Shimura Otae had no interest in marriage at this point.
Working at her wild hostess club, eating Bargain Dash late at night, perfecting her excellent cooking skills…she didn't need a man storming in and taking over.
As long as she could see her adorable little brother happily married then she thought she would be okay.
Which was exactly why she was on the verge of committing a brutal murder.
"Otae-sa-a-an!"
Otae's eyes turned to slits and her friends dodged either side of the road as they knew what was coming.
Without a word, Otae's foot swung round and sent the commander of the Shinsengumi flying into the nearest market stall.
"Oh, how scary!" She said with her trademark smile. "A gorilla tried to attack me! Oh well, it's gone now."
She turned on her heel and continued on her way.
Ever since Kondo's ever-increasingly desperate measures to get her to marry him, Otae had become ever-increasingly stubborn that she wouldn't.
She had no desire to marry a man whose idea of love was to stalk someone.
Also…well, it was difficult to admit this, even to herself, but Otae had secretly always wanted to be protected by the man she chose to marry. And, from what she'd seen, Kondo was much too…nice. And dorky. And idiotic.
There was no way she was lowering her standards just because a guy waved a proposal in front of her face.
"Ah, ah, Otae-chan!" Kisa, one of her friends from the club, looked behind at where Kondo lay, unconscious on a broken fruit stand. "You were a little too harsh this time."
"Not at all." Otae replied with a smile. "Animals shouldn't attack people."
xxx
Otae rose early to next morning and no sooner had she secured her obi around her waist, preparing to go to the store; there came a knock at the front of the house.
"Shin-chan?" She called. "Is that you?"
Why doesn't he just let himself in?
Otae got to her feet and slid the doors open.
Before her, in her yard, the main force of the Shinsengumi stood, Hijikata and Sougo at the front.
It took a moment before Otae could calm her surprise and retain her usual smile.
"My, my," She said. "Have I broken a law?"
"Nee-san," Sougo's hands were in his pockets. "We need to talk a minute."
"Do we, Sougo-kun?"
Otae-san wished the Shinsengumi wouldn't call her 'nee-san', a respectful term reserved for the wife of their commander. Which, of course, she was not.
The only one who didn't was Hijikata.
"Otae-san," He exhaled smoke into the air. "We just need a moment of your time. We have a request for you."
"I was just about to go shopping."
"We'll accompany you."
"That won't be necessary."
"We insist."
"I insist you do not."
Hijikata sighed. "Alright. Plan B."
Sougo nodded and gave the signal to the Shinsengumi.
Otae wondered momentarily whether she was to be attacked or something when every member of the Shinsengumi dropped to their knees.
"Please, Nee-san!" They cried. "Marry the Commander!"
Otae twitched irritably.
That old ploy again.
It was not the first time that the Shinsengumi or various members of the Shinsengumi had attempted to get Otae to accept Kondo's proposal.
But this time it must be serious if even Hijikata and Sougo were on their knees.
"Please stand." She said.
They stood.
Otae stepped from the enegawa onto the ground. "I'm going shopping now." She said. "Goodbye."
"I told you we should have tried the hypnotism." Sougo muttered.
As Otae left her complex, the Shinsengumi followed her.
"Oh? So now you're harassing me too?"
"No." Hijikata lit another cigarette. "Convincing."
"I'm sorry, Hijikata-kun, but I won't be stalked into submission. Kondo should know that by now."
"Kondo didn't send us here."
Hijikata sighed as he recalled the events that had taken place that morning at HQ.
xxx
Hijikata had walked into the meeting room where he usually met with Kondo for the assignments of duties for that day.
It was empty.
"Kondo-san?" Hijikata looked around, then checked the yard.
Kondo was sitting up against a tree, holding a flower.
Hijikata had inwardly groaned. He knew that pose. He'd obviously been rejected by Otae-san again.
"Kondo-san?"
"What am I going to do, Toushi?" Kondo groaned, staring at the flower. "Otae-san hates me."
"She doesn't hate you," Hijikata felt like he spent a whole lot more time sorting out his Commander's love life rather than his police schedule. "She's just playing hard-to-get."
"The thing is…" Kondo began, then fell silent again.
He couldn't really voice it.
He wasn't articulate enough to put it into words.
It was just that ever since the day he had fallen for her, he had simply been attracted by her beautiful calm. Her strong smile, her kind words, how she was compassionate but still strict if need be.
Then, over the course of the years, it had become more.
Of course, Otae was gorgeous enough to turn heads, but she had a withstanding spirit, a Buddha-like acceptance of people and such a bright and brilliant soul.
Kondo sank further down.
And compared to that, what am I?
Some goofy idiot. In brains, looks and personality- someone like me can't even hold a candle to someone like her.
