It's not mine. I don't own it.

Hey! It's me again. This one is kind of weird. It takes place after Gravitation EX. I hope everything is accurate! Please, let me know if you feel I'm off on anything. It's basically the journal of a writer. I like to think Yuki would be able to express himself through writing, because it's more comfortable for him. I hope you like it. I've kind of been working on it for like three days straight. -_- Please enjoy!

I don't really know why I'm doing this. My therapist says it'll help me, since I seem to have a hard time saying things out loud, but have an uncanny ability to write. She calls it a 'thought journal'. That's stupid, though. I suppose I'll give this a shot.

March, 5

Okay, so I'm mean sometimes. A lot of the times. Whatever. It's not like I do it on purpose. I just don't really know how else to be. I wasn't always this way. I guess you could say I was a 'nice kid'. Sometimes things just happen, that are completely out of our control, and change us. That's normal. Right? I don't really know when it happened. That is, when I started to feel emotions again. It had been years. Six years, actually. It was somewhere between those awful lyrics, and that stubborn, childlike demeanor of his. He didn't just break down my walls, he completely shattered my entire existence.

He's a brat. I stand by that. He's selfish. Whiny. Annoying. He never thinks about what the other person wants or needs, as long as he gets his way. Not just with me, but in every relationship he has with another human being. That's what draws me to him, though. He's interesting. Unlike any other person I've ever met. Hell, at this point, I've become so used to him, you would think we wouldn't still have incidents like this.

It was innocent enough, I suppose. I was sitting on the couch, reading. Dinner was in the oven. It was the quiet before the storm. He came bursting in from work, excited about something. He was talking too fast, though. I couldn't understand a word he was saying.

"Slow down." Me.

"Sorry! Okay, so, Hiro and me got into this stupid fight, and god he's such a jerk!"

"What happened?" I'm trying to show I care.

"Well, he took K's side in this fight we were having about the next single, and he's supposed to be my best friend! Why would he do that?"

"Well, maybe he just had a different opinion." See, I'm calm.

"But he didn't have to be so mean to me!" That was when the droning began. He wasn't listening again. If he would just calm down sometimes, then maybe I wouldn't lose my patience.

"Shut up. You're being so annoying. You can't control everyone around you, you know. We all have our own minds. Now get out, you're getting on my nerves!" There it was. That mean part of me. I was always doing that. Kicking him out. I think, I think I just don't want to let him get close. For his own good. I'm no good for anyone, especially him.

March, 6

When I woke up this morning, he wasn't laying next to me in the bed. That always leaves an empty feeling in my chest. I guess I like the way he looks when he's sleeping. Really innocent. His cheeks turn pink, and he looks so vulnerable. But he wasn't there. Because I'm an asshole. I walked outside to see him curled up outside the door, in a ball, like he was waiting for me to come get him all night. That's when I felt the worst. I grabbed his hand and led him inside. He had this doughy, half awake look on his face.

"Yuki..." One word, but I can feel his emotions in it. He calls me by my name a lot. I like it. Most people in my life call me Eiri, but I picked my pen name for a reason, and to hear him say it with so much... love... in his voice... well, I feel like I'm honoring Kitazawa in the right way. Before we even made it to the couch, he was kissing me. He really likes that. I like how much control it gives me over him. I can make him melt into a puddle in a seconds with my tongue. But I pushed him off of me onto the couch after a second.

"You want some tea?" I offered, making my way to the kitchen to fix us breakfast. There was a brief moment of silence before he was fully awake.

"Yuki, I'm sorry if I upset you yesterday. I don't like it when you're mad at me." I feel even worse when he apologizes for me being a dick.

"I shouldn't have lost my temper." I wanted to explain more to him, but I couldn't. I'm just not very good at that. He started talking about a million different things. Work this, Hiro that. If I wasn't more secure with how much he loves me, I would be worried about his relationship with Hiroshi. I fully believe that if I hadn't come along, it would be those two making headlines every week. But he loves me. I don't really worry about him going anywhere. I'm pretty sure you could offer him anyone in the world, and he'd still chose me.

"Hey, Yuki, um... there's this company pic-nic next week, and everyone's husbands, and wives, and kids, they're all gonna be there, even Ayaka will be there with Hiro, and I just, would really love it, ya know, if you came." He was practically holding his breath waiting on my answer.

