Here it is, my first twoshot ever! It just came to me, and it wouldn't get out of my head, so I decided to make it a oneshot! I was pondering on whether to make it AU or not, but I decided not to. R & R!!
Twoshot-
Summary:
Edward stood in front of the door labeled, "How to Get Rid of Annoying Parasites Called Love Rivals 101." And right under that, concealed from mortal eye, was another sign that seemed to be part of the one on top, "for mythical creatures." Edward has, like many have in a relationship, jealousy issues. Except for the fact that he's a vampire, he's just like any other guy. He wants to find a way to get rid of annoying guys without going overboard, and that includes beating them into a pulp.
Disclaimer:
Me: I do not own Twilight or any of the Twilight characters.
Italics are thoughts.
Edward Cullen pondered in front of the door labeled, "How to Get Rid of Annoying Parasites Called Love Rivals 101." Under it, hidden from mortal eye, was an extension of the previous sign, "For Mythical Creatures." Even after he and Bella were officially together as a couple, there were a lot of parasites that still didn't leave Bella alone. First, there was Mike Newton, the leader of the pack of parasites that stuck to Bella like glue. Then, there was Eric Yorkie, second-in-command in the parasite-filled school. Oh, and we can't forget the more intimidating rival of all, Jacob Black. Yes, the guy Edward hated the most, yet the one he was the most scared of. But lately he hasn't seen him lately, which was good.
He knew about the relationship between Jake and Bella. He knows about how Bella does indeed love the werewolf. As much as he would like to rip Jake's throat apart, he knows he can't. Not only because of the contract, but because he knows hurting Jake would hurt her.
Why he's in front of this weirdly labeled class, you ask? Well, he's gotten sick and tired of all of the guys who flirt and do even more than flirt, with Bella. Now, he decided to do something about it, either to be able to calm himself down and control himself, or learn how to kick their asses without killing them.
He exhaled the breath he held. Even though he doesn't need to breath, breathing makes him feel a little bit more human. Slowly, but surely, he turned the brass doorknob until it was opened about an inch. There, in front of him, were mythical creatures of all sorts. Even if they weren't human, they were men and women, all with feelings. And a heart, even if some of them stopped beating.
"Hello, welcome to How to Get Rid of Annoying Parasites Called Love Rivals 101 For Mythical Creatures. I'm the teacher, my name is Mr. Vincent Schmitzkuhagen. But you can call me Mr. Schmit. You must be Edward Cullen, the vampire. Come and have a seat." Mr. Schmit said.
He walked across toward the desk he pointed at. As he walked, he noticed the other occupants of the class. There was an ogre, a phaerie, a witch, a warlock, a leprechaun, and a talking three headed dog. There's an interesting pack of creatures.
A woman with spiked purple hair entered the room. "Hello dudes and dudettes. I'm the other teacher for this class. My name is Sasha Timbleland. Just call me Shay. This class is for those of you who have major jealousy issues and are mythical creatures. Let me guess, you guys want to scare off the people who bother your lovers, but you are scared to use your powers to the full extent. So you want to know how to get rid of them since you don't know how without losing control."
Everyone in the room nodded, including Edward. He really wants to protect Bella, but he has to protect his secret. Bella is one popular girl at their university. Especially since he turned Bella into a vampire, she's grown even more beautiful. A lot of guys stare after her with hearts in their eyes, and drool falling from their mouths. He wants to let them know that she's his, not anyone else's.
"Okay, first, let's introduce ourselves. You already know Shay and I, let's get to know each other." Mr. Schmit said. "You over there on the right, the ogre. Tell us about yourself and what brought you here."
The ogre shifted uncomfortably. It was a guy ogre, he had the usual blotchy skin, with the unusual ears, he was really fit, an rare trait among ogres. He was wearing baggy jeans and a t-shirt that said, "Shrek RULES!" "My name is Joey, and I'm an ogre obviously. I like to work out, I'm married and I love my wife. My favorite movie is Shrek. I'm 29 years old, and I'm here because my wife is beautiful and she's being tempted by ugly trolls and other cocky ogres."
