Chapter 1
Persephone walked the well-beaten paths slowly, allowing her mind to turn over its concerns in private. These moments alone had become some of the most important of her entire life, and at nineteen she had a deep wish to be a ten year old again, or even the ever-restless fifteen year old that still couldn't appreciate real personal troubles. These days it seemed she had a good many strange and disturbing thoughts to keep her preoccupied. Not least of these was a question of her purpose, her place. It seemed that there was so little about her that was… She struggled to find the right word, the word that would capture the pain in her breast, the storm in her thoughts. Original? No that wasn't a good fit, but close, so very close… Unique? Her steps came to a halt as she considered the truth of that word. While there were indeed many other problems her mind was turning over, the idea of not having anything particularly new to offer to anyone or anything was one of the more crushing variety. She was unique in being a Goddess of the Earths birthing, but she failed to see how she was more than a pale version of her lovely, Earth-mother who commanded the Earth's bloom with or without her.
The sun was setting and though alone in the woods, she was not afraid of the strange shadows the dusk brings. After all, she was a goddess of the growing Earth, was spiritually bonded to the land and knew her surroundings well. She also knew her mother, and while Demeter was wise enough to give her daughter space, she was also cautious enough to keep her within safe bounds. If something went amiss, someone would hear and come to her aid. As it was, Persephone simply wanted to sink down by a large tree and never move again. She was not entirely certain how this heart-sickness had come over her, but come it had and she found it a consuming companion. Those who knew her best were worried deeply and she knew that with her mother it went quite a bit farther than mere worry. Demeter was very close to distress.
Lightly sandaled footsteps carried her to the tree that she favored so, and not for the first time she found solace among the large roots that jutted from the ground. She allowed herself to be cradled on this venerable ancient of the forest, and thanked it from her heart for the solace the old tree granted her. Persephone had never known herself to be so entirely self-absorbed and felt disgust for all of the pity she carried for herself. Tears that rolled down her cheeks were wiped away, only to have more trail down her face that failed to be contorted with sobs. What is my purpose? Can I do anything that someone is not equipped to do better or more fully? Why do I feel so lonely? Why am I not grateful for my place with my mother and all those who love me? I am grateful. No you're not or why would any of this matter? Why do I feel so dissatisfied – so needing in my own skin? There her thoughts just stopped. This was one thing she at least knew part of the answer to.
In the past few years she had felt an awakening in herself even as her body had begun its natural transformation from child to adult. It was tension, and aching… Having tentatively explored the aching in her lower body she had found herself on a precipice of a pleasure so clear that it seemed likely to hurt her the first time. Intrigued, she was also covered in guilt because she knew that somehow this was tied to the act of coupling. That was something she knew even less about if that was possible and she never could say how she made the connection except maybe for instinct.
Being a chaste Goddess, she felt shame and to her even greater frustration, she had a fear of men. She knew that her mother did not wish to reside at Olympus in order that she might avoid the influence of some of their goings-on, and while she saw the majority of her family often enough, her and her mother's home was here on the lovely island Demeter had chosen for their home. Persephone had the small comfort of having never been attracted to the Gods or men she found herself with on occasion, perhaps partly through her fear, but this was the root of another problem. Once she had been content to be by herself, to work her spiritual rituals with Gaia and to make an oath to the earth she loved that she would be chaste as Athena and Artemis; she would be the dutiful daughter. Now she felt wretched. Her jaw dropped in shock as she considered that maybe she wanted love the way that Aphrodite knew it, and not only as the Goddess of love knew it, but as so many seemed to. Demeter had even known such love, and the accompanying acts. Maybe she wanted a husband of her own. What would a womb heavy with child feel like? A Goddess of birth who would never give birth… She gasped in fear at her own traitorous thoughts as the sobs finally took over and wracked her body till her ribs felt like breaking. Thus the sun that had been hanging low in his sky finally disappeared and left Persephone to her first inclination. She lay in the lap of the silent, green elder, and did not move as the night fell, but simply remained as she was.
As the night bound ever tighter to her aerie domain, Demeter chose to go after her girl herself. Her heart was breaking for the pain that Persephone was undoubtedly in, though up to now she had chosen to maintain her silence hoping that in time it would resolve. Her daughter was a private creature with her concerns and did not like the idea of burdening anyone with them and so kept them tightly and pathetically locked in her generous heart till she had herself made peace. Then and only then did Persephone divulge the thoughts she had kept so secret… when they had been resolved and no longer had the power to concern anyone. Demeter had once known her to be an open child with any and all problems, and she had enjoyed all of the small confidences that had been made with such somber attitude. As her child had grown however, her thoughtful nature led her to the conclusion that she was perhaps burdening those she loved best with selfish problems and so had decided to fight her battles alone. Demeter had tried to convince her that such reticence was unnecessary, and that her ears and heart were open, but sweet Kore only smiled and nodded as she kept her silence and patiently bore her trials. She had been nearly seventeen then, and now at nineteen her sweet nature was almost completely refined. She was unfailingly kind, maintained openness with the natural world so that its energy was always about her. Her skills were amazing and guided by a strong urge to help, and give joy as well as peace. There were beautiful flowers and lovely green things always to be found growing in the places where loss had happened, whether the ones lost were dear or not. Persephone wanted no one to be unremembered and felt it a cruelty for some graves to have decoration and others to lie plain. She adorned them equally as she knew of them. Her mother smiled at the thought and inwardly rejoiced at having such a daughter, even as her heart ached once more for the thing that was plaguing her now. Whatever it was, it was far worse than any pain she had ever seen on her daughters face before. Persephone was in agony, and the silence had to break once and for all.
So were Demeter's thoughts as she happened upon her child and her heart finally broke with the pain she heard in the weak sobs that were all Persephone had left to give. Hurrying toward the tree in the darkened wood, she had the comfort of being sure of step, and dropped to her knees to draw her daughter wordlessly into her embrace, cradling her close to the breasts that had once nourished her and now were a source of maternal comfort as nothing else is.
Persephone's head ached so badly, her eyes, her jaws, her sides… Everything simply hurt. She clung to her mother grateful for her silence but she knew that would only last so long and not much longer at that. Without warning her stomach clenched tightly and she wrenched free of the strong, capable arms to vomit over and over upon the ground as her stomach attempted to purge some of the ache out of her. Panting and exhausted with her grief, Persephone hung her head between her supporting arms, thinking of how her head seemed to hurt less now, and how cool the ground was under her askew tunic she had donned. She was also aware that her mother sat on the ground watching, but waiting for what she should do rather than imposing herself. Another wave of grateful feeling went straight through her heart and the quiet camaraderie between mother and daughter was what finally allowed her to smile ruefully at her mother over her shoulder and relent at last as she reached her hand to her. "Mother… My pain has become your pain. I would not have it so, and have much I would like to say. Will you hear me? I try not to complain, but I hurt so… I am lost. Will you hear me?"
Demeter's eyes, already full of tears, spilled over as she crawled the small space to her daughter and the two immortal women – one ancient, one young – helped each other to stand. "My girl, I will hear whatever is in your heart. We have as long as it takes and whatever it is, we will find a way to make it right." Holding tight to the others hand, they made the walk back to their simple home.