(C00K13 K1NG isn't helping me with this, but he wanted to appear somewhere in the story. I think the A/N counts as the story XD He will type in underlined words, and I'll be all normal [Ha, me, normal, ohhhhhh that's funny])
It's me again! Cue the horror movie scream.
Shut up. Make me.
Anyway, I'm going to ask you guys something, but you don't have to answer it if you don't want to: Pff, she means "I'm not going to give you a choice, answer it now."
What do you think of Lady GaGa's song Judas? I, for one, love it, and don't see why people are making such a big deal about it. I just now noticed how badly people are reacting, and want to see if we FanFictioners are too awesome to take the song the wrong way. I agree, GaGa's pretty cool.
That was my "Serious Time", I guess ^^" Onto the actual A/N! I'm gonna interfere a lot, you know.
I live with you, I'm used to it. Cretins.
Actual A/N: I got the idea from that Garfield thing on Cartoon Network (no, I don't watch it, C00K13 K1NG does :P). Oh yeah, announce it to the world, will ya? Thanks for the invitation.
It was the one where Garfield gets stuck in a tree and a bunch of characters try to help him, but end up getting stuck too. Let's see where my screwed up imagination takes me! Last time you said that, your "screwed up imagination" took you to Mom's underwear drawer.
*Shiver* Don't remind me. Hey, can I add one more thing?
I'm sort of scared to know… but sure.
YOU LOVE - -!
YOU LITTLE BRAT! And by the way, I can just block out his name since I'm uploading this. HA HA!
Aaaand, you guys should've told me that I'd been spelling the word "whether" wrong! I (if you've read all of this A/N, put the word 'sheep' into your review) always spelled it "wether" which means castrated sheep. O/O Do I want to know what that means?
No.
And I apologize for this extremely long and boring A/N…blame K1NG. *Cough* Enjoy! What she said!
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Bast hated to admit it, but she needed help.
Of course, anyone would need help if they were stuck seventy feet up in a sycamore tree.
Okay, it was explanation time: Bast was wondering around Brooklyn, allowing the Kanes some time off from her constant worrying and protection, when she saw a stray dog. Upon further inspection, she had pegged the dog as a Rottweiler. Since she isn't too fond of dogs, she threw a rock at it, thinking it a gesture of her hatred to Anubis.
Unfortunately for her, the dog was once a trained fighting dog, and took after her. Bast could not-so-fondly remember her terrified flight from the menacing canine.
After thirty minutes of relentless chase, Bast spotted a large sycamore tree. Its branches were large and sturdy enough, so Bast climbed up with ease.
Once safely away from the frightening beast, she decided that the amount of distance from her and the dog was not enough, so she climbed even higher. Looking down again, the distance still didn't satisfy her, so she climbed even higher than before.
This sequence continued until she was at the top of the massive foliage.
And that's why Bast was seventy feet up in a sycamore tree. Sadly the dog remained at the base of the tree, looking up as if to say "Who's screwed now?" so climbing down wasn't an option.
Now, I know what you're thinking, "Why didn't Bast use her super-cool magical powers?" Whenever gods perform magic, they must have their item of magic. Their item stores all of their magic, and is their symbol of power. Most gods keep their item hidden, except for Bes, who wears his Dwarf Pride Speedo all the time. (A/N I made every word of that explanation up, except for the Bes comment XD)
Bast, poor thing, had left her item (A golden can of Friskies) with the Kanes in case they needed immediate power while she was gone.
"Help!" Bast called weakly, knowing that no one could hear her. Well, no one but that godsforsaken dog, of course.
All she could do now was hug the trunk of the tree, and hope that her cat-like balance would come in handy.
( 1 N S 3 R T L 1 N 3 H 3 R 3 )
Anubis felt a slight disturbance among one of his creatures and a cat. I mean, it was normal what with all of the dog-cat squabbles happening every second, but this particular one struck him as odd as he tapped into the dog's senses. The cat had an unmistakable aura of magic. Oh, and the cat wasn't a cat.