"Good, you can sit down. You, the phaerie over there, you're next." Shay said.
The phaerie flew to the top of the desk. She was short in statue as many phaeries are. She was a good ten inches tall. Pretty tall for a phaerie. If she was human sized, she would sure attract many men. She had jet black hair, onyx eyes, and pale but slightly tanned skin. "My name is Clary and I'm a phaerie. I'm a famous actress in the phaerie universe. I'm 23 years old, and I'm here because my boyfriend is the most famous rocker in the phaerie universe, and I'm always getting called out by his fans. I want to show them who's his girlfriend even though I could just kick their a-"
"That's enough. You may sit down. Now, the witch and the warlock. I understand that you two are indeed a couple. Now explain why you're here." Mr. Schmit said.
The couple looked at each other nervously for reassurance. The warlock spoke first. "Well my name is Bret, and this is Ambre. We are both 25 years old. We met on my dating show. It's called, "Magic of Love with Bret Michaels." Ever heard of it? Well, Ambre won, and we're doing great together, but the problem is that the jealous contestants that lost have begun stalking us. And we want to get rid of them." Bret said.
"Oh, I saw your show! Well, you two can sit back down. Next is you, the leprechaun." Shay said.
The leprechaun was again, tall for her kind. She seemed about 5'0, in fact, very tall for a leprechaun. She had auburn hair, hazel eyes, pointy ears, and a gymnast body. "My name is Holly Short. I'm a LEPrecon captain in the Underground. So yeah, I'm pretty high up, I was the first female captain. I'm 15 years old. And I'm dating a...human. Yes, a human. His name is Artemis Fowl, world genius, you've probably heard of him. I'm here because of all the human fangirls he has, they also constantly mock me for my height, which I think is tall. He knows of my origin, the fangirls, of course, don't know."
"Okay, that's good. Alright, now, the three-headed dog." Mr. Schmit said.
Edward was thinking about how he's not the only one dating a human, he feels that Holly and he would get along pretty well. He thought the three headed dog, however, was a little out of place.
The three headed dog, had three heads, and was a dog of course. It seemed that the breed was a Canadian Eskimo Dog. One of the heads started to speak, "My name is Cerberus. My mate hasn't had puppies yet. But the other husky dogs won't leave her alone, they keep trying to mate with my woman. I want to rip them to shreds, but the dog council has strict rules about violence. So I thought I would try to do it the human way."
"Okay, this is the first time I had a dog in my class, but alright. Next is you, the vampire." Shay said.
Finally, it was his turn to speak. He wasn't nervous. Edward Cullen does not get nervous. "My name is Edward Cullen and I'm a vampire. I am 107 years old, but physically I am 17 years old. I'm a university student, and my wife is a human turned vampire. I was the one who turned her into a vampire after we got married. I also dated her when she was a human. I'm here because ever since she turned into a vampire, she's got guys flinging themselves at her from every directions, and my adopted father won't let me kill-hurt- them."
Everyone stared at him. They have heard of Edward Cullen. Everyone's heard his story before, the one about how he fought against a whole army of vampires with his family, and how he fell in love with a human and turned her into a vampire. They never thought that they would meet him in this kind of class.
"Okaa-y, that's all the people that are in this room. There are supposed to be two more people coming, I sent one of them to retrieve the other one, well because he doesn't have legs. Yeah one of them is a merman, and the other is a werewolf." Mr. Schmit said.
At the word werewolf, Edward tensed up. He didn't think there would be a werewolf in here, he felt like he was going to suffer in this class now, and hoped he could control himself from killing the werewolf. As we all know, Edward doesn't like werewolves. He despises them to the core, especially one named Jacob Black, also known as Jake. Even though he hasn't seen that werewolf in about a year and a half since their wedding, he still holds resentment for him. Jacob had shown up at their wedding, not happy at all, but still showed up. Bella was so happy and guilty to see him. He was there only briefly for the ceremony and left after saying a quick and strained "congratulations."