"I'll think about it." I know that if I had just said 'yes' it would have made his week. He would have been overly annoying and excited, and he would be happy. But the sick part of me loved toying with him. I know that I'll be there, but the look on his face, when he sees me, that'll be priceless. See, I'm sick. He deserves better.

March, 6

He's going to be insatiable tonight. He's been pawing at me all day. He didn't have to go to work, so he followed me around the house. I couldn't get any work done at all. Whenever he's like this, there's no turning him down. Of course, why would I? He's kind of a lousy lover. He peaks way too fast. But all of that energy he caries with him all day translates into sex. He can go for hours, pushing me to my breaking point. Besides, I love the look on his face when he's underneath me, screaming my name. Hmm. Everything I've written in this thing have been about him. Maybe I should talk about something else? … Seguchi called earlier. Just wanted to check on me. Mika's been calling for days, but I've been ignoring her. I don't feel like seeing my father, and they can't force me to. I'll go when I feel like it. He's always pushing me to go, Shuichi that is.

"Family's important!" He preaches. I guess he's right, but sometimes I just don't feel like dealing with all of that. Besides, Father doesn't approve of him. He tells me I'm throwing my life away, and that Miss Ayaka would be the perfect bride for me. I don't like hearing things like that. I don't like being told how to live my life. I'll be honest, in the beginning, part of the allure of being with that brat was how much Mika and my father would hate it. Seguchi too. I know he cares about what's best for me, but he tends to go overboard. I don't want the kid to get hurt. Ha. There I go, talking about him again. I guess he's just hard to get out of my head.

March, 7

I'm exhausted. He was relentless last night. Every time I tried to stop, he'd beg me for more. He loves to fight me. He screams, twists, turns, tries to escape me. Last night was different. He was forceful. He pinned me down. Took complete control of everything. I usually go one long round and I'm done, but he didn't stop until I literally passed out. And I'm not completely sure he stopped then. I don't know what it was. I guess, maybe it's because I wasn't really mean to him at all yesterday. I even let him sit in my office while I tried to write. Whenever he spends more then a few hours with me at a time, he always starts trying to rip my clothes off. That's what you get when you date someone so young. Sometimes I feel like a dirty old man, with my innocent, younger boyfriend eating out of my hand. But he is legal, and his parents don't mind that he lives with me. In fact, his sister thinks it's the greatest gift anyone could ever have given her.

"Eiri Yuki is my brother-in-law!" She squealed as we got out of my car one afternoon.

"Ha, well, we're not really married, Maiko! But, we do live together! Oh, Yuki! Can I call you my husband?" He nestled his head into my chest. His hair tickled my face.

"Only if I can call you my 'wife'." I teased him as I grabbed a handful of his butt. It was fun to watch him squirm.

"Y-you can call me whatever you want Yuki!" That's what gets me. I can humiliate him, torture him, curse him, tell him to die, that I hate him, and yet he doesn't leave me. He stands by my side, like a little puppy dog. It's like he worships me. I gave up on trying to chase him away. Lately, I even let him hold my hand in public now. He clings to my side like a child. Oh, speaking of children, Kitazawa's brother asked him to watch that kid again. A kid watching a kid. Who thought that was a good idea. I guess... I guess Riku's not so bad, all of the time, I just... hate children. Besides, looking at him makes me think of Kitazawa. I try to avoid that.

March, 8

Riku arrived today. They were both bouncing off of the walls when they were reunited. That brat's been bugging me lately, telling me how we should take a trip to visit him. He still calls us 'mama' and 'papa'. It's a little awkward. He's grown by at least four inches. That didn't stop Shuichi from picking him up and carrying him on his side.

"I think he's too big for that. You're going to spoil him." Me.

"Oh, Yuki, he doesn't have a lot of family, I just want him to know people love him." Shuichi.

"You love me, Mama?" Riku was bouncing in his arms.

"Of course!" Shuichi.

"Hey, how long are we stuck with the kid anyways?" Me.

"...Four months..." Shuichi backed away from me slightly. I tried to hold my composure, it's just hard sometimes.

