I've been getting a lot of messages regarding updates for 'Like a Drug' and 'the Art of Trying'. I promise they're coming! I just got distracted by this story, so had to get it down, but I promise I won't keep you waiting long.
XOXOXOXX
Meet me at bus stop, 7:00 tonight. BB.
Ste stared at the text, unable to fight the curiosity creeping up his gut. Sure, the text gave very little away – Brendan never was one for long-winded rambling – and yet Ste sensed there was something quite exciting about it. Besides, he and Brendan were getting on a lot better these days; they'd reached an understanding. You may even go as far as to call them friends. And whilst Brendan's jealousy of Ste's relationship with Doug remained fairly evident, he at least had the decency to back off a little more these days.
Actually, to say they were civil was a bit of an understatement. Getting texts from Brendan was a common occurrence recently, and vice versa. They even hung out a fair bit, because of business mostly, but sometimes there were social visits too. Ste was careful about it because Doug was understandably on edge about their relationship… but mostly, things were pretty easy. And Ste never thought life with Brendan in it could be easy. It was almost like he was getting the best of both worlds. Almost.
He typed back immediately.
OK. Should I be worried? S x
A reply almost straight away:
No.
That was good enough. At 5:00 Ste left the deli in Texas's capable hands, went home and got showered and changed, read the kids to sleep and was legging it to the bus-stop just in time for 7:00. He sent Doug a quick text explaining he was meeting Brendan and Cheryl for a bit, and would go round to his later.
It's not like he was lying about Cheryl…. For all he knew, Cheryl could be there. It was just more easy and more fair to put Doug's mind at rest, rather than let him worry all night.
"Alright?" Ste greeted as he climbed into the car besides Brendan. "What's this about then?"
"Put yer seatbelt on, I wanna show ye something."
"Show me what?"
"It's a secret." Brendan said dryly, with the hint of a smirk playing beneath his moustache.
"Well how far away is it? I'm starvin' you know."
"Jus' shut up and you'll see, won't ye?" Brendan started the engine, flicked Radio1 on (something he tolerated only when Steven was in the car, because Steven got fidgety in silence) and sped off down the road.
Past Chez Chez, past Doug's place, past the SU bar, past the council estate… and then out of Hollyoaks completely….he continued to drive and Ste allowed himself to sit in the comfortable quiet, and wait.
Eventually Brendan pulled into one of the posh areas, with all the five-bedroomed houses and massive gardens and electric fences. The pent-house suites and luxury apartments, expensive gyms and private schools. Ste looked out of the window at it all, assuming they'd drive past it soon…
Until Brendan pulled up outside one of the apartment blocks.
And he turned the engine off.
Ste frowned, looking up at the tall classy building.
"Ey, this ain't owt dodgy, is it?" He asked cautiously.
Brendan scoffed at that, already getting out of the car before Ste had really pulled himself together. Ste was snapped out of his curious thoughts by Brendan opening the car door for him, holding it open expectantly, with an air of impatience about him.
"Are you gonna tell me what's goin' on, Bren?"
"Once we're inside. Here, take this."
Brendan pressed something into Ste's palm… a card of some sort. Ste looked down at it questioningly.
"What's this?"
"It's the key to get in. Swipe it."
"What to this place?"
"Course to this place."
"No way, look at me; they'll think I'm robbin' it!"
"Who says we're not?" Brendan smirked, with a devious glint in his eye.
Ste rolled his eyes and – driven by Brendan's expectant watchfulness – hesitantly swiped the card through the front door. It bleeped loudly, and the doors slid open for him.
"It's well posh, this, innit?" He remarked, moving wide-eyed through the front doors towards the squeaky-clean elevators.
"It'll do." Brendan responded; typically non-committal.
He didn't explain a single thing to Ste the whole way in the elevator to the 3rd floor. Ste stood there, observing himself and Brendan in the elegant floor-length mirror and thinking how odd they looked together in this sort of place. Why the hell would Brendan bring him here? And he could have at least given Ste some warning instead of let him show up in his crumpled jeans and tacky jumper. He looked like something from a rat's nest in this place.
He was so lost in thought he didn't even notice when Brendan led him down the corridor, and stopped outside an apartment door: Number 15.
"Right, go on then, tell me." Ste said, folding his arms.
"This, Steven, is my new apartment."
In one swift, smooth movement, Brendan pushed back his leg and kicked the door open, revealing behind him a HUGE living-area: a modern, slick, stylish living room attached to one of the biggest home-kitchens Ste had ever seen in his life.
Ste moved inside slowly, mouth wide with surprise; his eyes scanning the surroundings.
"Yo…You're gonna live here?"
"Yeah." Brendan said. His voice was quieter now. Soft and serious.
"It's absolutely massive, innit?"
"Well I didn't buy it just for me, Steven."
Ste turned, still stunned and numb, and his wide eyes met Brendan's intense ones. And he felt his heart drop… Wait… what did Brendan mean by that?
"I'm gonna live here whatever the situation, but…" Brendan licked his lips, feeling uncomfortable, "I bought it with you in mind."
Ste swallowed, hard. Suddenly the whole place seemed to be watching him; the squashy two-seater sofa, the professional-looking kitchen, the playstation already fitted underneath the wide-screen television, the door slightly ajar to the massive bedroom… the huge double bed.
"Wh…what do you mean?" He managed to croak.
"I want you to live with me Steven. Here."
"But… I don't… What…"
"Ye don't have to decide now. I jus' wanted you to see it, that's all. It's still gotta be decora—"
"Brendan!" Ste interrupted him sharply, his voice coming out stronger and more horrified-sounding than anticipated. "I'm not your boyfriend!"
"Well not right now, but…" Brendan shrugged impatiently… as if Doug didn't matter.