Rather than a feline that wandered too close to this purebred masterpiece, the insufferable goddess, Bast, was the damsel –er- cat in distress.
Anubis chuckled at the goddess's current position, and debated whether to help or not. After three minutes of mind debating with himself, Anubis decided that he was feeling merciful, and ported out of the Hall of Judgment.
But he took his time; after all, what's the rush? It was a cat that he was about to help.
( 1 N S 3 R T L 1 N 3 H 3 R 3 )
Bast was pretty sure that it had been at least an hour that she had become trapped in the tree that had increasingly become more of an unfortunate find.
She had began to question if the other gods even took notice of her disappearance as she watched the dim sun lower itself, thinking about Ra and his probably dust-covered chariot.
Suddenly, a figure slowly approached the sycamore that was her environmentally friendly prison. She sat up straighter, peering at the tall, lanky figure. Upon closer inspection, the figure was revealed to be a male, with black hair in a messy fashion.
Her stomach lurched; tall, lean, and messy black hair. Anubis.
"Of course." She mused bitterly, eyeing the death god with resent.
He looked up, and even though she couldn't see his face, she was pretty sure that a smirk was plastered onto it. Anubis knelt down to the dog. Bast saw the Rottweiler look between her and Anubis, probably upset that he had to leave his prey, but after a minute, he lurked off disappointedly.
"In a bit of a fix, are we?" Anubis called up teasingly.
( 1 N S 3 R T L 1 N 3 H 3 R 3 )
The portal dropped Anubis in the middle of a busy street in Brooklyn. Cars honked noisily, and swerved to avoid hitting him. Apparently, seeing a boy pop up in the middle of the street was the norm around there, because no one really paid him any mind except for the angry truckers yelling, "Get out of the way!" which was normally followed with rude words.
Anubis leisurely strolled to the left side of the road, ignoring the nasty comments and watermelons being thrown at him. How truckers were heavily supplied with watermelons, Anubis will never know.
He tilted his head to a large sycamore tree that drew his attention. A large black blob was nestled at the top of the tree, but he assumed it to be a large bird, or something.
Anubis began to search the premises for the obnoxious goddess, but his short attention span kept drawing him back to that darned sycamore! Finally, curiosity got the best of him (What? Never heard of "curiosity killed the dog"?) and he headed towards the towering tree.
The sycamore was easily sixty feet or more, and a ferocious looking Rottweiler was curled at the base as if waiting for something. He was proud; the Rottweiler was one of his favorite subjects.
Approaching the dog, he looked back up, unable to shake the feeling that there was something peculiar going on with that tree. What he saw shocked and humored him, for there was not a bird nestled in the tree, but Bast.
Anubis kneeled down to the dog, and began to speak to it using the native canine tongue. (A/N I will translate) "Grrr arf? What are you doing?"
"Ruff bark, grr! Chasing a pesky cat that threw a rock at me, my lord!" the Rottweiler attempted to bow in respect.
He smiled. "Arf grr bark growl, ruff bark, grr. How noble of you, but you must leave this cat alone, for I know this one."
"Whine… Oh…"
The dog gave one last look between Bast and Anubis, waited a minute, and stalked off in a disappointed manner.
Anubis looked up at the goddess in the tree and smirked. "In a bit of a fix, are we?" he asked, trying not to laugh.
"Anubis, this is NOT funny! Help me down! Now, now, now, now!" she screeched, pounding an angry fist against the branch.
Anubis thought that she could've asked more nicely. "Hmm, I don't know. It's very tempting to just leave you there…" he mused.
She peered her golden eyes at him in what was supposed to be a menacing glare, but given the current situation it looked more like she was blind.
Bast hesitantly called down to him. "Please?"
That caught him off guard, and he was tempted to gasp "You used the 'p' word!" but instead he shook his head. "I cannot believe I'm doing this for you." He muttered so she couldn't hear, and began scaling the tree.
