AN: I am still working on Illusions of Bliss and have written a few more chapters but want to finish it before I publish anymore. For now, things like this mindless piece help keep me sane as I try to figure out where to go with IOB.

Don't own anything :) Paramount and all that jazz...

Apologies for any mistakes, not betaed!

B'Elanna Torres, chief engineer of the starship Voyager, wondered for the thousandth time, why she always let her husband talk her into stupid situations.

Current stupid situation, exhibit one: involved her helping Tom design a costume for the captain that fit her human figure but stayed inside the lines of the specifications of the T'Olatti, their most recent first contact.

The T'Olatti were one of many alien species they had met in the Delta Quadrant and one, so far, that hadn't resulted in raised shields and photon torpedoes. Not yet, anyway. According to Tom and Neelix, if they didn't abide by strict rules for the diplomatic gala held tonight in honour of a pending relationship with the T'Olatti, shields may yet be raised. Part of the gala required the captain to arrive in a strict dress code for the formal friendship exchange. Specifications had been provided and the captain had asked Tom to work on it with Neelix. The T'Olatti were humanoid as well, with pale white skin, varying colors of blonde hair only, on both males and females and they had small horned protrusions on each temple, so re-working the costume for Janeway shouldn't have been such a difficult chore.

This was essentially what had led to stupid situation one. Tom had indeed prepared the outfit to fit Janeway's small frame, almost to the precise, intricate detail that the T'Olatti Prime Grath (a position, not unlike Earth's President) had given them. Tom had presented it to Janeway in her Ready Room this morning and the captain had almost lost her cool upon seeing it. Before - as Tom had put it - she could reach across the desk to murder him, Chakotay had quickly interrupted and suggested he they should try to barter for a modification that would allow Janeway to… extend the parameters of the costume. Janeway nodded and backed down while Chakotay dragged him out of the Ready Room.

B'Elanna hadn't seen the costume itself, Chakotay had propelled him so swiftly from Janeway's presence, he had left the clothing behind in her Ready Room but she had since seen the specifications that Tom had programmed, because Janeway had insisted she help Tom provide the next draft, and at the first opportunity the Klingon in her punched him hard on the arm.

What he had been thinking when he had designed not much more than a bikini for the captain to wear to a diplomatic gala was almost beyond comprehension, but then again, it was Tom.

"Pig," she muttered, as she integrated the modifications Chakotay had negotiated on behalf of his captain's modesty.

"Again, I was just doing exactly what it said on the tin," Tom protested, shrugging. "How was I supposed to know she hadn't reviewed it first? As far as I knew, she was aware she would be going Princess Leia style."

"What?" she growled, confused.

"Nevermind," he said, eyes sparking with fear and rubbing the still sore spot on his shoulder. "It needs a little more definition under the…" he paused as she narrowed her eyes at him and he cleared his throat. "Ahm, above the ribs." She pursed her lips and went back to work. "That," he interrupted, "Has to stay, it symbolises the path their ancestors took with following their God into space to seek enlightenment." He pointed to the growing spiral design over the breast that ended in a small peaked pyramid shape.

"Seriously?" she barked and he licked his lips.

"Seriously. Chakotay couldn't get them to budge on it," he assured her.

"Fine." Janeway wasn't going to like that…

"You can't do that either!" he insisted as she added inches to the material that hung from the 'bikini top' to meet the 'bikini bottoms'. She sighed heavily. "The gap symbolizes the dark years, as they call them, where they lost touch with themselves, their culture and their god before they found their way to enlightenment."

"Well, I don't care how dark their path was - if we suggest sending Janeway down there half naked again, we are going to find our future paths very dark on Voyager!" B'Elanna argued, throwing her hands in the air.

"Chakotay suggested we use the interpretation of a veiled connection to cover it up a bit," Tom told her.

"Why isn't Chakotay doing this then?" she complained, annoyed that Tom had gotten her into this. He inclined his head, smirking.

"Because Janeway didn't seem to trust him either," Tom answered, wiggling his eyebrows. "He seemed quite taken with the thought of her in the original outfit."

