first time 'round." James winked in Lily's direction and she dug her finger nails into her palms, hoping to draw the blood away from her cheeks. James hopped off his stool, and extended his hand to Lily to help her do the same. She hesitated before taking it, and dropped it immediately once her feet were touching the floor. She and James began walking, and though the silence was a touch awkward, her eyes remained on her feet.
"So, why did you stay behind this year?" Lily raised her head to see his curious expression. "Just, you haven't stayed before, I was wondering what had changed," he explained, feeling almost embarrassed that his question may have touched ground too personal.
"Oh, well, I just wanted to spend as much time at school as possible. It's our last year, I want it to be the best. It's the very last Christmas at Hogwarts." One corner of her mouth upturned slightly. "What about you? Why haven't you gone home?"
"I stay every year." Lily's mouth formed the shape of a small 'o'.
"I didn't know. I never realized that you weren't on the train. Don't you get lonely?"
"No lonelier than I'd be at home, is the way I see it. My parents don't get a chance to stay at home with me very often. I thought that maybe I'd go home last year, since Sirius was living with us, but I had a feeling he'd be off on his own a lot. It can't be easy living without your parents; growing up like Sirius has. I'd guess he spends the entire two weeks gallivanting about London, self-destructing." He spotted the alarmed look on Lily's face. "Nothing too bad, there's no need to worry about him. It's just his only time to himself, I s'pose. Christmas should be a family thing, and Sirius hasn't got any real family. When he's by himself, he can finally stop being strong. I'd say he deserves that at least." Lily nodded, touched by James' care for his best friend.
"You're a good friend, James." He blushed at this, looking down at his feet before making eye contact.
"Thanks." They walked in silence for a few more minutes. "Are we friends?" he asked suddenly. Lily stumbled as he threw out the unexpected question. James stifled a laugh and placed a hand on the small of her back, helping to steady her. Her blood was getting warmer and she knew that the distinction between her skin and hair was growing more vague.
"Um, are we friends?" James nodded. "I… suppose, that we could be. Friends. If you wanted us to be friends, of course."
"Do you want to be friends?" Lily's mouth opened and closed a few times, and she made a mental note not to do this anymore; she felt like a fish.
"I… I want, well-oh, James Potter, you're just trying to make me muss up my words like an idiot!" She smacked her laughing companion on the shoulder, but smiled to herself.
"Ouch, Lily, that hurt! Maybe I don't want to be your friend," he teased.
"Oh, bugger off, chum," Lily teased back. They were exchanging pointless banter as they reached the Fat Lady. Lily paused, and turned to face James, shuffling her feet uncomfortably. She looked at him shyly, darting her eyes between his face and other aimless areas of the air around them.
"Well, thanks, James. That was a lovely tea. I'll have to let you instigate some rule-breaking more often." James nodded politely, but a smirk was toying on his lips.
"You know, Lily, this is my common room, too. There's no need to be bidding me farewell, if that's what you were doing." Lily's cheeks grew hot, and she tried to save her dignity.
"Oh, yes, I know, I just… I wanted to thank you properly on our own before we go inside," she offered in what she hoped was a casual, convincing tone. She swallowed hard when James leaned in, his mouth next to her ear. She felt his breath on her ear lobe, as he whispered to her.
"We're the only ones here." Without hesitation (which was very difficult due to her suddenly shaking knees) Lily muttered the password and clambered in the portrait hole, and began across the common room.
"Isn't a little early for bed, Lily?" James called after her.
"I have some reading to do," she called over her shoulder, a blatant lie.
"Okay, fair enough. Good night, sleep well." Lily began up the stairs, wishing her legs were long enough to take them four at a time and help her escape the embarrassment of repetitive stupidity. "Oh, and Lily?" She paused.
"What?"
"You blush a lot." Her face went pale.