"FOUR MONTHS! This is ridiculous!"

"Don't worry, I'll do everything, just like last time." I stared hard at Shuichi. The pleeding in his eyes told me this meant a lot to him.

"Fine. Whatever." I drove them home, listening to their constant ramblings. When I got to my house, I laid across the couch and closed my eyes. I needed to collect my thoughts.

"Why don't you go get a shower before dinner, Riku?" I could hear Shuichi whisper to the kid. He nodded and obediently ran off. I kept my eyes closed. I could feel Shuichi climbing on top of me.

"I'm not in the mood." I huffed.

"Are you sure?" He asked, burying his face in my groin. My body reacted to his touch. Damnit. I really wasn't in the mood. I had a headache from dealing with the two 'children'. He unzipped my pants, pulling them down just enough to reveal what he wanted.

"I don't think we have time. It won't take him long in the shower."

"Don't worry, Yuki, I'll be quick." He smirked at me. I couldn't help but get turned on. The look in his eyes said that it was happening, and it didn't matter what I thought about it. He opened his mouth, dragging his tongue along the side of my cock. I twitched. His breath was warm, and his touch gentle. Despite how bad he is in bed, he's great at giving head. That's because he practices... a lot. It's his favorite thing to do lately. He sucked me in, rolling his tongue in all the right ways. I grabbed the back of his head, pushing down on it. I could feel him almost gag. Not to toot my own horn or anything, but I'm definitely not small, in width or girth. His fingers teased what his mouth couldn't reach. It didn't take me long.

"Shuichi..." As he whispered his name, we both heard it. The water cut off. Riku would be walking in on us at any minute. He sped up his movements, trying fiercely to make me climax. It worked. I could feel the heat rising from my core, ready to pour out into his mouth. He made some adorable gurgling noises as he swallowed as much as he could of my seed. A lot of it dripped past his lips and down his chin. It was the image of sexy. I leaned forward, taking his mouth with mine, licking up what he had left behind. My tongue roamed his mouth. I love the way he tastes. Like candy a lot of the times. His hands fumbled with my pants as I wrapped him up in my kisses. His cheeks turned that adorable shade of red as he let out a cute moan. Just as he zipped my pants back up, Riku walked in, his hair wrapped in a towel.

"Mama, Papa, what's for dinner?" I sighed, wanting to continue my make out session with my lover. But despite what I felt, the kid had to eat.

March, 8

We just put Riku to bed. Shuichi is singing to him until he falls asleep. I want to fuck. Basically. That's all there really is to it. I don't want to get head. I don't want to make love. I want to fuck Shuichi like a wild animal. I want to tear him to pieces. I wish he would hurry up with the kid. Shuichi's little display on the couch earlier unleashed my beast. I don't know if he'll even be able to satisfy me tonight. It just shows how attracted to him I honestly am. Here he comes. I'm going to enjoy this.

March, 9

I made Shuichi cry last night. That's how I know it was good. He gets so overwhelmed that he's with me, he bursts into tears in the middle of it.

"Are you okay?" I blinked down at him as he wet the sheets with his tears.

"I just... love you so much..."

"Am I hurting you?" I kept thrusting hard into him, dominating his core.

"No. You can go harder." He wasn't fighting me... again. Something is different with him in bed.

"What? No complaints?" I licked the tears from his cheek as I slammed into him with all my might. We were both drenched in sweat. As well as his tears and cum. I think he was on orgasm six. I was on three.

"No. You're perfect. Ngh..." I bit his bottom lip, tugging on it.

"You're being... weird." I finally pointed out.

"You're being... nice." We both stopped moving, staring hard at each other.

"I don't care, ya know?" I said.

"About what?"

"That you're changing. It's okay. As long as... you don't get tired of me in the process."

"Tired of you? Yuki, I can't get enough of you." I licked his neck, biting gently into the soft skin.

"Good, cause you're mine." Then I heard the door creak open.

"Mama... I can't sleep... What are you doing to Mama?" He was pointing at me. The covers had long since been thrown to the floor. The poor kid had first row tickets to the show. Dick in ass and all. Shuichi let his legs drop from my shoulder blades to the bed as I slid out of him.

"Um... R-Riku, go back in your room, I'll be there in a minute..."