Suddenly the door swinged open. And there stood the guy he was just thinking about, Jacob Black. "Hey Mr. Schmit, I brought the merman." Jake said and he pushed a huge fish tank into the classroom. In the fish tank was the mentioned Merman. "Where do I put him?"
"Go put him in that huge opening in the middle of the room." Shay said. Jake pushed the tank to the described open space. Finally, Jake looked around and surprise was on his face when his eyes landed on the infamous vampire.
"You-what-why-here-Bella-vampire!" Jake stammered. Edward was surprised that Jake didn't have any malice in his voice. Only surprise, which was a surprise to him. He expected the werewolf to seeth at him, glare at him, curse at him, throw dirty looks at him, jump him, attack him, but he didn't, which was strange enough.
"Yes, it's me dog-boy. I'm still with Bella, and I'm still a vampire, and I have my reasons for being here." Edward replied as cold as he could. Jake could hear the coldness in it and started glaring at him.
"It's been so long and this is how you treat me?" Jake stated it more than asked it.
"I've always treated you like this. It's no change, what are you doing here of all places." Edward asked.
"I moved here for college blood-sucker, not like it's any of your business. Where's Bella?" Jacob asked.
"She's at home dog-boy." Edward replied. They started having a silent glaring contest. It went on for a while until Shay stopped them.
"Do you guys know each other?" Mr. Schmit asked.
"Unfortunately yes." Jake said.
Shay stopped them again from arguing and signaled for Jake to sit down. She then proceeded to ask the merman to introduce himself. The merman himself was a very good looking man, he looked pretty young though, about maybe 16 years old. "My name is Jay, and I'm a merman. I'm 16 years old, and I live in King Triton's kingdom. I'm one of the many princes there, and I am currently in a relationship with one of the main princesses of the kingdom, Princess Melody. But unfortunately for me, she has many admirers that plan to steal her from me. I'm here to make sure that doesn't happen."
"Alright, good, next is you werewolf." Shay said.
Jake sat up straightly. He cleared his voice. Jake's hair is now long like it used to be, in beautiful dark locks tied in a pony tail. He had his everlasting tan and as tall as ever. He's still as refreshingly handsome as he was before. "My name is Jacob Black, and I'm a werewolf. I'm 18 years old, and I just started college. I am dating a girl, she's a werewolf, and well, I kind of imprinted on her. I guess you could call it like love at first sight. But since we moved here, we've met a lot more werewolves. There's more here than there ever was at home and they all look at her like a piece of meat and I want to protect her."
Edward blinked once. He blinked twice. He wondered if he heard what he thinks he just heard. Jacob Black imprinted on another werewolf, and he's not in love with Bella anymore. That he came here for a woman that wasn't Bella. Did he hear right or was he just hallucinating? He hoped it was true...true that his biggest rival is out of the game.
"So you don't love Bella anymore?" Edward asked skeptically. Inwardly, he hoped that he didn't love her anymore.
"Well, I'll always love her." Jake replied somewhat amused. He knew how to get under Edward's skin, and sure was good at it because Edward immediately looked like he was about to kill.
Jake quickly continued, "Since she's my first love, she'll always be important to me. I love her, but I'm not IN love with her anymore. Like I said, I've imprinted and found my soul mate, so I only think of Bella as a friend now." He was afraid for his life a moment ago, but now Edward calmed down, glad that Jake wasn't chasing after Bella's affections anymore.
Edward suddenly had a little respect for the not so little werewolf. Before, the only reasons for his resentment toward Jake were because of Bella and him being a werewolf. But even Edward has grown up somewhat since then, he realized that love is confusing and complicated, and that it was the Cullen's fault for him becoming a werewolf.
Jake had also grown up. He isn't the reckless optimistic kid he was before. He's now mature, reasonable, realistic, and understanding. But of course, deep down inside, he's still the fuzzy werewolf wild child he'll always be. Now, instead of arguing with Edward at every chance, he's willing to start anew with the vampire.
"So, I'm guessing you still hate me." Jake said.
"Hn, I guess you're alright now, the main reason I hated you was because you clung onto Bella." Edward replied nonchalantly.