Part Four: Disbelief in The Great Hall
Lily woke up early the next morning, and her first thought of the day was that she would make it through at least the morning with her dignity, or what was now left of it. She quickly changed and brushed her hair, before sneaking down the stairs, but not until she had double checked that James was not in the common room. When she decided the coast was clear, she sprinted across the carpet and flew out of the portrait hole and into the hallway where she slowed to a brisk walk. She had almost made it down her third flight of stairs when someone called her name.
"Evans! Evans!" She ignored him at first. "Hey Lily!" His shout reverberated off the walls and she turned on her heel.
"Oh, hello, James," she mumbled, "I didn't hear you." He bounded down the stairs to where she stood, smiling as he reached her side. "Joining me for breakfast, then?" she asked a heavily-breathing James in a falsely bright tone. His smile widened, and he nodded enthusiastically.
"If you'll have me."
"Well, there isn't exactly a guest list for the Great Hall."
"Oh, Lily, you slay me with your wit." They walked in silence for barely a moment before James apparently could not stand it anymore. "Sirius owled me last night, I was right, he's in London. Said he met a blonde muggle, but I won't relay the details there. And I heard from my dad, he and mum are glad to hear that I have a friend in the castle. Mum says I must have you on quite a pedestal, because no one could possible possess all of the great qualities I claim you have." He stopped short, and Lily looked at his face. Upon seeing James Potter blush, Lily's posture straightened a bit and she decided that perhaps she would be a little less worried about feeling stupid.
"Well, thank you James. I'm glad you think so highly of me." Lily felt a little bit guilty for lording his embarrassment over him, but felt he deserved it after making her self-conscious of her blushing. James looked to the ground and gave a noncommittal shrug, and Lily laughed.
"Oh, I'm only teasing. Come on, we have the entire table to ourselves." They entered the Great Hall and James decided he wanted to sit in the very centre of the banquet table. They took their seats across from each other, and suddenly a small array of food appeared between them. Lily chose some toast to nibble on, while James helped himself to one of everything.
"You can't possibly eat all of that," Lily marvelled.
"Core ah cah," he told her through a mouthful of scrambled eggs. Swallowing hard, he repeated, "'Course I can."
"But how?"
"Dunno, magic?" he suggested, reaching for another sausage.
"James, don't be ridiculous. That much food can't possible fit in your stomach. Look at you!" James raised a playful eyebrow.
"And just what does the appearance of my stomach have anything to do with it?" This time Lily swallowed loudly.
"It's just… flat? And… fit-looking, I guess. I'm simply saying, the kind of stomach that would house all of that food, could not possibly fit behind those-there! There, I mean there." James smiled smugly, placing a piece of bacon in his mouth. Lily stood up with the clear realization that her earlier conclusion that she would not feel stupid had been proven terribly, horrifically wrong.
"I'm going to the Library," she told him quietly, turning to leave.
"Alright, Lily, I'll see you there in a bit!" Lily did not know whether to groan or to smile, and decided to simply up her pace to a casual jog. The sooner she escaped the constant humiliation that was being around James Potter, the better.
Part Five: Revelation in The Library
Lily hurried out of the Great Hall, earning looks from the few teachers and students who were also there. What was happening to her? Calm, composed, smart Lily Evans was making a complete fool of herself, repeatedly, in front of James Potter! She had barely spoken to the poor bloke since fifth year, why should he have any effect on her all of a sudden? Maybe she was ill, or just having an off day or two. Maybe she was homesick and it was affecting her ability to act like an intelligent human being, and it was merely coincidence that the only other person around was James Potter.
Lily groaned audibly, earning a funny look from some of the portraits next her. Or maybe I'm just completely oblivious. Refusing to continue her train of thought until she was in the library, her blood flowing at a more natural pace and her tense muscles more relaxed, Lily focused on her walking. Once she reached the library, she gave Madam Pince a meek wave and walked lightly to the farthest, most hidden table she could find. James was not finding her here. In fact, as a precaution, she levitated an entire row of books off of their shelf, and used her wand to organize them in tall piles around her. She sat with her knees tucked against her torso, hugging her legs, so that even her feet could not be seen under the thick, wooden table.