Not to be blunt, but Anubis was a dog. Despite what you may think, dogs were not born to climb. Anubis kept stumbling, tripping, dangling, and pretty much failing as he clung to the thick branches with his life. Every so often, a loud SNAP would sound, informing the god that he had broken yet another branch.
This'll be a long climb… Anubis thought bitterly.
( 1 N S 3 R T L 1 N 3 H 3 R 3 )
Sadie Kane had lots of thoughts running through her mind. Thoughts like I wonder if Barbara Streisand knows that she has a song named after her written by a band named Duck Sauce. And I'm craving pickles. And more commonly I wonder what Anubis is doing right now
Little did she know of the sticky situation the god was getting himself into, so she simply assumed that he was judging souls.
Being Sadie Kane, she couldn't stop coming back to that one thought I wonder what Anubis is doing right now. Curiosity got the best of her, and she whipped her phone out.
(A/N I made these names up) Aaron Smiter, Addison Kewels, Alexis Arrisen, Andrew Daemond… Sadie thought, scrolling down her contacts list. Andy Darris, aha! Anubis!
She bit her lip, and let her fingers fly over the small keyboard. She managed to come up with:
New Message
For Anubis
Hhey anubis! itz sadie and i wanted to ya know say hi. okay so maybe I waz wondering wat u were doin… sooooo watcha doing?
The writing was extremely sloppy, and Sadie hoped that Anubis was technologically advanced enough to understand that texts were supposed to be written awfully.
( 1 N S 3 R T L 1 N 3 H 3 R 3 )
In Anubis' opinion, it was all Bast's fault. Why did Michael Jackson die? It's Bast's fault. Why are gas prices so high? It's Bast's fault. Why were two rival gods stuck at the top of a sycamore tree? It's Bast's fault.
As soon as Anubis had reached the top of the tree, Bast asked, "So, where's your magic item?"
He frowned. "Umm, why? Don't you have yours?"
Bast's mouth dropped into an 'o', "You didn't bring one? Now we're both stuck up here!" she cried.
"Well, we climbed up; we can climb down, right?" Anubis reasoned.
Bast wailed, "I can't! It's a wonder I got up here, I'm terrified of heights! You do it."
"I can't either! I did NOT create dogs so they could climb!" he retorted, utterly appalled that she would suggest a thing.
Anubis pushed Bast out of the way and leaned against the trunk. "Ugh, I cannot believe that you got us into this situation!" he griped.
She got on her hands and knees, and peered over the edge of the branch. "I bet I can jump all the way down there and not die."
"Bast, you may be able to survive a forty foot drop, but seventy feet is impossible without magic." He reasoned.
The feline goddess opened her mouth to continue, but Anubis' phone vibrated, shushing her.
Anubis checked the message.
1 New Text Message
From Sadie
Hhey anubis! itz sadie and i wanted to ya know say hi. okay so maybe I waz wondering wat u were doin… sooooo watcha doing?
He whistled and replied.
New Message
For Sadie
Oh, thank gods! Lady Kane, we need u to come help us! As in "we", i mean me n Bast. Just, come to the large sycamore tree, youll know wich one im talking about.
He knew the grammar was way off, but if what Lady Kane told him was correct, you weren't supposed to use grammar when "texting".
Her response came so quickly, it startled them both.
1 New Text Message
From Sadie
On mai way! ill ask questions l8r.
Anubis looked up from his phone. "Looks like we'll have a bit of company."
0~0~0~0~0~0
How was it? Probably awful.
*Blatantly ignores him* Ooh, "blatanty", big word! Didn't know you knew 'em :P
Should I continue? You've already started; of course you're gonna continue.
I looked over this thing, like, six freaking times, but it never seems good enough ^^" It probably isn't.
If you would so kindly shut up… Don't count on it.
Oh, and this IS going to be more than one chapter, yay! Whoop-dee-doo.
-.- Alright then.
~C00K13 QU33N~
And COOKEH KING! :D