"Pigs!" She yelled, punching him again and grinding her teeth at the whole situation. If she got this wrong, Janeway would still be pissed and she would rather not have to explain to anyone how designing an elaborate bikini for her captain landed her in the Brig.

"How about something sheer?" he asked but she ignored him and simply added a few inches to both edges, running a fine jeweled sliver of material to connect both pieces up the middle of the abdomen and matching on the back. She clenched her teeth, noting that it wasn't much better but it was the best they could do given the instructions.

"Are you going to tell me I am not allowed to make it longer?" she queried dangerously, as she moved to the skimpy bottoms he had designed. He shook his head, though he seemed to consider it first. She leaned over to check the modifications Chakotay had been given leeway with and all she could see for the bottoms was that the material needed to be clinging close to the body, like water, symbolizing the river of the past that everything flowed from. Nothing on how short it needed to be. Rivers could be long and fluid and still close to the body she decided and added length down to Janeway's ankles in a clingy, silky material. Tom's head appeared over her shoulder.

"She won't be able to walk in that," he motioned to the skirt. "And, the left leg has tattoos all the way up to-" B'Elanna elbowed him in the ribs for criticising but admitted, he was right. The material was fairly thin, and fragile but tight and should Janeway try to do anything except sit or stand in it, she would likely rip it. Aside from that, Kahless forbid it should cover the weird tattoos Janeway was supposed to cover her body in. So B'Elanna added a slit into the material, running to just as high as she deemed below inappropriate, hoping that the captain wasn't more puritanical than she thought.

"Nice!" Tom cheered.

"Better," she corrected before adding some more modifications to hold the design together. There was also a headdress and shoes to accompany it but she saw no reason to modify Tom's previous designs - covering the captain's head and feet were the least of her worries.

"Done," she announced and Tom rubbed his hands in glee as he bounced towards the replicator to ask for the dress. As soon as it materialised, he lifted it into the air between them.

"Wow," he said gleefully. B'Elanna twisted her mouth, still unsure that there was enough material but admitting defeat based on the dress code instructions. "Let's go see what she thinks."

And so ensued stupid situation number two.

B'Elanna had refused to go with Tom, pointing out that he had handled it fine the first time and besides - Chakotay would be there to save him. He had whined at her, reminding her that most of this creation was her doing and if the captain hated it she should be there to enjoy some of the heat as well. Janeway had taken that moment to call them on their progress, wanting time to review the outfit before the gala in a few hours. Tom answered, not missing a beat. "We're done, Captain. Actually, B'Elanna has done a really great job - we can bring it up to you right now if you like?" The captain agreed and as soon as the link was closed B'Elanna gave Tom another punch.

While there were still a couple of hours before the gala, the tattoos that would need to be painted on would take some time and the captain and Chakotay were reviewing the designs so that she could get tattooed as early as possible, hoping to save time for some more cultural study before she went planetside.

And so here they were, in the captain's quarters, presenting her with their creation. Janeway took the garment from Tom's hands and gingerly and held it up. B'Elanna had never been in the captain's quarters before - she knew it wasn't a big deal and that some of the senior staff had visited here, but there was just something that made her uncomfortable about being there. Chakotay spent a lot of time here and so, of course, he appeared totally relaxed as he sat at her dining table reviewing a PADD. Glancing to Tom, he looked equally comfortable and her eyebrows knitted together, wondering if he had been here before.

"It looks great," Chakotay chirped and Janeway shot him a sideways glare. The captain clearly had other ideas about the outfit.

"I added as much as I could," B'Elanna told her, sounding apologetic. "But any more and…"

"I understand. Good work, B'Elanna."

"Tuvok to the captain."

"Janeway here."

"The Prime Grath has just informed us that the festivities have been moved forward. He expects you on the planet at 16:00hrs."

Janeway's eyes widened in alarm. "That's 30 minutes from now!" she exclaimed.

"Yes, Captain. Tuvok out." Tuvok's tone made it more than clear that arguing would be futile, he had clearly already tried to convince them already on her behalf and failed.

After reading the instructions given for the dress code, B'Elanna could understand her alarm. Aside from the dress, Janeway also required intricate designs drawn on her exposed skin, to mark more of the story that the dress told.