Still not ready to pick up the issue she had considered on the walk up, Lily scanned the titles of the books she had surrounded herself with. Apparently she was in the Muggle Studies section, because most of them were muggle novels. Her eyes stopped upon seeing The Catcher in the Rye, one of her favourites. She smiled, but her expression dropped when she heard the sound of footsteps in her direction. What if it's James? "No, it can't be. I'm as good as invisible."
"Lily, I know invisible, and trust me, this isn't it." Lily jumped, placing a hand on her heart and one on the table top to steady herself.
"James Potter, you great big prat!" James stifled his laugh, taking the chair next to her.
"Who are you hiding from?" Lily swallowed, staring at him blankly. A look of understanding dawned on him, and his face fell. Always quick to compose himself, he was instantly smiling again, but it was half-hearted and Lily could see how forced it was. "Avoiding me, then, I guess?"
"No, James, of course not," Lily lied, suddenly feeling guilty. "I just… something has come to my attention and I was hoping that some time alone in the library would help me mull it over." She could see the doubt on his face, but he apparently let himself believe her words because he nodded twice.
"Well, I could leave you be, then," he offered, and Lily cursed herself when she answered 'no' much too quickly. He grinned widely, and the appearance of his teeth assured her that this was a genuine happiness. He looked around at the books that covered the walls around them. "This may surprise you, but I don't spend much time in here."
"Yes, I'm rather shocked," Lily answered, teasingly deadpan. James smiled to himself, trailing his finger tip along the spines of the books on the table. "I read this once," he whispered, stopping at Catcher in the Rye.
"You did?" Lily asked, her surprise this time sincere. "But it's a muggle book."
"Yeah, it was a bit weird. I had to keep reminding myself that they couldn't just pull out their wands. But I think I liked it. Yeah, I did." His voice was thoughtful, like he was explaining it to himself as much as her was to her. "It's strange, isn't it? Some things are just so out of place for you, that you're not even sure what you think of them. But once you really give it a chance, you realize it's not so bad. Maybe it's even better than what you're used to."
"Yeah," Lily nodded, "I think I know exactly what you mean." They were silent for a few moments, but Lily observed that it was a more comfortable silence than they were used to. Not awkward and begging to be interrupted. "James," she whispered suddenly, looking up at him. She could feel the intensity emanating from her voice. He looked up at her, a knowing smile on his face.
"Let's go for a walk." She nodded, bewildered by the fact that he had completely disregarded her, but almost pleased. Perhaps what she had to say could wait.
Part Six: Disagreement on The Grounds
"James, you are not taking me outside! It's Christmas Eve for Merlin's sake! It's freezing cold, it's going to snow!" James looked at her mischievously.
"Oh, Lily, I won't let you get cold. Quite the contrary, I think I'd do a splendid job of keeping you warm." He winked at her, and she surprised him by smiling back, her face remaining the perfect porcelain white that it normally was. "Lily Evans, I do believe you just accepted a flirtatious suggestion without blushing," he told her with a laugh. Of course, at his open admission to actually flirting with her, Lily's face went red. He opened his mouth to speak, but she narrowed her eyes. "Not a word," she ordered, marching past him and out onto the snowy grounds. He ran up behind her, throwing an arm around her shoulder. "Oh, Lily, mark my words, one day I will dig up the sense of humour I know is hiding inside of you."
"I have a sense of humour!" Lily argued. "Don't laugh at me, I do! I am very funny, I will have you know."
"No one is saying you aren't funny, Lily. But there is a difference between laughing with you and laughing at you. And I seem to be doing more of the latter than the former." Lily shook his arm off of her shoulders, and crossed her own arms over her chest. She picked up her pace, suddenly not wanting to be quite so close to him. "Lily, Lily come back, I was only joking."
"Yes, well, I'd laugh if I had a sense of humour, I suppose," she hissed. Her teeth were beginning to chatter as snow began to fall around her.