"Stupid fucking kid, getting in the way..."

"Hey! He's probably scarred for life after this! I mean, you had your... in my... oh poor Riku!" Shuichi was exploding with embarrassment. I sighed, rolling onto my back. I pulled on some pants, really wishing I had time to take a shower before I handled this crap.

"Yuki, where are you going?" Shuichi asked, putting his own clothes on.

"You're not good with stuff like this. You'll only make it worse." I opened the door to the boy's temporary room. He was curled up with tears in his eyes.

"Riku... um... we need to talk."

"You, you hurt him." He burst into tears.

"No, I promise, I wasn't hurting Shuichi." I sat down on the bed next to him.

"But, you... it... when I... it hurts..." I couldn't believe what I had just heard. Was the kid really saying that someone had done that to him. All I could think was, there's no way. It would kill him. He's so young...

"Kid, what do you mean, it hurts you? Does... does somebody, um..."

"Not what you were doing... not really... but in my... er... mouth. I'm not supposed to talk about it... I'll get in trouble..." It was unreal. My mind was flowing with memories, flashes of moments, touches, they seemed so innocent back then... of course, now I know what it all meant.

"Who?"

"What do you mean, who?" His eyes were huge and innocent. They remind me of Shuichi's.

"Who... you know, does that to you?"

"I'm... not supposed to tell anyone..." I could feel the tears trying to fall.

"You remember what I told you I did... to your father..."

"Yes Yuki-san. You killed him."

"Do you know why?" He laid his head in my lap, clearly tired mentally and physically.

"No. Why'd you kill him?"

"Because he used to touch me, like that. And he let other people touch me. Do you understand?" He shook his head.

"Not really." My fingers moved to play with his hair. I was nervous, talking about this with him of all people.

"Well, it's not okay, to touch people when they don't want it. Or to touch someone so young. You should be pure. Innocent. No one deserves to take that from you." At this point I could feel the tears falling hard down my cheeks. I never used to cry, but lately, it seems I do it a lot.

"What if I kind of do want it?" He reminded me of myself. I loved Kitazawa, and I wanted every second of the attention he gave me. It was the attention from the others, and how little I ended up mattering to him, that pushed me over the edge.

"That's natural. I... wanted it... with your father. That doesn't change that its not okay. Now, you have to tell me who."

"Yoshiki's boyfriend..."

"Now, why exactly did you need to come stay with us again? Yoshiki having another surgery." He shook his head. I could feel his tears wetting the leg of my pants.

"I asked her if I could come see you. I... really hate it in New York!" He slammed his fists into my leg.

"I do too. I'll send Shuichi in here. I've got something to do." He grabbed a fistful of my pants.

"Are you mad at me, Yuki-san?"

"No, Riku. You didn't do anything. It's okay." When I stepped into the hallway, Shuichi was standing outside the door.

"Yuki..."

"Shuichi, what am I supposed to do? That kid..."

"I feel terrible for him."

"Go talk to him." I pulled Shuichi forward, kissing the top of his head. "Maybe you can help him the way you did me." I walked to my room and picked up the phone, dialing Yoshiki's number.

"Hello?"

"Yoshiki, Riku's not coming back."

"What? Eiri, what is this about?" He sounded angry, but I didn't care.

"Apparently you're dating a child molester. Not to mention he hates it there. He wants to stay here with us, and I owe it to him. After all, he doesn't have a father because of me." I couldn't really believe I was saying it. I hate children. But I couldn't allow the boy to go through the same things I did.

"What? Daniel? He's not! How dare you Eiri!"

"I'm only going by what the kid told me. If you have a problem with it you can bring a lawyer to Japan. The kid stays with us." I hung up the phone. Shuichi was in the doorway, Riku in his arms.

"Um... Yuki, can he sleep with us tonight?" I nodded. My head was pounding like my brain was going to explode.

"As long as everyone's quiet." They climbed into the bed. Shuichi curled up against my side, Riku in his arms. It wasn't terrible.

A/N- Eh? What do you think? Another chapter to come real soon. I know, it's really dramatic, but I'm trying to put some more of the comedy angle into in upcoming parts. Please take the time to give me any constructive criticism, or let me know if I'm doing a good job. ^_^