Super Garfield Galaxy: Legend of the Interstellar Quest
Based on a Future True Story
Authors note: This is my final tribute to all my literary and creative inspirations who have inspiring me to become writer. I hope I can inspire you like they have inspired me!
It was Earth in the year 20XX and the entire world had fell victim to crop blight. All over world plants were dying and people were starving in pot of dust and hopelessness.
"This is terrible. How will we be able to make it through another winter?" Asked Amelia Brand with concern as she saw corn dying behind glass case in NASA base.
"Mankind may have been born on this Earth but we were not meant to die on it!" Said Professor Michael Caine with inspirations as he began to write complicated equations and drawings on chalkboard in planning.
"What do you mean Dad?" Amelia Brand asked with feminine confusion.
"It is simple you silly little girl. Finally the time to boldly go where no man has gone before has coming." Explained Professor Michael Caine as they walked into room with giant space colony construction in progress. "But firstly we must find man to fly this mess for us."
Meanwhile at dust-covered corn farm Cooper was sitting on porch contemplating sorrows as he choked down foul corn beer. "What a hell my life is. I am not meant for life of farming. I am meant to be flying in skies high above and finding new frontiers."
"Daaaad." Whined Cooper's son. "I am hungry and tired of corn."
"Goddamn it son." Said Cooper with frustration. "Don't you realize it? Everything except for corn has done the dying. We are forced to be adapting if we wish to survive."
"But Daaaaaaaaad" Whined Cooper's son some more. "Corn comes out of me all wrong and I do not like it."
"Dad Dad!" Said Murphy with interruptions as she ran out of house. "The ghost in my room has left another message!"
"Goddamn it daughter." Said Cooper with further frustration as he followed Murphy into house to her room. "This is sci-fi not supernatural. Ghosts do not exist in this reality world."
However when Cooper stepped into Murphy's room his heart skipped a beat and his eyes widened as he saw what message was written on the floor in dust.
"The Path of Lasagna is the key to salvation!" Exclaimed Cooper. "What does it mean?"
That night when Cooper was sleeping he found himself in strange dream. Across the world fields of corn were dying in mass and people were screaming in fear as there doom loomed upon them. But suddenly from the blackened skies above there was a bright orange flash like spiraling star supernova. And as the black smoke clouds cleared there was giant godlike giant orange muscular figure standing high above the chaotic world. As he blew like big bad wolf the mysterious orange man god put out all the fires and instantly like sea monkeys the trees made of lasagna started to grow saving humanity from starvation.
When Cooper woke up he was wet and full of questions. "What is the meaning of that dream? Who could possess such power? Is there such a man in this fallen world capable?"
Before Cooper could contemplate more he received ringing on the phone. "Hello. This is the Cooper Corn farm at Hole Avenue bringing you quality corn from the hole with Cooper speaking."
"Cooper this is the Principal." Said voice on the other end with sterness. "I am in need of meeting with you on charge of misbehaving daughter."
With anxieties Cooper put his pedal to the medal and drove to the school. When Cooper walked in he saw Murphy tied to a chair with signs of paddling as he saw to his horror the Principal and the Attractive Blonde Teacher holding sticks in their hands.
"Daddy help me!" Begged Murphy as tears flowed from her eyes like mountain brooks.
"What is the meaning of this?" Asked Cooper with fatherly outraged.
"Cooper your daughter has been beaten on several counts of false libel the appropriate discharge as stated by our school handbook." Said the Principal as the Attractive Blonde Teacher held out Cooper's old textbook and compared it to censored new textbook.
"But that is the true!" Said Cooper with disbelief. "We really did land on the moon. That is great AMERICAN ACHIEVEMENT and yet you seek to hide it from AMERICAN CHILDREN?"
"We have no place for American space achievements when all of us are starving to death on corn." The Principal said with his eyes gleaming like hateful daggers.
"No! I cannot stand for this! This is censorship and it goes against everything outlined in the American Constitution!" Cooper said with beaming patriotism.
"Don't you get it you nostalgic fool?" Sneered the Attractive Blonde Teacher. "America is died and you are clinging onto ghosts."
"If you do not recant your lunar blasphemy we will have to rectify you ourselves!" Yelled the Principal as he reached into his desk and pulled out a Colt Walker and readied to fire at Murphy.
"Close your eyes Murphy you father loves you!" Cooper said with protection as he hopped in front of Murphy as human shield.
"NOOOOOOOO DAAD." Cried out Murphy but before the bullet could hit him there was the sound of electricity crackling before suddenly a giant orange vortex opened up in the room.
"What the hell is this?" Everyone asked aloud as the vortex disappeared and in its place with electricity crackling from his body was none other than Garfield. Everyones mouths dropped as they gaped in awe at his muscular black and orange radiance.
"I'll tell you what hell is. Censorship of our greatest accomplishments like moon landing and propagandic influence to corrupt impressionable youth? This is not the America I know and love. This is communism!" Said Garfield with disgust as he eyed the Principal and the Attractive Blonde Teacher with deadly sparks of brinkmanship flying from his eyes.