"I wasn't serious!" Though Lily knew he wanted her to stop being upset with him, she could hear the amusement in his voice, which only further spurred her anger.
"I simply wasn't aware you spent so much time laughing at me, James. Look what you've done now! It's practically storming, and we're out here without jackets or scarves, or anything! If I catch cold, I hope you feel guilty." She stopped, not stupid enough to continue storming off into a blizzard. When James caught up with her, he placed a hand on both of her shoulders, and forced her to face him.
"Lily, if I laugh at you, it's because I've made you blush and I think it's adorable. Or because you're stumbling over your words, and I love seeing Lily Evans as a real person, not composed and proper to the point of extremity. Or because you look so pretty that I either laugh at you, or hug you, and I'm not sure you'd appreciate a spontaneous embrace from some bloke you have the slightest bit of patience for. I didn't mean to offend you Lily, I swear. I may have a better sense of humour, but I'm not as smart as you by half. I do and say a lot of stupid things, ask any of my friends. Don't be mad, please?" Lily sighed.
"Oh, alright. But only because I'm freezing and I don't think I'd find my way back without you." James smiled, turning them around and throwing his arm back over her shoulder. "See, Lily, I knew you were funny," he said light-heartedly. Lily rolled her eyes. "You're right James, you are rather daft."
As they both re-entered the school, dripping wet and shivering violently, Lily couldn't help but feel slightly let down when he withdrew his arm from around her.
Part Seven: Contradiction in the Entrance Hall
Let down? No, that's ridiculous. I was only just yelling at him five minutes ago, and suddenly I want to be close to him? Lily, make up your mind! Lily argued with herself as James used a spell to dry his clothes. He held his wand up towards the distracted redhead, his way of offering to dry her off too.
"Lily," he said, trying to get her attention.
"No!" she yelled, accidentally vocalizing the wrong thoughts. James raised an eyebrow.
"Are you sure? I don't want you to get sick."
"Oh, oh, sorry, yes, that would be lovely, thank you. I'm just distracted is all." James nodded, confused, and swished his wand in her direction. She felt her top layer of skin warm up instantly, but her bones were still cold and shaking.
"Still cold?" James asked. Lily nodded. "A bit, I'll be fine." He stepped towards her, rubbing the sides of her arms with his hands in attempt to stop her shivering. Instinctively she stepped closer to him. Without thinking, his hands travelled behind her, wrapping his arms around her torso. He pulled her against his chest, resting his chin on the top of her head. He rubbed her back for a few minutes until her body was still and free of vibrations. Without realizing the suggestion of the position they were in, Lily leaned her face on his shoulder, and let out a content sigh. "Perhaps you have more patience for me than I thought," James whispered quietly, tightening his grip. Lily's eyes shot open as his voice brought her to attention.
"Oh," she squeaked, lifting her head. She stepped back, and he released her. "Sorry, you were just… very warm," she explained. He frowned at her.
"Lily, you don't need to apologize-"
"Of course I do." She said this very curtly, and she could see that it bothered James. Perhaps she was contradiction herself with her actions. In the common room she found his presence quite annoying, and in the kitchens she had already come to enjoy it. She felt comfortable enough to blush in front of him on their way through the corridors, and by the time they were in the common room she couldn't stand to let him see that side of her. In the Great Hall she had decided it was okay to be vulnerable in front of a friend, and had then rushed off to the Library because she felt so humiliated. She was hiding from him behind books, sparing his feelings when he found her, yelling at him on the grounds, and letting him hug her in the entrance hall. Lily was unsure of their situation, and it through no one's fault but her own. She could see that James was perfectly happy with being around her and not so thrilled when she was unhappy with him. His stance was plain as day, and she was sure his mind was not all over the place. So what, then was wrong with her?
Part Eight: Denial in The Dungeons
"So, Potter, what other secrets does this school have to share? What else can you show me?" Lily straightened out her shirt and addressed him too formally for his liking, but he did not want to say anything to annoy her.
