For Forever Siriusly Sirius (Liza)
Nothing to Be Done
All Rex could feel was pain.
Most of it resided in his chest but as he turned his head to the side and his eyes fluttered open, it spread from his chest all over his body as he saw Esther lying next to him, a red patch spreading steadily across her chest onto her top. He couldn't tell on which side of her body she had copped the shot, but he could only hope that it was her right as that would be her only chance of survival right now. Her chest was rising and falling rapidly and her breathing shallow, Rex knew that she had only moments.
A mass of blue and black converged around him and he felt himself being lifted into the air. He called out for Esther and tried to get up off the stretcher but as soon as he moved he felt like a thousand knives were stabbing him in his chest.
"Esther!" He called out, wincing at the pain, "Esther can you hear me!?" calling her name was the only thing that didn't hurt him.
"Sir, we must ask you to stay as still as you can," Rex heard a voice say from above him. Rex didn't listen to him, he had to know that Esther was okay.
"Esther, come on baby, can you hear me?" he called again, hoping against hope that she was somehow miraculously conscious and aware. He couldn't hear anything over the crunch of the paramedics boots on the gravel and the chatter of their voices above him so if Esther did call back he didn't know.
As the world started to swim before him, he was vaguely aware of himself being lifted off the stretcher and onto a more comfortable surface and then the slam of doors being shut behind him. The voices around him started to become urgent and he heard the sound of an engine starting and what had been out of focus before became a complete blur as the compartment of what Rex assumed was the ambulance started to shake as the vehicle pulled away from the curb.
"Sir, can you tell me your name?"
Rex could barely hear the question through the haze of pain, fear and worry.
"Where's Esther?" he muttered.
"Sir, I'm asking you to tell me your name?" the paramedic said. Rex looked up and saw the man looking down on him with concerned eyes as he slid in and out of focus, "Sir, can you tell me your name?"
"Rex," Rex said, his eyelids drooping as whatever they had jabbed into his veins at the site of the explosion started to take effect, "Rex Matheson."
He heard the paramedic shout something in Spanish to someone and Rex immediately heard the tapping of a keyboard.
"Where's" he gasped, raising his hand slightly to touch the paramedic's arm, "Where's Esther?"
The paramedic looked confused, "I'm sorry sir, but I do not know of this Esther that you are talking about."
"Esther Drummond," Rex said urgently, "The girl who you found me with."
Recognition flashed across the paramedics face, "She is being taken to a hospital also, now I must insist that you let go of my arm."
Rex looked at his hand and realised that he had been gripping onto the paramedics arm for dear life. He released it, confused as to why he was doing that, "Sorry," he muttered, lying back on the stretcher.
He could barely feel the pain in his chest anymore, the morphine that they had given him must've been so much stronger than the painkillers he had been taking for six months. Unfortunately, it was also narcotic, unlike the painkillers he had been taking previously. Rex felt his eyelids flutter shut and his consciousness drift away to a place where there was never any miracle; where he didn't have a gaping hole in his chest and no blood in his body.
Rex jerked awake as the ambulance roared over the median strip, causing everything inside it to jolt.
Rex couldn't stop thinking about what he had just dreamed. He had no blood in his body; the blessing had taken it all as well as all of Jack's. If the blessing had taken all of his blood then how the hell was he still alive? Because as far as Rex was aware, he needed blood in his body to survive, yet here he was, alive and breathing (though only just)
He felt the paramedic stab his arm with another syringe. He didn't resist. Painkillers were painkillers and to Rex, the more painkillers the better.
His head and eyelids started to feel heavy, he let them close, knowing that they would probably have to operate on his chest and it was best that he wasn't awake when that happened.
He barely noticed the jolt of the ambulance as it ran up the curb and drove on the footpath to overtake the traffic. The blackness descended around him and he fell into a dreamless sleep.
When he woke, he felt warm and comfortable, this however was immediately minimised by the fact that he could hear a loud beeping by is ear. His eyes flew open to confirm his suspicions; he was in a hospital.
In that instant, everything came rushing back to him; the pole through his chest, the pain that followed, watching Vera die in the module, travelling to Buenos Aries and meeting up with Esther. Esther! He immediately thought where's Esther?
He didn't have time to voice his concerns, however, because no sooner had he ripped open his hospital gown to see if his wound had healed, he was smothered by a body hugging him and then hit at full force with another.
Rex tried to struggle but found himself too week.
"You stupid, bloody idiot," the first person said and Rex immediately relaxed at the sound of the Welsh accent.