"I'll get the ink and tattoo printer," Chakotay charged for the replicator as B'Elanna pulled the PADD from him containing the design, ready to transfer them to the tattooing device, while Janeway rushed to don the dress.

Chakotay and B'Elanna worked on programming the tattooing device to begin printing the design as soon as Janeway emerged. A soft 'oh' from her husband alerted them both to Janeway's presence a few minutes later.

"Wow, Captain," B'Elanna grinned. She couldn't help it, admiring her work, nor how the captain looked in it. "You look fantastic!"

"Mhhm," Janeway hummed, uncomfortable and clearly still annoyed with her 'choice' of outfit. Tom turned back to B'Elanna and nudged his head ever so slightly at Chakotay beside her. He was standing, the tattooing device forgotten, as he stared at Janeway like she was something to be devoured. B'Elanna bit her lip wondering when Janeway was going to notice that she had just turned her first officer into stone.

"Shoes. Shoes!" Janeway called, dipping and moving around the furniture in her living area looking for the pair that Tom had replicated this morning.

"Here," Tom thrust the shoes at her, having spied them under the coffee table beside her couch.

Chakotay still hadn't really moved, his eyes fixed on Janeway as if looking away or blinking might suck the air out of the room. B'Elanna rolled her eyes and taking the device out of his hands, continued to program the patterns in, giving him a swift kick for good measure. It could be fun to see Janeway notice how he looked at her but she suspected that it wasn't the best time. On the other hand, perhaps then it would be clear to the woman that her commander, her first officer, her closest friend was madly and foolishly in love with her.

B'Elanna snorted as he blushed, embarrassed. It wasn't really a secret to her how he felt about the captain. She knew him too well and even an idiot would have picked up on the look in his eyes just now. Maybe they would perceive it as pure lust, but B'Elanna knew that particular shade of lust. She had directed it at her husband many, many times, and aside from the will to tear his clothing to shreds within, there was also a deep need to just… fall into him. And that need was more about love than lust.

And it looked good on Chakotay, she thought. She just felt bad that look was all he could do.

You poor pig….

He grabbed the device back from her, perhaps wanting something to distract him and he kept his head bowed but she was sure he was continually sneaking a peak as Tom helped Janeway with instructions on how to do her hair. When her long tresses came tumbling out of the bun of steel she eternally confined it in, they all took a moment to stare. To B'Elanna's knowledge, no one had ever seen her hair flowing freely like this without some sort of confinement. She had a lot of hair - it was quite beautiful actually. Very feminine - not a trait she was accustomed to associate with her captain.

Tom cleared his throat and glanced at B'Elanna as Janeway ran a brush through her long locks and started to pin some of the top up to hold the headdress easier. Clearly he was feeling a little uncomfortable as well. All of this - getting the captain ready was bordering on a personal level that they were not used to. Janeway seemed to be taking it in her stride though, or didn't even think about it as she seemed completely unruffled to have her pilot grabbing and holding portions of her hair for her.

"Ok?" Janeway asked Tom as she hastily smoothed the last few strands while looking in the mirror. He nodded silently. "Headdress!" he jumped into action.

"Where is it?" Janeway asked, glancing about, sure she had seen it just a moment ago.

"In our bedroom."

The moment Chakotay spoke, what he had been fearing earlier happened in a quick, cold second, as all of the air was unceremoniously sucked out of the room. Tom froze, staring at the horror on Janeway's face, her body also frozen to the spot. B'Elanna's jaw fell open, gaping at Chakotay and her nimble fingers stopped working on scrolling through the instructions. She waited, they all waited, no one even breathed.

Then, "What?" Chakotay asked, looking up and realising everyone was staring at him. When his eyes landed on the captain he felt, rather than understood what he had said.

B'Elanna heard Janeway exhale quietly, controlled, presumably trying to assess her next step. Tom was grinning like a kid at Christmas and looked like all he needed for eternal happiness right now was some popcorn.