"Alright, now that the two of you have caught up, can we resume the class?" Mr. Schmit asked.
The guys grunted a yes and sat back down in their desks. Mr. Schmit started telling them how they should do things in a humane way.
"Okay, first on How to Get Rid of Annoying Parasites Called Love Rivals 101 for Mythical Creatures, we're going to tell you some methods." Mr. Schmit said.
"One way, you could openly tell people about your relationship, eventually they'll get the message and back off. But it's one of the safe methods that don't always work, some people are stubborn and keep going even after doing it." Shay said. "Another method is to constantly be around your lover. But that also has consequences, your lover might get annoyed and break it off."
What methods DO work then? All of those are ones that don't work. Aren't the supposed to learn methods that did work?
"Now on to the ones that DO work." Mr. Schmit said. "Try showing that you are their lover, and no one else. A little possessive, but not too much that it scares your partner away. Show a few signs of affection here and there for a little bit, but not too much either. It might scare away some of the suitors."
"Another one would be to just threaten a little. Threaten, not attack. Show them a little bit of what you can do. There's a 99 chance that they would all go away." Shay said. "You could approach the biggest one of them all, and you know, ask them a favor, if you know what I mean."
"Violence is a good way to persuade, not morally right, but effective." Mr. Schmit said.
"Okay, our class is now over. You're homework is to try the first method and see how it works. The one about openly telling about the relationship. Try it and see if it's effective." Shay said. "Class dismissed."
Everyone left the classroom. Edward and Jacob walked next to each other. "Do you want to see Bella?" Edward asked.
"Bella? Sure, why not. It's been a while since I last saw her." Jake replied. During the duration of the class, unexpectedly, the guys found that they had a lot in common, and even more surprisingly, they became friends. They exchanged numbers and gave each other's addresses.
They left the building and walked toward Edward's car. Jake's girlfriend had dropped him off, so he didn't have his car with him. "So what's your girlfriend's name?" Edward asked.
"Her name's Julie. Yeah, she's a werewolf." Jake replied.
"Did she live in La Push?" Edward asked. He started the car and drove out of the parking lot toward his condo.
"No, she lived in the same reservation Emily, Sam Uley's wife, lived. Her family, however, is from La Push, they migrated years ago." Jake said. Finally, Edward's car parked in front of a condo complex.
"Come on." Edward said. They chatted a little bit on the walk toward Edward's condo like they were friends their whole life. They used to be enemies, but he guessed that's what love does to a person.
They walked up to the door and entered the condo. Inside, the house was fully furnished, the walls were painted white, there were pictures of the Cullens everywhere, and it was not too big or too small, perfect for two people.
Jake heard some footsteps running down the stairs. "Edward! You're home!" She finally got to the bottom of the stairs and noticed the person standing behind Edward. Recognition was on her face as she looked at Jake. "Jake..." she muttered.
"Hey Bella..it's been a while." Jake said shyly. It's been a while since they last saw each other, he was happy to see her, but it's kind of awkward. They're cool and both already have lovers, but there's always going to be that little tugging at their hearts, love and heartbreak doesn't go away that easily.
Slowly, Bella smiled. She was happy to see him. He seemed happy, calm and mature now. "Yeah, it has been a while." She said. "And I'm kind of surprised you came with Edward, alive for that matter." With that comment, the tense atmosphere lifted and it felt like they were the best of friends. They all settled in the living room.
"It wasn't easy, but I got your stiff cold-hearted vampire husband to take me to you." Jake said. Bella giggled.
"I have no idea of what you're talking about." Edward said. He knew Jake was joking, but decided to play along. Years of being with Bella has softened him up.
They carried on talking about what each person was up to. Jake told Bella about Julie and how they met. Bella was truly happy for Jake. She was glad that Jake found the person he wants to be with, she was glad that he has finally gotten over her. She knew how Jake had felt about her and her becoming a vampire.
"I think I should get back now. Julie is probably freaking out." Jake joked. Right at that moment, Jake's phone rang.
"Hello? Oh hey Julie, yeah, I'm about to go home now." Jake said.
"Where are you?" Julie asked.