"Nice to see you too Gwen Cooper," he said, extracting an arm and putting it around her, "And that only means that this one is World War two," Rex said, pulling away from the hug to see Gwen and Jack standing before him.
"You could've been killed!" Gwen exclaimed.
"I was killed," Rex said, "But somehow I'm here. Now would anyone care to tell me where the hell I am?"
"We're still in Buenos Aries, Gwen and I flew over from Shanghai as soon as we could, we've been here about a week now," Jack said, "You're in a stable enough condition to be moved back to the states but Esther isn't, and we told them we go together or not at all."
"Esther?" Rex said hopefully, "She's alive?"
"Alive but critical," Jack confirmed.
"Can I see her?"
"I don't see why not," Jack said, glancing at Gwen.
"I'll check with the nurse," she said and ducked out of the room. Jack shoved his hands in his pockets and sat down in the chair next to Rex's bed.
"Never thought I'd say this," Jack said with a small laugh, "But I'm glad you didn't die Rex."
"Yeah," Rex said, "Me too."
Jack snorted with laughter, "Good to see you haven't changed."
"It's going to take more than a pole through the chest to change me, World War two."
Jack laughed again, looked around and bent in closer, lowering his voice to a whisper.
"Rex listen to me," Jack said urgently. Rex leaned in so that Jack could whisper in his ear, "It's about Esther,"
Rex felt his body tense up at the mention of her name, "Yeah," he said, all of his attention now on Jack.
"Several members of the Families escaped those pits," Jack said, whispering quickly, "We killed two of the most senior family members and the families are going to be after our blood. We have to appear weak so they think that it's a prime time to attack so that when they do, we're ready for them. Now I don't know if Esther is going to live, she's still on life support, but if she does then we need to pretend that she's dead. We need to have a full funeral and pretend to grieve for her alright?"
"Why Esther?" Rex protested immediately, "Why not me? I almost died too."
"Because we need you to fight Rex," Jack said, "I don't mean to offend Esther in any way but her area of expertise is computers and we don't need computer nerds, we need fighters."
"She fought off Maloney at the Overflow camp in Pedro just fine! She's not totally useless Jack, she can help us!"
"Not in the way that we need," Jack said, "Sorry Rex, but we've already decided who is going to have to disappear off the face of the earth."
"But why Esther?" Rex raged, "She's got family! She has a sister and two nieces. I've got nobody."
"It's not about that Rex," Jack said sadly, "It's about who's essential. Now Esther can run computers while being in hiding but we need felid agents Rex, people who can go out in the open and be seen and Esther isn't a field agent."
Rex looked down at his lap, he had to admit, Jack had a point, "And what if she does die?" Rex voiced timidly, "What if she dies and we are in a vulnerable position?"
"We won't be," Jack said, "Torchwood is never vulnerable."
"You really are a heartless bastard aren't you?" Rex said, his face contorting into an expression of hate.
"That's me," Jack said with a small smile which just infuriated Rex even more. He opened his mouth to say something back but was interrupted by Gwen coming back in, accompanied a nurse.
"Mr. Matheson," the nurse said and Rex was pleased to find that she was American, having thought that all of the nurses would be Spanish, "Gwen has informed me that you would like to visit intensive care."
"I would," Rex confirmed.
"Well, I suppose you have been able to be discharged for a day now so getting out of bed is not a problem, though I would prefer you to use a wheelchair than walk."
Rex nodded, he would do anything to see that Esther was alive and breathing in that moment.
"For a man with such severe injuries, you have made a remarkably fast recovery," she said. Rex smiled,
"You can't get rid of me that easy."
Rex wished that he could sink into the seat of the wheelchair and never emerge again as Gwen pushed him out of the lift towards ICU. He was the epitome of embarrassed.
"Can you go quicker?" he asked Gwen, "This isn't exactly my finest hour."
"Oh for god's sake Rex!" Gwen said exasperatedly, "You're in a hospital, nobody's looking at you."
"You sure about that?" Rex said, averting his eyes as they passed two girls talking in rapid Spanish as they stared at the strange ensemble that had just stepped out of the elevator, "Nobody's looking at the American man in a wheelchair being pushed by a Welsh woman with a man who looks like he's just time travelled out of World War two, yeah, nobody's looking."
"Oh give it a rest," Gwen said, "You'll be in a ward where most people are in comas in a moment."
Rex rolled his eyes and wished that he could control the wheelchair himself. It felt like an hour before they finally went through the doors to ICU and were met with lots of loud beeps and fifteen unconscious or slightly conscious people.