"Wait Garfield everything can be explained. It was for greater goo-urk." Said The Principle as Garfield punched him in the face smashing him into wall.
"EXPLAIN IT TO MY FIST." Said Garfield with follow-up punch sending the Principol flying and leaving commie shaped hole in wall before he collided in air with malfunctioning drone and exploded.
"Wait Garfield I now realize the error of my ways. Let me revise my text with you." Said the Attractive Blonde Teacher with seduction.
"Babe I would much rather never eat lasagna again than taint myself by sleeping with a Commie." Said Garfield with rejection as he took out his desert eagle and shot the Attractive Blonde Teacher in the head.
"Who are you?" Murphy said with awed wonder looking up at their savior.
"Are you to say that you have never heard of me, Garfield?" Garfield asked with shock.
"Garfield? But you are nothing but a fictional character in old world comic strips. How can you be real?" Cooper explained as he took out several Garfield comic collections by Jim Davis.
"WHAT IS THIS SLANDER?" Garfield said as he riffled through the comics and seethed with disgust at their inaccuracies before annihilating them all into nothing with a karate chop.
"What is happening? Is reality collapsing around me?" Cooper questioned his own sanity as he held out his hand before Garfield.
"What bedevilment." Garfield said as he stroked his chin in macho contemplation while planting explosives around the school. "One minute I was at Five Star Hotel with all my victory babes in endless night of pleasure but now I am in a communist school on a dusty America."
"What will you do?" Asked Cooper as they walked outside and Garfield pressed the detonator wiping the filthy communist school from American soil.
"My Garfield senses are tingling!" Garfield said as he tuned into feline intuition. "Get in the car and do as I say."
With Garfield's orders Cooper hopped in his pick-up truck and began to drive. Before long they had driven off the road through the corn fields to giant fence.
"Halt!" Said a mysterious robotic voice belonging to TARS. "This is off-limits to all non-personnel."
"The only limit here is the span of your life!" Said Garfield as he took the wheel from Cooper and smashed through the fence with the pick-up truck, running over TARS until he was no more than jumble of broken circuitry on ground.
"What is this Dad?" Asked Murphy with astonishment as they saw before them the NASA base.
"Impossible!" Cooper said as he looked around. "I thought that NASA had died."
"No we never dead but soon you wil! This is for TARS you orange mook." Said another robotic voice. It was CASE who then morphed his robot arm into mega cannon and began charging up.
"There are three laws of robotics. One – never shoot at Garfield. Two – never ever shoot at Garfield. Three- never ever ever shoot at Garfield. And you have just broken all three in one blast. You are defective product and you've just been recalled." Said Garfield as he casually slapped away the mega cannon's laser blast and strolled over to CASE before piercing the stupid robot with his fists and ripping out all the circuitry.
As CASE exploded behind him, Garfield walked to the front door of the NASA base and kicked it open. Garfield then saw before him several NASA security guards pointing their guns at him.
"I have already served up much justice today but I am always up for seconds." Quipped Garfield as he readied to slay the NASA guards before he heard commanding voice.
"Hold your horses!" Said Professor Michael Caine as he walked in with Amelia Brand. "Hello Garfield I see that you have arrived as my experiment had intended."
"What do you mean?" Garfield asked with incredulence. "I have early Valentines party to return to and if you point it on map I will leave you here with your heads intact."
"Heehee Garfield don't you realize it? You are no longer in your native reality. You are now on an alternate Earth and are trapped here until you help us with saving our species from extinction." Said Professor Michael Caine with great reveal.
"WHAT?" Said everyone with great shock.
"That is the truth!" Said Professor Michael Caine with exposition as he led everyone into conference room and put VHS into TV screen revealing the truth. "You see for years now all our crops have been going extinct until only corn has been left. And soon corn will go extinct and with it the human race. But for years NASA has also been receiving pivotal information from wormholes and I deduced that we were meant to live Earth to find new world to colonize. We will send ahead space team in interstellar quest to find world suitable for colonization and set up population bomb to kickstart repopulation while rest of humanity trail behind on space colony."
"Why am I needed then?" Garfield asked with impatience.
"Cooper was the only pilot left on Earth who didn't forget how to fly in favor of farming corn but I decided that he was not man enough to take on this task alone!" Said Professor Michael Caine with wise put-down.
"But Dad what about our robots? They were meant for that very purpose of scientific assistance manliness." Said Amelia Brand with robotics.
"Hahaha you stupid little girl! A robot is a robot! They can never hope to be a man, which is what we needed. But all real men died on this world when we became corn farmers. But then I realized that one world's fiction is another world's reality! And I started to dream of a man greater than all others who was always destined to triumph - Garfield! It was quite apparent that Jim Davis had seen the real Garfield in his dreams and the newspaper strip was a mere attempt at transcribing the majesty of his dreams. And so I conducted experiment with wormholes to summon the greatest man of all from another reality to save ours!" Professor Michael Caine explained. "Garfield will you do us the honors and give us vital info to get the space colony running?"
