A very basic Sue-parody. Poor Narrators. It's been a while since I named Arainalqua Celebaglar, but I'm fairly sure there's a royal, a silver, and a swan in there somewhere. Possibly a graceful. I don't have my copy of the Silmarillion to hand anymore to check. D
And lo, it did come to pass that the Ringbearer left Hobbiton and set forth, yea verily into the wilds of the world.
In the midst of the wilderness, he and his party of hobbits that will be not named, for yea they are totally unimportant, save when comic relief is required, didst meet a lady fair.
And yea, didst she give her name as Arainalqua Celebaglar -
Look, I don't get paid extra for disjointing my tongue, y'know. It's in my contract as narrator. Now, lemme get on with this or we'll be here all day.
- and her hair streamed down her back like a river in the moonlight, and her eyes were the green of the forest floor; much like the forest floor light and shade passed across them as if some great sorrow didst weigh upon her mind. -
Look, ok, overblown metaphors are in my contract too. If I could not say them, I would. Now, can I get on with it?
-Upon spotting the wearied travellers, she approached them and all were struck dumb by her grace and beauty -
I don't much like it either, y'know, but I gotta pay the rent somehow.
-She opened her mouth, and her voice didst pour forth like fine honey, "Uh, guys? You got a clue as to where I can find a tavern, because DAMN do I need a drink."
...on second thought, maybe I give up.