All someone like me can do is follow her around, hoping she'll throw me a bone one day.
"The thing is," Kondo attempted to put his feelings into words and all that came out was a gasping: "I love her!"
Hijikata looked down at his Commander, then over at Sougo, who had been watching from the doorway.
Their eyes met.
Something had to be done.
xxx
And here they were now, Hijikata thought wryly. Getting absolutely nowhere.
"Um," Yamazaki attempted. "I know it's not my place, Nee-san…"
"It certainly isn't, Yamazaki."
"But Kondo-san is really serious, he's not just joking like usual."
"Neither am I."
"Hey, Nee-san," Sougo said. "Just hurry up and marry him. You'll never find a guy who loves you that much."
"I'll take that as a compliment, Sougo-kun," Otae fixed them all with a look. "The people at the counter might be too scared to serve me if you lot come along. Please just leave. This is one of the reasons why I wouldn't marry him. I'd be followed round by Shinsengumi all the time."
"Not really." Sougo said.
"If you married the Commander," Hijikata said. "He wouldn't send us to guard you. He'd guard you himself."
Otae's hand stilled over the carton of Bargain Dash she was taking from the freezer.
"I don't know who exactly you're waiting for," Hijikata said. "True- he's ungraceful, clumsy and ridiculous most of the time. But he'll love you until the day he dies. I don't understand why that isn't enough." He glared at the floor. "Don't let love slip through your fingers. I've made that mistake. And it's a stupid one."
"Hey," Sougo smirked. "Look at you, Hijikata-san, getting all deep. You actually sounded smart for half a second."
"Shut up, Sougo."
"Die, Hijikata."
"What was that?!"
Sougo pointed at Yamazaki. "That guy just told you to die."
"Huh?!" Yamazaki squeaked.
Otae turned away. "Thank you for your concern," She said. "But basically what you're saying is that because he loves me I should just accept. Well, unfortunately, it takes two people to get married. I refuse to marry someone I don't love. My happiness is important to me."
And, with that, she left.
Hijikata groaned. "We failed."
"She's quite a woman," Sougo commented. "Almost as bold as China Girl."
"Could you not bring your girlfriend into every situation?"
"Bite me."
Otae was conflicted as she walked back to her house.
It was so typical of men to think that just because Kondo loved her, she should love him back.
It wasn't that simple.
She needed something from him.
Something she wasn't sure he could give her.
When she got home, she checked her closets, her cupboards, under the stairs, under the beds, under the kotatsu table.
No Kondo.
For a weird moment, Otae felt a tinge of…no, was it…?
Disappointment?
Otae decided to take a nap and clear her head before work.
She was obviously coming down with something.
xxx
"Hey, Otae-chan?" Ayumi looked worried. "Are you okay?"
"Fine." Otae said, a little unconvincingly.
"Are you sure? Table Nine hired you, but I can go if you want."
"No, it's okay." Otae straightened. "I'm going."
I need to focus! This isn't like me!
As soon as Otae saw the men at Table Nine, she groaned.
It was that rowdy group of thugs who'd been causing a lot of noise and trouble for the club recently.
The manager had even threatened to throw them out, despite their money.
Otae considered leaving, but, in the end, squared her shoulders and decided to get it over with.
"Hello there," She approached their table with a smile. "I'm-"
"Finally!" Some guy with a ripped t-shirt kicked the table, sending the glasses crashing down. "A cute babe! The others were fucking dogs!" His friends laughed.
"Could you please not kick the tables, sir?" Otae kept her cool. "It's disturbing the other guests."
"Who the hell cares?" He squinted at her over his glasses. "Well? Are you a hostess or not? Come over here."
Otae remained rooted to the spot. "There aren't any seats free."
"I'm saying sit on my lap!"
Again, his friends laughed.
Otae didn't move. "No thank you."
The laughter stopped.
"What?" The guy growled. "I said: come here!"
"No." Otae remained outwardly placid, but inside her heart was beginning to race, people were starting to look over.
Meanwhile, Kondo entered the club, determined to hire Otae-san for another afternoon, even if all she did was kick him and spill hot drinks over him. He still couldn't wait.
"Otae-sa-?" He looked round, confused. "Huh? What…?" Everyone seemed to be staring at a particular table in the restaurant.
"You wanna get slapped, babe?" The guy stood up and began walking towards her.
Otae tightened her fist behind her back.
"'Cos when I tell a slut to come sit on my lap then I expect her to-!"
Otae jumped as the entirety of Table Nine exploded into tiny pieces.
Had…had she done that?! But how…?
Then, with amazement, she saw Kondo standing on top of the rubble, holding the thug who'd threatened her by the neck.
The expression on his face actually sent a shiver up her spine.
