Body
Zell's Pants
by Teg
The gang of ff8 were siting in the cafeteria at Balamb, eating hotdogs (heroes of the world always got hotdogs whether they were out or not, a privelege Zell loved.), talking about nothing in particular, when someone said:
"Zell, your pants really suck ass."
Zell looked up from his plateful of hotdogs, and gave everyone a look.
"Who said that?' he asked, puzzled. Everyone shook their heads and looked at each other, wondering who said that comment. Meanwhile in Authorland, Teg laughed. Anyways, Rinoa took this opportunity to tell Zell what she really thought about his pants.
"You know Zell," she started, "your pants are quite...hideous."
"What?!' he said, "these pants happen to be genuine Calvin Kleins!"
Irvine looked at the tag.
"Actually," said Irvine matter of factly, "these pants are Kalvin Cleins., the cheapest knock off there is."
"What!?" fumed Zell, "I paid 1000 gil for these things."
"Heh, heh, heh." said Squall. Zell promptly gave him a look that could have killed a Marlboro and Squall shut up.
"Let's go shopping!" excalaimed the ever cheerfultothepointyouwantedtohurl Selphie. Everyone agreed and they dragged the kicking and screaming Zell to the nearest mall, where they quickly had him trying on every pair of pants imaginable, from cowboy chaps to short shorts, to kilts and jeans. They finally found a pair of normal pants, and bought them for Zell. He cried and complained that even though they weren't Calvin Kleins, he still loved his pants, but the gang made him wear the new ones, made a fire and quickly burned the accursed, ugly pants. It was actually quite frightening, because they they started dancing around the fire naked, wearing warpaint. Then someone said:
"You know, your shirts pretty ugly too."
As soon as Zell heard this, he ran away as fast as he could, screaming "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! What did I do to deserve this!!!!!!!!"
And Zell was never seen again.
Author's note: No, I do not hate Zell or anything, I just think his clothes are really, really ugly. In fact Zell is actually my favourite character, but I still hate his clothes. His pants look like bell bottoms that shrunk in the dryer. The only normal thing about his attire is his shoes, which are actully kinda cool. Anywho, I know that was stupid just review anyways. I just wanted to get my point across.
- Teg