"Hi," Jack said in hushed tones to the nurse, "We're here to see Esther Drummond."
The nurse nodded and pointed at the bed at the very end with a sad look in her eyes which made Rex's heart beat at double its' normal rate. What did that look mean?
Gwen wheeled him past every other bed until they reached the end. Esther's bed had the curtains drawn around it and Rex felt himself break out in a sweat, every terrible thought about what might've happened to her coursing through his head at a hundred miles an hour.
Jack pulled apart the curtains and walked into the small private space that surrounded Esther's bed.
"Mister Harkness, Mrs Cooper," the nurse who was tending to Esther said, "and, who's this?"
"This is Rex," Gwen said, "The same Rex that she always asks after."
Realisation dawned on the nurse's face and she stepped out of the way so that Gwen could wheel Rex up to where Esther's head was.
"She's a fighter," the nurse said as Rex took Esther's hand in his own, "We keep expecting the worst but she keeps hanging onto life, It's like the miracle didn't leave her."
Rex ignored her, "Esther," he said softly, feeling tears welling in his eyes at the sight of her, "Esther can you hear me?"
Esther's head, which had been facing away from Rex, turned slowly towards him, "Rex?" she asked, "Is that really you?"
"Yeah," Rex said, a smile breaking across his face, "Yeah, Esther, it's me."
"I didn't think that I would ever see you again," she mumbled, smiling back at him.
Rex laughed and kissed her hand, "You know me, Esther, I never go down without a fight."
Esther's smile widened, "You're okay, aren't you Rex?"
"Yeah," Rex said, "All better. You gotta do the same now, you hear?"
The smile faded from Esther's face, "Let's face it Rex," Esther said, "I'm not gonna make it."
"Sure you are, don't talk like that," Rex said.
"I'm not," Esther said, her voice becoming fainter with every syllable, "I was dead from the moment that bullet entered my chest."
"Esther, listen to me, you're not going to die," Rex said, holding her hand tighter than ever as if that was what was keeping her tethered to him.
"Yeah I am," Esther said, "I've been dying for days."
"You're not dying though," Rex said, tears welling in his eyes, "You're alive and talking to me, look!"
"I just needed to talk to you again," Esther said, her eyes shutting slightly, "Just to tell you that I love-"
She stopped and sighed, "What do you love?" Rex asked, the tears blurring his vision as they started to run down his cheeks, "Esther, come on baby, tell me what you love."
Esther opened her eyes slightly and Rex could see the effort that it was taking for her to even do that, "I just wanted you to know, that I love you. I have ever since I walked through the doors to the CIA on my first day and you were…"
And with that statement, Esther Drummond took her final breath, with the long, continuous beep of the monitor confirming what Esther had been telling him for the whole conversation. Rex began to sob as he finished her sentence for her, "And I was changing Noah's desktop background to a porn photo."
Behind him he heard Gwen laugh through her tears and he turned to find her sobbing into Jack's shoulder; Jack too was crying, the tears that were falling down his face confirming it, despite the fact that he made no change of expression and no sound.
"Jack," he said, "Please tell me that this is a dream."
Jack shook his head sombrely as he rubbed Gwen's shoulder.
"Oh god," Rex said, pulling Esther's hand to his mouth and kissing it again, "No," he said, "No Esther, come back!"
He felt a hand being placed on his shoulder and looked up to see the nurse shaking her head sadly at him; she too had tears in her eyes."
"I'm sorry, Rex," Jack said, "There's nothing we can do."
"Yeah," Rex said, wiping away his tears and using the bedside table to pull himself closer to Esther's head and kissed her still warm lips "I love you too," he whispered against them, revealing to her what he had been keeping a secret for almost two years, when Esther had agreed to cover for him when he had a hangover. He pulled away from her and wheeled his chair backwards so he was sitting next to Jack and Gwen, he sighed shakily as more tears made their way down his face.
"Nothing we can do."
AN: This is the only way that I can picture Esther dying. She didn't die instantly as when they show her and Rex lying next to each other she's still breathing and her eyelids are still flickering.
Anyway, Liza, I hope you enjoyed it and hope it didn't suck too hard because I violated our headcanon of Esther surviving.
Also, before I go, every week this year, I'll be gifting someone a fic of their choice. All you have to do is PM me before all the spots are taken! What to do is on my profile under "GIVING BACK IN 2013" I'd love it if some of you could help me fill up my spots!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
DFTBA,
Best Wishes
~The Original Horcrux~