"What," Kondo hissed. "Did you call Otae-san?!"
"Wha-?" The thug gulped. "I-!"
The others were fast scrambling to escape, the Shinsengumi Commander reached for his sword.
"Wait, Kondo-san!" Otae stepped forward. "It's not worth drawing your sword for!"
Kondo looked at her and, for once, it was not just a look of intense adoration.
It was a looked filled with steely purpose.
"My sword is a weapon I use to protect," He said clearly. "I will protect the honor of the woman I love."
Otae paused, feeling a lot like someone who has just been caught after a long fall.
And there it was.
It was the missing piece of the puzzle. Her feelings were clumsy, jumbled and erratic- a wholly strange shift in her world.
But that was just how it went sometimes.
Otae smiled to herself until Ayumi finally patted her arm. "Um, Otae-chan? That guy will destroy the whole club if you don't stop him."
Otae turned and saw Kondo beating the last member of the thug gang to a pulp.
"Kondo-san?"
Kondo froze and looked around warily.
Otae raised a hand and he flinched back, his normal goofy self returned.
"Ah! O-Otae-san! I-I wasn't stalking, I promise! I-I was just…just going to h-hire y-you for a while! I'll buy you all the drinks you want!"
Otae lowered her hand to his level and Kondo opened one eye, confused to why he wasn't a bloody wreck embedded in the shop window across the street.
"Kondo-san," Otae said. "Would you mind walking me home? I have a headache."
He stared up at her. "B-b-but…"
"What's this? You won't?"
"N-no! Of course I will!" Kondo leapt to his feet, unable to believe he was in reality.
"Maybe you'd like to come in for some tea as well?"
"A-are you sure?"
Otae touched Kondo's hand. "Yes," She said. "I am."
Kondo went bright pink and grinned so hard that Otae giggled.
"Hey!" The manager yelled. "Are either of you gonna pay for this damage?!"
"Let's go." Otae said. "Now."
As she and Kondo walked up the road, Kondo was blathering.
"O-Ot-Otae-san, I…just while we're alone, I…I want to you know that-"
"It's okay." Otae said.
"Is...this really happening? I only thought this would happen in my dreams, and, you know, I think about it when I'm playing with my…you know…"
Otae's foot cracked into the back of his shin, making him fall flat.
"Okay," She said. "You just spoiled it." She turned. "I'm going home to wash my hands."
"W-wait, Otae-san!"
Otae stopped at the corner of the street and looked back at his tear and mud streaked face. "I accept, by the way, you dirty gorilla!"
"Wh-wha…?"
"I accept your proposal!" Otae shouted, then resumed her journey, or rather tried to.
A small hurricane made its way towards her in the form of Kondo.
"WHAT? WHAT? WHAT WAS THAT, OTAE-SAN?!"
"I'll marry you," Otae told him calmly as he stood stock still, his eyes like saucers. "I just realized that I love you and you meet my requirements. I will marry you."
As Kondo touched her shoulder as if she would break and held her, Otae was warm and happy.
And if she was happy- then that was all that mattered.
Also, she realized something else about Kondo that night that she never expected.
He was a great kisser.
xxx
It didn't take the Shinsengumi long to visit Otae's house.
All of them where crying, apart from Hijikata and Sougo.
Shinpachi and Gin were practically catatonic with shock, Kagura wanted to be the maid-of-honor, Katsura bought her a 'Welcome' mat for their new family home once they bought it and Hasegawa sat there cleaning his sunglasses and muttering: "Well I never…"
"This had better not turn into a romance anime!" Gin snapped. "I've still got fights left to do!"
"You needn't worry," Otae smiled. "The sex scenes will only be available on the DVD."
"So," Hijikata smirked. "You finally came round."
"No thanks to you." Otae informed him.
"What do you want as a wedding present?" Sougo wanted to know. "How about a dead Hijikata? I can gift wrap it and everything."
"I'm going to ignore that." Hijikata muttered.
Otae looked up at that moment and saw Kondo at the entrance.
Their eyes met and Kondo immediately turned to goo under her beautiful stare.
"Otae-sa-a-an!"
He leapt at her and everyone instinctively leaned back, waiting for the inevitable destruction.
Otae smiled and grabbed Kondo's collar.
She kissed her fiancée there, in front of all their friends, despite the immediate resounding protests from all sides.
"Get a room!" Kagura snapped. Shinpachi simply fainted.
"Welcome home, Isao." She said.
"Otae-san." Kondo stared at her with shining eyes.
Shimura Otae had no interest in marriage at this point…still.
But if it meant her ridiculous, crazy, adoring stalker would walk her down to the store every day to buy Bargain Dash and defend her honor to the death and love her until he died- then she was sure she'd do just fine.