"Well, Evans," he said a bit sharply. Apparently they were no longer on a first name basis. "Have you ever been in an empty classroom?"
"Don't be silly, of course I have."
"Have you ever been in Slughorn's empty classroom, without his permission?" James smirked. Lily could see this was a challenge.
"No, I think you know I haven't been in many places without permission. But not because I'm scared, only because, well, what could there possibly be in an empty classroom that's worth bothering with? Surely there's no difference between what's in a classroom with or without permission." She crossed her arms defiantly, accepting his challenge.
"If you'd ever been in one, you'd know you're wrong." With that, James began off towards the Potions room, taking one long stride for each two that Lily was capable of.
"James, won't we get in trouble? This isn't just the Kitchens, this is a classroom. If someone found out we went in there without his permission, they could accuse us of all sorts of things! Professor Slughorn's possessions are in there! What if someone thinks we're trying to steal from him? James!"
"You asked, Lily. You said so yourself, you wanted to learn about the Hogwarts you've been taking for granted. Well, I'm going to show you." James turned around the corner out of sight, and Lily picked up her pace so not to lose him. As she bounded around the same corner, she crashed into his front, knocking them both to the floor.
"Graceful, Lily," he muttered, spitting her hair out of his mouth. She rubbed her head where she had bumped it on his chin. "Sorry," she said meekly. She hoisted herself off of him, rubbing her knees and straightening out the wrinkles in her sweater. He hopped to his feet, dusting off his back, and tentatively poking the bruise that was forming under his mouth. He looked thoughtful for a moment, his eyebrows knitted together, before turning around and continuing towards the Potions room. Lily trailed close-but not too close-behind. Just before they reached the classroom, James suddenly dove to his right, hiding in a small alcove Lily had never even noticed before, and dragging her with him. She opened her mouth to question him, but he stifled her words with his hand. He jerked his head to the left, where Professor Slughorn's and Professor McGonagall's voices could be vaguely heard inside the classroom door. Lily's eyes widened. She fell completely still, and his James hand fell from her face. They waited until the classroom door opened, and they heard both of their teachers disappear in opposite directions. Lily looked up at James for confirmation that they could sneak out of their hiding place, and found him staring back at her. She faltered under his gaze, and was suddenly aware that their bodies were pressed against each other for the third time that day. James fingers brushed the back of her hand and his eyes darted all over her face.
"I-I think we're okay now," he said suddenly, letting out a deep breath and redirecting his focus above her head. Lily nodded stiffly.
"Right." James slid out first, not waiting for her before he waltzed into the open classroom. Lily followed after him. "You know, we would have only been suspicious if they saw us hiding. We could have just said we came for a book, or something."
James shrugged, taking a seat on a desk. "That's not nearly as exciting."
"And how exactly had you planned to explain it if they found us squished into an alcove, hidden from view?"
"Easy. We were snogging."
"James Potter, we were not snogging!" Lily cried with indignation. How could he suggest something like that so calmly! "Well, no, obviously not, but we just as easily could have been. How would they have known?" He shrugged again, and got to his feet, now wandering the classroom. He stopped to inspect one of the shelves on the far side of the room.
"Yeah, except for the fact that I would never be caught dead snogging you," Lily muttered. James didn't respond, and Lily frowned. She pulled out a chair and took a seat, slumping down in annoyance. "You're so arrogant sometimes."
"You don't believe that, Lily," he said, his back still to her.
"Do not tell me what I believe!" she was quick to respond.
"You clearly don't know what to believe about me, Evans," he said tiredly. Her eyes widened in surprise. Did he… Was she being that obvious? Had he caught on to the inner turmoil that was her own personal confusion about her feelings for him?
"What-what do you mean by that?" She tried to remain strong and defiant, but her tone was weakening.
"Just that trying to be your friend has been entirely exasperating so far," he said, the same exasperation he spoke of clearly evident in his voice. Suddenly, Lily did not feel like arguing.