"No one becomes a man on hand-outs alone. You get nothing from me." Garfield said with shaking of head. "But if it gets me back to my own world where my babes are I'll save your pitiful communist world."
"Thank you Garfield I knew you were a reasonable lad!" Complimented Professor Michael Caine as Garfield walked away like mysterious stranger leaving everyone overwhelmed by respect for this godlike man from another world who had become their new hope. "I shall see you all tomorrow, when childhood's end comes and mankind grows up towards new futures."
"Wait Professor Michael Caine space travel takes a lot of time!" Said Cooper with relativity. "Can I take my daughter with me so that she will not become older than Betty White by time of my return?"
"No for this mission is for experienced individuals only and your daughter is but little girl so you must leave her here." Said Professor Michael Caine with hard truth.
"NOOOOOOOOOO." Cried out Cooper in anguish.
"Do not worry she will be in good hands." Said Professor Michael Caine with suspicious gleam in eyes.
The next morning Garfield was sitting back at Cooper's kitchen table in cool pose as he entertained the Coopers with arousing stories of his manly adventures in his native world.
"Garfield you are the man I wish my pathetic son-in-law always was!" Said Grandpa Cooper with praise.
"Wow Dad I never knew how lame you really were until now." Said Cooper's son with angst.
"That is true!" Said Cooper with sobbing admittance.
"Time enough for stories now." Garfield said as his mighty gut rumbled. "My body pangs for a rejuvenating breakfast of lasagna with a side of lasagna scotch on the rocks."
"I am sorry Garfield!" Said Cooper with sorrow as he opened the pantries showing nothing but kilograms of dust covered corn. "But the blight has killed everything but corn!"
"What sort of hellhole is this world?" Garfield roared with rage. "Communist censorship in American soil and no lasagna to eat? ULTIMATE MADNESS!"
Garfield then slammed his fist down, causing a chain reaction around the world that wiped out all of the filthy corn fields.
"Oh no that corn was the only thing we had to eat!" Said everyone with starvation.
"You ruined everything Garfield!" Cried Cooper's son with whiny anger.
"Now now as the ultimate man I am sure that Garfield has his justifiable reasons for everything." Said Cooper with defusing situational respect.
Garfield then walked outside towards Cooper's pick-up truck with announcements. "The sooner we can flying the sooner I can take my leave."
"Wait Garfield I must bid farewell to my daughter Murphy!" Said Cooper with fathery duties.
"Very well go with your boring fatherly duties keeping you from the path of manhood." Said Garfield with gratitude of not having children as he waited in the pick-up truck and slid in his favorite DIO album.
Inside the house Cooper went to Murphy's room with direness like smoking addict with empty fag pack.
"Dad wait you cannot go!" Said Murphy with urgencies as she pointed to new message on the floor.
"Stay?" Said Cooper with disbelief at message. "But Murphy this could mean anything! You know I must leave you to die on Earth in order to save the world in space." Cooper added with flimsy justifications.
"But Dad then this means you love the world than me. Oh no you monster how could you." Said Murphy with horror.
"I AM SO SORRY!" Cooper cried as he clutched Murphy and handed her the watch of symbolism.
"THIS IS JUNK." Said Murphy as she threw away the watch of symbolism and went off to pout.
"I am a dunce daddy!" Cooper said with failure and heavy heart as he started to weep, the strain that farming corn put on his fragile mind breaking it at last.
Then more dust fell on the ground revealing rest of message.
"Stay… it's a trap." Cooper realized from the message before rushing outside to warn Garfield. "Wait Garfield the whole operation is trap set up for us!"
Hearing this word of cautious cowardice Garfield merely laughed and flexed his muscles. "When will evil learn? I am Garfield! The only trap that they set is of their own demise!"
With that Garfield grabbed Cooper against his will and strapped him into the backseat of the pick-up truck before cranking the engine to life and speeding off towards NASA for the start of interstellar adventure.
"HOAAAARGH." Said Cooper with vomit as his body reacted negatively to Garfield's maximum speed as they smashed their way through dead fields of corn whipping up Midwestern dust tornado until they arrived at NASA.
"Godspeed to you Garfield! May we see each other again soon one day!" Said Professor Michael Caine as he waved goodbye as the team of Cooper Amelia Brand, Token B., and Red S. boarded the safeties of the spaceship like little children hiding behind skirts while Garfield braved the launch like a true man.
Standing on the surface of the rocket as it went out of atmosphere without a spacesuit as he played his ultimate space themed heavy metal mixtape Garfield absorbed sunlight into his muscles as the rocket broke through the ozone layer and they expanded to fiery levels of bulging bicepular intensity. Garfield then unleashed mighty battle roar as he readied for the start of grand galaxy spanning interstellar trek for the future of mankind. "Evils who hide in the cold vacuum of space hear my words and tremble. For soon your outer space will be dead space."
To be continued…