"No! Not ever. Brendan, I thought we discussed this!"
"What? How I'm not supposed to buy us a place? No, we never said that."
"About how you were gonna BACK OFF!" Ste shouted. "You… you can't jus'… you can't jus' act like everything's fine between us and then go and do somethin' like this! And bring me here and say stuff like this as if it's normal; IT'S NOT!"
"Oh, c'mon, you're bein' over-dramatic."
"I mean… how much did this cost? It must've been a fortune!"
"What's that got to do with anything?"
"Well would you 'ave bought it if you didn't think…" Ste swallowed, trying to look away from the sincerity of Brendan's eyes, before his resolve broke down, "… if you didn't think I'd come with ya?"
"Probably not, no."
"Then this is just another one of your ridiculous… fucked-up… random, POINTLESS experiments then, innit? But it's not gonna work! What, did you really think I'd jus' move in with you, after everything? Even though I'm with Doug, even though we're over, you thought I'd just pack up my stuff and go back to you cos you bought a big expensive place?"
"I thought you'd at least appreciate the fucking gesture."
"WELL I DON'T!" Ste yelled. "This is mad, this. I'm leavin'."
He pushed past Brendan, moved back out of the apartment and towards the door, but Brendan called after him.
"Oh, come on Steven, you haven't even looked around yet!"
"I don't need to look around! This is nothing to do with me!"
"I thought you could give me advice on where to stick the coat-hanger, at least!"
Ste shook his head in disgust, pulling open the front door.
"Oh come on!" Brendan barked, "I'm only jokin'! Steven – WAIT!"
He was serious that time. He legged it towards the door and grabbed Steven abruptly by the arm, pulling him back inside. Ste looked at him with that expression that was both massively confused and massively angry… the one that, needless to say, turned Brendan on somewhat. But now wasn't the time for that.
"C'mon, alright I get it." He breezed, "I shoulda warned ye."
"Wha… it's not about warning Brendan." Ste sighed. "It's about… this… about all of this! Did you really think I'd jus' drop everything cos you flashed the cash?"
"It's not about the cash though, is it?" Brendan snapped, "It's about me. Me being ready for…" he groaned, scratching his head. Christ, the gesture should have spoken for itself; that was the POINT of it! The flat was a gesture put together so that Brendan wouldn't have to gush about feelings like a bloody fool. But once again, Steven needed everything spelled out for him. "I just…. I just want you to live with me, Steven. Is that so terrible, really?"
Ste paused. Brendan could practically see the brain-cells ticking inside his head. He watches as Ste's eyes once again scanned the apartment, slowly this time, taking it all in and working it all out.
"Is that an aga?" He eventually asked, pointing weakly to the kitchen.
"Er, yeah" Brendan sighed, "The estate agent said that's pretty flash for a cook, so…"
"Yeah. It is. Not much use for the beans on toast you cook though."
"Well…. I guess you'll have to come round and cook for me sometimes."
Ste nodded slowly, his eyes fixed on the ground. "You do get that I'm with Doug, Brendan, don't you?"
"Yeah I get it, I just…"
Brendan sighed; resisting the urge to roll his eyes at the mention of Douglas; the pathetic excuse for a person he was.
"Just what?"
"I just figured… that we would still… eventually."
"What?" Ste raised his eyebrows in disdain, "Whenever you clicked your fingers, you mean?"
"No, I didn't mean that, Steven; you KNEW we could get back together whenever you wanted; don't act like the balls' in my court!"
"I'm tired of the fucking ball!" Ste moaned. "I'm so tired Brendan. I just… I liked it so much better when we were just friends and things were easy and…"
"Fine. So we'll go back to that. Whatever."
"No, because now you're here, and you're sayin' these things and… and doing these things…."
Ste's eyes traced the apartment again. Brendan wasn't lying; this place had definitely been bought with Ste in mind. And worse still, Ste could see himself and Brendan on that sofa. He could see himself in that kitchen, with Brendan leaned over the counter, talking together like a normal couple; like everything he used to dream they could be.
"Have you really actually bought it?" He asked weakly; unable to quite believe it.
Did Brendan really make such a huge investment in… in them? And with such risk as well?
"Course I bought it."
"For us?"
"For us."
Ste swallowed, trying to process this.
"You're mad." He said eventually.
"Well if worse comes to worse, it can always be my bachelor pad."
"Yeah." Ste found himself laughing… but at the same time discovered the beginnings of tears starting to prickle in his eyes. Great. So this was how it was gonna be was it? Back here again. With the tears, the confusion, the contradictions and that torn feeling in his gut which made his chest feel both on fire and like it was drowning.
Before he could conjure up any other words though, Brendans arms were around him in one of the most protective and tender hugs Ste thought he'd ever received. He could smell Brendan's familiar scent, and over his shoulder viewed the two bar-stools at the breakfast table… just perfect for…
In that moment, he admitted defeat. He knew he wasn't going to leave here tonight. He wasn't going to be going back to Doug's.
Because, even if it was just for one night, Ste would be living out the dream he always had; of he and Brendan behaving normally, together, intimate, conventional, soaking up one anothers company, being comfortable and making each other happy and being like every other couple in the world only luckier. Far luckier.
He tried not to think about yesterday and he tried not to think about tomorrow as he guided Brendan forcefully towards the bedroom. They both fell onto the king-sized double bed, and their clothes were coming off at incomprehensible speed as they embraced each other and soaked in each other. So lost in the passion he was, Ste didn't even notice the photo-frame that Brendan had pinched from Ste's council flat; the one of Ste with Leah and Lucas. It was there on the bedside-table, next to the one of Brendan and his kids. Loud and proud. Emphasising just how much this bedroom was supposed to belong to the two of them. Never one.
Ste would spot it in the morning.
XOXOXOXX
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