"Then don't be my friend, James," she whispered, her voice cracking. For once she did not care enough to be embarrassed. She was hurt by his words, and was sure that as soon as he turned around he would see that. He did turn around, but his face was cold and stony. She wiped her eye discreetly, and left.
Part Nine: Acceptance in the Astronomy Tower
Lily left the Potions room and headed straight for her dorm. So, James hadn't enjoyed being her friend. She would just have to go through with her original plans. She just wished she hadn't wasted an entire day and a half. Once she reached her room, she grabbed a book without even checking which one, and curled up in her bed to read.
A few hours later, when most of her body had fallen asleep and her mind was still completely awake, Lily decided it was safe to go down to the common room. She snuck down the stairs, and scanned the room to find it empty-or more importantly, devoid of James Potter. She ignored the feeling of loneliness in the pit of her stomach, and shuffled her feet all the way to the couch by the fire place. She stopped dead three feet away from her destination, having noticed a tuft of black hair sticking out over the armrest. She stepped closer quietly, and saw that James's tall figure was sprawled out along the too-small couch, sound asleep. His face look calm, and his breathing was steady. His chest rose and fell with each inhale, and if she listened carefully, he emitted the quietest of snores; almost endearingly.
She smacked him.
He jumped awake, rubbing the side of his head. "Lily! What was that for?"
"Sleeping while you should be worrying about how to make me feel better, you prat."
"Stop calling me a prat. I've already figured it out. I had my apology planned out before my nap."
Lily rolled her eyes. "I wasn't serious, James. I could care less whether or not you apologize to me." But secretly, she really hoped he would.
"Oh, well, that's unfortunate. Because it was going to be really, really great." He stood up, and stretched his arms over his head. Lily laughed at his messy hair and wrinkled shirt, and covered her mouth quickly, hoping he hadn't caught the noise. He yawned dramatically. "You're sure you don't want me to apologize?" Lily stared at him sternly, but they both knew she would give in to his puppy look.
"Oh, fine then." He grinned. "Wonderful, off we go." He grabbed her hand and before she could protest, he was dragging her out of the portrait hole. When he had pulled her down the corridor and around the corner, he slowed down so they were walking the same pace, but did not drop her hand. She was not even sure if she wanted him to.
"Where are you taking me?"
"Not outside again, don't worry."
"Good, it's going to be dark soon anyway."
"Exactly." Lily's face screwed up, in a lack of understanding. "Pardon me?" James laughed.
"You'll see." Lily looked at him skeptically, but he was facing forwards so she gave up and let herself be led throughout the castle. She made a mental note to begin a conversation, but her eyes were glued to their intertwined hands. Her hands looked small and dainty compared to his large, Quidditch-calloused ones, but she thought they suited each other in a roundabout way.
"Our hands look nice together," she suddenly blurted. James froze, and looked at her sideways. Then he burst out laughing. "Our-our hands… look nice together," he guffawed. "Lily, you're something." She turned her signature red, but could not help but laugh herself. "I didn't mean to say that out loud." His laughter died down, until only a piece escaped his mouth every few seconds. He looked down at her, his eyes watery from his hysterical laughter, but they looked warm and gentle and happy. "I'm glad you did."
They continued up stairs and around corners, making idle chit chat until Lily realized where she was being taken. "James, are we going to the astronomy tower?"
"Lil, stop trying to ruin it." She nodded her apologies, and smiled at his new nickname. Despite his words, they were soon beginning the trek up the tower stairs, and Lily's stomach began to do flip flops. What was up here?
"So, I gave this a lot of thought," James announced, dropping her hand in favour of walking in front of her on the narrow staircase. "And I decided that, because you really wanted to get to know and appreciate Hogwarts, and the parts of it you've failed to discover thus far, this would be the perfect way to tell you, I'm sorry. Lily, the astronomy tower at sunset, is so… well, you'll see. And I think you'll forgive me." His rehearsed words took on a passionate tone as he tried to explain the astronomy tower at sunset, and she suddenly became very anxious. As they neared the last few steps, she reached up to take his hand, so that their linked fingers hung behind his back and in front of her face. She could not see his face, but could only assume he was smiling to himself.