"I'm at Bella's house, you know, the first love." Jake said.
"WHAT?! Why are you at her house, JACOB BLACK?" Julie asked angrily.
"Don't worry, her husband's here too, the vampire." Jake quickly said. He was getting nervous, it's really Julie with the jealousy issues sometimes.
"Okay good. Just get home quickly. Quil and Embry are here." Julie said after calming herself down.
"Okay, I'll be there soon. Bye, see you soon babe." Jake said.
"Bye see you soon, and you're not that bad looking yourself sexy."Julie said. She hung up soon afterwards.
Jake hung up the phone and looked up at Edward. "Hey can you give me a ride home?" Jake asked.
"Sure, no problem." Edward said. "I'll be back soon, love."
"Okay, have a safe trip! Don't go too fast again or you'll get pulled over. Oh, and remember to wear your seat belt." Bella said cautiously. Ever since they got to this new city, Edward has gotten countless tickets. She's still surprised he hasn't gotten his license suspended yet.
"Yeah yeah, seat belts. Oh, and I'll be sure I'll be going at least 120 mph." Edward said teasingly.
"SHUT UP and drive safely." Bella replied.
Edward and Jacob got into his volvo and drove out of the parking lot. "So where do you live?" Edward asked.
"I live at Merridew Apartments, number 12." Jacob said.
"Okay. So why are you really taking our weird class? You don't seem to be the jealous type anymore." Edward asked.
"Really? Julie keeps telling I have this huge jealousy problem just because I almost pounce on guys that get too close. In werewolf form." Jacob said.
"I know, and Bella says I have jealousy problems just because I give guys dirty looks and almost drag those guys to an alley to have a little talk." Edward said.
They both burst out laughing. They kept on talking and talking until they reached Jacob's apartment.
"Hey I always thought you were this prick that had no sense of humor. But I guess I was wrong. What's your phone number, we should get together sometimes with the guys from class." Jake said. He took out his cellphone.
"It's 555-1901." Edward said. Jacob put the number in and dialed the number. Edward's phone rang and then it stopped.
"There, now you have my number. Do you want to meet Julie?" Jacob asked.
"No thanks, your werewolf friends are in there, and I don't think they'd like to see me, but thanks anyways." Edward said.
"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow, good luck on trying the method on Bella, I bet she'll feel really awkward and embarrassed." Jacob said.
"Same to you, see ya." Edward said. Jacob got out of the car and waved goodbye. He entered his apartment. Edward could hear voices inside greeting him. He drove off toward his condo where the love of his life was.
Later that night -
"Hurry up Bella!" Alice yelled. "We have to get going to the club, come on, we haven't hung out in ages."
"Alice, we went to the mall two days ago." Bella said.
"That was then, this is now." Alice said as she dragged Bella from her mirror. "And you look fine."
The whole Cullen family was here, minus Carlisle and Esme. They came over for a visit.
(A/N: They all live in the same city by the way)
They forced Bella and Edward to go out of their homely apartment to go to a nightclub. Bella and Edward are not the type to go out a lot if you didn't know. They prefer staying at home, watching a movie, and making out. Yeah, that was their Friday night plan.
"Alright alright, I'm done, let's just go and get this over with." Bella said.
Edward was standing next to Jasper patiently, When he saw Bella, his mouth almost dropped. "Bella...you look great."
With that comment, Bella blushed. She still wasn't quite used to Edward complimenting her like that. "Thanks, and you look good too." Bella said.
"No thank you." Edward smiled. They left the condo and sped off toward the night club.
"Plan to openly display our relationship is in action." Edward thought.
END CHAPTER
Yay, long chapter. This is going to be a twoshot by the way. I hope you like it. I wrote it kind of differently, not as much dialogue as my other story, but I hope it's alright! Next chapter will be the last! Oh, and I used people from other books(Or tv dating shows) I like for the other people in the class. Like Bret and Ambre from Rock of Love. Cerberus from Harry Potter(it is from Harry Potter right?), Holly Short from Artemis Fowl, and Melody from the Little Mermaid.
Please R&R!!