Title: Chances Missed
Summary: Their chance had come and gone years before...
Rating: K
Characters: John & Teyla
The last rays of dewy moonlight licked across the inky sea as dawn kindled on the horizon. The sand beneath them has long since lost any warmth it may have held; the soft wind scattering waves of sand from the dunes. The sea whispered against the shore, foam breaking over their feet. Their breaths were quiet, in tandem; the only things breaking the hours-long silence.
He'd missed her.
He turned his eyes away from the horizon and studied her face. In the two years that they'd been apart, she'd changed. Her hair was longer like it had been when he first met her, grey smattering the auburn curtain. Her face was no less beautiful, just older – more learned. The moonlight kissed her skin with a diaphanous glow, enamoured by her gentle graces a curves much like he had been for the years he'd known her.
Except she belonged to neither the moon nor John.
Never had.
He looked away, to her hand – to his digging into the sand, sighing into the cold morning. He saw her turn to him, the smile faltering on her lips as he caught her eye, her lids lowering of their own accord. He smiled, bitterly.
He didn't know why he'd come here.
He was getting married in two days and here he was in another galaxy, sitting on a beach on the Athosians' new home world with her because he suddenly had cold feet. He'd been practising his vows and she'd popped into his head for the first time in almost a year and he'd had to see her; had to know she was okay.
When she'd left, when she'd returned to her people with her child to be with Kanaan, John hadn't been sure what he'd felt and it hadn't been long after that that he'd left the program. Rodney and Ronon had been surprised and didn't understand his reasons, and at the time neither had John. It was only when he'd been back on Earth that he'd realised it was because of her.
Then he'd met Pamela and he'd fallen for her, more than he ever had with Nancy. When he'd proposed to her, he'd wished for some strange reason that he'd been on his balcony in Atlantis and she had been highlighted by the dawn of Atlantis he'd come to love over the years. Pamela was a civilian, a lecturer at the University and John did love her – was in love with her – but as they'd planned their wedding, invited Rodney and Ronon and Carter and Lorne, John hadn't been able to shake the feeling that something – someone – was missing. Then she'd popped into his head when he'd been practicing his vows and he'd realised something.
"I think I was in love with you."
She raised her eyes to his, the smile returning, only muted – sad. He swallowed.
"I was too."
John felt something inside tug and he had to look away. He'd never really bought into that whole heartbreak thing but he was definitely feeling something that felt very much like it.
Damn it.
He shook his head, the mirthless laugh escaping past his lips.
"What happened to us?"
She too looked away and John could hear her altered breathing, the hitch in her breath, the thickness in her words.
"We missed our chance," she whispered and when John looked to her, she was staring into the distance, far away from their quiet spot on the beach.
He looked away too - inwards, backwards. At the time, he'd known he'd felt something for her – but not this. Not this. Because if he had... He shook his head. God, if he had he'd have loved her. And she'd given up first. She'd gone to Kanaan even before she'd told him she had any kind of feelings for him. Maybe she didn't know, either. No, she knew. She knew and she never told him.
He couldn't resent her.
He clawed at his hair, fighting his body for control.
"God Teyla," he managed as an azure ray of gold split open the inky sky, his hand gripping her fingers tightly. He met her eyes, saw the tears there – felt his own. "I would have done anything for you."
She nodded and a tear slipped over her lid, dripping down her cheek. He brushed it away with his thumb, her face tucking closer to his hand for a moment. A noise escaped his throat and he ducked his head.
"I know."
He met her eyes again but closed his eyes against the pain, the regrets there.
The strange thing was,
"I still would."
She nodded her head, raising her face to the sky, blinking furiously as the sun crept over the horizon. She stood abruptly, and John looked up at her as she held her hand out for him to take. She pulled him up and waited for a moment before lowering her head, waiting. He sighed and lowered his forehead to hers, closing his eyes.
It was too late. Their chance had come and gone years before.
"Congratulations, John."
At the Stargate, she dropped his hand, bidding him farewell. He paused at the event horizon, turning back to her, a small smile on their lips.
He stepped through.
They both knew it wasn't right.
But they'd missed their chance.
It hurt.