B'Elanna saw two ways this particular situation could go, and neither of them seemed entirely welcome, least of all for Chakotay. Either he had just revealed that he and the captain were secretly sleeping with each other and she would soon throw him, possibly her and Tom too, out an airlock just to be able to deny it, or, Chakotay had just revealed a secret fantasy of his and Janeway was currently considering throwing him out an airlock and threatening to demote them if they breathed a word of it.

Either way, Chakotay was spacedust. Janeway's face spoke of no other result.

Shaking her head, a hand to her temple, the captain then glanced at the chronometer and disappeared into her bedroom to find the item that was the cause of the unwelcome glacial freeze in their small space. The moment she was gone, Chakotay muttered a quiet, but vehement curse.

"It was nice knowing you, man," Tom said semi-seriously.

"Shut up, Paris," Chakotay grinded out between clenched teeth. Tom's mouth opened for another smart retort and B'Elanna was glad he thought twice as she heard Janeway approaching again. She came out, busying herself with placing the headdress in her hair, and everyone threw glances between them, wondering when the storm was coming.

"How does it look?" She turned to them, her back to the mirror and hands on her hips referencing her headdress.

"Great. It looks great, Captain," B'Elanna spoke quickly before either of the men said something else stupid.

"Ok. Time for the ink," she said brusquely and more glances passed between the group. Chakotay had been assigned the tattooing job, not only because he had experience, but he was the only artistic one between them, aside from the captain, and she could hardly draw on her own back. The device negated a lot of skill required for tattooing, but one still needed to know something of what they were doing to produce a decent result. However, abruptly the prospect of Chakotay drawing intricate patterns onto the captain's bare skin sounded strangely… intimate and dangerous.

"Now, people! We have 10 minutes before I am supposed to deliver the T'Olattian greeting of interplanetary friendship in front of their entire planet and if I am not appropriately dressed - and drawn on, it seems I may get thrown in prison, or shot. Any questions?"

Maybe she had decided there was no time to kill them just now.

No one dared ask, they all just moved. B'Elanna finished providing Chakotay the parameters for the design and he refined the settings in the tool.

"It's done," Chakotay said looking down at the device as if he was praying to it for a red alert right now.

"Then hop to it, Commander," she ordered, stretching out her left leg, where the tattooed story would begin and hiking her skirt up high.

B'Elanna saw Tom's eyebrows rise just as high as hers and they both watched Chakotay lean back and swallow, hard.

"P-Perhaps," Chakotay stumbled. "Perhaps the doctor would be faster at this."

Janeway pinched the bridge of her nose, as her face grew dark with frustration and everyone in the room prepared for the thunder to finally crack.

"Chakotay," she hissed. "Since you have already decided to tell a good portion of the senior staff that we are not only sleeping, but living together, I think now is a good time for your to utilize your unique knowledge of my body and tattooing to get me down on that planet and speaking within 8 minutes before they blow Voyager out of the sky for standing them up!"

Somewhere, B'Elanna heard a choking cough and assumed it was her husband. However, she dared not look away from her friend right now, the look of pure joy and shock on his face was priceless to behold. He was literally levitating somewhere between euphoria and terror. It made a bubble of laughter float out of her mouth. The exuberant sound drew her captain's eyes and the woman looked at her quietly as Chakotay started his work. A very faint tinge of pink reached Janeway's cheeks and B'Elanna wasn't 100% percent sure it was anything to do with embarrassment rather than the way Chakotay's hands were currently working on her the curves of her leg. It made B'Elanna's smile break into an all out grin and she nodded approvingly at Janeway.

Her captain only dipped her head and turned back to the work Chakotay was concentrating on. When Tom had recovered he moved swiftly to her side and in the silence that had descended around the sound of the tool, Tom grabbed B'Elanna's hand and squeezed.

"We'll see you after the introductions," Tom spoke up. His voice respectful and devoid of teasing. B'Elanna gave a proud squeeze of his fingers.

Janeway glanced up at them, her eyes unguarded and a little watery. "Thank you," she said quietly, earnestly before her eyes gravitated, full of love and tenderness back to her commander, her first officer, her best friend and now… her love.

She and Tom left quietly, mostly unnoticed.