It truly was indescribable. The astronomy tower at sunset… was beautiful. More than beautiful. Pristine. Immaculate. Beyond any words Lily had ever heard. The tower faced the East, and the glow of the sun shone towards them directly. The golden light spilled in through the windows, onto the wood floor. Lily felt as though she were in a painting. This tower had always seemed so ordinary. The view was nothing less than interesting, but nothing to marvel at. The light hit the sparkling, undisturbed snow across the grounds, shattering into a million glistening pieces; a vast expanse of glittering white and gold.
"James," Lily breathed, breathless. "James, this is… Thank you. I'll remember this forever." The two stood, hands held, watching as the sun made it's all-too-quick descent, and even still until all that they observed was lost in shadows. They remained still for a long time.
"Lily," James' voice sounded loud in the darkness. "Yes?"
"Lily, I like you a lot. And I know that we've only been on real speaking terms for two days, and that our past history isn't the greatest, and we've managed to get into two rows today already. Maybe even two and a half, the way you look at things. But I think that's because you fancy me too. I don't mean to be presumptuous, and I don't want to rush you, but I feel like we really and truly have something between us. Are you going to try and tell me I'm wrong?" Lily hesitated.
"No, I'm not." He squeezed her hand. "I think it's nearly Christmas, Lily," he whispered. She lifted her wrist to check her watch, and saw that it was in fact, 3 minutes to midnight.
"Happy Christmas, James." He pulled her against his side, wrapping his arms around her, and she leaned her head against his shoulder. "I think we should be getting back to the common room, don't you?" James nodded, and kissed the top of her head.
"Yeah, I reckon' we ought to." He pulled away and began towards the stairs, but stopped when Lily grabbed his hand. "What is it, Lil?"
"I… Well, that was just so beautiful, James, and I'm sure it will be one of the most unforgettable moments of my life, that sunset. And I just… I want to make sure that there is more I remember about this." She looked at him shyly from under her eyelashes, and was glad that the darkness concealed her red cheeks. James' eyebrows furrowed for a moment, before realization dawned on him, and he smiled. Taking each step towards her deliberately and painstakingly slow, he put his free hand on Lily's waist, and brought the hand of hers that he held up to rest at the base of his neck. He bent his neck and rested his forehead against hers. Each of these movement made Lily's heart jump, and suddenly, his lips were on hers. For a few brief moments, where the friction of their lips was the only sound, Lily held her breath and would swear for the rest of her life that her heart had stopped. James pulled away slowly.
"Happy Christmas to you too, Lily."
Epilogue: Smile on The Staircase
Nearly two weeks had passed, and Hogwarts was once again alive with students. It was almost time for first class, and the corridors were crowded with people, bragging about gifts, or discussing holidays, or searching for friends. Lily, Alice and Marlene were pushing their way up the stairs to Gryffindor Tower to grab their books. Alice was describing a particular necklace her parents had given her while Marlene whined about her various skiing injuries. As they finally reached a landing that wasn't entirely jam-packed, a group of boys suddenly came bounding down the steps, rushing to get their breakfast before class. Lily looked up to reprimand them, but upon seeing Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew, she held her words. Trailing behind them by only a few steps, was a flushed James Potter.
He gently squeezed between two second year Hufflepuffs, trying to catch up to his friends without being pushy, and then noticed Lily watching him. He paused, his quest for breakfast forgotten. There they stood, smiling at each other stupidly. He had just begun reaching for her hand, when Sirius called his name. James' face whipped around to his awaiting friends, and he smiled at Lily once more apologetically before bounding down the steps towards them. Lily laughed, and turned to see her two best friends with questioning looks on their faces. She sighed, then giggled. "I just wanted him to stop humming."